I went into Pretending not knowing what to expect. Yes, I’d read the blurb, but the blurb has very little on the actual story. I believe this book needs a trigger warning of sorts. You see, April is trying to recover from a horrific ordeal at the hands of a man that’s now her ex. As she meets new men, they all leave somewhere around date five. It doesn’t help April that she works for a charity that answers questions for people and some of them deal with the same thing that April went through. Finally, she reaches her breaking point at work and replies to an email in a way that gets her in trouble. The pain and the anger from her past has spewed up and over her life, jeopardizing a career that she truly loves.
During all this, she’d some up with a plan to meet a man using a dating app. As she creates her profile, she creates a new version of herself, “Gretel”. “Gretel” is perfect in every way, breezy, light, funny, charming. Everything a man would want. At least in April’s head. When she meets Joshua, she actually finds a good man, but all the years of not getting treatment for the trauma has taken a toll and she doesn’t know just how good of a man he really is.
This is a deep story, there’s trauma, pain, anger. But there’s also healing, hope, and eventually love. This isn’t your everyday contemporary romance, there’s a lot of self-help spread through the pages. Phrases, thoughts, ideas, and activities I’ve personally used while dealing with my own trauma. There’s flashback scenes to April’s trauma, so be prepared if you have your own.
I’ve never read a book from Holly Bourne before, but I’m truly glad I read this one. Even though there’s a dark theme running through the core of this story, it’s well written with enjoyable, real characters and it made reading the story easy.
*I received an ARC of this story and this is my honest and voluntary review.

I have never read any books by Holly Bourne, but I’ve always heard great things about her writing. I was so excited to be a part of the blog tour for her new book, Pretending. As soon as I read the book description, I knew I wanted to read it!

I want to point out that the subject matter is very heavy and could be very triggering to some people. I was actually not expecting it to be what it was. April went through a pretty bad thing in her life and she struggles with the aftermath throughout the entire book. She struggles to find herself and who she is as a person. She had some really great friends to help her through all of her difficult times and I loved the strong friendships as part of the story.

I know I only gave Pretending three stars, but that’s because I couldn’t 100% relate to the characters and this is the type of book that it’s kind of hard to rate and review (at least it is for me, I’m sorry!). I did like the story and I liked April though. I was rooting for her the entire way through and wanted everything to work out for her. She goes through so much; so many emotions and heartache. Her struggles were pretty intense and very valid.

Overall, I really think Pretending is an important story and I liked it. I really liked the ending and felt that April really grew throughout the story. I am so glad I was given the chance to read this book. As far as if I would recommend reading it…yes! I would recommend reading it. It may not have been five stars for me, but I know so many people will really like this book.

The first thing to say is Holly Bourne tackles some fairly heavy and emotional subjects in Pretending. We are introduced to April, who very clearly is suffering trauma from a past relationship. She struggles to find any good guys, therefore proclaiming that she hates men! However, as the story develops, we start to understand more and more why April feels this way. April has been through some very dark times.

She comes to the conclusion that men don’t want April; they want a girl who is hard to get. Carefree and open to everything and up for anything. What they want is a Gretel. April decides that the only way she will meet a decent guy is to be a Gretel! She sets herself up a profile with all the qualities of Gretel, and it’s not long before she starts chatting with Joshua. He can’t get enough of her, and April feels the same. But can she keep Joshua and just be herself – not Gretel?

Pretending is a rollercoaster of emotions, as we follow April’s journey towards recovery from past trauma in her life. Holly Bourne is not afraid to tackle very dark subjects head on, and the impact that these things can have on someone’s life. It’s not the usual type of book I would read and enjoy, and at times, I found parts of the story uncomfortable. However, it is very important that these subject areas are discussed, and Holly does that really well.

Sadly, this book did not do it for me. I so was wanting to like this book a lot. Thus I was excited to read it and looking forward to the laughs. No laughs. In fact, I actually found myself angry at April. She was too critical of the men. Poor Joshua, he did not stand a chance from the get go.

I get where Greta comes in for April. She is the complete opposite of April. She has confidence and is what men want or so April assumes so. For someone who I believe is trying to be a feminist; April did not do a good job of this. It was amazing that she was willing to do things that she did not want to do with men but as Greta. In today's world of "me too", April is not a good role model.

