I’ll Be Seeing You by Elizabeth Berg is a wonderful, heartwarming novel about an elderly couple in their eighties and how their life becomes effected by their age and the many losses that they begin to face. These losses effect not only them but all members of their immediate family. How do you cope with a father who is developing dementia and how do you let your parents know that you think it his time to sell their house? How do you approach your elderly mother who has become resentful and angry in her old age? There are so many instances where the reader becomes aware of the many difficult life moments that are faced as one ages. The fact that this is non-fiction makes this work even more remarkable. If only more authors were courageous enough to really explore the family issues surrounding caring for elderly I would like to thank Elizabeth Berg, Random House Publishing, and netgalley for the privilege of being able to read this novel in exchange for a fair and honest review.

I have been a fan of Elizabeth Berg's for a few years. So I was excited when I was granted an ARC of this book by NetGalley.

This is a story of Berg's parents and the challenges they faced as they aged and had to confront hard life decisions. Berg writes about these challenges with beauty and compassion.

There are three statements that Berg made in the book that I have mulled over since finishing the book and wanted to share.

"Grief is the most private of negotiations between longing and reconciliation. It's awful what you have to give up for the sake of equilibrium."

"Life is like licking honey off of a thorn. Well, yes. And what a thorn. But, oh, what honey."

And finally, "Yes, life is a minefield at any age. Sometimes we feel pretty certain we know what's coming. But really, we never do. We just talk on. We have to. If we're smart, we count our blessings between the darker surprises. And hope for a fair balance."

This book feels like sitting down and talk with a good friend Sharing the pain, the joys, the challenges of the later years.

Elizabeth Berg has written a lovely memoir about her parent’s lasting love for each other and their struggles dealing with the aging process. The author, in her wonderful writing style, writes about the role reversal of once being a child who was once cared for by her parents, and now she sees her parents entering the final stages in life. She and her siblings must now become the caregivers. I was moved and saddened by their story but I was also comforted to see that this is a process that every family must go through. I recommend this book to everyone because at some point we will all face our own mortality, or that of our aging loved ones.

I just love anything Elizabeth Berg writes. This was a different book for her. A memoir. I wanted to be part of her family. This was sweet and touching. If you are an Elizabeth Berg fan, I highly recommend!

I have enjoyed Elizabeth Berg’s books for years and I love this memoir. She has written an honest account of her family history with much love. She addressed her parents relationship and their decline. I loved reading this.
Many thanks to Random House Publishing and to NetGalley for providing me with a galley in exchange for my honest opinion.

I have always been a fan of Elizabeth Berg so I was very excited to see a memoir. This book was just as good as any of her others. It was sad, funny, and realistic. Taking care of aging parents is such an important topic that isn’t discussed enough. This book really shows that families need to start having the conversation about long term care and living situations well before moving becomes necessary. It is a complicated journey to care for your parents because that role reversal is difficult to navigate. I thank Elizabeth for starting that conversation.

Thank you to Elizabeth Berg, Random House Publishing Group, and NetGalley for an ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.

Thoughtful touching book, stirs an emotional journey of aging, memories & hope for quality life yet to be lived.
As a former caregiver or for anyone who has watched a loved one struggle with memory loss will appreciate Ms Berg’s touching story. Elizabeth Berg opens up and shows a vulnerable part of who she is in relationships, as a loving daughter, a sister, all while sharing beautiful stories of family dynamics.
I also would reflect on how her words described feelings unearthed when looking in the mirror to see a strange looking back. Truly enjoyed her touching story/book, cannot begin to express how many descriptions hit home. I would recommend this book.

I read Elizabeth Berg books. I usually don’t care what they are about. With the exception of two or three (out of 30), I’ve always loved her books. I did not even notice “A Memoir,” on this book’s cover. And she has never written a book that has hit so close to home as this one did: aging parents.

