This is a gut wrenching memoir written by Emily Rapp Black, It is filled with paralyzing loss and grief. It shows how even when you are faced with great despair you can rise up and keep on living.

This is the sequel to The Still Point of the Turning World. Things got worse before they got better. As is common for couples who lose a child, Rapp and her first husband separated, soon after she completed the previous book. In the six months leading up to Ronan’s death in February 2013, his condition deteriorated rapidly and he needed hospice caretakers. Rapp came close to suicide. But in those desperate months, she also threw herself into a new relationship with Kent, a 20-years-older man who was there for her as Ronan was dying and would become her second husband and the father of her daughter, Charlotte (“Charlie”). The acrimonious split from Rick and the astonishment of a new life with Kent – starting in the literal sanctuary of his converted New Mexico chapel, and then moving to California – were two sides of a coin. So were missing Ronan and loving Charlie.

Sanctuary is a similarly allusive text to The Still Point of the Turning World, with each chapter prefaced by a poem, and it is again full of flashbacks, threading all the seemingly disparate parts of a life into a chaotic tapestry. Rapp Black questions the sorts of words that she and her experience got branded with: “brave,” “tragic,” “resilient” – “I unwittingly became the poster child,” she wryly reports. In the same way that she’d been praised for “overcoming disability,” she saw that she was now being trotted out as an example of coping with unimaginable loss. But she didn’t want to be someone’s model; she just wanted the chance to live her life and be happy again. Her wisdom isn’t what makes it onto inspirational stickers, but it’s genuine and hard-won:

“It has little or nothing to do with bravery. Nobody is charging into warfare here. No gold stars are given because none are earned. I am no warrior of love or anything else.”

“Time doesn’t heal anything; it just changes things—reshapes and reorients them.”

“resilience is not always a function of the desire to survive. Either you survive, or you don’t. There’s no fault, no moral judgment, assigned to either outcome.”

“Isn’t it true that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger? No. What doesn’t kill you changes you, and those who chose to love you. That is what it means to bear witness, a unique and salvific form of resilience.”

Although I was glad to have read both, to have experienced both the in-the-moment and the after-the-fact, I think Sanctuary could easily function as a standalone memoir because of how much of Ronan’s illness it relives. For being that bit more measured and wrought, I think it’s the better book by a hair’s breadth. It tames the fire and just radiates the light and warmth.

As someone who recently experienced both a miscarriage and a tremendous loss, I admire Black for so delicately and responsibly handling a work that articulates her grief. The world needs more books that speak to this experience so starkly. This is a gem.

Thank you to NetGalley and Random House Publishing Group - Random House for this copy of Sanctuary by Emily Rapp Black.

A good memoir pulls you into the life of the writer and holds on to you until the author's story is told. I've read a lot of good memoirs but none of them quite like Sanctuary. Sanctuary feels like a diary or a journal, written from the author's perspective, of the period of time in her life after her son passes away from Tay-Sach's disease. It isn't really a retelling of events per se, more a chronicle of the author's thoughts and feelings reflected in her thoughts and snippets of poems that speak to her. It was a beautifully written memoir, one that I will be thinking about for a long time to come.

I really enjoyed the writing style, which was a bit more academic than most memoirs. The use of quotes and references to poets and authors may be a bit more challenging to read than some other memoirs but so, so worth it.

This was a sad but inspiring book. It's heartbreaking for anyone to lose a child and to watch them die when there's nothing that can be done has to be almost unendurable. Yet the author did endure that pain and went on to revamp her life - while not leaving behind the memories and lessons she had learned with the death of Ronan.

TL;DR REVIEW:

A portrait of grief and examination of resilience, Sanctuary is a gorgeously written, vulnerable, insightful memoir of Rapp Black’s experience losing her son and having her second child.

For you if: You like memoirs, especially those that examine aspects of our humanity.

FULL REVIEW:

“I feel it in me, that uncomplicated, devastating happiness; it is true and tactile as anything I’ve ever felt. But behind that feeling lurks the panic that the world can drop out from beneath your feet at any time, because that’s true, too. Lightning can strike the same place twice, three times; it can strike you all your life. Knowing this, how do we keep living?”


Thank you, so much, to Netgalley and Random House for the review copy of this book. I also listened along with the finished audiobook, narrated by the author. Emily Rapp Black’s memoir is gorgeous, gutting, and one of those books that makes you feel like just by reading it, you’ve inched toward what it truly means to be human.

When Rapp Black’s son, Ronan, was an infant, he was diagnosed with Tay-Sachs disease. He died before the age of three, and her shaky marriage crumbled even before that. During the experience, though, she found a loving partner, who supported her through it, and with whom she had her second child a few years later. Her memoir tells us about all of those experiences as she attempts to examine and redefine our cultural notions of resilience.

The subject matter is poignant enough, but Rapp Black’s incredible talent with prose really brings this reading experience home. Her writing not only carries intense emotion, but also has an impressive ability to evoke emotion. Her similes, especially, I found to be true, sharp, cutting, and beautiful. I underlined so many passages. I loved her selection of chapter inscriptions, and her use of perfect quotations, even in the middle of paragraphs.

I also found her writing on resilience to be deeply moving and reflective. In fact, that is what really takes this book from great to excellent — the craft here of examination alongside memory, insight alongside emotion.

