Huma tells her love story, of how she met her husband. She navigates us through her life, including challenges women of a certain background face constantly. Eventually she is able to connect all parts of her life by marrying the man she loves and still to hold onto her loving family.

Beautifully written she draws you in, you’ll find it hard to put down.

How We Met by Huma Qureshi is a memoir about loneliness, the pressure to be a certain way, grief, culture and community, religion, race and relationships.

Several of my favourite Booksta accounts have already read this one and proclaimed their love for it (I’m paraphrasing) so I started this book with that reassuring feeling that it was going to be a great read. I wasn’t disappointed. What a treasure of a book.

Huma’s memoir tells the story of how she married her white, English husband but that’s only one element of it. She takes us through her twenties and her journey to self-confidence amid the rejections and scrutiny of trying to find a suitable match.

This memoir is never about the author rejecting her culture or faith, or wanting to escape them (or be rescued by a white saviour). It’s simply about her experiences and the fact that she happened to fall in love with a white guy. Huma says herself that this isn’t a story filled with drama and arguments but that doesn’t mean it was easy. And it’s a story well worth telling because it provides nuance where it is lacking and most importantly it’s real. I’m so glad she wrote this and shared it with the world.

There were many moments that I related to in some way or saw myself in. Her experience of grief and periods low self-esteem. I absolutely loved reading about the start of her writing career and also the way motherhood impacted it. Also have to mention my love for the insights into Huma in Paris (a Netflix show I’d find much more relatable). The anxiety that she spoke of leading up to telling her family about her choice of potential husband brought back memories of the crippling anxiety I felt before I told my family I was converting to Islam.

My favourite aspect of the book was Huma’s journey to contentment in herself before she met her husband, it was truly heartwarming and uplifting.
I know it’s early to say but this will be a stand out read of the year for me. Very excited about Huma’s short story collection coming out later this year.
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Due to numerous lockdowns, I feel like I've read anything and everything in the genre I normally read. This morning I read an extract of this book in an online newspaper and I don't know why it interested me so much but I really liked the authors writing style. I went on Netgalley and saw it was available, so downloaded it and have read it cover to cover today!

Firstly, I love this authors writing style, she's a very good writer (she worked as a Journalist before going freelance and writing fiction). I also felt like I really got to know her through the book and have since followed her on Instagram and looked through all her photos (I'm not sure why she ever felt bad about herself or that she wasn't good enough?).

Having read the extract, I assumed the book would be just about her meeting her now husband Richard and how they overcame her families disapproval but instead, I would say this book is more about Huma and how it came to be that she didn't have her first proper relationship until she was nearly 30 and when she met Richard.

This story had me shed a few tears along the way especially over what happened with her father but also, I felt sad for Huma that she had to give up her year in Paris (where it seemed she was really happy for maybe the first time in her life?). Also, at times it seemed she led quite a lonely life so I'm happy for her that she found Richard. Huma details her upbringing, her University days, Paris, living in London, owning her first flat, her independence yet still having to stick to her Muslim way of life in a Western world (although she does not wear traditional clothing or cover her hair).

Of course her parents want to find her a husband but they also encourage her studies. As time goes on and Huma gets older, it seems time to seriously consider finding a husband. Some of the stories are funny, some quite sad but none of the suitors particularly interested Huma who from a young age had always wanted to fall in love and marry rather than have her parents find her a husband.

I would say we only really get to read about 'how we met' towards the end of the book and this is the reason I dropped a star as I liked Richard and liked reading about their 'romance' so I felt a bit short changed that we didn't get to read more about them and also that although her family definitely weren't happy about her wanting to marry a white man that towards the end, there was too much telling rather than showing how they overcame this although maybe that was too private? After all it's called 'how we met' not 'how we overcame the obstacles to be together'?!

I really enjoyed this book which is not something I would normally choose to read and as I love Huma's writing, I can't wait to read more of her books.

A recommended read.

This heartwarming memoir is one part romance, one part multicultural reflection, one part feminist journey. This memoir hits all of the familiar notes of the East-meets-West narrative: maneuvering two, oftentimes, conflicting cultures. Qureshi is a strong writer whose anecdotes are heartwarming and her voice is refreshing.

I highly recommend this for readers who typically do not read nonfiction and who love romance. While this is a memoir, through and through, the moments of levity shine in between the rougher anecdotes and introspection. A Muslim audience will be familiar with a lot of the thematic elements and moments in the book. I highly encourage those who did not grow up in a Muslim household to read this book. Please. Especially if you were raised in another Abrahamic religion.

