This wasn't a favorite but it was not a "do not finish"; I was able to power through this read. Not sure I would recommend it to others though.

This book was a very interesting perspective for two women working toward being mothers, together. So many challenges that are not well known, nor are they often openly spoken about with couples trying to conceive in different ways. The struggles, pain, and work that this couple put forth and had to experience in order to become pregnant and have a baby are unreal.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for an ARC in exchange for my honest review.

An unflinching, intimate look at what one lesbian couple went through in order to have children. I’m really glad I read this book. I was lucky enough not to have to go through fertility treatments to have my children but I know women who did, and the monthly disappointments were heartbreaking for them. Plus how expensive these things can be. Add in “the system” not being particularly welcoming for lesbian couples. (“Male Factor Infertility” is what the clinics had to list as the reason they were there!) Her description of her labor and delivery brought back vivid memories, for sure! Jennifer and Kellie’s journey to motherhood was a complex path and I’m so happy they found a way to become a family.

While I received the eARC from NetGalley, I wound up mostly listening to the published audiobook by Tantor Audio. The narrator, Xe Sands, did an excellent job. Thank you to NetGalley and Sourcebooks for the opportunity to read an advance readers copy of this book. All opinions are my own.

The Other Mothers // by Jennifer Berney

Wow. This book blew me away. It's not often that I feel this many emotions while reading, though when I do it's usually with non-fiction books such as this one. Jennifer Berney did an incredible job writing about her experiences and I loved the way she included information and the history of gynecology. I do have to warn you and say that some of that history is absolutely horrifying. I had to stop reading multiple times to take some deep breaths because the details can be very hard to stomach. I still am glad she included that though because I feel that it is important to know how our (still in need of much improvement) healthcare has arrived to its current point. But my emotions weren't just negative with lots of sad tears. No, I also cried with joy at her highs and laughed at some of her antics. This is truly a journey I am very thankful to have been able to read about. Thank you for taking the energy to write this book. It is important and I hope many people will pick it up and read it.

Thank you to the author, publisher, and NetGalley for providing me with a free copy in exchange for an honest review.

Berney remembers hearing the term “test-tube baby” for the first time in a fifth-grade sex ed class taught by a lesbian teacher at her Quaker school. By that time she already had an inkling of her sexuality, so suspected that she might one day require fertility help herself.

By the time she met her partner, Kellie, she knew she wanted to be a mother; Kellie was unsure. Once they were finally on the same page, it wasn’t an easy road to motherhood. They purchased donated sperm through a fertility clinic and tried IUI, but multiple expensive attempts failed. Signs of endometriosis had doctors ready to perform invasive surgery, but in the meantime the couple had met a friend of a friend (Daniel, whose partner was Rebecca) who was prepared to be their donor. Their at-home inseminations resulted in a pregnancy – after two years of trying to conceive – and, ultimately, in their son. Three years later, they did the whole thing all over again. Rebecca had sons at roughly the same time, too, giving their boys the equivalent of same-age cousins – a lovely, unconventional extended family.

It surprised me that the infertility business seemed entirely set up for heterosexual couples – so much so that a doctor diagnosed the problem, completely seriously, in Berney’s chart as “Male Factor Infertility.” This was in Washington state in c. 2008, before the countrywide legalization of gay marriage, so it’s possible the situation would be different now, or that the couple would have had a different experience had they been based somewhere like San Francisco where there is a wide support network and many gay-friendly resources.

Berney finds the joy and absurdity in their journey as well as the many setbacks. I warmed to the book as it went along: early on, it dragged a bit as she surveyed her younger years and traced the history of IVF and alternatives like international adoption. As the storyline drew closer to the present day, there was more detail and tenderness and I was more engaged. I’d read more from this author. (3.5 stars)

I have read a lot of memoirs lately and this has been one of my favorites. This story was so beautiful and unique.

The author explained the story so perfectly beginning when she was a young girl in 5th grade and began to question her sexuality.

