Absolutely heart wrenching look at a young woman’s obsessive love for a man she was briefly involved in .There affair totally consumed her life and then one day he ended it walked away but her obsession continues.A debut novel that is hard to put down a compulsive read.#netgalley #littlebrown

Well. This book is a lot. It's an incredibly intense book about a toxic relationship between an unnamed protagonist and a writer that holds her in this thrall. It's a lot like other books you've read and will undoubtedly be compared to Normal People by Sally Rooney, though this book left me feeling a lot more hollow somehow. It's a good book, it's just...you know..a lot.

Acts of Desperation is an intense book about an obsessive, toxic relationship. This is an emotional book with great writing and I found myself having a hard time putting it down.

One of my favorite books of the year. A bleak look at a woman's desperate longing for a man and the self-destruction that ensues. I couldn't put this down over the course of a weekend and caused me to realize how much I tend to enjoy books that are rooted in themes of longing, romantic or otherwise. An unforgettable and harrowing story that I think about often, with numerous insights that admittedly called me out. An excellent debut.

This book made me sad. Or maybe it was the main character. Or maybe that's just the point of the book. I'm not saying I didn't like it. I think I did. But it left me with a sort of ick feeling. The main character made me feel really uncomfortable, which I suppose was going to happen based on the title. It's definitely compelling, and a book that will draw you in. I also feel like for most people, it's a book you will either love or hate.

4/5 Stars

Acts of Desperation is an introspective look into an unnamed narrator's personal demons, both her emotionally abuse relationship as well as her own alcoholism. The fact she remains without a name seemed to magnify the intensity of the reading experience in the sense we only knew her through her emotional turbulence. I enjoyed the juxtaposition between the past and present day as well as her journey through and out of abuse.

"Imagine that everyone could see everything. Every secret, every base physical ejection, every category of porn you've looked at in a kind of coma when you're numb to the normal stuff. Think about it all. Every moment of shame, of desperation-do you really think anyone could love you still? Anyone at all?"

This question is posed to others by the narrator who is engaged in a one-sided toxic relation that is so consuming that she ironically never has to ask this question of herself.. Her avoidance of finding the answer to her own question is evident in how far she goes to validate herself through the eyes of a man who has little to give. Rather than ask herself the question as to whether one is able to embrace their own flaws and love themselves in order to bring something of substance to a relationship the narrator goes through great lengths creating selfless motions of acting out what love *should* look like and it isn't until she has hit the bottom of her empty bucket that she realizes that she must finally answer the question-Do you really think you could love yourself through every moment of shame and desperation?

Cringe-worthy but at times relatable. A perfectly flawed narrator brings depth to an otherwise ordinary story.

This first person narrative of a toxic relationship and all the reasons it became that way was a compelling, if not painful meditation on youthful love, lust, and the feelings of unworthiness that can be all consuming. My thanks to netgalley for providing me with this drc available through netgalley

This is a really uncomfortable book to read but I loved it anyway! The unnamed narrator becomes embroiled in a toxic relationship with handsome Ciaran and we see right away how drawn they are to each other--but also how each of them is flawed and obsessed; here we realize it will never be a "normal" relationship. They love, they fight, they hold power over each other like it's candy. I found myself waffling back and forth hating the narrator and then wanting to take her in to show her that love doesn't have to be obsessive and dangerous. This debut novel clearly shows us both sides, how two people can love each other and yet degrade themselves in the next moment. I'm sure we will be hearing more from Nolan as this is lovely in its desperation!

An emotional roller coaster about unrequited and abusive love. Nolan certainly knows what it's like to be obsessed with a person, the highs and lows and ups and downs. It's a hard read but a really great debut novel.

This was one of those books where I loved the story and found everything it was saying to be very compelling, but simultaneously bounced hard enough off the voice and writing style that the way it was being said kept me from being able to get into it as much as I wanted to. In other words, a rare but genuine case of "it's not you, it's me"! And I certainly don't regret the time I spent with this novel, even if I didn't ultimately appreciate it as much as I had hoped.