In my case, it’s Momma. Until the Coronavirus pandemic hit, my 88-year-old mother was living alone, taking care of herself, and still driving (only to the beauty parlor and the grocery store). But as the weeks and months started to drag by, I could tell that something was wrong---even 500 miles away and over the phone. Long story short…in the last month she has had to go into a nursing home…and that has almost shattered me. But on the positive side, I can at least call her five or six times a day as I have since Daddy passed twelve years ago.
Reading this book, I would swear that Berg looked into my mind and my heart, as we have been going through some of the same things: guilt that we out of state, trying to get used to a new home, dementia, and the aches and pains of growing old.

Once I started this book, I was afraid that I would be devastating to read. And it is, in some ways. But as humans live longer, more and more people will have to live the realities that Berg describes. She comes across as handling is rather nobly; I cannot say the same. But I’m sure that she has spent as much time crying as I have.

Thanks, Ms. Berg! This really helped!

I’ll Be Seeing You receives 6 out of 5 stars in Julie’s world.

I found this book to be sweet, tender, heartwarming but also very real. Berg doesn’t gloss over the difficulty in seeing her parents decline. I fell in love with this family, especially the relationship between her parents. Definitely recommend for all who are facing this stage in life: where the child becomes the one to take care of the parent, instead of the other way around.

I have long been a fan of Berg’s writing. She has a way of crafting loveable but imperfect characters that we root for .
I loved this one just the same .
Thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for letting me review this book

I LOVE Elizabeth Berg’s writing and have read all her books (seriously!). This was a bit of a departure as it’s a memoir about her parents and their care as they became elderly. This is a touching and heartfelt story, and one that sure to resonate with those who have experienced their own parents’ aging and needs. In some way, this story is a story many of us share, those of us who were raised by WWII parents, who saw them live out their years together and then have one become not able to continue to live independently, who struggled with seeing them adjust to the changes that aging brings, who came to see their parents in a whole new light.

Touching and honest, I highly recommend it for those facing a similar situation.

Thank you for my review copy.

i really liked this memoir in which Elizabeth Berg details the difficulties of her parents' aging and their transition into an apartment in a senior citizen home. During this time her aunt dies as well and she is faced with the reality of assuming some measure of care and decision making for her parents (along with her sister) as well as the sadness that accompanies this transition.

The talented novelist—Elizabeth Berg—published a powerful memoir recently. The title is “I’ll Be Seeing You: A Memoir”, and the book describes her parent’s last years and how her family coped with them.

Why did I request an Advanced Reader’s Copy of a book on such a sobering topic from the publisher and agree to review it?

Firstly, because I loved some of the author’s novels—especially “The Story of Arthur Truluv”—and have enormous respect for her talented writing. ...But that doesn’t explain why I would agree to read a memoir about what I know will be a description of a difficult time in someone’s life.

I requested a chance to read it because I am just a little younger than the author, had parents of the same generation, and had to live through a similar—although not exact—experience. My experience of my parents aging and their health declining in various ways to the point where they needed help, as well as Berg’s experience are not unique. Many times it is cathartic to read about someone else’s experiences of something that most of us go through, and I trusted Berg to deal with the subject well. And she did! Some of her descriptions of her parent’s choices and feelings as well as those of she and her siblings were ones I identified and empathized with. I applaud her for writing about such a difficult topic with such grace and dignity.

Berg’s parents married during World War II while her father was in the Army. Her description of her father is that he came out of that war a tough strong man about most aspects of his life except for one thing—he has always adored his wife. And that love and tenderness towards her had lasted for 67 years of marriage. Years during which he had always wanted to spend every moment with her that he could, and during which Berg has always watched her father kiss her mother just before he left home each day, and first thing when he returned.

From the book:

“The most striking thing about him was his truthfulness: the man would never lie. And he was a big softie when it came to animals and to my mother: she was the place where he put his tenderness. He had a dry sense of humor, and he was vastly intelligent.”