"But that doesn't mean that stories like mine, everyday stories of falling in love and growing up, arguing with your parents and then making up, sadness and joy and life in all its shades and nuances, the moments that give meaning to life, don't deserve to be told." Huma Qureshi
❤️

How We Met is a memoir about how the author, a British Pakistani Muslim, met and fell in love with her English husband, Richard 👩‍❤️‍👨. I'm not a fan of romance books really, but this book is so much more than the story of how two people fall in love. Qureshi talks about her family, her experiences of growing up in Walsall 🇬🇧, and the expectations imposed on her by the South Asian community to find a suitable boy to marry and settle down with.
❤️

Qureshi writes about the constant pressure to marry and the stress of meeting men and then being considered 'past it' when you reach a certain age. She writes beautifully about how she eventually learns to value herself and her own worth- with or without a wedding ring. It was interesting to read about how she navigated the difficulties of pursuing a relationship with someone who was not considered an appropriate match, his conversion to Islam and how they now bring up their children. There is no scandal, no running away from home or an illicit love affair, but two people finding love and then building a family together. She says herself that it’s not necessarily a unique or exciting story- but shouldn’t these normal stories of finding love also be shared? This felt like a hug in a book- definitely recommend! ❤️

A beautiful, tender and honest memoir of self-discovery, grief and love in its many forms. I initially picked this up with the intention of reading a couple of pages to get a feel of it but ended up being sucked in by the second page. I devoured it in two sittings and shed many heartfelt tears throughout. Huma's gentle tone really draws out the beauty of familial relationships and the journey of learning to accept and love yourself as you are. It was honestly a breath of fresh air to read a book that flips the whole oppressive South Asian Muslim parents coin on its head and offerers a much more realistic alternative narrative.

This gorgeous memoir is my first five star read of the year. Huma writes about how she met her English husband Richard and how her Muslim family and community responded to the interracial relationship, while touching on the cultural conflicts.

It has a powerful effect without resorting to the dramatics/shock factor. Most books approach this topic with family members being shunned and cast out, running away from home or forced into unhappy marriages. I appreciate that in many instances this may happen - but hellloooo, it’s not the *only* way marriage goes in South Asian culture! What I loved about this book is that it was a balanced voice. It didn’t shy away from those very real cultural aspects, such as matchmaking and the sense of duty around marriage, but it also delivered it in a really nuanced way. It’s this and the touch of simplicity that makes it so quietly beautiful.

The journey of rediscovering herself and her religion is something many can relate to. It’s also a very helpful reminder to anybody who needed it: those “marriage expiry dates” are so false - despite what those aunties might say...

It’s comforting, sad, heart-warming, relatable and hopeful, all in one short book. The image of her mum making a feast in her tentative way to be open to Richard really blew me away. This was only maybe four sentences and just something that will stay with me forever. A testament to the beautiful writing!

I genuinely could not put this one down and I loved everything about it - right down to the acknowledgments. I’m positive this will mean so much to so many.

Reviewed on Instagram @thekindlegram

Too often we come across narratives that vilify traditional Muslim parents and brothers as the face of evil incarnate or in some instances liberal such that religion plays absolutely no role in the character’s upbringing or the story itself.

And it is indeed rare to come across voices that are balanced, nuanced and have characters that are trying to navigate the hurdles of life while staying within the boundaries set by well-meaning and supportive parents, with a heart full of faith and the best of intentions leading the way like this memoir.

This story is narrated with alternating chapters of the past, as the author recounts her journey of finding her place in the world and the pressures of society to “settle down” -that is by marriage to a “suitable boy”, and chapters of the present where she is married to a wonderful person and a mum of three lovely kids.

This book by @humaqureshiwriter ticks all the boxes for an interesting, timely, relevant and honest portrayal of a lot of Muslim communities and individuals who face the everyday dilemma of expectations and societal pressure while struggling with their self-worth.

Recommended reading for everyone and even more for those who think they are struggling with finding the “right person” and are doubting themselves.
Don’t feel pushed to settle for just anyone, remember that no marriage is better than a bad marriage.

And also, nobody’s born with a marry-by date, you are a human being not a packet of chips!

The beauty of this story is in its simplicity and I’m sure it will resonate with a lot of readers.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

The chapters of grief are so eloquent and gentle that I wanted to reach into the book and hug the author 💛

Thank you to @netgalley and @elliottandthompson for the ARC in exchange for an honest review.

