A nice book of Colt and Rhett meet and get to know each other and the ups and downs of trying to get a relationship to work. With their lives also playing a role, they are able to be together.

I really wanted this story to be longer, it finished too soon for me but that's just because I didn't want it to end. With characters you really care about, it was tough to read at times but the writer handled the sensitive subjects so well. Overall, an enthralling read.

To Be Alive was so good! I absolutely loved Rhett and Colt together. It was so sweet and felt so realistic. This is one of my favorite m/m romances I have read.

The hardest thing to get through was learning about Rhett’s life and how hard it was. He just wanted a real family with a mother who loved him and he got the complete opposite. His mother was a horrible, abusive human being which led him to have trust and body issues.

I highly recommend To Be Alive. It was a wonderful book with fantastic characters and excellent writing.

Colt and Rhett were wonderfully complex characters, Rhett is weighed down with so much trauma from his abusive childhood that he is almost broken beyond repair. Colt was exactly what he needed, someone to shore him up and provide him a safe place to begin healing. This story really put me through the emotional wringer.

*I voluntarily reviewed a copy of this book provided by NetGalley*

This book is not for the faint of heart. It is raw and angsty but in all the best ways. It is clear the author meticulously researched eating disorders. Both MC just sucked me in. My heart broke for Rhett. His suffering at the hands of his mother is gut-wrenching. You cheer as he finds his way out of the darkness slowly but surely with Cody. I loved Cody- his paitience and gentleness with Rhett was beautiful. I also appreciated how Rhett was also able to be with him for those difficult days where his job was just too much. I couldn't put this down. It is definitely a story that will leave you with a book hangover for days. I think this may be a first effort for this author. If that is the case- I can't wait to read what's next. You need this book!

~ENGLISH/ESPAÑOL~

•ENGLISH•

The ARC for this novel was provided by the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Thank you very much!

You don't know the pain I felt with this book, you have no idea how much I cried for what was going on. Dear God, I must tell you: this is a sad and devastating story and it will leave you crying, prepare to suffer, because when you meet Rhett the only thing you are going to want to do is protect him, love him, care for him and set on fire the world for him.
I'm not kidding!

Rhett's story is VERY delicate, because the boy himself has so many traumas, so many wounds and scars, both physical and emotional.
Rhett is an art student who has had the worst childhood in the world. Between his father abandoning him and his mother taking revenge on him, his life has not been the best. He has grown up amidst abuse, abuse, learned to lie and hide, and now, at the age of 22, he continues to do so.
Nobody knows what he's going through: nobody realizes his lies, his eating disorders or his obsessive thoughts that end up causing him a very strong anxiety.

No one... Until he meets Colt, an extremely handsome cop with a big heart who was interested in Rhett from the first moment he saw him.
Meeting in a bar and feeling the intense desire to touch him is not something Rhett would have expected. He is not gay, he repeats himself constantly, but Colt can see through his lies. And maybe he can help him stop saying them and stop fearing.
With his brother's wedding approaching and the prospect of seeing his mother again, all Rhett wants is a safe place. And maybe Colt can be that for him.

As I said, this story is extremely heartbreaking, sad, it is the kind of story that leaves you crying because of the hard situation.
I will not lie to you, from the first chapter I already felt an enormous anger towards the mother and even how unfair Rhett's life had been and I already wanted to protect him with my whole being.

Rhett is that type of character that you know makes mistakes and hurts himself in the process because he thinks he doesn't matter. The type of character that makes you want to cry in despair and sadness at the thoughts he has while causing you to want, with all your might, to hug him and protect him from the world. He is a sweet boy who lives in fear, believing himself fat and desperately searching for a safe place in the world, trust me you will feel a wave of empathy and concern for Rhett from the first chapter because from there we can see how much he is suffering without knowing it .

And then there is Colt who, honestly, I couldn't connect with him at all like with Rhett but who made me love him for being someone so good and understanding, for wanting to be there for Rhett.