This story takes so many twists and turns, there are such highs and lows throughout the story. This part of the story was so relatable and heart-wrenching. As someone who has been on the infertility journey for four years, I can't imagine how much more difficult this process would have been if doctors and nurses had been unaccepting or understanding of my partner. I felt such heartbreak during some of the moments in this story.

One of the things that I really enjoyed about this book was that the author included research and history in her book, not just her own story.

I highly recommend this book to anyone on the journey to motherhood.

Jennifer Berney tells her story of motherhood in this beautifully written memoir. In this memoir we follow Berney and her partner in their journey to parenthood and the difficult path they had to follow to get there. Berney enhances her story with extensive research. I was astonished at the difficulty that same sex couples have to go through just to have a semi-normal family.

Authentic and touching, Jennifer Berney tells the story and family making. A candid look at that what it feels like to go after what others may not think your should have.

Jennifer Berney's The Other Mothers is a heartfelt meditation on what it means to be a queer couple embarking on the adventure of beginning a family. Blending history and cultural references with her personal journey, Berney has created more than a memoir about her experience — she has crafted a window into a journey to which many mothers, and parents, will undoubtedly relate.

“The Other Mother’s: Two Women’s Journey To Find The Family That Was Always Theirs” (2021) by Jennifer Burney, is an informative thoughtfully written memoir that explores lesbian motherhood. There are a vast number of complex issues, some obvious and others not so much. Burney shares the process that begins in stages: the selection of a donor and health services—that never turn out as expected, the actual IVF treatment and healthcare, pregnancy, and preparation for motherhood, aftercare and what follows.

The process to begin the journey was “dreaded” by Burney’s wife Kellie, who was often mistaken for Burney’s mother, aunt or relative. With the increased awareness of LGBTQ marriage, gay rights etc. it really isn’t the case that the medical professional establishment is free of bias and stigma, the “Male Factor Infertility” had to be listed in the paperwork. The lack of understanding and compassion by Dr. Lu and Dr. Nelson for this couple was unjustified; it was painfully obvious that their clinic only wanted to serve heterosexual couples.

The Oakland Feminist Women’s Health Center (est.1982-) is the only non-profit sperm bank in the U.S. An extension clinic, the “Rainbow Flag” (est. 1982) was the first to actively match gay male donors to lesbian couples and to recognize that lesbians needed and deserved healthcare tailored to their own needs. The demand for donor sperm would escalate tremendously with AIDS/HIV. Burney noted that had she sought care in San Francisco her and Kellie’s experience may have been quite different.
In addition, Burney addresses the question many family and friends: “Why don’t you just adopt?” In 1954, Harry and Bertha Holt, an evangelical Christian couple began an international movement to facilitate adoptions of foreign born “orphans”. Many adoption agencies today are religious and faith based and do not permit adoptions by LGBTQ parents. The adoptions of children from abroad have decreased significantly due to illegal activity: the kidnapping and trafficking of children. In any case, all adoptions are extremely expensive, and favor married heterosexual couples with high incomes. Burney’s book highlights how cultural and social stigma can be overcome with the love and understanding of family and friends. (3.5*GOOD) **With appreciation to Sourcebooks via NetGalley for the DDC for the purpose of review.

I had the pleasure of reading The Other Mothers by Jennifer Berney. We follow Jenn and her wife's journey to start a family with all of the challenges and joys experienced along the way. You will get angry reading about the homophobia Jenn experienced, such as cold doctors who didn't give her the time necessary for quality healthcare and having to constantly cross off "husband" on her medical forms. This really showed me how heteronormative practices in the medical field are pervasive and need to be changed. I also really appreciated the sections that discussed the history around queer women accessing fertility services. Jenn also expresses her emotions throughout the journey in such an honest way that really conveys her experience to the reader. I am so glad this memoir exists and this is the representation that is needed in nonfiction. I highly encourage you to read it.

Very good and educational story about two mothers navigating life. As simple as that sounds, it's so not, and that's what makes this books so great. Normally when I get ready for bed at night, I read two or three books, and some nights, I may read up to four. But when I was ready The Other Mothers, it was the only one I focused on, because it was so earnest and good. I felt the struggle and the sadness and my heart hurt along with the author.