This is the story of how Huma (a Muslim woman from Walsall) met her husband (an English man), and how the people around her, her family and friends, reacted to it. But before that, she needs to set the scene. And she does so by describnig her upbringing, her uplifting family and close-knit community, giving the reader a view of the Muslim community she grew up with and, I think very importantly in these days, showing that Muslims are people, each one with their own views and perspectives.
We hear about Huma's upbringing and her struggles with self-perception, at first feeling like she needs a man to feel whole, and later on realising that this is not a healthy perspective. I wish lots of young women read this and really internalised this message: not every woman needs to marry and have kids.
I loved that her story was "normal" and her depiction of faith and religion, and how she described her "rediscovery" of religion with her now husband.

This is a solid book to dive into a (at least in my case) completely different life and perspective, and I really liked it for that. It is a simple book (there's no running away from home, there are none of the things that I think due to prejudice and representation we outsiders would possibly expect) that you can read in an afternoon. It made me think about how I met my partner and how my family took some readjustment to him, and it made me feel grateful once more that I didn't have to make an impossible choice between them.

I wasn't sure about the rating of this book. I decided to round it up to 4 stars because I was really touched by her relationship with her dad, and her description of grief. It made me cry thinking about my own relationship with my dad and how in these Covid times I would not be able to be by his side if the worst were to happen.

Many thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for a free ARC in exchange for an honest review.

A beautiful memoir of searching for love Huma a Muslim is directed to match makers by her loving parents.On her own she falls in love with Richard an English man.Their falling in love her daring to go against tradition & religious rite makes for a beautiful memoir. Full of family sadness happiness marriage and children,this is a moving intimate story,#netgalley#howwemet

An informative and illuminating true story. Unlocks some of the mystique of arranged Muslim marriages and the reasons behind them.
How this process can affect your self worth and how second generation British can struggle.
I found this compelling but so interesting. It has made me more aware of what friends may be going through.

I received a copy of this memoir from the publisher via NetGalley.

This was a sweet and thought-provoking read. It tells the story of Huma's twenties as she studies in Paris and then works as a journalist, loses her beloved father, and sometimes resists and sometimes complies with her family's desire that she meet suitable prospective husbands. The structure of the memoir makes it clear from the beginning that she marries Richard, not an Asian, and not initially a Muslim. I was thankful for this reassurance as at times (too many times for my liking) it seemed as if Huma was going to settle for one of a series of unsatisfactory matches proposed to her.

The poignancy of this memoir centres around the fact that Huma's family truly love her and truly want the best for her, and Huma knows this, but that still doesn't mean they welcome Richard with open arms.

Recommended.

I am an incredibly nosy person. Most of my life I have to actively hold back asking questions. I have learnt (the hard way) that asking questions about personal matters is not a done thing. Don’t worry though, I have learnt to filter most of the nosy questions.

Yet, I am still nosy, or as I like to put it more gently these days: I am curious. I am curious about everything and so you’d think that memoirs would be a great way to explore what other humans do and think, what happened to them and how they dealt with it. Yes, you could think that but most memoirs leave me frustrated because they don’t answer my questions, they just add more questions and then, obviously, those remain unanswered.

Now and then though, a memoir comes along that just answers all my questions. A memoir that is honest and clear, straightforward (which I imagine comes at a cost) and beautiful.


How We Met is the story of how Huma, a Muslim woman of Pakistani heritage from Walsall, met Richard, an English man. I loved how Huma described her upbringing, a loving family, a tight-knit community, yes with its rules but also its comforts. Her education, her ambitions, her struggles, she did not hold back and laid it all bare in front of you. Like she did a big sweep with her arm and say: all of this made me the person I am today.

Often when we see stories of Muslim meets Non-Muslim, we expect fights, abandoning of faith and family, running away and the whole dramatic spectrum. I am not saying that these stories don’t happen, but I am very glad Huma wrote her story which had still its conflicts, pain and struggle but also showed the love and the concern of those around her, but also, as her friend, who encouraged her to write the story said: “Your happy ending.”

I can already hear the naysayers, who will say things like: why did she define herself for so long trying to get married, why did she not try to be a happy single. Nonsense of course, above anything else, beyond the cultural pressure, I got the feeling that Huma just really wanted a person to share her life with and I, for one, cannot see anything wrong with that. Feminism is also the ability of a woman to choose a union with another person as part of her fulfilment. Yes, of course, we should also be able to be alone, but I think for many of us, sharing a life with someone who gets us, is just something we aspire to and I am glad that Huma found that person in Richard.