To ne honest, I was so mad at April that after a while I surrendered this book up and jumped to the last few chapters just to see if April redeemed herself in the end. She might have a little but it was too late for me.

DNF @ 21%
I really wanted to like the story and the characters, but i didn't. The plot wasn't there for me, and the characters were flat and annoying.

Well, you may colour me pleasantly surprised by this book. I wasn't expecting it to dive into such darker themes, but it was tastefully and honestly done, with an ending I could only be delighted with.

Trigger warning: Rape, sexual assault.

April has f**king had it with men. After getting out of a relationship where she was raped on more than one occasion, she struggles to find a man who she can trust. She can't get past Date Number 5 with any of them. Not once she opens up about what happened, and they suddenly feel like she's a problem. Something they don't want to deal with because she's no longer fun. So, fed up with not being the one in control in a relationship for once, April creates a new online personality that she believes is the woman every man wants. And once she gets them, she'll turn the tables on them.

Of course, as you would expect, the first man to fall into cat fishing net is none other than the partner she's needed. Joshua is a kind and sweet man, who listens to her, remembers what she says, and is all around not like the other guys she has dealt with. And man did I feel bad for the poor guy. He really was genuine and didn't deserve to be her first victim.

In reality, I cannot condone people pretending to be someone else when it comes to dating. Online dating these days is scary enough as is, and falling for someone who is a complete farce is more pain than it's worth. April pretends to be Gretel, the sexy woman of every man's dream. She lets them talk and doesn't whine, she isn't needy but needs you when you say it's okay, she's adventurous but only if you are, and she has so much going on in her life that she can't possibly see you until Thursday. It sounds exhausting, but April pulls it off.

And, as you'd expect, this causes a lot of drama throughout in her personal journey as she comes to like Joshua. She has to tell him somehow, but what will the end result be? Certainly not what she hoped for when she started this charade. I thought the author wrangled the storyline really well, all things considered. It wasn't dramatic for the sake of being dramatic, even though some parts of her writing were a little off-putting in tone, and helped me better understand who April is and what she needs in a relationship. The solace I found in her pulling this stunt was that deep down, this "sexy" woman vibe she was going for was her all along, just enhanced and with a different name.

I would like a refund based on the fact the author decided GRETEL was the name of a sexy persona. No. Gretel is an old-timey German barmaid with permanently red cheeks and nose. The whole wide world of sexy names, and y'all went with G R E T E L.

What I wasn't expecting about this book was the sexual assault theme, but it is a core part of April's growth. As I mentioned, she was raped in a previous relationship, and it's made trusting people difficult. Adding another layer to it, April works for a charity that runs a helpline for sexual/relationship questions. This means responding to emails from women who aren't sure if they were just raped by their boyfriends or not. I don't know if this came from personal experience (and I certainly hope it wasn't), but I thought the author handled it well. April's emotions, her thoughts about it in general were all valid. The book discusses how it affects your mental health, why you should see the right people to get help, and that there are ways to share your trauma with other women and work through it in a healthy way that will only make you stronger.

I read this book because the publisher invited me to join the blog tour, but I am very glad that I did.

Intense, emotional and heartwrenching!

Pretending is a raw, honest, caustic tale that takes you on a journey into the life of the traumatized, suffering April as she struggles with the devastating and enduring physical and psychological effects of rape, a career that though rewarding is hard to bear, a deep desire for companionship and love, and a dating life composed of a neverending stream of untrustworthy men.

The writing is sharp and direct. The characters are complex, angry, insecure, and troubled. And the plot using a mix of narration, internal monologues, and text messages unfolds into an emotive tale of friendship, trust, consent, sexual dynamics, power, shame, self-blame, violence, denial, pain, and mental health.

Overall, Pretending is not at all what I was expecting and is quite a heavy, jaded read at times. It’s a tale that packs a punch tackling important social issues such as sexual abuse, inequality, and mental illness through a feministic lens, and yet remarkably still manages to be hopeful, insightful, and a touch romantic.

