I received a free digital copy of this book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

This book fell flat for me. I didn't connect with the characters at all. They felt super shallow.

Thank you kindly to the author, the publisher, and NetGalley for this review copy.

The characters were good. They had a lot of depth and were interesting. Still, it just wasn't a book for me. It was a bit confusing at times and I never really did understand Raf. I think that's probably the point but it still left me with a sense of confusion and dissatisfaction.

A whole lot of angst and bags of feelings in this book that just ended up a tad muddled for me by the end. Overall, an average read for me, with likeable characters.

Nate Redfield goes to the syndicate owned strip club one night to tell them he's done. He's done selling drugs and he doesn't want to work for them anymore. Nate has been clean for a year and he doesn't want to be responsible for people dying. He knows that means they will kill him because there's no way that one can leave the syndicate. Fate intervenes in the form of Ras. Ras is second in command of the syndicate, is cold as hell, and is the enforcer.

Ras steps in long enough for Nate to run. It's not that easy to get away from someone like Ras though and by the time Nate gets home Ras is already there. Ras is impressed with Nate's art and offers alternative employment. He wants Nate to display his work at a syndicate gallery at which they launder money. It's not ideal but it's not dealing drugs and it's not being dead... so it seems like something Nate can do.

I'm not sure how to describe this book. It's a journey of self-discovery I think. Nate is in recovery from his drug use but that doesn't mean that he has recovered from all the things that were done to him when he was a kid. He had a brutal childhood and it has left physical and emotional scars on him.

This story is really well written and I love Moll's style. The flow is very graceful despite some of the violent content. The author has a way of bringing you in while you're reading, allowing you to forget at times how brutal some of the events are in the book.

Nate is an interesting character. His story is revealed through flashbacks to his past. His mother was absolutely wretched to him when he was young and he suffered things that no child should have to deal with. The one good thing in his life is Sierra. Sierra is the child of Nate's ex's sister - he just happened into her life and was at the hospital when she was born. He felt an instant connection to her and has vowed to try and make her life better.

I really liked Nate. He stuck to his guns and really tried to be a better person than he was raised to be. Part of his journey throughout this book is coming to terms with the fact that the abuse he has suffered wasn't his fault and hasn't changed him irreparably.

Ras was a really interesting character as well. Sadly, I felt as though the full potential of Ras doesn't play out in this novel. The story eludes to Ras being part of the same person as "Jude". Jude is a person from Nate's life pre-recovery. It's never explained whether Ras suffers from dissociative disorder or has chosen to move on from the person he was in his youth. I was extremely curious at first and was looking forward to more reveals about Ras and his past. Sadly, there's not much revealed. NOTE: I have just looked on Goodreads and it seems as though more of Ras' story may have been revealed in the first book. The two books are not, however, marked as part of a series.

Ras is an extremely violent man and the counter to that is the fact that he loves fully and completely. Once he loves someone, Ras is the kind of person who will never fall out of love. He just wants to take care of the people he loves and it doesn't matter to him if that means crime, money or just being there for them. He will do it all. Ras is polyamorous and is in a relationship with Scarlett (the syndicate boss) and his boyfriend Ash. They are great supporting characters in their own right and it would have been great to know more about them.

There was a bit of POV switching which confused me from time to time...but it didn't take me out of the story. Moll's writing was beautiful and I kept coming back to that.

I know that some people won't be pleased with the ending. But I think the author made a brave and purposeful choice. It makes sense to me... and I think that's an important part of this story. It's very realistic and doesn't pull any punches. I'm not going to spoil the ending...but I think it was a brave choice and it fits with the story.

Nate Redfield has not had it easy in life. He was mistreated by his mother then his boyfriend Troy.
The only person who he loved is Sierra. His daughter on paper but actually is his ex-boyfriend's sister's child. He promised her the world but his addiction and his toxic relationship with his ex got in the way of taking care of Sierra.
But all that is behind him now, he has been sober for a year and tries to provide for Sierra from afar by working for the syndicate.
But after seeing the wrong doings of his profession, he wants to call it quits. However, you can't just leave the syndicate unless you're a dead man walking. Just when he was about to take a bullet to the head, he is saved by Ras.

Ras is second in command to the syndicate boss, Scarlett Bancroft.
He is her shadow, her second in command. Her knife in the dark, her pet monster, her dearest love.
Ras is a complicated man, whose mind is broken, he can't remember parts of his past after he left his alter ego, Jude de Haven behind.
He can't remember how he used to know Nate when he was Jude.
But he and Nate had shared a special connection then, one which impacted Nate and saved his life when he was younger.
Ras is pansexual and is in an open and polyamorous arrangement with his partners Ash and Scarlett and now is intent on adding Nate to the mix.
Something about Nate draws him in, he is a contradiction to what Ras is.
He describes Nate as his hero and white knight.
Nate and Ras have a complicated relationship. Nate knows about his past and present but he yearns to have a normal relationship with Jude.
( I do feel in an alternate reality that Nate and Jude would make a wonderful couple❤️)

I loved that both Nate and Ras were extremely complicated characters and had their demons to face, but I was really rooting for them to end up together and for Ras to remember how Jude was with Nate.
However, I do believe that they each get their own happy endings.
Ras gets Scarlett and Ash with a baby on the way and Nate gets Ethan and Sierra.
The imagery of Nate rising from the ashes like a Phoenix despite what life throws at him is a powerful message!