I also loved the display of faith and religion in the book. Faith that is interwoven in daily life, a religion that is part of you and you are part of it. We are often confronted with the extreme ends of religion and faith, so it was nice to see how it is so different for most believers of any faith: it’s just part of who you are.

Needless to say that I loved this book. I read it in one sitting. Interesting to think that they main reason I picked up this book is because Huma is from Walsall and I have this urge to pick up West Midlands authors to support them (and I am not even from here, let alone from this country), but I just do. I have seen that Huma has another book coming out later this year and you can bet that I will pick it up, too.

What would you tell to your children about how you met your spouse? Was the love strong enough to fight against all odds? Did it start as a friendship, or you were introduced by your relatives, or met through a matrimonial agency, or maybe you met online?

This is the main topic of Huma Qureshi inspired memoir How We Met. It is her story of falling in love with her husband, Richard. Her love story is not dramatic, does not end with her, a Muslim, running out of her home and marrying her non-Muslim husband. Her brothers did not follow her to London for revenge. And she did not denied her religion. None of the dear topics of the books dealing with the meeting between two cultures and religions that should be exclusivistic and ending up with the complete denial of his/her own roots in order to start a new, religion-free life.

Instead, Huma´s story is how she grow out of the pressures of her environment, achieving a career as a journalist - and not as a lawyer or a doctor - finding the man of her life after painful dating episodes and after living under the pressure of delivering the best of herself, but only what other people were expecting from her.

Her meeting with Richard brought her out of her cultural and religious comfort zone, but in fact, for the first time she was talking with someone with whom she could share her ideas and life and stories. Their different backgrounds were part of their identities, but their meeting did not diminish or altered what they were. Instead, it solved the conflict between displaying what she was versus of who she really was, a tension Huma experienced during her dating adventures. At the very end of her 20s, she was feeling like a leftover, under the pressure of a religious community intolerant towards single people, especially single women.

Her decision of moving to London, shortly after the death of her father, was a challenge that did her good. On her own, she focused rather on her professional aims instead of making marriage her sole reason to exist. She learned to be kind to herself which is not as easy at it sounds because it requires a lot of perseverance and acknowledgement of one´s aims.

Now, happily married with three energetic children, she is looking back to recreate a journey not as a rebelious person but of a person learning how to negotiate her boundaries within her own community. A happy meaningful marriage means more than sharing the same childhood stories. Her life she settled for involved a lot of negotiation and compromise, but also a lot of kindness and love. This is how she succeeded to make space for a life of her own, which keeps authentic every day.

The memoir is relatively short and it goes back and forth alongside the past and present timelines. I related at large with the writing, simple and direct, with a story that I´ve actually finished in one sitting.

Coming from the same cultural background and a very similar upbringing, Huma Qureshi's memoir resonated deeply with me. I saw so much of my childhood, formative years, adult life and motherhood in her writing; trying to conform to cultural society norms, the constant, "But what will people say?" question that looms in the air when breaking barriers, the self-sacrifice of a daughter; in the writer's case her giving up her higher education in Paris, and the heart-wrenching experience of having a sick parent and later on the grief and emptiness of losing one of the most important people in your world.
The author's brutal honesty brought out her vulnerability. I am so glad that she found herself and I could have honestly stood up and cheered for her- for the woman that she became; shedding self- esteem issues and taking a stand for herself. Qureshi meeting her future husband and bringing it out into the open had my stomach in knots. Her family's questions - "What if he wants to drink wine? What if he wants to eat bacon? What if he makes you wear a bikini?" actually had me giggling out loud; despite the seriousness of the situation.
Whether it was the huge weekend get togethers, the 'lota' jokes around the dining table, trying to hide photos of life at university, bumping into a male classmate whilst out with a parent, the matchmaker aunties, the awkward meetings with potential husbands, this memoir reflects a true insight into what it is life of any Asian girl growing up in today's society.

How we met is a beautiful, gentle memoir about grief, love, tradition, and forging your own path. It highlights the importance of tradition in preserving onces culture, but also the importance of doing what's right for you.

Qureshi is asked one day, by on of her sons: "how did you meet?". This one innocent question brings us all the way back to her teenage years, her early twenties, and a life of arranged matches and "suitable boys". Qureshi being told this should be her main focus while feeling that it is anything but. She tells us how she then fell in love with an Englishman, Richard, with whom she now has three sons, and a beautiful, happy life.