If you have the emotional space to read this book, I urge you to do so. It is a new favorite.

“Watching a splinted butterfly stumble up into the air or an injured bird struggle with a broken wing is uncomfortable for humans. Yet the lack of self-consciousness in the awkwardness or even “incorrectness” of that movement is, for me, the epitome of resilience. It’s less about finding a hidden source of strength and more about softening to the unfairness and beauty of the world, accepting its smooth grace as well as its sharper edges. Pain with benefits. Happiness with blood in it.”




TRIGGER WARNINGS:
Death of a child/baby; Grief; Fertility issues; Pregnancy/childbirth

Displaying your open mental wounds, meditating in written form regarding the loss of a child and welcoming another into your world, while cathartic perhaps can be very difficult for an audience to read. The experiences and reflections may help others encountering the same path and as such Emily Rapp Black's memoir "Sanctuary" may be a sanctuary for that particular reader.

For me, where I am and my own experiences, I found "Sanctuary frequently too difficult, too wrought emotionally, to read for any length of time and finally had to stop.

I received an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

Rapp experienced the horror of watching her son Ronan die of Tay Sachs disease and then the dissolution of her marriage. Somehow she kept going. She kept going into a new marriage and a new pregnant, beset with grief and concern. And then her daughter Charlie is born healthy. How does one reconcile the two sides of the coin- still bent by grief and yet experiencing joy? That's what Rapp has tried to describe In this memoir that isn't a straight line narrative. It's always hard to review memoirs because it feels as though you are judging a person's life and their life choices- and I suspect some will judge Rapp and second guess her. That said, she's done an amazing job of flaying herself open for scrutiny and I bet she's harder on herself than even this slim volume reveals. Thanks to Netgalley for the ARC. This is hard to read in parts but it's well written, thoughtful, and will likely resonate with others in her situation.

As someone who has experienced grief, I was excited to read this book and appreciate Netgalley providing it in exchange for an unbiased review.

I have not read any of her other books so I wasn't sure what to expect. I cannot imagine the experience that she writes about welcoming another child after losing her first. It is an experience that would change anyone. Her writing did a good job of conveying her experiences and I appreciate the strength it took for her to write about this experience.

I wasn't familiar with many of the pieces of literature she referenced but did take notes to look them up as I think they would have enhanced my ability to enjoy the book.

I am a huge admirer of Black and this one was her best. Moving, informative, and so gracefulyl written, I kept turning the pages. Emily Rapp Black is a brilliant writer.

It feels wrong to rate a person's memoir, especially when it revolves around their trauma and grief. Emily Rapp Black went through the immense trauma of watching her firstborn child die from Tay-Sachs disease. This memoir looks at how that excruciating experience has helped her form and shape her views on trauma and resilience. The content of this book is what you would expect, but how it was formatted made it a difficult read for me. I wasn't familiar with many of the literary references she makes, and so that affected how I took in the book too.

Sanctuary is an honest assessment of Black’s life. The loss of her oldest child who had a debilitating disease. The birth of her second child, her relationships, her own loss of a limb as a child. She shares it all with blatant forthrightness. I was not surprised at the cruel and thoughtless comments people have made to her. The author is strong to have withstood all that she has. Readers can gains strength from reading about Black’s life and her grappling with sorrow. It also teaches one to live each day and also to look forward to tomorrow.

Thank you to the publisher for the opportunity to read an advanced copy of Sanctuary by Emily Rapp Black, and to the author for sharing this beautiful, heartbreaking memoir with the world. As someone who has only ever been adjacent to tragic loss, it is so helpful to read deeply personal accounts because it allows me to learn what not to say to someone who is grieving. Nothing isn’t always the wrong thing, but alone is. Black’s writing carries a similar weight to gravity and brought me to tears in more than one place. Ultimately, it is a privilege to have read about Ronan and his life and Black’s living in spite of her heartache over his death, and the hope of future that is her life with Kent and Charlie. Thank you for the blessing of this book. I am so sorry for the loss that made it necessary.

This book is for anyone who is wondering if they're the only ones experiencing life-altering grief after the death of a loved one. Rapp Black doesn't hold back from the pain she feels, sometimes in excruciating detail and at great length, so readers shouldn't pick this up in the immediate aftermath of a loss or before doing significant recovery work. But overall, I appreciate the author's willingness to lay her soul bare both for herself and for others.

Author did a good job of getting her story out. Parts hard to read, made for a long book. Not a fav.

Thanks to author, publisher and Netgalley for the chance to read this book. While I got the book for free, it had no bearing on the rating I gave it.

The author has written nan honest open raw look at the death of her young child from Tay Sachs disease.As her son lay dying her marriage fell apart becoming tense and ugly,Reading about her journey her child’s death her path to finding love again marrying and having a heathy child.Emily Rapp Black is a strong woman who is brave enough to find her new life’s path the strength to raise her child love her husband her story is inspiring highly recommend.#netgalley#sanctuary

I found this book thoroughly engaging. Never having lost a child, I do have a child with significant heart defects that put a strain on my mental and emotional state at times. It was really good to read about Emily's take on how society views different things and how she was able to start to live an authentic life. Highly recommend.