This is not exactly a catfishing novel. After being very unsuccessful with relationships and surviving a sexual assault, the protagonist decides to re-invent herself trying to adapt the qualities she perceives successful women have innately. She creates a new name for herself- Gretel- and begins a relationship with a man who sees her emulating the qualities she is pretending to own.

Her own personality, and the residual trauma begin to bleed into the relationship and her true personality emerges slowly. The descriptions of failed relationships, and the lasting effects of trauma are the most articulate, well-written sections of the book.

While I really enjoyed this book, it was a lot heavier of a read than I was expecting and I think that you need to be in the right frame of mind to read it. This was my first book from Holly Bourne and from what I've heard she doesn't shy away from the tough subjects and writes in such a way that you really experience all the emotions along side the main character. I really liked the imagery that Bourne uses and I find that April was very relatable. This was my first book by Holly Bourne and I will certainly be reading her others!

At the opening of this book, I had the sense that this was going to be a fun feministic, chick-lit read. But as the story delved deeper into April’s world, it became very apparent that this was a story of how one copes, heals, and loves after trauma.

There’s nothing wrong with April. She’s pretty and kind and she even works for a charity called We Are Here. But April can’t seem to get past the fifth date with any man since Ryan. Ryan was her abusive boyfriend and he raped her. Now she questions herself and is triggered easily.

April is convinced that men want a woman who is not clingy, but confident, and low-maintenance, a “Gretel.” When April pretends to be this fun-loving, care-free “Gretel,” she meets Joshua. Now she feels she has the power. But as she starts to notice that Joshua may not be like “all” guys, how is she going to explain that she’s just been pretending?

Bourne takes on a topic that is hard to discuss and hard to put into words. Every person deals with trauma in their own way. It may be easy to pick at other’s coping mechanisms or how they react, but what I appreciated in this story is that people cared and offered help. And the resolution is so poignant; April learns that men can get hurt too. Although this book’s tone is, for the most part, angry and sad, it’s also hopeful, and most importantly healing.

⚠️ Many triggers in this one: sexual trauma, rape, mental health issues, coping mechanisms for PTSD.

Thank you to @HTPbooks @bookclubbish and @hollybourneya for an invitation to this tour and an advanced copy.

Thank you so much to MIRA books for having me as a part of the Pretending blog tour and for sending me an ARC of the paperback of this book! Pretending was my first book by Holly Bourne and man, it was really heavy and I had to take quite a few breaks to finish it, just because of how heavy it was and how much trauma April, the main character, was still dealing with, but overall I enjoyed the book.

Pretending 4/5 Stars

Summary from Goodreads:

April is kind, pretty and relatively normal—yet she can’t seem to get past date five. Every time she thinks she’s found someone to trust, they reveal themselves to be awful, leaving her heartbroken. And angry. Until she realizes that what men are really looking for is Gretel.

Gretel is perfect—beautiful but low maintenance, sweet but never clingy, sexy but not a slut. She’s your regular, everyday Manic-Pixie-Dream-Girl-Next-Door with no problems.

When April starts pretending to be Gretel, dating becomes much more fun—especially once she reels in the unsuspecting Joshua. Finally, April is the one in control, but can she control her own feelings? And as she and Joshua grow closer, how long will she be able to keep pretending?

There were some aspects of Pretending that I was able to relate with really easily- the having a hard time getting past date five or six, dating apps being the worst, guys looking for girls who don’t really seem to care, the whole game aspect of dating these days- but there were definitely a lot of parts of this book that were hard. They were hard to relate to, not because I didn’t understand them, but because they were just really tough, traumatic experiences that we as readers seemed to be watching April try to deal with in ways that didn’t always seem to be the healthiest. Also, before I keep going with my review, this book needs to come with the biggest trigger warnings for sexual assault- I’ve never been assaulted, and this book was still really hard to read in parts because April’s emotions were so raw and what she was going through is something so normal and so many people go through that and have to deal with the recovery. There’s one scene in the book where April is preparing herself to have sex with Joshua for the first time, and after doing what’s seen as the “normal prep” (taking a shower, shaving, exfoliating, etc.), she takes out a bag of vaginal dilators and lidocaine gel so she can ensure that she’s prepared for any sort of penetration and she talks about how after her ex-boyfriend raped her and they broke up, she couldn’t even insert a tampon anymore. That scene felt like a punch to the stomach and I couldn’t read the whole scene (which couldn’t have been more than like a page or a page and a half) at one sitting. I think the way that April did the whole Gretel thing (the whole catfishing (because it totally was catfishing)) as a way to get back at men in general, was kind of sad and it made me feel bad for her. Overall, this book was really powerful and intense, but it was also hard to relate with April after the beginning when it felt like she was just being vindictive and it felt like there was so much unresolved trauma there. I did really enjoy the journey we were taken on throughout the book and how we saw her grow. This was definitely a really good book, but it’s not a light, fun, easy read, so if you’re looking for one of those, for sure look somewhere else.

