This is a recent book based on ACT theory (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy). While I still like the gold standard ACT book “The Happiness Trap” by Russ Harris, this book has some really nice features that might be worth the purchase. I will say that I do not particularly like the title of this book – I can see people thinking “well I’m not really an avoider” and therefore not thinking this book is for them. But it’s not really about avoiding per se; it’s about not living a vibrant life because of fear (which is avoiding I guess, but I still don’t love the choice of words). What I’m saying is that I can’t think of anyone this book wouldn’t apply to and I think they have unnecessarily narrowed their audience.

One thing I love about this book is that it breaks all the concepts down into “microskills”, which means that if you are too busy to sit and read this book cover to cover, no problem! You can simply open up, read “microskill 1” (or whatever skill you think you need) and then get to work putting it into practice.

The skills are bunched together in categories, like working with thoughts, working with emotions, figuring out your values, working on willingness and so on. The last three skills are kind of a summary, so if all you have is a little time, start there.

This would be a great copy to own if you are a therapist and a good suggestion for just about any client. As a client or regular person it’s a good book if you ever feel you are not living your best life.

Like most people I know, I’m an expert on avoiding things that make me uncomfortable: every day, I put off ringing my mother, who has dementia, because the phone calls are so upsetting. I’m aware that my avoidance of these calls is having a really negative effect on my life and is not helping me or my mother.

So it was very useful to have a specific problem in mind when reading this book, as I could work my way through the exercises, or ‘Micro Skills’, and gain insight into why I avoid the calls, how I can stop avoiding them, and how I can prevent them from casting a shadow over every evening.

What I hadn’t realised, before reading this book, is that we practise avoidance because it works; it saves us from facing up to uncomfortable situations. Yet avoidance only gives us a temporary reprieve. We think we’re in control of the problem, but the problem isn’t going away. The time we spend avoiding things is time wasted; time which could be spent actively pursuing a better life.

I could see the logic in this argument; I waste hours every day trying to ignore the internal voice telling me to make the phone call, wrestling with my uncomfortable feelings and trying to suppress them. The advice here is not to fight your feelings and emotions but to observe yourself feeling them and to remember that emotions, thoughts and physiological sensations are information. We do not need to be afraid of them.

There are several really valuable lessons to be learned from the exercises. I like the concept of ‘willingness’: allowing what can’t be changed to ‘just be’. The technique which involves writing multiple stories about every situation is really empowering, enabling us to let go of our negative interpretation of situations and move on. Similarly, tacking on ‘I don’t know’ to every thought enables us to think more flexibly about our problems. The idea of ‘workable’ and ‘unworkable’ thoughts is also incredibly helpful.

Now for some reservations: I have to say that my enjoyment of the book was affected by a few rather crass expressions such as ‘trippy’, ‘sucky’ or ‘squeezy’, which seemed out of place. I also felt that the style was occasionally inconsistent - presumably as there were three authors. Rather than putting the authors’ names in brackets after the anecdotes, I would have preferred to see each author taking it in turns to write sections of the book, each writing in their own style, using their own anecdotes. Some of the anecdotes weren’t integrated well and didn’t seem useful or relevant - avoiding kissing a girl? Inappropriate surely? Avoiding reading a bedtime story? Not relevant to the subject of fear?

Overall, this book proved to be full of great advice and provided me with several techniques which have helped me to understand and deal with my own problem with avoidance.

Thank you to NetGalley for my advance copy of this book.

This book has several things going for it. First of all, it’s a very easy read. At no time does it feel heavy or difficult to understand. It’s very straightforward and simple. Secondly, it’s full of micro-skills to help people keep a clear mind, which is especially needed by many during these difficult times (Covid-19). Thirdly, the strategies in Stop Avoiding Stuff are easy to incorporate into every day living. I found this book useful for my business and I’m betting many individuals will find it useful too.

STOP AVOIDING STUFF has short chapters, which makes a more approachable read; however, I’m not sure that having three authors write this particular book was the best approach.

We end up with three different voices, and the tone of the book dips, twists, and turns. Some readers may like the casual voice with the “dude-talk,” but to me, it feels too contrived. My personal preference is the slightly academic tone that discusses theories exploring why avoidance is so prevalent in our lives.