The couple they made is extremely adorable and tender, through it we could see a balance between Rhett's trauma and his suffering and the happiness and security that little by little he was taking, I seriously adored the interaction of both. Still, I feel like their relationship developed very quickly, almost like insta-love.
However, I think it was because this book is very short and, in turn, very fast to read.

It is the kind of sad book that you can finish in one day and that, despite this, you can enjoy and empathize with the characters because the author handles VERY WELL the topics she touches and the personalities of the characters. The author did a lot with this book, her writing is the type that tells you a lot in a small paragraph, I loved that~.

The only thing I didn't like was that, because of how fast the relationship developed and how confident Colt was that it was going to be a serious relationship at first, it seemed like insta-love. That and things happened very quickly but I really enjoyed reading.

And actually, I want to know a lot more about Hunter and Trav.
In the final part of the book there were many things that could be exploited given the environment they were in but the author didn't, but what she showed us made me want to see more of these new characters that won my heart.

•ESPAÑOL•

El ARC de esta novela fue proporcionado por la editorial a través de NetGalley a cambio de una reseña honesta. ¡Muchas gracias!

No saben el dolor que sentí con este libro, no tienen ni idea de cuánto lloré por lo que estaba pasando. Dear God, de una vez se los digo: esta es una historia triste y devastadora y te va a dejar llorando, prepárense para sufrir, porque cuando conozcan a Rhett lo único que van a querer hacer es protegerlo, amarlo, cuidarlo y prender en llamas el mundo por él.
¡No bromeo!

La historia de Rhett es MUY delicada, porque el mismo chico tiene muchísimos traumas, muchísimas heridas y cicatrices, tanto físicas como emocionales.
Rhett es un estudiante de arte que ha tenido la peor infancia del mundo. Entre su padre abandonándolo y su madre cobrando venganza con él, su vida no ha sido la mejor. Ha crecido entre maltratos, abusos, a aprendido a mentir y esconderse y, ahora, con 22 años, lo sigue haciendo.
Nadie sabe por lo que está pasando: nadie se da cuenta de sus mentiras, sus desórdenes alimenticios o de sus pensamientos obsesivos que terminan por provocarle una ansiedad muy fuerte.

Nadie... Hasta que conoce a Colt, un policía sumamente guapo con un gran corazón que se sintió interesado en Rhett desde el primer momento en que lo vio.
Conocerse en un bar y sentir el intenso deseo de tocarlo no es algo que Rhett hubiera esperado. Él no es gay, se repite constantemente, pero Colt puede ver a través de sus mentiras. Y quizá pueda ayudarle a dejar de decirlas y dejar de temer.
Con la boda de su hermano acercándose y la perspectiva de ver a su madre de nuevo, Rhett lo único que desea es tener un lugar seguro. Y quizá Colt lo sea para él.

Como dije, esta historia es sumamente desgarradora, triste, es el tipo de historia que te deja llorando por lo dura de la situación.
No les voy a mentir, desde el primer capítulo ya sentía un enorme enojo hacia la madre y hasta lo injusta que había sido la vida de Rhett y ya deseaba protegerlo con todo mi ser.

Rhett es ese tipo de personaje que sabes que comete errores y se lastima a sí mismo en el proceso porque piensa que no importa. El tipo de personaje que te hace querer llorar de desesperación y tristeza por los pensamientos que tiene a la vez que provoca que desees, con todas tus fuerzas, abrazarlo y protegerlo del mundo. Él es un chico dulce que vive con temores, creyéndose gordo y buscando desesperadamente un lugar seguro en el mundo, créanme que van a sentir una oleada de empatía y preocupación por Rhett desde el primer capítulo porque desde ahí podemos ver qué tanto está sufriendo sin saberlo.

Y luego está Colt que, la verdad, no pude conectar del todo con él como con Rhett pero que me hizo amarlo por ser alguien tan bueno y comprensivo, por querer estar ahí para Rhett.

