Men Who Hate Women by Laura Bates

9781728236247

374Pages
Publisher: Sourcebooks
Release Date: March 2, 2021

Nonfiction (Adult), Racism, Misogyny, Hate Groups, Domestic Violence, Violence Against Women.

WOW! I do not know what to say about this book. It was definitely a hard read but eye-opening. I learned terms and groups I had never heard before. This book made me research the terms and groups mentioned: Incels (Involuntary Celibates), Pickup Artists (PUAs), Men’s Rights Activists, etc. and what I found was scary. These are the chapters in the book.

Chapter 1: Men Who Hate Women
Chapter 2: Men Who Prey on Women
Chapter 3: Men Who Avoid Women
Chapter 4: Men Who Blame Women
Chapter 5: Me Who Hound Women
Chapter 6: Men Who Hurt Women
Chapter 7: Men Who Exploit Other Men
Chapter 8: Men Who Are Afraid of Women
Chapter 9: Men Who Don’t Know They Hate Women
Chapter 10: Men Who Hate Men Who Hate Women

She describes how she created Alex, a young man that joins the Incel forum and becomes part of the group. This is how Laura learns the underworld of misogyny. The author’s research is impeccable. This is a timely book while racism and domestic terrorism is on the rise and the violence against women act has not been passed. Although it is difficult, this is a book everyone one should read.

#NotAllMen they yell whenever a woman shares an encounter with an aggressive admirer, a handsy boss, a leering stranger, a violent rapist, a condescending colleague, an abusive partner. They are right, but there are definitely too many men, and their numbers don’t seem to be decreasing.

In Men Who Hate Women: From Incels to Pickup Artists: The Truth about Extreme Misogyny and How It Affects Us All, journalist Laura Bates investigates the online communities whose ideology centers around having power and control over women, how these affect society, and what can be done to change it moving forward.

Whilst incels (Involuntary celibates) beg for sex on demand, pickup artists (PUA) deploy predatory “gaming” tactics, Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW) choose to eschew relationships with women altogether, and Men’s Rights Activists (MRA/MRM) insist women return their stolen power, there remains a wide range of common ideas and tactics underpinning what Bates terms ‘manosphere’ communities.

As ‘Alex’, a lonely young man, she allowed herself to be recruited into an online world in which nothing was his fault, in which he was an aggrieved martyr, not the privileged loser he felt society painted him as. And the cause of all his woes? Women. ‘Foids’ that won’t sleep with him, ‘sluts’ who say no when they really mean yes, ‘nags’ who sap their energy, ‘feminazi’s’ who want to rule the world.

While such groups are often dismissed as ‘fringe’ online activities, Bates shows how savvy members of these groups have actively spearheaded campaigns that downplay, distort and discredit women’s issues, amplified by trolls who enjoy the controversy, the irresponsible practices of clickbait mainstream media, and social media algorithms. Bates also explores how the manosphere rhetoric spills into the real world, inspiring everything from wordless intimidation to mass murders, and even influencing politics.

If terrorism is a means of attempting to exert control and wield power by creating fear, then at an individual level, it also describes men who intimidate, harass, coerce and abuse women. Bates is aware that the publication of this book will again make her a target of derision, vile abuse, rape, and death threats, and that her physical safety could be at risk. No one will be surprised to hear it, few will believe that there is anything that can be done about it. As a society, we seem to assume violence against women is inevitable.

#NotAllMen hate women, but some do. Some men blame women for every frustration, every grievance, every loss. Some men see women as objects, undeserving of respect or autonomy. And they are emboldened when these views remain unchallenged. These men are an obvious danger, not only to women, but also to society at large. A significant percentage of those who commit acts of terrorism and mass murderer have a history of violence against women.

I agree with Bates that intervention is needed well before some boys/men wander down this path. We, both women and men, need to be informed, to admit there is a problem, and work together to change it. We need to challenge instances of sexism, and fake ‘news’, to encourage boys and young men to define masculinity in a manner that doesn’t put them in opposition to women. “Ultimately, there are major changes that need to happen across a wide range of sectors, from government to tech companies, from media to education...”

I am the wife of a man who loves me, and whom I love. I am a mother of two daughters, and two sons whom I adore. So I know it’s #NotAllMen, but it is #SomeMen, many of whom I have had the misfortune to encounter in my lifetime. Men Who Hate Women is a book that will disturb, infuriate, challenge, and perhaps change you, for the better.