Loved this.. so much. The writing is so fantastic. Perceptive and raw. Yes it’s uncomfortable. I saw some of my younger self, and of so many young women, in this unnamed protagonist. It felt real and sad and painful.
This is a dark psychological portrait of an insecure young woman, and it really got under my skin. She is heart-breakingly uncomfortable in her own skin, self-destructive, lonely, damaged. She defines herself by a love unrequited, a toxic relationship with a beautiful cruel man. So many TW, for self harm, disordered eating, verbal and physical abuse. Yet I couldn’t stop reading.....
This girl felt familiar and alive. I was reminded of Sally Rooney and Naoise Dolan writing, but dare I say, this may be even better? There must be something in that Irish water.... the way these writers can capture the inner lives of young women, express these characters so well, just really speaks to me. Loved it.

When I first heard 𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐃𝐄𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 compared to Sally Rooney's books, you can bet I perked up and paid attention! I seem to have a special place in my heart for those tortured young women, making bad decisions as they try to figure out life. That’s what I love about Rooney’s books and it’s also what shone in this book. Debut author Megan Nolan uses first person to tell the story of a 21-year old woman, in love with the idea of being in love. She becomes involved in a virulent relationship that despite her better instincts, she desperately clings to.⁣
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We never know the name of this woman who’s narrating her own story with the eyes and wisdom of someone a few years older, someone who has finally found a measure of freedom. She’s gained perspective on who she was and some of the reasons why she held on so tightly, why she allowed herself to be so marginalized. It’s a sad story, not always easy to read. Though like with Rooney’s protagonists, I felt for the inner struggles, the poor decision, and ultimately the growth of Nolan’s narrator. I also loved, that she could sympathized with her younger self and was willing to grant herself the grace of forgiveness. ⁣

Thanks to Little, Brown for this e-galley.

https://artsfuse.org/224100/book-review-acts-of-desperation-the-ordinary-flip-flops-of-desire/

(I do not award stars --)

An incredible tale of obsession, one that tackles much more in terms of subject matter in the process. Deftly told in alternating timelines with a future self that remains jaded, though at least we know she both survives and has grown from the incidents of her early adult life. Nolan is an astute chronicler of emotional interiority. Perhaps for a novel with other preoccupations this would get in the way, but for a story of obsession it works perfectly. I look forward to reading more from Nolan.

I’m judging a 2021 fiction contest. It’d be generous to call what I’m doing upon my first cursory glance—reading. I also don’t take this task lightly. As a fellow writer and lover of words and books, I took this position—in hopes of being a good literary citizen. My heart aches for all the writers who have a debut at this time. What I can share now is the thing that held my attention and got this book from the perspective pile into the read further pile.

“The thing to understand about Ciaran is not only that he was exceptionally beautiful, but that there was immense stillness radiating from his body. The stillness was beneath every gesture, his glances, his laughs. He sought nothing from his surroundings.” This made me want to read further, because it follows these exquisite details about the beauty of this man, Ciaran, however, that the thing I needed to pay attention to was pointed out so clearly, it caused me to flip further.

Many thanks to Little, Brown and Company and NetGalley for the opportunity to read this advance copy. This was a tough read for me as I have had a relationship very similar to the narrator’s one with Ciaran.
The novel focuses around an unnamed female and her relationship with a man, Ciaran, that is beyond toxic. Throughout the novel, the narrator describes her past relationships, abuse, mental health struggles, addiction and more. It draws parallels between her obsession with Ciaran and her addiction to alcohol and self-harm. Through graphic description, the reader can almost feel what she was enduring throughout the work. This will not be for everyone and can be very tough to read at times. I look forward to more from Nolan!

Raw, harsh, brutal, mesmerizing. Her honesty and powerful prose are riveting. Her writing style grabs the reader from the opening and does not let go until the end. What a talent.

