Will definitely recommend to anyone who read I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris. Recommended for libraries located in the Bible Belt.

I really enjoyed Rachel Joy Welcher"s perspective on purity culture and the ways it has harmed us, and the ways we can move forward in to a holistic, Bible based view of sexuality. I appreciated her transparency and her honesty, and her view points about the good and bad of the way we view sexuality.

This book was intriguing to me and I enjoyed her take on purity culture within the church. An important topic that is too often not talked about.

"God and his glory are the goal of purity." I love the emphasis on everything pointing back to God. I wish this book would have existed when I was in my teens. And then once I was remarried following a divorce, topics in this book are relevant. I think a lot of people will be helped by this book.

If you’ve spent any amount of time around me, my social-media or Goodreads accounts, or my blog, you’ll know this is very much not my normal book review (or the type of book I’d normally read). But, I do feel it’s a necessary one on both counts.

I grew up during purity culture’s prime, and for once fit the bill as a target reader–even being single. Shocker! So I figured I should jump on it. And, getting a copy from NetGalley honestly gave me the deadline-style push I needed to read it in a timely fashion.

So much of this read is a thought-provoking, truth-in-love evaluation of purity culture (PC) that acknowledged its positive components as well as where she felt it fell short. I found the summaries of common PC-era reads helpful; while I’d read a number of them, it’s been long enough that I couldn’t remember content, let alone my own take on it. (This was, after all, pre-Goodreads. Yes, such a time did exist; bizarre, I know.)

As a single, I particularly appreciated how the author depicts the single’s struggle as life progresses–sometimes without PC’s promised marriage/children. Welchel writes about how virginity leading up to marriage (defo something I’m an advocate for!) is awesome, in line with scripture, etc., etc.–but it’s also not a light-switch thing that can be “turned off” until marriage and magically “turned on” and immediately perfect at the wedding night (gosh, this is awkward to write haha). And while many a church addresses many another age or status (high school! college! young professionals! marrieds!)–many of those same churches don’t address the singles among us that don’t fit any of those demographics. “Singleness is not a curse or a problem to fix,” writes Welcher–“but it can be so lonely” [eARC loc. 818]. (Types the book reviewer, albeit a strong, strong introvert, during a pandemic. It’s true, though.) “We are more than our relationship status. Singles are artists. Chefs. Theologians. They get lonely. They get excited. They are worth seeking out, investing in, and listening to. … Those who are part of a couple, and even more so those who are married with children, seem to be at the center of our churches[, …] the majority. Our desire for singles to ‘graduate’ and join the marrieds is not always selfless. … we also want the convenience of sameness. … We create space for it only as a season, not as a legitimate, lifelong calling. … We need to ask ourselves why the church views singleness as a problem to solve.” [eARC loc. 828-834]

Lengthy quote, I know (if you’re still reading, thank you). I appreciate that Welcher knows what it’s like to be single at varying ages — not just 20s, but also 30s, and after some really rough stuffs of her own. She well exhorts the singles in the church–and frankly calls out marrieds in the church and the messaging being presented. “Singles do not belong at the margins of our churches. No one does” (eARC loc 863). Welcher admirably applauds authors who may have written during the purity-culture era with the best of intentions, and calls them back to scripture–often bluntly. God’s sovereignty is laid out plainly for all of us at the table to see, and I love it.

I have mixed feelings about the inclusion of same-sex attraction and homosexuality; while only passing references, that I saw (and I’m solely speaking for myself, nor do I struggle with SSA), I felt it remained very much a gray area in the book; no hard line was really expressed on this–whether pointing back to Scripture or even including a high-level examination of the biblical stance. While part of me wishes the topic didn’t need to be acknowledged at all, I suppose in a book about sex, I shouldn’t be surprised. Simply, again, it remained gray and murky when I wanted more black and white.

The discussion questions at the end of each chapter defo provide food for thought, and are helpful for the reader to engage further with the book itself, other readers, the local church, and even beyond in ways I probably haven’t thought of yet. It’s very much an interactive read, and I do hope that folks read it and dialogue with each other–within and without the church. A necessary read in this post-PC world.

I received an eARC of the book from the publisher via NetGalley. All opinions are my own.

As someone who grew up kind of during the height of the Purity Culture movement and got sucked into it, but have since rejected some of the ideas that were prominent in the movement, I found this book enlightening. The author discusses purity culture and it's downfall, as well as many of the pitfalls of what was taught and how that affects many who were involved in the purity culture movement to some degree. Rachel Joy Welcher also provides some good food for thought, and while she doesn't have all the answers on how to deal with the ramifications of purity culture, she does make readers think about everything they have been taught about purity. One of my favorite chapters was when she discussed Bathsheba and how she proposed that perhaps Bathsheba was a victim of sexual assault - while I don't know if this is true or not, the author's arguments provide solid evidence to suggest that it is so and it made me view Bathsheba in a new light.