Now, her father, Art, aged 89, has macular degeneration and is in the beginning stages of Alzheimer’s, and her mother, Jeanne, aged 88, has to deal with caring for someone who is experiencing the heartbreaking things that happen with that disease—like forgetfulness. He frequently asks the same questions. And he will forget that she has fed him a meal and ask for it again. He has trouble dealing with her being away from him for even a short time for simple things like a trip to the grocery store.

From the book:

“But now. My mother says he sits sometimes with his hands over his face, unmoving, and she thinks he is depressed. Also, she has noticed things happening more and more often: a repetition of questions that she has already answered many times over. A kind of paranoia: he claims things have been taken from the glove compartment of the car he no longer drives. My mother finds him in the closet of the TV room and he says he is looking for someone who came out of there to mess with things on his TV tray. When the lid of the garbage can goes missing (after a day of high winds), he says it must be hooligans in the neighborhood—better call the police. The last time I talked to my mother on the phone, she said, “This is the best one yet. The other day, your father said, ‘What’s the matter with us? We don’t get along like we used to. Are you seeing someone else?’ My mother and I laughed together, but I think it’s safe to say that her heart was breaking a little, too. She said, “I asked him, ‘Have you seen my wrinkles lately?’ ”

Berg’s mother is also dealing with the heartbreaking loss of her siblings one by one.

Berg’s parents live in Minnesota in the same town as her sister Vicki. So she tries to travel from her home in Chicago to be a support to her sister and her parents. Their other sibling—a brother—lives in Hawaii. It is hard to be the child who is close by and the one who is far away for both have burdens to bear.

She documents her parents last months in their home, the sale of the home, and their parents move into an assisted living facility. She documents how it feels to try to take care of someone who has always taken care of you, to offer advice to them.

From the book when her father keeps changing his mind about whether to visit a potential assisted living facility:

“I sat fuming for a while, thinking of how at this point it’s just selfish of my dad not to try to help himself. My mother makes the calls, she has people come over to evaluate my dad, she gets everything all set up, and then he won’t go. When he says, “I don’t feel good,” what he’s saying is, “You come, too.” Selfish!

I worked myself into a nice state of anger, and had fantasies of putting my dad in my car and driving him over to the assisted living place, shoving him into a nice little apartment, then throwing his things in the door after him, his grandfather clock and his cardigan sweaters and his hearing aids and his wire basket full of golf balls. And then I felt a guilty rush of sorrow, because I know it’s hard for them to leave their home with its arched doorways and cozy kitchen, with its history of so many Christmas and Easter dinners, with memories of grandchildren who first came to that house as infants and now have children of their own.”

This is such a hard thing to do—to make decisions for someone you are used to deferring to when they are unable to—to try to make problems go away that are there and have to be lived with.

When I lived this, it was heartbreaking. You want to bring problems to an end that you can’t make disappear, to make difficult situations come to an end that just have to be dealt with. And you have to do all this with love and respect while dealing with the reality of decisions having to be made. All of us, I think, vow that we will NOT act in a certain way, or become depressed, etc. when faced with a certain situation, but we are all human, and cannot predict that. Berg’s mother becomes angry with her father, because she is dealing with his memory loss 24/7, and Berg judges her for it. This is human, and I was guilty of the same feelings towards my mother’s anger with her situation at the end of her life for other reasons. I was kind and didn’t voice those thoughts, but I felt guilt for feeling that exasperation even internally. Looking back, I feel only empathy for her now—and not the exasperation I felt at the time. One can never know what it is like to be in someone else’s shoes or to be living out their life. In the end one does the best one can. You try your best, as they did before you.

Shining at the end of the memoir is the truth that love can be redemptive no matter what life brings.

Thank you, Elizabeth Berg, for so courageously sharing your family’s story. I know it will help those who read it, because that is what great writing does—it helps us step into other’s shoes and become better human beings because of it.

