'The Mister Rogers Effect: 7 Secrets to Bringing Out the Best in Yourself and Others from America's Beloved Neighbor' by Dr. Anita Knight Kuhnley is a fantastic book of optimism and guidance for navigating life in a world full of strife.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Baker Books for my copy of The Mister Rogers Effect by Dr. Anita Knight Kuhnley in exchange for an honest review. It published September 1, 2020.
Oh my goodness. All the stars for this. I’m so touched and inspired and have told many people about this. I will be mulling this over for a long time.

I was initially really excited for this book. While, this book is still good it just wasn’t what I thought it was. I did find some of the science and theories behind Mister Rogers Effect fascinating. It would work well in undergraduate teacher education course.

I found this book to be intriguing, insightful, and had a depth to it the movie Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood starring Tom Hanks did not have time to dig into. I was fascinated to learn about Mister Rogers and the compassion he had for people. I had not known about Mister Rogers growing up. I was thankful for YouTube and the many videos I was able to watch which were mentioned in the book. For example, there was the time Mister Rogers was advocating for public television, addressing Senator Pastore, and talking about how to address anger?"

He said, "They have no one to teach them how to regulate their emotions, so they turn to violence. When they get angry, they fight." As kids, they likely longed for an escape from the violence, for someone to rescue them from people who did not know what to do with their anger – until they, too, adopted their parents' ways for lack of an alternative."

Mister Rogers was a Presbyterian minister and earned a degree in music composition, he wrote 200 songs for the show, including the theme song, "Won't you be my neighbor?" I was captivated by this insightful, compassionate man who walked out what he believed, love God Love your Neighbor. He respected and cared for people, asking them "Would you like to tell me about this? Urged them to share whatever was on their heart." He was a soft-spoken man who paid attention, he was amazed by things and how they worked. He loved sharing that with children. The author says, "Mr. Rogers spoke to the neglected inside all of us – the part of us that believes we need to work hard to earn any inkling of love in this world, that believes, "just maybe if I can work hard enough, produce enough, or be good enough at something then someone will love me."

His song, "It's You I Like," is a radical message of acceptance and care, and he sang it often, sometimes personalizing the lyrics. When he appeared with comedian Joan Rivers, he improvised the words to match her personality. "It's you I like, it's not your jokes." And for a young Jeffrey Erlanger, who used a wheelchair, he threw in, "It's not your fancy chair."…Each appeared awestruck for a moment, shocked with such surprise and wonder that they didn't know what to do.

Each chapter title featured a concept – First Secret – Listen First
The chapters started with a quote liked this one, "We speak with more than our mouths. We listen with more than our ears."
Fred Rogers, Life's Journeys According to Mr Rogers

…"This book explores seven of the keys that emerged as themes throughout Fred Roger's work. Listen first, Validate Feelings, Pause and Think, Show Gratitude, Develop Empathy, Practice Acceptance, Establish Security."

Each Chapter had Summary bullet points. Then at the end of the chapter there was a section "A Concept to Contemplate"

…Mr Rogers invited us to be who we are; he invited us to be our best selves with his unwavering gaze on what was good in everyone he met. His lessons continue to beckon us to take a peek at our neighbors through this lens of kindness and let the darkness disappear into a flash of light."

Mister Rogers Offered the Hope of a Different World. I highly recommend this book to everyone. It's an encouraging, hopeful book.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255 "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising"

Nora St. Laurent
TBCN Where Book Fun Begins!
The Book Club Network blog www.bookfun.org

It’s always a great time when we start talking about one of the greatest people that television ever had. Mister Rogers was a mild mannered, soft spoken, but direct person that always gave you a feel good feeling. His show was aimed at bringing feelings to light, and talking about them. He also made sure he never showed any reaction that was not positive, mainly happiness, gratitude, and awe. The world lost an amazing person when Mister Rogers passed and this book shows us how to still get that Mister Rogers effect.

What did I like? Mister Rogers was a Presbyterian minister but this book has not properties of faith other than mentioning that. Author gives you seven steps to get that MisterRogers effect but nothing anybody with manners doesn’t understand. It’s stunning how much of this has been lost just in the last twenty years but that just shows you how wonderful Mister Rogers was and how rare a person that shows this.

Would I recommend or buy? Yes, I think while this information is common the tidbits about Mister Rogers was priceless. I even watched him get the 20 million grant at the senator meeting in 1969 on YouTube and he had that senator positively eating out of his hand with absolutely nothing but exerting kindness. It was amazing. I enjoyed this book and the tidbits about our beloved neighbor. Five stars.

Each chapter is dedicated to the teachings of Mr. Rodgers Throughout this book, you will learn the 7 secrets to be more like Mister Rogers and the psychology behind them. There is so much to learn from this book, I recommend that you read it.