This one has quite a bit of heft to it, but that is what I prefer in these types of books. Please be aware that while the synopsis is accurate it does not note that there is a focus on rape and other sexual abuses throughout the book. That being said, I was blown away by this one and thought it was very well done. The beginning was a little awkward, but once I understood April’s backstory, it made more sense, and I was in tears by the end of the book. I really loved all of the main characters in this story and everything they were each going through. April was a great protagonist, she is flawed, through no fault of her own, and I appreciated going on her journey as she tried to finally heal.

I want to also call out the excellent job that Bourne does in addressing the topic of sexual abuse, as I said above it is a common theme in here and she is just so amazing in how she hits this topic head on, and it is much appreciated. There is one scene in particular that stood out and I might have been slow clapping at the end.

Thank you to @mirabooks for the #gifted book to review.

Read in November 2020
What a genuinely surprising story! It's one of the funniest books I've read in a long time, combined with April's deeply rooted trauma and pain makes this a complex blend of that somehow strikes the perfect balance of humor and heart.

I loved April's voice - she's in a lot of pain and resentment in the beginning of the story and is desperate to act out her revenge, lamenting all the ways men have let her down. She goes on quite the journey through the story and while the premise is over-the-top, it creates a lot of tension and drama, but it is also the vehicle for April to begin her journey to healing, so for that I was able to get by all the oh no!
I received a copy of the book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review

Emotional and evocative. This is my first book by Holly Bourne, her provocative storytelling hit me right in the feels. April has had it with the dating scene, she cannot seem to make it past the fifth date. So she decides to channel her alter ego Gretel and become the easy-going carefree no worries type of girl April is certain the guys want. The problem is after dating Joshua as Gretel for several weeks April is thinking Josh might be more than just a fling. So how does April tell Josh that she really isn’t Gretel? And how much of Gretel is really April?

Not going to lie this was NOT the book I was expecting when I picked it up. From the blurb I thought this was going to be a sweet fluffy Romance, definitely was not expecting the emotional journey this book took me on. April is a survivor of verbal/emotional abuse and sexual assault. I felt the heavy subject matter was handled very thoughtfully. The boxing class that April attended for survivors was cathartic and I loved the bonds that formed between these women. I really liked both April and Josh, and liked them even more as a couple. As April dug a bigger and bigger hole for herself I was so worried as to how she was going to get herself out of this? I also found April’s job fascinating and liked how that played out in the story. The audiobook was narrated by Heather Long Who has the most melodic British accent. Seriously she could read to me all day and definitely brought even more depth and sparkle to the story. A well told story that will stay with me.

*** Big thank you to Mira for my gifted copy of this book. All opinions are my own. ***

Pretending took me completely by surprise. I expected a much more lighthearted read than this one was. Not that I'm complaining. On the contrary, the story certainly held my interest, it just wasn't at all what I thought it was going to be. So, with that in mind, I'll stick to the basics rather than give spoilers. Some aspects of the story are dark and while I don't generally like trigger warnings, this one could do with at least a content warning. I don't usually need or even want a warning, but April's story is an emotional one, and I did find parts of the book harder to get through than others. This is my first read by Holly Bourne and she's certainly talented. The story is well written and kept me glued to the page. There was only one thing that struck me as odd, and I don't feel that I'm giving anything away by mentioning that April eventually needs to come clean with Joshua, which is really the only part of the book that bothered me. Not that she needed to fess up, that's pretty much a given. The thing that confounded me was the timing. It just didn't fit with the character in my opinion. Nevertheless, things happened the way they happened, and that one thing wasn't enough to sway my opinion of the book. It's a story worth reading in my opinion, and I'd recommend it.