Thank you Random House and NetGalley for the Advanced Reader’s Copy of this book and for allowing me to review it. (Publication date 27 October 2020)

I have enjoyed Berg’s books of fiction, This, by contrast, was an account of her mother and father’s declining years, and the difficult changes that they faced. Her 90 year old father was early in an Alzheimer’s diagnosis, and it became evident to Berg and her sister that her 88 year old mother wouldn’t be able to manage him alone, and they needed to move into assisted living. Her mother loved her home and wanted very much to stay there, and her father was by turns accommodating and resistant. Her mother became very angry at the daughters after the move, because she felt as though they took away all her choices and told her what to do. In consequence, she seemed to be resistant to even trying the amenities at the assisted living place. Berg was a very dutiful daughter, frequently making trips to be there for the process, but it left her unfulfilled when she didn’t feel that her mother would let herself be happy or even try to do things that Berg’s father would enjoy. It honestly chronicles the ups and downs of the journey, including Berg’s very mixed feelings. It will speak to many who are watching the same scenario play out with their own parents, as well as a preview of what our own lives may be like if we reach that age ourselves.

Thanks to Netgalley and Random House for an ARC of this book.

This was my first read of this author and I so look forward to reading her previous and new books. I laughed and cried as I read this story, it’s so well written. I was so touched on how this story was so truthful and so real.. Everyone with older parents still in their own home should read this so they understand what to expect from themselves and what their parents are feeling. Definitely a book club selection.

Elizabeth Berg is one of my favorite authors and this touching and personal memoir helps to firmly cement her place as one. "I'll Be Seeing You" is a touching story of love, loss, and change. The author's writing is so honest and she holds nothing back, even when her frustrations with her elderly parents make her look less than ideal. Memories of her childhood and of the romantic nature of her parents' long marriage are intertwined with the present troubles of dealing with her father's continuing mental decline and her mother's unhappiness, making this a truly rich reading experience. This book will hit close to home for anyone who is dealing with elderly parents or grandparents. It shows how difficult getting older can be, but also how we don't have to stop loving and caring for each other during those difficulties.

Many thanks to NetGalley, the publisher, and the author for the privilege of reading an advanced digital copy of this beautiful book in exchange for my honest review.

I’ll Be Seeing You, by Elizabeth Berg, is a loving, poignant and incredibly painful journal of Berg’s aging parents’ final decline. Like most women of a certain age, our parents’ decline into dementia and/or other ill health, with the consequential inability to care for themselves, is something we have confronted, are confronting now, or is looming in the future. Berg is relentlessly honest about her father’s inexorable slide into mental oblivion as well as her mother’s brutal rejection and resentment of the debilitating changes. All of this is framed by the decades-old love of the aging couple and the family they created. Reading Berg’s narrative was challenging as it revived the pain of my own parents’ final days. I was also reminded that unlike many adult children, Berg and I were both fortunate. We had financial resources and supportive siblings who shared the burden. There is no easy way to slowly lose the parents that loved and nurtured you well into adulthood, but I am grateful that I was one part of a triad that included my brother and sister-in-law. I cannot imagine going through this process alone, which too many are destined to do.

I think Berg’s story might be helpful to those beginning or in the middle of this stage of life. It is well written and evocative of so many conflicting feelings. It might also help you reflect on the process and resolve feelings that are unsettled. On the other hand, if you are looking for the “feel-good” novel, this isn’t it.

Thanks so much to NetGalley and Random House for giving me an opportunity to read a digital ARC in exchange for an honest review. Thank you to Elizabeth Berg, for having the courage to share this story.

I adored this memoir! It was so touching, relatable and well written. It reminded me so much of my grandfather. So thankful to have come across it!

I have not found a book written by Elizabeth Berg that I have not loved! Her writing style is precise and descriptive. Her characters are always real, even when they aren’t!

This book! What a gift to read this. I didn’t understand that it was a memoir when I started if I had I doubt I would have read it. Biographies, autobiographical works, memoirs, etc are “not my thing.” But this is truly a love letter to Berg’s parents and as I age I find that I miss my parents more today than when they died. So reading about the author’s parents was bittersweet. Like all of Berg’s books this one is beautiful in its simplicity. It sparkles and paints with words. Truly a wonderful book.