The Mister Rogers Effect by Dr. Anita Knight Kuhnley was a fascinating and educational read. The book covers some of the big phycological practices that Rogers used in his life to make others feel loved, valued, special, and appreciated.

While there are several techniques he used and implemented into his life, this book focuses on seven big ones. While Rogers’ faith was a huge part of his life, it was not the main focus of the book. I am a Christian, and I can relate a lot to Rogers’ faith in this. Because this book was not overly preachy (about his faith,) I think non-religious and people of other religions can relate to this book as well. I felt it was a good balance and could appeal across the board.

There is so much to learn from this book. I would love to see this book used in schools or other formats to help mold and shape the future of this world for the better. If everyone could bring some Mr. Rogers into their life, the world would be a much more caring and empathetic place. I feel his legacy is one that will continue to live on throughout the generations.

This was a quick read for me.

I received an eARC from Baker Books through NetGalley. All opinions are 100% my own.

When my children were little, each day I welcomed the theme song that led to Mr. Rogers coming to his neighborhood. His show was gentle, seemingly simple but, in my opinion, profound. He had many lessons to teach not only children, but also adults, how to live a life well.

The author of this book notes that it was begun by her wise 90 plus year old grandmother and that she has finished it at her relative’s request. I am so glad that she did.

When my children were little, each day I welcomed the theme song that led to Mr. Rogers coming to his neighborhood. His show was gentle, seemingly simple but, in my opinion, profound. He had many lessons to teach not only children, but also adults, how to live a life well.

The author of this book notes that it was begun by her wise 90 plus year old grandmother and that she has finished it at her relative’s request. I am so glad that she did.

This title covers seven topics, just as promised (of course, someone writing about Fred Rogers would keep their word!). They are entitled Listen First, Validate Feelings, Pause and Think, Show Gratitude, Develop Empathy, Practice Acceptance and Remember That People Need to Know That They Are Cared For. Mr Rogers’s belief in what we could achieve and his belief that we can make a good world for our children (and own inner child) was and is inspiring. What better rules for living could a reader ask for?

The introduction includes much information on Fred Rogers and how he came to value and believe in his message and in children. He was influenced by mentors, Anna Freud, his own education and more. He was influenced by attachment theory which is clearly explained at the beginning of the book. All of this knowledge is distilled into the principles explored in this title.

Spend some time with this book. It will invite and encourage you to be your best self.

Many thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for this title. All opinions are my own.

He has been called "America's Hero." Others call him a brilliant educator. In this book, he is called "America's Beloved Neighbour." He is best known for his children's TV program called "Mister Rogers' Neighborhood." His life has also inspired the making of a 2019 movie played by Tom Hanks, "A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood." What spurred the author to write this book was Rogers's ability to connect with people. She marvels at how Rogers minister to an inner-city kid dealing with anger issues, and lamenting about how they need a Mr Rogers in their neighbourhood. She examines Rogers's careful words to reach out to a young boy on a wheelchair extending care beyond the boy to the doctors and nurses who cared for him. What was more amazing was that 18 years later, they still reconnected with much warmth and love. This and many more are highlights of Mr Rogers amazing life. There is much to learn from Rogers's life. Author Anita Kuhnley contributes to this by going on a quest to discover how to translate Mr Roger's positive influence into some helpful tools and strategies that we can use in our daily lives. Thanks to her training in psychology and qualitative research skills, she combs the resources about the legendary Fred McFeely Rogers, and how his influence had impacted lives both young and old. The key trademark is how Mr Rogers spoke to those of us feeling neglected and lonely. That is because he cares. Using television as a way to reach out to people, Rogers also learns from psychologists and relational experts to hone his skills in communicating care. Rogers credits Dr McFarland for that. Kuhnley gives us an overview of the four types of relational approaches: Secure; Preoccupied; Dismissive; and Unresolved. Apart from the secure child-parent relationship, the other three categories would produce different levels of insecurity in a child. Learning to connect with children and people in these categories is the purpose of Mr Rogers's ministry. Kuhnley does the hard work of digging through the materials and available resources about Mr Rogers and offers up seven "secrets" of Mr Rogers's unique ability to connect with people. The seven secrets mentioned are seven characteristics of what a good neighbour ought to be. These are:

1) Listen first (using not only ears but our hearts);
2) Validate feelings (instead of assuming);
3) Pause and Think (instead of rushing to judge);
4) Show Gratitude
5) Develop Empathy
6) Practice Acceptance
7) Establish Security