La pareja de ambos se me hizo sumamente adorable y tierna, mediante ella pudimos ver un balance entre los traumas de Rhett y su sufrimiento y la felicidad y seguridad que poco a poco estaba tomando, en serio adoré la interacción de ambos. Aún así, siento que su relación se desarrolló muy rápido, casi como un insta-love.
Sin embargo creo que fue porque este libro es muy cortito y, a su vez, muy rápido de leer.

Es el tipo de libro triste que puedes terminarte en un día y que, pese a ello, puedes disfrutar y sentir empatía por los personajes porque la autora maneja MUY BIEN los temas que toca, las personalidades de los personajes. La autora hizo muchísimo con este libro, su escritura es del tipo que te dice mucho en un parrafito chiquito, me encantó eso~.

Lo único que no me gustó fue que, por lo rápido que se desarrolló la relación y lo seguro que estaba Colt de que iba a ser una relación seria en un inicio, parecía insta-love. Eso y que las cosas pasaban muy rápido pero en serio disfruté muchísimo de la lectura.

Y de hecho, quiero saber muchísimo más de Hunter y de Trav.
En la parte final del libro hubo muchísimas cosas que se pudieron explotar dado el ambiente en el que estaban y no lo hicieron pero lo que nos mostraron hizo que deseara ver más de estos nuevos personajes que se ganaron mi corazón.

This my first book by B. Rourke and I wasn't disappointed. Rhett has a difficult childhood. Constantly being verbally and physically abused by his mother every since he was child has taken a toll on his mental and physical health. He never told anyone he was gay not even his brother, friends and will not even admit to himself. Colt is a police officer, sees something in Rhett and acts on it. They start a relationship. Colt notices everything about Rhett but doesn't say or try to call him on it.
The book is deeply emotional, deals with past child abuse, eating disorder, OCD, abusive mother, great friends and family. Rhett doesn't realize how far he gone until he's admitted to the hospital. He has to deal with his past before he can continue with his future.

3.5*
A book that has *almost* everything

First: The book cover is hot and that's something worth to say. LOL

"Celebrate every milestone, sweetheart. You need to fill that bucket up with good things, so it's not empty when you have a bad day"

So this book is perfectly balanced between pure erotica, a nice relationship and health problems.
And the author manages them all very well.

The book has some really hot explicit scenes, that are really going to turn us on. Yet, the story is deep enough to keep us interested on what’s going to happen next, since It touches many sensitive themes, such as: child abuse, homophobia, low self-esteem, eating disorders… So yeah, you need to be mentally ready if you want to read this one.

The author's narrator voice is nice, relaxed and interesting. So overall it is a good reading.

However, there are some negative points. Some descriptions are unnecessarily long, and some dialogues are kind of ridiculous, but nothing TOO annoying.
Also, the last part (view spoiler) was somehow flat, and was almost a missed opportunity.

The Best: Usually, when a book tries to cover all genres at once it fails to. This doesn’t.

The Worst: Colt and Rhett's relationship is a bit rushed at the beginning.

I received this for free via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review

This was WAY darker than I expected and was completely different to what I thought it would be... saying that, this was a pretty realistic depiction of living with an eating disorder, and the fluffy romcom element definitely played second fiddle to that trauma without feeling short-changed, even if it was a tad underdeveloped.

I received a copy of this book to review from Netgalley. Thank you for the opportunity.
This book is too cute, Colt and Rhett are adorable. The writing is good and super readable. The characters interesting and engaging. There is more depth to the love story due to the issues Rhett is grappling with, see below, but it was well done.
There are some significant mentions of child abuse, eating disorders and homophobia so please read the warnings beforehand to know if this book is suitable for you.
I would have preferred some further delving in the last third of the book as it felt slight rushed and incomplete compared to the rest of the book.
Overall, a great read.