This is a thought provoking, healing read, especially for the 30-somethings like myself who grew up in the church.

I appreciate how the author weaves together Scripture, popular purity culture books/media/personalities from the 90s and 2000s, and interviews to form a cohesive narrative about how the purity culture/evangelical church youth group teachings have influenced many. I don't think I have been as "harmed" as some have, but I do think that the whole movement taught my generation to have unhealthy expectations around dating, marriage, children, sexuality, etc.... and as an adult, I don't think those teachings were fully Biblical. This book was refreshing and worth the read for sure! As a parent I also loved that she spoke to talking to our kids about these issues.

Disclaimer: I received an advanced copy for free from Netgalley but all opinions are my own.

What an excellent read! “Talking Back to Purity Culture” by Rachel Joy Welcher dwells on the effects of how damaging and idolatrous the infamous purity culture was/is. Welcher used personal stories, popular books of the purity culture, studies, and of course the Bible to discuss how purity culture affected Christians She made great points how same sex attracted Christians, widowed, divorced, sexually abused, etc are usually left out in purity culture. Welcher also discussed how the most popular books Christian teens/young adults read were more unhelpful than helpful. This book was also biblically sound. I was a teen that signed the purity pledge and placed it in a frame. I also had a purity ring that I ended up losing at my grandma’s house out-of-state lol. While purity was something my childhood church emphasized, it did taught adolescents the importance of sex in biblical meaning. Welcher’s main point is that according to final paragraph of her book: “ The pursuit of sexual purity is not about virginity or reward but about so tethering ourselves to the power of the Holy Spirit and the truth of God’s Word that when the sweet music of sin enters our ears, we are able to keep steering the ship toward God’s glory—because God has become a thousand times more captivating. It is about knowing that when we sin, we have an advocate; that there is forgiveness in Christ, no matter what we’ve done. It is about picking up the cross of Jesus each new day, and pressing into his body, the church. And it is about believing with all our hearts, that we are image bearers of a holy God, created for His glory.”

I wholeheartedly recommend this book!

By emphasizing the joy and pleasure of sex in marriage, purity culture was able to rightly assure young men and women that there is a God-honoring context for sex. It also challenged religious arguments about procreation being the only purpose for sex in marriage. I praise God for this. But somewhere along the line modern purity culture turned married sex from a blessing into a trophy. And God never treats sex this way. Sex is not a reward for good behavior. If it were, all the godly chaste men and women we know would be married right now, having fantastic sex and making lots of beautiful babies without any struggles with illness or infertility.

I have been following Rachel Welcher and her husband on Instagram for a year now. I say this because of how encouraging these two are. Her husband always posts Jesus loves you every day. What does this have to do with the Purity Culture? We can get what Jesus is for and what he is against wrong and we can make a big mess on the delivery but just the simple words Jesus loves you is a good start to the gospel. This is what talking back to the purity culture is about. The gospel. What was missed, why we missed it and where we can go from here.

My own background on this purity culture is from the stand point of a mom. A mom that missed the gospel until I was in my late 20's and the birth of my first daughter. I wanted more for her. And for my second daughter. I stressed friendship not dating. Avoiding a broken heart by giving your heart away too soon. So what is missing from my list of good intentions. The gospel. I lament on this and Welcher's text is a lamentation on it as well. Each chapter is based on the gospel and what are good intentions created. To be clear and what I appreciate the most about this text is there is redemption to this error. She is sympathetic to those that have been hurt by the purity culture but she comes back to why we need Jesus in the first place. Many have not and Welcher offers redemption thru the gospel.

If you have been hurt by the purity culture, go back to the Gospel. If you have been hurt by other Christians, go back to the gospel. That is the message!

A special thank you to Intervarsity Press and Netgalley for the ARC and the opportunity to post an honest review.

An interesting perspective on this topic & having been part of the purity culture it was definitely an interesting read. You can tell it was well researched & the subject manner was addressed in a very respectful way. A good option for those who are fans of christian living/non-fiction books.