After reading "Misogynation: The True Scale of Sexism", also by Laura Bates, I was curious to check this new book out. I found "Misogynation" to be a great introductory book to many aspects related to feminism. "Men who hate women", however, is a much more complex read.

Its complexity, and the fact that the author decided not to sugarcoat the topics, can make this book a harder read for many. That was not my case, since I am familiar with these situations and how problematic they are. However, it is true that many can find it jarring at points. Though, seeing the reality as it is, is the only way to really understand the problem. So I find that the tone and the way the author approached the topics were spot on.

I do appreciate the constant reminders of how every single problematic behaviour described affects all of us. Particularly when it comes to men. It is so important to make them realise their sexism hurts them as well.
The target audience for this book isn't just women. It isn't even women like me, who already know the problems we face. The people who really need this book are the women who are still blind when it comes to all of these issues (for one reason or another) AND men. Younger men, particularly, can benefit so much from reading this book.

Overall, I thought this was a fantastic book that I am definitely going to recommend to all the people I know who I think can benefit from reading it.

This is a painful read.
Laura Bates examines various forms of misogyny amongst groups like pickup artists and incels. She looks at how their ideals and opinions have leaked into the mainstream over the years, and all the damage it's wreaking. Her findings are genuinely upsetting, but in order to push back against these ideals they need to be acknowledged. This is a valuable and informative resource.

This is a very depressing book, but it's one every single person should read. Because it's important to be aware of what's going on in the world, both on- and offline. The online communities Laura Bates describes in this book have an offline impact on people who have never even heard of them. I fear that their numbers have increased since the start of the pandemic, with more people spending time online potentially running into the propaganda these communities disseminate in innocent places to lure people deeper and deeper into their grasp.

The communities this book is about are all part of the so-called manosphere, the various online places where people (mostly men) waste away their finite time on this earth steeping in misogyny, violent fantasies, and hate. Laura Bates gives a detailed overview of the different communities, from incels to pick-up artists, from men's rights activists to MGTOWs (Men Going Their Own Way), and the many ways they intersect and form one giant ecosystem, with all groups feeding into each other. Bates also highlights the very real dangers these groups pose for society, ranging from trolling to death and rape threats, domestic abuse, and in extreme cases even misogynistic terrorism (although it is never acknowledged as such).

While I've always appreciated Bates's writing, there were parts of this book that were a slog to get through. It might be mostly due to the subject, because seeing the misogyny pile up chapter after chapter can be quite hard, but the writing is also very dry in places, reading more like a government report.

This book should make you angry. I believe that was partly Bates's intent. But it could also be a driving force to make police and lawmakers face the facts about these groups and their actions. Bates mentions having to explain to police officers what Twitter was when she was being targeted and told "we know where you live". Campaigners have alerted them again and again to the dangers of the manosphere. At this point, the inaction by politicians and law enforcement should be considered dereliction of duty caused by wilful ignorance.

But Bates also points out that it's not all boys and men (hashtag isn't it ironic). There are plenty of men who work to counter the influence of the manosphere, there are plenty of boys who won't believe the lies that are being spread by the misogynist hate-mongers. And there are even more boys and men who can be saved from falling into the cesspit of hate and self-hate, by having the opportunity to talk to and learn from the good men out there. But in order for that to happen, we need to create the space for it, we need education on board, and we need to keep doing it again and again. Because this path is not a quick-fix solution, one talk and it's done. This needs to be a sustained effort. And if you're not convinced that it's necessary, maybe you should read this book (again).

ONLY READ THIS BOOK IF YOU HAVE NERVES OF STEEL

I struggled with rating this book. Because the subject matter was so... disturbing. So revolting, so upsetting. I had to call my mother after reading this just to get it out my system. I was horrified, angry, and agitated throughout this book. So you can't say that I liked reading it. But this is an IMPORTANT book. It's an important subject matter to look into and spread awareness about. And you cannot fault Bates' professionalism, journalism or commitment. I have the highest respect for her. And I recommend this book to anyone who says "Sexism isn't hurting anybody" or "Don't we already have equality" - just make sure you're robust enough to learn the through.

