Thank you HARLEQUIN – Trade Publishing / Mira for the chance to read an eARC of the Pretending by Holly Bourne!

April, is in her thirties and trying to figure out why things just can't seem to go right in her life. Her love life seems like a cruel joke and after several failed relationships and dealing with sexual assault - her self-esteem is at an all time low and she has some emotional scars that seem too daunting to face.

Desperate for love though, she decides to become a catfish and take on a different dating personality within her profile. She becomes Gretel, this strong independent woman that doesn't need a man, seeks adventure, is always perfectly manicured, smiling and happy. Gretel is the kind of woman every man is after.

Her plan seems perfect and she feels safe. That is until she starts seeing Joshua and after date five things are going great! Thoughts start swirling, does she need to be Gretel with Joshua, can she trust him and fall for him?

This was an incredibly enjoyable story! What I thought was going to be an extremely light hearted fun read with a funny internal monologue turned out to be a much deeper story. April goes through so much self-discovery that is extremely relatable and relevant. The book also explores some heavier topics around assault, mental-health and more. This story is not just a thirty something year old going through what feels like an early mid-life crisis.

TW - sexual assault

This was a little darker that I expected it to be based on the description. I liked it, but I may have liked it more if I went into it with better expectations.

Okay. I’m confused. I’m going back and forth between two opinions:
Yes I liked what I read: I enjoyed this book’s feminism message, the approach to the sensitive issues including sexual assault, feeling inferior, not deserved to be loved or cared, being stranger in your own body. And let’s not forget I truly loved the heroine and i ached for her and the things she’s been getting through.
But... why is this book so similar with our works of the author? As soon as I started this one, I thought this is republished with a new name (yes, I exactly thought at some parts I was rereading “ the places I’ve cried in public” ) So my reading experience turned into something confusing with tons of deja vu moments!

I couldn’t differentiate the characters or storylines with the other book she’s written. Don’t get me wrong, I’m great fan of her works and I honestly enjoy her broken but strong women characters’ self discovery stories. But I wished to see something original, unique.

Let’s go back to talk about the story-line to draw a clearer picture :

April is tired of men, actually she hates men and after what she’s been through her traumatic experience and still dealing with her invisible mental scars, it’s normal to feel like that. Her ex-boyfriend assaulted her sexually and now she hardly forms longtime relationship with a man, not even passing date five.

So she gets hopeless to find a man she can trust. Instead of looking for the guy: she starts working on different solution. She thinks if she creates a brand new persona; nobody could hurt her. She is gonna be cool, pixy girl next door Gretel. Pretending is harmless, fun. She feels like she’s wearing bulletproof steel vest. Nobody can break her heart again.

And her plan works: she starts dating Joshua! Her five date curse is already broken. But what if she doesn’t need to pretend from the beginning and Joshua is the one she can honestly trust and fall for?

Well, as I mentioned before I resonated wholeheartedly with April and her back story hurt my heart but pretending idea to find her true love seemed like wrong move for me from the beginning but I understand the character’s insecurities, inner fight with her heart wrenching, extremely traumatic experience and fears to trust someone. I didn’t approve her choice to act like somebody else but I understand her choice.

Overall: even there are so many similarities with the author’s previous works, I loved the thought provoking, emotional, meaningful approach of the author. And I truly connected with her heroine. So I’m cutting some points and I’m still rounding up 3.5 stars to 4 poignant, promising stars because I still liked what I read and it touched my heart and soul at the same time.

Special thanks to NetGalley and HARLEQUIN/ Mira for sharing this digital copy of incredible book with me in exchange my honest opinions.

This book deals with some heavy and important themes, a fact that is not reflected by the colours of the cover. However, the heavy themes aren't the reason why I found this such an exhausting book to read. I received a copy through Netgalley, and there were no chapters. I like to read full chapters, or at least read until a natural break; this book felt like it forged on without pausing for a breath (mind you, that might be because, in part, formatting can get messed up when you read on a device). I found April to be a sympathetic character and liked the observational details. But it might be awhile before I try this author again.
I received a copy through Netgalley and am voluntarily leaving an honest review.