The author does a good job not just in describing what the Rogers Effect is, but to show us what it looks and feels like. One cannot help but feel amazed at the legendary skills of Mr Rogers and how he could disarm people with his words and reach out to the hurting. He does not dismiss even the most frivolous comments. He treats each word carefully and bridges his care with any hurting feelings he senses. While this book is about the traits of Mr Rogers, it is more about the ways to be good neighbours to one and all. This is where the author shines as she takes an aspect of Mr Rogers's communication skills and processes it with her psychological training to give us a pointer for direct application. In each of the "seven secrets," we get to see Mr Rogers in action as he tenderly deals with some of the most explosive human issues pertaining to emotional and mental health. In the chapter on "Validate Feelings," we learn how Rogers turn a potential ugly confrontation into a precious lesson of emotional connection. This has to do with "emotional regulation" of our own hearts. It takes a healthy person to help another. For Rogers, this began at an early age in learning empathy. Rogers was bullied when young and he was able to take refuge in a loving family.

My Thoughts
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Reading this book not only tells me about the Rogers's Effect. I learn about the life of Mr Rogers himself and how his own background led to his personality effect. People do not become something out of nothing. Rogers had a tough childhood and upon recovery, he was able to fill in the needed gaps of childhood. With that conviction to start teaching young children on basic human care and encouragement, Rogers not only produced children's programs, he fought for funding. He reached out to people. He prayed and he cared. If there is a phrase to describe Mr Rogers, it would be "slow and steady; patient and ready." There is indeed much to learn from Rogers.

I learn about the power of connection. Rogers had that special manner to relate and to connect with people of all ages. One time, when teaching about gratitude, he asks people to take a moment to reflect on the people who had helped us become the people that we are, and then to express some gratitude for them. In the auditorium, many eyes were teary as people reconnected with their past and their benefactors. It is a powerful reminder that we are not our own, simply because we were beneficiaries of the grace of many other people. For most of us, it would be our parents. For the rest, it might be mentors or best friends. There is much we can give thanks for when we search our deepest memories.

Finally, be careful not to idolize the Rogers Effect. It is helpful for much of daily living. I am reminded that there is a child in every one of us. In some way, there is a part of us that responds well to the Rogers Effect. This is a good thing, something to help us get back to the fundamentals of who we are, without necessarily being stuck in the past. Like all of us, Rogers had his imperfections and innuendos, something we don't usually talk about when it comes to heroes. This book deals with Rogers's positive aspects in part supplemented by psychological insights from Kuhnley's expertise.

We all need care. In a crazy busy world, it is so easy to zoom past people as we rush for our individual goals and projects. It is only in the quietness and peace that we can take stock of who we really are, what we really need, and where we really need to go. The key is to get to that place of stillness. This Rogers Effect would help nudge us toward that state, that we too can help another neighbour in need.

Dr. Anita Knight Kuhnley is associate professor of counseling at Regent University. Kuhnley has worked as head counselor of a faith-based substance abuse facility, served as a counselor at a women's community center, and directed a college counseling center. She is a popular conference speaker for the American Association of Christian Counselors and a blogger for the American Counseling Association. She lives in Virginia.

Rating: 4.5 stars of 5.

conrade
This book has been provided courtesy of Baker Books and NetGalley without requiring a positive review. All opinions offered above are mine unless otherwise stated or implied.

Recognizing that this book was written by a professor at Liberty University, I expected this book to weigh heavily on Rogers' ordination as a minister and that effect on his life and work. While certainly making mentions of religion and God, the author left these references for the more personal aspects of the book, for example when relaying stores about her grandmother or personal beliefs or experiences. She also recommends that readers add a Christian-centric and biblical themed parenting guide to their reading lists. While taking a more secular approach to Mr. Rogers, the author does rely too much on clinical child psychology to explain the "secrets" shared in the narrative. The Key Takeaways and "Concept to Contemplate" sections, meant to bring that chapter's secret back to personal relevance for the reader and offer strategies for implementing in everyday life fell short, literally and in offering concrete how-to guidance. The author also infuses a significant amount of personal opinion in trite ways, using phrases like, "I'm fascinated by" and "I literally laughed out loud," and relies heavily on telling vs. showing to illustrate her points. With the recent renewed interest in Mr. Rogers, multiple new publications reflect on his life, lessons, and legacy. This book makes a few worthy points but doesn't live up to the promise of its title, lacking flow, cohesion and focus by jumping from the personal to the clinical to the anecdotal Rogers elements. It ultimately reads more like an opinion-heavy child psychology text using Mr. Rogers to illustrate those concepts than the other way around.

Simply put the world needs more people like mr Rogers. From the time I could remember he inspired me. I enjoyed this book that provided me a place to read his pearls of wisdom

Each chapter is a secret to the Mister Rogers effect. The book was very easy to read, and the info wasn't difficult to get through. I just wasn't wowed by the book.