Rhett Hawkins is a 22 year old closeted young man who lives a double life. He is emotionally scarred because of his abusive childhood. He has an eating disorder and is plagued by constant thoughts about death.

Colt Williams is an upstanding officer of the law. He sees Rhett as a broken yet beautiful boy yearning for acceptance and affection. His instincts propel him to reach out and care for Rhett.
But can Colt heal what is already broken? Can he save Rhett before its too late?

This book made me very emotional.
I could relate to Rhett, the internal struggle that he faced with accepting himself. It was not easy laying his secrets bare for Cole after carefully guarding it for so long. This is an absolute must read.
Though, it definitely isn't for the weak of heart!

Triggers- child abuse, attempted murder, eating disorder, mental illness, forced hospitalization, drug addiction, sucidal thoughts, homophobic slurs, near death of the MC

I loved Rhett from the first page. His journey is amazing and rings so true. This was a “don’t stop reading until I finished “ book.

This is my introduction to B. Rourke, and I believe their debut novel. I'm always pleased to support the diversity of authors/stories at NineStar press so I signed up to review this one. 

Rhett Hawkins comes from a world of pain. His childhood was horrendous and I would encourage everyone to read the warnings that are, as always, provided by the publisher at the beginning of the book. Basically, Rhett has been taught that everything he is... is wrong. His mother used nasty insults, and both physical and emotional abuse to berate and attack him when he was a child. 

It's clear very quickly in "To Be Alive" that the main character, Rhett is dealing with an eating disorder and possibly other mental health issues. He gets "stuck" in the bathroom at the very beginning of the book while counting the bones in his body. the wall of protection he has built around himself is by gaining control over the way his body feels and looks. He sticks to a regimented food schedule... and is starving himself "safe".

The story begins with Rhett going to a gay club with his friend. Even though he is "straight", Rhett supports his friend Dylan. The thing is... Rhett isn't straight. There's just no way he would ever admit to anyone that his mother was right with the horrible names she used to hurl at him. While at the club, Rhett meets Colt. And, for some reason, Colt is able to break through the walls that Rhett has so painstakingly constructed throughout his life.

Colt is an interesting character. He doesn't push even though it's pretty clear from the moment they meet that he knows that Rhett is complex. Colt doesn't push, but he does insist upon one thing: the truth. He becomes a "safe place" for Rhett... before Rhett is even really aware that he doesn't have one.

Not surprisingly, Rhett has been living a lie most of his life. He's not out to his friends, he dismisses any concerns about his food, and he always has an excuse if he's consumed by his obsessive behavior. In a way, all the coping mechanisms that Rhett has developed show how strong he is. I've always believed that characters as complex as Rhett aren't "dysfunctional"; they're functioning the only way they can. Sometimes, the fact that someone keeps going at all... is impressive.

Without giving away the details of Rhett's past, suffice to say it's a miracle he's alive at all. He's an artist, creative, caring, sweet and his friends mean a great deal to him. The fact that he continues to hide his truth from the people closest to him, is just another manifestation of the pain that he's dealing with. Colt sums up the situation best in the latter half of the book when he describes Rhett's life as a "shame spiral". The way that shame and guilt play into our fears and our insecurities is a huge theme in this book. It's subtle but it's woven into everything that surrounds Rhett's storyline.

The author has done a wonderful job with such sensitive topics. I did feel the therapy at the end of the book was a bit short and abrupt. Therapy for someone like Rhett would take far longer and be far more challenging than it's depicted here. But, the short length of the book may have played into some of the author's/ editor's choices. Rourke definitely gets the point across: Rhett is broken and needs to heal from many things.

I wouldn't say this book was enjoyable. I really felt emotionally connected to Rhett. His pain was very visceral and well-written. I was hoping for something to help him from the moment I began reading. Rourke did a wonderful job of bringing his character to life. So... enjoyable? Not really, even though there are adorable and funny moments. Why? Because it's heart-hurty. Worth reading? Absolutely.