I have never read a book by Holly Bourne before, so I was hesitant to read this one. However, I am truly glad I gave a new to me author a try despite my hesitance because this book was really good! There’s a clear message of female empowerment in PRETENDING and it stems from a hefty subject (sexual assault and the feeling of worthlessness). The book has its emotional moments and connecting with the female lead is easy regardless of the heaviness that surrounds her issues. One may start to wonder if this is a book about overcoming and it IS, but its also so much more than that. The author did a wonderful job writing it.

Would I read another book by the author in the near future? Absolutely. I’m so intrigued by her storytelling abilities that I want to immediately go out and buy more. I’d love to see what other kinds of stories she gives to her readers. Would I recommend this one? Absolutely! The subject matter may be a bit triggering for some, but most will see past the hard parts!

𝗠𝗬 𝗥𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗡𝗚: ⭐⭐⭐⭐

This was an important book about trauma and relationships. While the book is written with a light hearted vibe, there are a lot of very serious moments where you feel for the main character. The book fell apart for me a little in the middle but other than that, it was an enjoyable read.

I stayed up late last night reading this book and I’m still in a bit of a state of shock, because it was so very much not what I expected. From the blurb, I expected a sort of darkly funny romantic comedy. What I got was a searing mental health journey of a rape survivor trying, somehow, to process what happened to her, move on and find a healthy relationship with a man she can trust. Even though she’s pretty sure no man is worth trusting.

There are major triggers here for anyone who has survived rape, sexual assault or domestic violence. There are just so many events in the book which could be triggering - ones which the protagonist, April, is negotiating daily as she works at a charity which counsels survivors. Disillusioned after a string of failed relationships (including the one where her boyfriend raped her) April decides to try a new tactic, inventing the persona of Gretel, a Manic Pixie Dream Girl who takes no nonsense from any man. Putting on a confident facade, April/Gretel meets up with Joshua and… I wasn’t precisely sure what the plan was, but it seemed to be to get her own back on men in general, by making Joshua fall for her and then callously dumping him.

Joshua’s not perfect - he definitely does a few things which made me side-eye him and which April clearly actively disliked - but he’s a basically decent guy and April eventually comes to the conclusion that she has to come clean if they have any chance at a future. And this is where the story lost me because she does it in the most stupid possible way, inviting him to be her plus-one at a wedding where, of course, nobody is going to call her Gretel and Joshua is going to discover in a very public way that he doesn’t know who she is at all. It’s basically setting herself up for a huge public confrontation and humiliation and I hated it, because it really didn’t fit with April’s non-confrontational style at all.

This does, sort of, deserve to be classified as a romance because there is an HFN (Happy For Now) ending, but it’s really April’s mental health journey, and an extraordinarily painful one at that. I didn’t find much humour in it, though I did nod in agreement so many times as April once again despaired; any woman who’s ever discovered a man was massively over-selling himself or just flat-out lying in order to get sex will definitely painfully relate. It’s raw and honest and cathartic and possibly quite therapeutic, though honestly if your state of mind is anything even approaching April’s, you should definitely get therapy (as she finally does, thankfully - her creation of Gretel appears to be a dissociative personality and very close to schizophrenia manifesting).

Even though it’s not what I expected, it’s excellently written, with the exception of April’s weird choice of when to come clean with Joshua. It’s sharp and real and painful and it definitely won’t be for everyone because there are a lot of women for whom it will just be too confronting and triggering. Approach with caution, but it’s definitely worth the read. Four stars.

I made it to 20% before I had to mentally throw my Kindle across the room. To be blunt, I hated everything I read. April is the most annoying, whiny, why-doesn't-he-like-me character. I just can't.

Obviously this book just isn't for me as there are plenty who seemed to enjoy it.

Although I am not affected by its topic, I do feel a trigger warning would be helpful given this background of the character.

Even if I found it well written I found the story a bit confusing and didn't liked the characters.
Not my cup of tea.
Many thanks to the publisher and Netgalley for this ARC, all opinions are mine