Nolan's debut is a raw and unsettling account of a toxic relationship. It tackles subjects like self-harm, body image, abuse in all its forms, alcoholism and while it gets intense at times, the craftiness of Nolan's writing kept me turning pages almost at an alarmed pace.
The unnamed narrator meets Ciaran at a gallery event and instantly falls in love with him. She's intrigued by his beauty and the way he carries himself with such ease, like he's completely unaffected by his surroundings. In antithesis, she's hyper-aware of the societal constraints that influence her life - something that is explained very empathetically later on during her monologues about how she feels she can't disconnect her desire from men's views and patriarchy and how her body image has been impacted by learning from a very young age that her weight is closely related to her worth. She becomes fixed on the idea of making Ciaran fall in love with her as a way to prove her worth (because if such a beautiful and almost godly man can love her, then no one will be able to question her again) and no matter how much he pushes her away and degrades her, she just keeps trying to the point where you wonder how much more pain and humiliation she can withstand.
She's unapologetically messy - she's drinking heavily, partying too much and sleeping with all kinds of wrong people who end up hurting her horribly - while he's cold to the point where he's just cruel. She sees his indifferent demeanour as a challenge and she keeps trying to please him by cooking to him, being as sweet and accommodating as possible. These attempts only making him feel in turn even more repulsed by her neediness and dependency. Unsurprisingly, their relationship turns toxic very fast and the narrator spends the entirety of the book in a dilemma of whether she should try to salvage their relationship no matter how bad it gets or if she should walk away.
Acts of Desperation is essentially a story about growing up and coming into yourself, but it's also about toxic relationships, desire, abuse and sexism. The monologues were probably my favourite parts of the book because they are very introspective and they definitely help the reader see the narrator in a different light. It helps them understand why she keeps committing those acts of desperation all through her relationship with Ciaran.

Tragic and provocative. This book jumps immediately into the narrator's obsession with Ciaran and the ups and downs of their relationship, regardless of how volatile and dramatic.

"Acts of Desperation" is a very powerful read. This book took me to a very personal dark place as it discusses modern(millennial) sex and relationships in a way that very few authors succeed. I highly recommend this if you like writers like Sally Rooney, Ottessa Moshfegh, and Raven Leilani.

The main narrative revolves around the unnamed female protagonist and her several year relationship with a man named Ciaran. It is a very toxic relationship to say the least, but the inner monologue of the protagonist resonates hauntingly describing her desperation for the relationship to be a success but also wanting the relationship to dissolve. She's obsessed with Ciaran but also fears and despises him. Throughout the course of the novel, the protagonist describes past relationships, sexual encounters, mental health issues, and friendship struggles.

This is definitely not a "feel good" read, and it cuts deep into you - especially if you've experienced anything similar to the desperation and mental state of the protagonist.

However, it is lyrical, beautiful, haunting, spectacular, and poignant. I highly recommend this literary gem, and I really look forward to what this author creates next.

Thank you to NetGalley for an ARC for an honest review.

I enjoyed this book, told in short, fragmented chapters that flit between the narrator's early 20s in Dublin and self-reflective journal entries written five years later in Greece. The narrator's relationship with the cold, controlling Ciaran is examined in a charming, lively first person voice as her history with alcohol addiction and self-harm is slowly revealed. These glimmers into her past provide context for her continual self-betrayal, and though it is never interrogated to the same degree as her love addiction, her relationship with drinking is in many ways the true romance of the book. The later italicized sections provide commentary on women's sexual desires, and a layer of self-reflexivity that may help certain readers to understand her continual struggle for autonomy. At times, especially early in the book, certain scenes of subjugation as are only hinted at, as when the narrator describes begging on her knees for Ciaran, and her internal landscape is sometimes hidden or glossed over in favour of intellectualizing her actions. However, keeping her feelings below the surface in the earlier chapters does allow the narrative to build to a disturbing crescendo, and makes her ending all the more satisfying.

Not a fan. The premise seemed intriguing but I found myself skimming this book to get past the emotional abuse and descriptive sex. I felt this topic could have been addressed in a less disturbing manner.