I'm currently taking a class on anti-feminism and, as Laura Bates says it, Men who hate women - and the contents of this book have been extremely useful for me to understand the class materials better. This is a very complete book, easy to access and that does not shy away from the very ugly parts of what it sets out to describe and analyze.
It's a very difficult read, but necessary, and a book I'll definitely buy a physical copy of to add to my library of texts on feminism and anti-feminism, and to loan to friends who might be interested in the subject. Even if you're aware of the global impact of misogyny on the internet and in real life, there's a lot of "new" content in here, and I'm sure this will be interesting even to people well-versed on the subject.

While definitely a necessary addition to literature being written about white, male terrorists, this book for the most part was a little too basic. I wish it had been more solutions-focused before the final chapter; many of us are already aware of the dangers incels, MRAs, etc. pose. It was also written from a highly white feminist vantage point as opposed to a true intersectional lens, so that was disappointing. Overall, it was still satisfying to read research on what I've been seeing on Tumblr and Twitter for the last 10 years, which is why I still gave this book such a high rating.

#MenWhoHateWomen #NetGalley #sourcebooks

Men Who Hate Women by Laura Bates presents one of the many types of hate groups that have been organized thanks to the power of the internet to connect extremists. Men Who Hate Women carefully documents how connections develop between men who are unhappy with their lives and men who believe their unhappiness is caused by forces outside themselves, which obligate them to doxx, or stalk, or target crowds with a gun or a vehicle. Worse, it shows how the extremists celebrate the terrorist killers who have come before them, and then groom others to be killers.

Ms. Bates believes that it is possible to insulate boys and men from the false argument that a man’s worst problem is his inability to find a sexual partner, that all of men’s problems are caused by society’s acceptance of the idea that men and women are equal, and that at root everything that has gone wrong in a man’s life can be laid at the feet of all women. The final section of the book is about remediating these vicious beliefs, which is good, because absent a plan to de-escalate misogynists, one could be excused for believing that women’s self defense was doomed against misogynist terrorists.

This was a fascinating, frightening exploration of modern misogyny. The graphic nature of the information was unexpected, but this book was never dry or difficult to get through. Definitely interested in reading more by author!

Thank you so much Netgalley & Sourcebooks for this e-arc!

Thank you Sourcebooks & NetGalley for sending me an ARC of Men Who Hate Women by Laura Bates. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

Men Who Hate Women is a piece of nonfiction following Bates as she shares her insight and approach to underground sexists, online incels, and almost every other pathway under the sun as she tries to navigate us through the in's and outs of being a woman in these times.

Guided through a deeper insight from men who hate women, men who hurt women, disrespect and harass women we see not only Bates connect a deeper understanding into the world behind sexism but our own eyes become more open to the horrific thing that is occurring daily without our realization.

This is going to be a shorter review than I'm used to mostly because above all it's a very fascinating yet deep-searching read. I genuinely think I couldn't do it justice talking about the parts I liked or didn't because it's overall a very interwoven piece.

One thing I can mention I did like very much was the amount of factual evidence backing up this piece. One of the best things pieces of nonfiction especially centered around feminism and sexism can do is back up their points with an indisputable factual basis. It is easy for someone to deny the reality when it's just someone's thought but not when it's a fact of life. Bates does a phenomenal job of backing up each of her points and experiences while also keeping the reader engaged which is so important as a writer.

Overall a phenomenal book and though I think of myself as a pretty aware feminist, this is still quite an eye-opening piece filled with the harsh truths we all need to see no matter the gender. Sourcebooks is always a fantastic company with putting out real and vibrant content and this is another stunning piece.

A very important and necessary book for any man to read, Look at yourself for the relationships problems before you harass, abuse, take for granted your wife or girlfriend. Yes, it takes two for an argument, but a man being a worst than a narcissist is not the answer. This was just a wow and an emotional read that I finished fast because it was shocking and true. So many the examples and stories presented in this book ring true for many women, myself included

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!!

Thanks to Netgalley, Laura Bates and Sources Books for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

Available: 3/2/21

Men Who Hate Women is absolutely a must-read. Laura Bates is spectacular for her work infiltrating the incel world and compiling everything that she learned in this incredible book.