This book is a world away from my own, very white-British upbringing, and I think there's a lot to learn from this book - about love and family, yourself, and living in your truth - regardless of ethnicity. I think it's quite universal to feel you have expectations to live up to, and to feel you're not meeting them. I don't think you need to have lived a similar life to Qureshi to feel you can relate to her story.

Qureshi writes, early on in her memoir, that the story of her's and Richard's marriage 'isn't that interesting', and that makes me so happy. I feel like everything I've read that's set within South Asian culture in the past has perpetuated a stereotype of violence, poverty, third world countries, living dutifully instead of happily. This memoir is quiet and in the end, uneventful, and the magic of that is that it bucks the trend and shows that if you've met one person from a certain culture, you've met one person from that culture. No two people are the same. No two families are the same.

I think, while this book is subtle and gentle and uneventful, it is epic in its potentially to alter people's perceptions of Muslims, South Asians, and Pakistanis.

What a beautifully well written memoir. Huma has done such a wonderful job with this book. A must read!

I loved this. It was so entertaining yet interesting and I learned so much . So relevant while educating yourself about other cultures.

I was kindly approved for a copy of this book by NetGalley and the publishers a few days ago; I decided to start reading it that same evening and finished the whole thing in almost one sitting. Since then, I’ve tried to put together a review but found that most of my thoughts were coming out pretty much incoherent – this was a book that resonated with me so deeply that I’ve had to take a few days to think about and process it before writing down my thoughts. That being said, I can’t promise that this review will be entirely coherent, but I’ll give it a shot because I NEED people to read this when it comes out at the start of next year.

How We Met is a memoir by Huma Qureshi, an award-winning writer and journalist from the West Midlands who now lives in London with her husband and three kids. I hadn’t heard of Qureshi before reading this book, nor recall coming across any of her work, so her story was completely new to me. Throughout the book, Qureshi recalls her experiences of growing up in a Pakistani Muslim household in the West Midlands, her relationship with her family and the community, leaving home and figuring out what she should do with her life and where she belongs, and meeting her now-husband (a White British man who wasn’t a Muslim before they met).

If you take a look at this book on my Kindle, you’ll notice that part of the text is highlighted on almost every page. To say that I related to this book is probably an understatement. Reading this memoir, I felt like Qureshi had peeked into my head, trawled through my past and present, and presented her findings on the page, articulating many of my thoughts, anxieties, and experiences much more coherently and eloquently than I could ever manage. She talks about many things that I think most females* brought up in the UK in a South Asian immigrant family can relate to – the pressure to get married, the responsibility to your parents and family, the constant comparisons to other family members and people in the community, dealing with gossip and everyone having an opinion on what you’re doing with your life – as well as other topics that I could relate to on a more personal level (and I’m sure many others will too), such as mental health, grief, and struggling with self-confidence and self-worth.

The title of this book and the description suggests that this is a book centred around Qureshi’s love story – how she met her husband, them falling in love, the prejudice they faced from the wider community for their relationship, and their struggle to find acceptance from her family – and it does touch on these things. I found their story to be really sweet and it was really nice to read that things worked out for them and their family. I’m also certain that any South Asian girls who are in or have been in a similar situation to Qureshi and her husband – as in, are in an interracial relationship and have received or are worried about receiving a negative reaction from their family – will find a lot of comfort and hope when reading about how Qureshi and her husband got through it. However, for me, this was a coming-of-age story more than anything else, about struggling through your 20s, trying to tread the balance between fulfilling your duties to your family and carving out your own life, and growing to believe in and love yourself. I think everyone will find something in Qureshi’s story that they relate to.

Content aside, I also really liked the writing style. Qureshi is an excellent writer; the way she weaves together narratives of her life and approaches important discussions such as racism and misogyny in the South Asian community is done really well. As I’ve mentioned, this was a book that I really saw myself in, and I think part of the reason why it really impacted and had a lasting impression on me is that there was something comforting and familiar about Qureshi’s writing; it felt like a conversation from an older family member or friend and them giving me advice and telling me that life is crazy in your 20s, but things will work out.

I’d really urge you to read this book if you haven’t already – it’s out in the UK in January 2021 and is available to pre-order now. For those from a similar background to the author, I think, like me, you’ll really appreciate reading about the life of someone from a similar background as you. And if you’re not, I’m certain that there’s a lot you’ll learn as well as plenty that you’ll also be able to relate to in Qureshi’s story.

I received this book free from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.