4.5/5 Stars

This beautiful memoir about lesbian family-building is deeply personal, carefully researched, and spun into a feminist page-turner. Jennifer Berney weaves her own journey to motherhood with the history of the fertility industry and the struggles and triumphs of LGBTQ+ communities. The prose is stunning, the characters rendered fully and in detail, and the story moves with page-turning intensity. I stayed up late finishing it, cried during the birthing scene, and learned so much about what it takes for LGBTQ+ people to start families.

I received a copy of this book from NetGalley in exchange for my honest review. Thank you NetGalley!

The cover of this book is simple but eye-catching.
I enjoyed reading about their journey to parenthood.
The writing style was easy to follow and enjoy.
I'd definitely purchase a copy and check out other books by the author.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publishers for the chance to read The Other Mothers by Jennifer Berney.
This was a memoir that I couldn’t put down, I always fine it difficult to review and rate books like this, it’s someone’s life, someone’s story and the idea of someone saying it’s worth a two or three star is exhausting; but I easily give this five out of five.
Jennifer recalls the story of her journey to motherhood as a young, gay woman living in America. Combined with some actual stats and facts about pregnancy, adoption and even the history of female medical tools you find yourself as a key player in her life. From heartbreak, to relationships, from family dynamics, to joy, surprise and love you’ll go on this journey with Jennifer and Kellie (her partner) as they find out what it means to be a mother.

Jennifer Berney details her journey to motherhood in this candid memoir. The Other Mothers is beautifully written, and is equally moving as it is informative. Berney, who identifies as queer, interrogates how heteronormativity has shaped the prospects of her having children, as she navigates starting her own alternative family. In this book, she explores the history of alternative families in the queer community and of assisted reproduction technology facilities. Berney is honest - she talks about reproductive issues that we often merely skirt around. Not everybody wants children, not everybody can make children, sometimes it takes time. This book is simultaneously tear-jerking and heart-warming. It evoked joy with the victories and a tiny bit of glum with the disappointments. The pages are filled not only with Berney’s story, but with so many bits of history and knowledge, that it makes a great read for a very wide audience. Intimate, compelling and an overall satisfying read.

I've always had sympathy for women who have fertility problems. It just brings them down and makes them feel so terrible that they can't conceive a baby, and society make it even harder because we tend not to talk about these things. What I didn't realize until reading this book is that all the couples I knew having fertility problems were hetero couples. I didn't think about what would happen if a gay or lesbian couple tried to have a baby via sperm donor. The medical establishment is still so discriminatory towards same-sex couples and single women, and this book really shows just how much. This is autobiographical, so the author is telling her own story about her and her wife and their obstacle-laden journey to become moms. It's touching and infuriating all at once, but definitely worth your time. You may be surprised at how much you didn't notice about this type of discrimination.

This is the book that I wish I had 16 years ago when we embarked on the unknown path to motherhood. I loved the mix of historical context and the author's personal journey. I definitely think there is a need for more books like this. Books that tell the real, human stories of LGBTI+ families. Books that speak to just how much these children are wanted and cherished. There are so many misconceptions from people about A.I., donors, adoption, etc. I'm glad this book exists to help educate and illuminate the path to lesbian parenthood.

This was a heartbreaking story that showed all of the ways our healthcare system fails those who don't fit a traditional mold. As a healthcare provider, it broke my heart to hear how the author was treated and how even medical coding shows bias.

I was blown away by this intimate memoir of a lesbian couple’s journey to motherhood.

Jennifer Berney tells the struggles and triumphs of conception, motherhood, and family as a queer woman. Her story is enhanced by the integration of research and evidence, opening my eyes to the outdated and exclusive models for medicine and fertility.

It was heart wrenching to read about Jennifer’s experience and path of doctors and specialists in an effort to make her dream of being a mother a reality. With no man factoring into her relationship, she was misdiagnosed, often disparaged by doctors, and her medical needs were overlooked.

The Other Mothers is raw, honest, interesting, and informative. I highly recommend.