I know about incels and the incel community but wow, the things that Laura Bates encounters within the incel community are stomach-turning. It’s important to note that this isn’t a hateful, biased account but truly an extraordinarily researched piece of work that really allows you to delve into the mind and analyze this community wholly. This isn’t just about what the incel communities spout but about how they lure other men into the community and exactly what makes it so enticing. As a female, I cannot explain how invaluable this information is. It is so important for us to understand how these communities grow, what they believe, and how they believe things need to change in order to change the communities (and dismantle the patriarchy!!!). Bates writes with compassion while relating the stark danger of these communities of men. Again, Men Who Hate Women is a must-read that I will be recommending to everyone in my life- women, men, gender-nonconforming, etc. because this is a book for everyone.

Huge thank you to Sourcebooks, Netgalley, and Laura Bates for this advanced copy and the opportunity to read this incredible book!

Fantastic. This honestly had me groaning out loud as I read it, because - having been on the internet rather heavily this past fifteen years - I remember so much of this, seen from an oblique angle and much removed from the blast zone. I remember coming across through almost all of the elements of the manosphere Bates carefully and incisively reveals here, and dismissing them as tragic if toxic, as impotent. But they were gathering force and coming together into a powerful and malicious form of misogyny and racism with real-world consequences, into a shape that wasn't entirely clear until it was too late. I groaned because now, looking back, the pattern is evident; because Bates stitches all the pieces together and makes sense of the past, of the hothouse online forums and strains of thinking that led to the present. This is, unfortunately, a relevant, timely, and necessary book - even for those who think they understand the phenomenon, because they have watched it bloom into toxic full flower over the decade and longer.

OUCH. This was a painful read, but not because it’s bad at all. Oh, no. It’s all too wonderfully accurate and truthful. The fragility of some men and their refusal to see themselves as anything less than utterly entitled to how they feel about and wish to treat women is front and center here. I had to put the book down every two chapters or so, just to find something to remind me that not all men are like this. BUT, the ones who are like this are so dangerous that this is a necessary read, if for no other purpose than to learn more about warning signs and beacons of “don’t do it, honey” that so many women need to heed. Should it be on us? No, but that doesn’t change the fact that until the fragile masculinity displayed by keyboard warriors or outright hateful men is dealt with, this is reality.

Kudos to this author for her time spent meandering along the incel path, the he-man women-haters path, and the dangerous, shadowy enclaves online. Thanks to her, even those of us who were certain we knew so much about the dangers of men who hate women are able to more clearly pick upon and catch the subtler subtexts of this type of man.

There is no shock in this book for me, but in some ways, I wish there was. From personal experience, it feels far easier to disconnect from the gender that you're assigned at birth in order to not feel the level of anguish that books like this bring up. It's weird and uncomfortable to exist as a piece of meat to be bought and sold in the eyes of some, and I struggle with it enormously. This book illuminates that quite successfully, putting forward an image of the recesses of the internet that are not just in their damp basements any more, as they gain popularity and an increased following in the general internet populace. People are, quite simply, not thinking that this kind of material is abnormal anymore- it has become the general way to view women and the social restraints around them.

I think this book has enormous merit, and I appreciate the author is taking a huge step by naming and shaming those who perpetuate the awful behaviours presented here. There's a lot to take in, but we really need to absorb it all, lest we get lost in the forest of the appalling way that men have decided to treat women.

Like Lavin’s “Culture Warlords,” this was a slow read for me because I kept having to put it down, digest what I had read and come back for more. Readers should be mindful of content warning for pretty much everything that misogyny can offer (sexual assault, white supremacy and gun violence, just to name a few), but this is a foundational piece for modern antisexism work.

Anyone who has lived as woman-presenting has bounced off manosphere behavior, and those of us who live our lives online in any capacity have seen even more. Bates explores not only the darkest recesses of where men gather to polarize themselves against women, but how they find themselves there and the ease with which men and boys can be recruited into misogyny. All aspects of how men become radicalized into pathological misogyny is examined with an amazingly compassionate view. The rules of manhood are bad for men, and these communities offer an out that doesn't require too much self-assessment or actual work to change the face of modern manhood. While there is no excuse for the behavior analysed in this book, Bates provides keen insight into the seductive nature of the communities- important social context if one wishes to dismantle this aspect of the patriarchy.

This book will infuriate and depress you. At the same time, it’s a truly important read. I’ve experienced this level of misogyny several times on Twitter and Facebook, but even I didn’t know just how deeply the problem went. And when you combine it with the problem of white supremacy, it gets even worse.

The fact that guys from the manosphere have already hit this book with negative reviews says everything you need to know about how true it is. Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for providing an ARC. This review contains my honest, unbiased opinion.