The book has many tips and exercises that are certainly useful for other readers, but unfortunately, this book failed to resonate with me on a level that I had anticipated.

Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for an ARC and the opportunity to share my reading experience.

I don't know anyone these days who couldn't use some help from this book! I know I do.

We tend to procrastinate or simply put things off altogether when we're overwhelmed, feeling fear, out of control, san, anxious, and yes, about everything else. Our minds want to shut down and tune out so that we can cope but what we ignore often comes back to haunt us in different ways.
I thought this book was so helpful in combating everyday stresses and overcoming those thoughts that keep us from living our best lives and being our best selves.

Stop Avoiding Stuff, by Matthew S. Boone, Jennifer Gregg, and Lisa W. Coyne, is based on acceptance and commitment therapy. It teaches microskills that you can use as alternatives to avoidance, and suggests teeny tiny practices.

The book starts off by talking about what avoidance is and why we do it. It doesn’t chastise you for avoiding, and acknowledges that you do it because it accomplished a purpose at some point and helped you to gain a bit of control. However, the avoidance and control can get in the way of actually living.

Mindfulness is approached with the same kind of realistic attitude. “If you do an image search on your favorite search engine, you’ll get a bazillion pictures of beautiful people sitting in the lotus position, looking blissful and serene. Those images don’t always square with people’s lived experience of mindfulness.” Sounds about right!

I liked the authors’ approach to emotions. They explain that “emotions are information, not enemies.” The problem is that we tend to respond to them as if they’re literal threats, and avoid based on the fear of potential emotions. The book talks about how to work through the different parts of an emotion to help isolate it from all the other crap we tend to pile on. The approach is to feel it rather than fight or feed it.

Willingness is presented as an openness to whatever shows up. It’s neither wanting nor controlling/avoiding. It’s about taking actions, even though they’re uncomfortable, that will contribute to the life that you want to live. Strategies are offered to help with actually doing that.

The book also talks about evaluating thoughts not in terms of good or bad, but in terms of workability, and how it’s actually serving you.

Other topics include what we can and can’t control (for instance, we can’t control our immediate thoughts and feelings), the self-stories that we create, gratitude, and thinking traps (cognitive distortions).

The book has short chapters, which are further broken up into section, making it impaired concentration-friendly. The book is written in a casual, friendly tone that’s not therapist speak-ish, and everything is framed in very real world terms. I thought this book did a really good job of tackling the topic of avoidance.



I received a reviewer copy from the publisher through Netgalley.

This book has a lot of great tips and techniques and I loved the tone of the writing - like an encouraging friend, rooting for you through a tough time. But it didn't seem to have, for lack of a better word, the right flow - to me it seemed to jump from one topic into another, without any rhyme or reason.

There are a lot of tips in this book, but it is sadly not for me. Determining the helpfulness of these tips is subjective to the reader though. The book didn't meet my expectations and I was disappointed since I kinda knew already the basics of how to stop avoiding stuff which is what this book contains. Maybe it's my fault for expecting a different and more straight-to-the-point content than what the book delivered.

While many of the concepts aren't new, this is still a good book for people dealing with confidence or anxiety issues. It's well written with helpful information laid out in a way that is easy to digest. There are a lot of examples and even some humor, which I hadn't expected.

#StopAvoidingStuff #NetGalley
Thanks NetGalley, New Harbinger Publications, Inc. and Matthew & Jennifer for an ARC to review.
I have read many similar books before, I mean I am familiar with the contents; however I really enjoyed reading this book. I happened to practice the micro skills presented in the book while reading it and it actually helped. It left me feeling good.
I highly recommend it.

Stop Avoiding Stuff by Matthew S. Boone, Jennifer Gregg and Lisa W. Coyne. Teeny Tiny Practices? Microskills? Seemed quite complex and involved to implement. Had difficulty in separating the strategies from the personal examples. While well written, with many examples, and a touch of humor, the book just didn't strike the right cord for me. Hopefully it can help others.

Thank you to the publisher, author, and NetGalley for the opportunity to preview the book.

I'm not new to all of these concepts, but I really love the way they were presented and packaged. This book is perfect for someone with anxiety, confidence issues, or someone who is merely stuck and trying to find a way to better themselves and get to the other side of their current situation. It's easily digestible and very engaging. This book will get you thinking and lead you down a more mindful path!