This book delves into rape, sexual violations, and how to move forward wrapped up in a story about love, life, and friendship. This is my first Holly Bourne and her writing feels very approachable. When the main character’s inner thoughts were on the page or when she interacted with others, I felt as if it’s my own friends just telling me their life’s stories as it had that relatable and friendly aspect. It was a very realistic approach to writing as the wording choices and tones were like one friend talking to another. It gave this novel some levity while focusing on the darker topics.
Our main character, April, is a 29-year-old worker at a sexual health charity on a journey to find a romantic male partner with her dating past not going well. Her work is stressful especially when she does shifts to answer anonymous frontline emails from people asking if their boyfriends or other male raped them. This is triggering for April as her last long-term relationship was emotionally abusive and he did rape her (though it took her years to come to terms with it). As she navigates the dating world, she realizes that men seem to have a hard time dealing with her and her flaws. She invents an alter ego, named Gretel, who says and does what April believes to be a perfect dating partner. She places Gretel’s profile online and begins an experiment to see if Gretel can make a guy fall for her with the plan to dump him, just like April has been dumped by men.
While being Gretel she meets Joshua and the two of them begin dating. April has a difficult time sometimes trying to suppress her real self in favor of being “perfect” Gretel. The two of them form a relationship and we get to see April struggling with trying to keep up with Gretel and balancing her own life as April. The more time she spends with Joshua, the more she starts to think that maybe all men aren’t that bad. The more she gets to get to know him, the more she starts to think that he could be the one that’s different or she could be wrong and he is just like the rest. (You’ll have to read the book to actually find the answer.)
One thing that was hard to identify with April is why she was so determined in the first place to find a man. It seemed to be that she was so focused on finding one because almost all of her friends were with a partner and she was the one left behind. There was never a moment in the entire novel where she even thought of exploring the possibility that maybe a man isn’t necessary to be happy in the end. It was disappointing as someone shouldn’t need a partner to be their goal.
This novel is a fantastic and informative read when it comes to how micro-aggressions can have some damaging effects on people. Typically when we think of aggression it comes in the form of macro-aggression and we tend to brush off micro-aggressions, but these can sometimes be more damaging to people than you realize and it was a great addition to this book’s discussion of the different forms abuse can take. This and the many other themes that many women go through on a daily basis illustrate the stresses that we either experience or put on ourselves. When April becomes Gretel, she believes a woman should discuss x, y, z with a man and then a, b, c with a woman and she puts a huge emphasis on not deviating from the script she’s put together for herself. This is one of the many times where we create stress on ourselves trying to project our “best” selves to others so we seem as perfect as possible.
I enjoyed reading this story and highly recommend it to all people to explore April’s journey to heal and how we all need a support system around us and can’t put all the pressure to go about it alone. Healing is never the same path for everyone and it’s never a linear process where you’ll never experience set-backs and these are important lessons for anyone to take away from this book. Everyone heals differently and at their own pace and no two people will heal in the exact same way (even if their situations look the same on paper).

I sincerely apologize but I have requested this title by mistake and won't be able to read then review it. Thank you for the opportunity and your understanding.

The current synopsis makes this book seem like it would be lighthearted and fun but this needs a rape trigger warning for sure. I'm not sure what this says about me, but I agreed with a lot of what April had to say about men. 😂

Kindly received an ARC from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

The summary of this book didn’t give the plot justice and was sort of misleading.
It’s important to note that this read might trigger some as it contains themes of sexual assault, depression, suicide, and rape.

Judging from the summary and first few pages, I thought I was getting into a light-hearted, laugh of loud funny book. But this book was much, much deeper than that. It was a book about learning how to love yourself, deal with trauma, and find love.
I’ll admit, this book was difficult for me to get into since it wasn’t exactly what I thought it would be. April’s internal monologue had me laughing from the first sentence, and I genuinely felt for her struggling to deal with her past trauma. But I had a really hard time relating to her character and liking her.