Acts of Desperation is a book about exactly that, several acts of desperation by way of our narrator to make others love her, to find a way to love herself, or to understand how love feels at all. And, I ate this up. I loved every minute of this. I stretched out my reading of this so that there would be more minutes spent with it. This book is emotional, it holds nothing back, and I felt deliciously violated by how much it saw through me and got to the root of all of these feelings of mine I’ve thought of as being so complicated, so shameful, that they could never be put into words. But, this book showed me these thoughts can be put into words, and I am not alone in feeling them. This is why we read, isn’t it?

I felt a great understanding with our protagonist. While I don’t think this book will be for everyone, I just felt so utterly validated by it. Our narrator is not likeable, she doesn’t make smart choices. She is messy, she contradicts herself, she does things she knows she shouldn’t, but the way Nolan gives her these thought processes is so darn honest and recognizable. So much of what she feels and the way she thinks about the world, reacts to others, the mistakes she makes over and over again feel so particular to the experience of being a young woman.

There is great tension in Nolan’s writing as well. Even though the plot is pretty much handed to you before you even crack the spine, I never knew exactly what would happen next, what someone would say, how our narrator would take it, or what would be revealed to me as it was to her. I felt one with our narrator, so much so that I almost craved the toxicity of her relationships the way she did, undeniably but with great shame. I never felt bored, and often had to slow myself down while reading this in order to savor it even more.

But, I’ll say it again - this book definitely won’t be for everyone. The depictions of abuse, self harm, violence in so many forms are all graphic. Our narrator isn’t someone who is easy to love or root for. Ultimately, this reads as a coming of age story without any lessons learned. I can see how readers who rely on more overarching plots or an admiration for characters would be infuriated while reading a book where someone makes the same mistakes, only for the book to end in a quiet, unaltered, non-triumphant way.

This was just astoundingly good, though. It felt like it was written for me. If you’re someone who likes to meander in negative thoughts, to read about obsession, and jealousy, and the most selfish of our human tendencies, I think you’ll feel like this book was written just for you as well. I am incredibly excited to see what Nolan writes next, and can’t wait to get my hands on a hard copy of this.

CW: eating disorders, alcoholism, drug use, self harm, cheating, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, domestic violence, sexual abuse

Thank you NetGalley and Little, Brown and Company for an Advanced Reader Copy in exchange for review.

Nolan's debut is a raw and unsettling account of a toxic relationship. It tackles subjects like self-harm, body image, abuse in all its forms, alcoholism and while it gets intense at times, the craftiness of Nolan's writing kept me turning pages almost at an alarmed pace.
The unnamed narrator meets Ciaran at a gallery event and instantly falls in love with him. She's intrigued by his beauty and the way he carries himself with such ease, like he's completely unaffected by his surroundings. In antithesis, she's hyper-aware of the societal constraints that influence her life - something that is explained very empathetically later on during her monologues about how she feels she can't disconnect her desire from men's views and patriarchy and how her body image has been impacted by learning from a very young age that her weight is closely related to her worth. She becomes fixed on the idea of making Ciaran fall in love with her as a way to prove her worth (because if such a beautiful and almost godly man can love her, then no one will be able to question her again) and no matter how much he pushes her away and degrades her, she just keeps trying to the point where you wonder how much more pain and humiliation she can withstand.
She's unapologetically messy - she's drinking heavily, partying too much and sleeping with all kinds of wrong people who end up hurting her horribly - while he's cold to the point where he's just cruel. She sees his indifferent demeanour as a challenge and she keeps trying to please him by cooking to him, being as sweet and accommodating as possible. These attempts only making him feel in turn even more repulsed by her neediness and dependency. Unsurprisingly, their relationship turns toxic very fast and the narrator spends the entirety of the book in a dilemma of whether she should try to salvage their relationship no matter how bad it gets or if she should walk away.
Acts of Desperation is essentially a story about growing up and coming into yourself, but it's also about toxic relationships, desire, abuse and sexism. The monologues were probably my favourite parts of the book because they are very introspective and they definitely help the reader see the narrator in a different light. It helps them understand why she keeps committing those acts of desperation all through her relationship with Ciaran.