A must read for anyone who Kissed Dating Goodbye or had a purity ring, or for those who want to be able to discuss purity honestly with the teens in their life.
The sex crazed culture of the 60s and 70 gave rise to the pendulum swing in the 90s-00s of Christian purity culture. Well meaning, but in many ways harmful, a better balance is necessary. This book seeks to critique and correct the overreaches from the purity movement while maintaining the Biblical sexual ethic. Sex is a good gift from God, and He calls us to enjoy it within the bounds of his good commands. Purity is not easy, not very ‘sexy’, and does not always entail rewards. Purity culture took secular marketing ploys to make it appeal to young people. Many books and conferences used prosperity gospel tactics to promise youth awesome married sex if they would just hold out. Many of those teens became adults disillusioned with God when it seemed he was not living up to his end of the bargain they struck with him.
I really appreciate this book for its necessary corrective to an overbearing and legalistic take many issues regarding purity culture. One in particular was the inordinate amount of pressure on women to dress modestly. I realize I internalized a lot of those messages and now, with a teenage daughter, I don’t want to saddle her with guilt and pressure to remind herself that guys struggle with lust and she’s vulnerable to that every time she decides what to wear. Of course, I’ll still encourage modesty and I appreciate that this book is not out to condemn purity culture, but instead to highlight the ways that it went too far.

4.5 stars. My favorite book in the category of spirituality. Since I write about purity culture, several of my readers have asked me for recommendations for books on the topic.

Rachel’s book is the ONLY purity culture book I personally recommend. She critiques the harmful messages of purity culture while still adhering to a biblical sexual ethic. Rachel has such a heart for the damage caused by purity culture, especially to survivors of sexual abuse. She addresses the groups that purity culture left out–older singles, couples struggling with infertility, and Christians with same-sex attraction. I really admire her thorough research on the topic; she wrote her Masters thesis on purity culture books! She also deftly critiques the gender stereotypes of purity culture and how these harm both men and women.

I applaud Rachel Joy Welcher for reigniting the conversation about purity culture among conservative Christians. This is a trusted and thought-provoking start to the conversation in our churches and communities. I hope to further that discussion in the purity culture book I am writing to guide Christians toward healing from the shame.

Talking Back to Purity Culture is a brave book for many reasons. One, it converses the topic of sex -- which is a difficult topic for Christians to write and talk about, and to do it well! Two, it converses the many faults of the church regarding this topic and especially those related to the purity culture. Three, it talks about topics that usually are not even mentioned: masturbation, same sex attraction, rape, and such. In Talking Back to Purity Culture, Rachel Joy Welcher reviews the purity culture movement carefully and examines its teachings through the lens of Scripture. There are many quotes from famous authors, discussing what they have said and how it might not all be biblical. All in all, this is a book that's worth reading for all.

Probably one of the best books I've read on the Christian purity culture. It's honest and Rachel continually comes back to scripture, casting our eyes away from Christian subculture on to Jesus. It's fabulous and a must read for all Christians.

This will be the book that every young adult will find breakthrough in.

When I first received my copy of Talking Back to Purity Culture in July, I thought this was going to be a book that was just another polarizing perspective on the debate of sexuality and the recovery of victims of purity culture. This book turned out to be one of the most balanced and well written books on purity culture. Rachel J Weber does an excellent job at reorienting readers to think about purity as being about Jesus and not about abstaining from sex. She also proposes that purity culture has marginalized the sexually abused, the widow, the single, and the “same sex attracted.”

Her writing is humorous, poetic, and convicting. She does an incredible job at weaving stories with numerical data. You will be crying, laughing, and pondering all in the same paragraph.

I wish I could’ve read more about how purity culture had affected BIPOC, particularly BIPOC who were assimilated into predominately white evangelical spaces. Lastly, I would’ve appreciated more stories from LGBTQ+ Christians and maybe a section on sexuality and intersex.

Overall, I recommend this book to every person who reads this review.

I appreciate Rachel Joy Welcher’s desire to be sure that the church has open conversations about these important truths, makes clear decisions about teaching Gods Word over the cultures interpretation of the Bible. She does a great job setting the stage, raising the issues, and informing the readers of concerns, cautions, and she ends the book with her prayerfully approached response to this culture, and shares the concepts and scripture to approach educating the next generation from a biblical worldview.

I think this book is a great jumping point for conversations, as a parent of teens, I appreciated the last few chapters that focused on ways to address sexuality and Gods design that might prevent some of the misunderstandings of the rules based expectations. Read the book. The last few chapters were my favorites.

I love the discussion questions and activity that every chapter ends with. I love the research and interviews the book is built on, and the foundation of scripture integrated throughout the book.

I wonder if her directness, the bold aspects of sexual relationships, experiences, and stories will be too much for some readers, it certainly may make many blush, even more uncomfortable, but while it’s a sensitive topic, she’s approached it well, with her experience and others well represented, and she doesn’t fully give the list of clear do’s and don’ts that some may hope for in a book on the purity culture.

To help a review reader gain my perspective. I’m 48, married almost 26 years. I have two teens, ages 15 and 18, and an almost 11 year old. My place and story in the early end of this culture is shared below.