This read definitely isn’t for everyone, but it does have a meaningful storyline.

April can't make it past a first or second date. Still reeling from a sexual assault by her ex-boyfriend, she wishes she could be more like Gretel (her fantasy manic pixie dream girl who is not like other girls). So when she meets Joshua, she decides to give Gretel a go. The date is a success, so April decides to keep the charade up. The only problem is that life as Gretel is easy, and her feelings and relationship with Joshua keep growing and growing.

My feelings on this book are torn. I loved how dark and snide the humor could be in the book, but I went from rooting for April to just feeling bad of the anger she carried.

One thing I will say, Holly Bourne can write and she projects so much imagery, I had to give the book a higher rating for that fact only.

There is a trigger warning with this book as it does deal with sexual assault and it is something that April has been dealing with for so long. This book deals with the effect it has on her and her entire life. Everything from her job to her relationships. Then April does something, I'm sure so many other people want to do and that is pretend to be someone else. She pretends to be a girl who is carefree, and just the type of girl most guys will fall for because she is uncomplicated. But that is only one small part of the story. There is a lot going on in the book, and most importantly our main focus is on April who has to do a lot of growing and even forgiviness throughout the book.

This is the first Holly Bourne book that I have read....but it won't be my last.

From page one, the narrator April is snarky, relatable, witty, and I just love this tone and language. It's so relatable and fun that I just want to keep reading. It's set in London, which is my ultimate guilty pleasure as an Anglophile such as myself, so yay, score one. I love reading April's voice and perspective because it's so relatable and funny. I'm like super into this novel from so early on, mainly because April feels so honest and real. She's vulnerable and real, making a stellar protagonist and I'm so invested in her journey and story. The book definitely needs a trigger warning as April discusses and deals with her past sexual assault. But, I think it's brave that she's acknowledging and searching for a way to move forward, but it could definitely be triggering depending on your past. April is after revenge on any guy that's hurt any girl and made them feel worthless. So, she sets out to make a dating profile as Gretel, the girl in her head that she thinks men want and is the complete opposite of the real her. It's such an engaging read that I can't put down! Moving on, she matches with Joshua, who just seems so endearing and sweet, like I keep saying 'aww precious' about everything he does, that, and their first date is super cute, except that she's pretending to be someone else. But, this experiment is helping the real her because April is becoming more confident and not overanalyzing every little detail, but of course, she starts to see they are quote compatible even though she's admitted that he's not good-looking, not bad-looking, and not a good kisser, like eesh. DM conversations help show the passage of time and recount different days and dates to move things along. It's just so vulnerable and open, which makes everything feel so real and raw. Josh is so endearing yet a bit clueless, so I'm not sure if they really have this connection and he's The Guy because he is falling for the fake her and he's super clingy. All in all, this book is witty and captivating, and I can't put it down. I have to keep reading. I loved this read because I get it, everything April feels, and it's real, authentic, yet still frothy, light, and fun that keeps you turning the pages. So many women's fiction nowadays revolve around a man or romance, and getting a man to fall in love with a girl, her needing or wanting love. And it's refreshing to see that this book isn't that because love and relationships are real and raw and messy, just like life really is. I just want more content, and have so many lingering questions. There's an epilogue that is quite ambiguous, so you can't help but wonder who is that man at the end she speaks of, like is it Josh or someone else. I have so many questions left and I just want to know and keep reading more.

I myself have never been a victim of rape but this author certainly provides a vivid description as to the emotional, intellectual and physical impact it causes. I can see why April channels Gretel in order to portray herself as whom she wanted to be without the trauma. She is lucky that Joshua realized how amazing she is despite coming into the relationship on false pretenses. I do think one of the best realizations that she and Megan had was that they both needed to seek help as they had a codependent relationship that added to emotional escalation. I really enjoyed all segments regarding boxing and the support it gave.

The lightest, most readable book ever about PTSD. If you have suffered trauma at the hands of a man, you might want to avoid. For others, it might help you to understand, and it is hard to put down.