I was one of those kids in the 90's that I loved the Mister Rogers show, that being said I think this book is a treasure. Remembering what he taught on his broadcast shows validation and teaching people like how to actually listen and talk to different people to help them understand and to help you understand them more.
I found this book to be lifting, and calming. The book is beautifully written and an amazing tribute to Mister Rogers. The seven concepts and secrets to be more like Mister Rogers and bringing out the best of people are:
1. Listen First 2. Validate Feelings 3. Pause and Think 4. Show Gratitude 5. Develop Empathy 6. Practice Acceptance & 7. Establish Security.
There are simple examples like just changing the wording on something you would say, or saying something in a simpler way to help bring out the best in others. I absolutely adored this book and would definitely recommend it.

"Our feelings are mentionable and manageable." - Fred Rogers

I can't even begin to express how meaningful this book is/will be to my life. I've been inspired to begin a kindness quest in 2020 and this book is the perfect guide.

How do we cope in a world without Mister Rogers? Well, quite simply, you become like him. Throughout this book, you will learn the 7 secrets to be more like Mister Rogers and the psychology behind them:

1. Listen First
2. Validate Feelings
3. Pause and Think
4. Show Gratitude
5. Develop Empathy
6. Practice Acceptance
7. Establish Security
I loved learning about the meaning behind the words so often spoken on the show and how to create a more meaningful life for myself. The lessons I've learned in this book will always stick with me, and I plan to read this book multiple times a year moving forward.

Thank you Netgalley and Baker Books for the advanced reader copy!

I already saw Mr. Rogers as a role model and this book strengthened that even more. If you want to learn to be kind, this book is perfect.

First sentence: I will never forget the day I had a discussion with my students that would send me on a transformative quest. It was quiet in the large, dark classroom filled with aspiring counselors. I flipped on the fluorescent lights and looked out into the sea of faces.

Though it is published by a Christian publishing company, Baker Publishing Group's Baker Books division, The Mister Rogers Effect isn't particularly Christian, religious, or spiritual.

This bothered me. A lot. It bothered me a lot. But I looked up BakerBook's mission statement (is that the right word?!?!) and this is what it said, "Baker Books has a vision for building up the body of Christ through books that are relevant, intelligent, and engaging. We publish titles for lay Christians on topics such as discipleship, apologetics, spirituality, relationships, marriage, parenting, and the intersection of Christianity and culture. We also publish books and ministry resources for pastors and church leaders, concentrating on topics such as preaching, worship, pastoral ministries, counseling, biblical reference, and leadership."

I suppose The Mister Rogers Effect falls under the "intelligent" and "engaging"? Or perhaps "the intersection of Christianity and culture." I won't lie.

The premise of The Mister Rogers Effect is simple: EVERY ONE SHOULD EMULATE (IMITATE) MISTER ROGERS. The world would be a better place if Mister Rogers could be duplicated a thousand-fold. Kuhnley offers readers the SEVEN SECRETS in how to be more like Mister Rogers.

Those secrets are:
Secret 1: Listen First: Listen with More than Your Ears
Secret 2: Validate Feelings: Feelings are Mentionable and Manageable
Secret 3: Pause and Think: Take Time to Discover What Is Inside
Secret 4: Show Gratitude: Be Kind and Be Thankful
Secret 5: Develop Empathy: Be with People Where They Are
Secret 6: Practice Acceptance: Who You Are Right Now Is Acceptable
Secret 7: Establish Security: People Need to Know They Are Cared For

The chapters are written with a psychological approach. Everything is written with a psychological approach. This one is best for those with an interest in child development, sociology, or psychology. It is a technical book--but not technical in a theological sense. As I said the approach in this one leaves God, Jesus Christ, the Bible, the Christian faith, the Christian worldview out completely and totally. So when words like grace, gratitude, forgiveness, love, etc., are used they are not used in a biblical sense.

On the one hand, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Mister Rogers. I do. I felt loved, accepted, welcomed when watching the show. His songs spoke to me--and continue to speak to me.

On the other hand, I am not a disciple of Mister Rogers. Fred Rogers is not the center of my life. I have no need to channel Mister Rogers, to seek to be more like him, to ask what would Fred Rogers do in any situation. I do not think that Mister Rogers holds the answers and solutions for what is wrong with society. Even if people take away valuable lessons--moral and ethical lessons--that make them "better" people, this kind of reform cannot actually save. Now, I am not suggesting the author is suggesting this--that Mister Rogers has replaced the need for a Savior, Jesus Christ. That we will be judged by God on judgment day based on how well we lived up to our vision of Mister Rogers.

The world has many, many, many problems. I think Christian publishers should be pointing people to the actual savior, Jesus Christ, and not directing them to copy Fred Rogers.