I was a teen in the start of this cultural movement, with the True Love Waits events. I was a newlywed and youth leader when the culture expanded to I Kissed Dating Goodbye and I read the book so I could connect, I was an education college faculty member in the era of purity rings, contracts, even bigger cultural impacts than my era. That said, I married my high school sweetheart, after college, and we attended different colleges only seeing one another at holidays, and rare prepaid card calls. We didn’t date the whole way through, giving us space to find our identities outside our relationship, and outside our parents homes. But we waited until we were married to follow Gods design and plan, but we held hands, hugged, kissed, and hotly debated often keeping our physical connection appropriate and honoring to one another and God.

So in many ways I experienced this culture, had great friends, leaders, mentors, and family where we had conversations about Gods design for relationships and his design for sexual intimacy. I’m thankful that my training was focused on the Word of God and making my life’s decisions around His truth. And I challenged those single young people who discussed this with me, not to focus on the rules or pledges, but to focus on following and honoring God by their choices. Sin is sin plain and clear. Lying is a sin, having sex before marriage is a sin, in Gods eyes all sin separates us from God. It’s only by His grace, His plan, and the saving work of Jesus dying, rising again, and giving us the Holy Spirit that we can have a relationship with God and bring Him glory by living for Him.

I appreciate Welcher's work and commitment to changing the dialogue surrounding purity culture. While there are topics on which she and I profoundly disagree, particularly her stance against same-sex relationships, I nevertheless found Talking Back to Purity Culture to be well-written, well-researched, and a good addition to the conversation. I am especially grateful that Welcher brings to the forefront the many problematic points of purity culture but also offers a biblically-based alternative rather than just tossing the baby out with the bathwater. Recommended, particularly for theologically conservative readers who have trauma related to purity culture.

I have already recommended this book to so many friends as I was reading it because this book does not bash evangelical purity culture, but rather it critiques the places where it missed the mark and/or overlooked people and situations.

I love how tender and kind Welcher is while standing firm in her beliefs and her interpretation of scripture. She makes the point several times that as a human she is flawed and she may not have handled every topic perfectly, but in my opinion she gives such room for grace that she really served her readers well with her words.

This is not an easy read. It covers hard topics and makes you examine why you believe the things you do related to sexuality. But I highlighted more of this book then I have perhaps ever highlighted of a book. There are so many good nuggets of truth within these pages. Too many to even choose one to feature here.

Every chapter ends with discussion questions and an activity suggestion that Welcher encourages you to complete in a group setting. This would be a great book for a small group to walk through together.

Rachel Joy Welcher has written a powerful new book about purity culture; what it is, what it did to a generation, and how to respond to it. Purity culture is a Christian movement that took place beginning in the late 20th Century and has extended into the 21st Century. It was a direct response to the sexual revolution and the AIDS epidemic, its main goal was to promote a form of Christian ethics that taught sex should be saved only for marriage. Purity books, rings, and pledges were all a part of promoting this culture. As time has passed, some Christians have started to reevaluate purity culture’s teachings because many young people who grew up in it, have either developed a sense of shame because of it, or have realized that some of the promises of purity culture were not fulfilled. Welcher addresses all of this and more in her book.

The strongest parts of Welcher’s book is when she focuses on the harmful effects purity culture has on women and men. For women, they were taught that they had the power to control male sexual urges and could do it by dressing modestly. In essence, purity culture caused women to think they were responsible for male purity. Women were also blamed for their husband’s indiscretions if he cheated. Men, on the other hand, were taught to control their sexual urges and to basically avoid women so they aren’t tempted. Welcher argues that these teachings were wrong and explains why.

Welcher also addresses the flaws in purity culture. Some include that purity culture makes virginity an idol and that purity is seen as a stage in life rather than a lifelong process. Purity makes promises that may not occur such as marriage, sex, and children; some people never get married, remain celibate, or are infertile. Welcher argues that purity culture as it exists does not address those types of people. The author does a good job at explaining how the Church can be there for those who fit in those categories.

In sum, the book contains powerful quotes from people Welcher interviewed which I believe helps centers her arguments in each chapter. Each chapter ends with discussion questions and activities, which are great. Her book could definitely lead to fruitful discussions in Bible studies or church book clubs.

Overall, Welcher’s book is clear, full of wisdom, and very well written. There were parts where I disagreed with the author but as a whole I think it is a good contribution to the ongoing debate on purity culture.

This is a brilliant book. I was hesitant at first as sometimes books like this one can criticise without being constructive, but Welcher really offers a way forward, rooted in theology and a desire to be faithful to God. A must read for christians who grew up within the purity culture, but also those wanting a new way to look at life long purity.