What Doesn’t Kill You by Tessa Miller

Brief Summary: The author shares her own story of adjusting to her Chron’s disease diagnosis as a young adult trying to make it as a journalist in New York City. Her own story is highlighted by research, resources, and expert interviews. She brings light to the experience of living with an invisible chronic illness. As a clinical rehabilitation psychologist this subject matter is my life’s work and as an individual with a visible physical disability I could relate. Hands down, this is the best memoir I’ve read on living with an invisible disability or chronic illness.

Highlights: She absolutely nails the chapter on grief. My Kindle is full of highlighted quotes which can serve as a primer on coping with a life-changing health diagnosis. She has a candid writing style. I was totally engrossed in her story and finished this in 3 days. Of course, I loved how much she plugged mental health treatment. I also loved the chapters on disclosure of your illness in a work setting and the chapter on partners.

Explanation of Rating: 5/5

Favorite Quotes: But where is it written that we’re guaranteed good health? Assuming this was promised was an illusion all along.

Thank you for writing this book Tessa! I highly recommend this book to people living with invisible disability or chronic illness and their loved ones, to my fellow mental health professionals and health care professionals-this is a must read. I have already purchased a hard copy for my personal library and intend to use this with my patients!

Thank you to Net Galley and Henry Holt and Company for an ARC of this novel in exchange for an honest review

What doesn't kill you // by Tessa Miller

I feel like I say this so often about memoirs... but man, what a book! Once again, I'm so glad I picked this up. I truly feel like this read has improved my life. I enjoy learning about new things but this one just hit differently. Maybe I'm just getting better at choosing my reads. Or maybe this one just feels really personal. Whatever it is, I'm ready to tackle my own problems with renewed vigor and am looking to find my team of doctors to get this ish figured out... Thank you for that motivation, Tessa Miller!

But seriously though, Tessa Miller gave us an in-depth look into her life with Crohn's. I know some people with this disease and knew that it was bad but honestly had no clue what day-to-day life with it can look like. Miller is a science and health journalist and you can really tell that writing is her passion by the skill she shows when mixing her own story with facts about the disease, health care and insurance in the US, laws, and more. She didn't hesitate to explain the nitty-gritty details about Crohn's, the toll that chronic illness can have on mental health, relationships, self-image, careers, and all other parts of your life. But somehow, this book wasn't as depressing as you would expect it to be. Somehow, it actually felt more like a cheerleader, a motivator, a supporter. I really do feel a renewed energy to figure out what is up with my body and I thank her for that. I highly recommend this book to anybody because this can be informational to able-bodied people without chronic diseases, it can be useful for health care workers because she explains the difference a good doctor can make, it can be motivating for people with chronic illnesses, and more.

Thank you for the free copy in exchange for an honest review.

I absolutely loved having this look into life with a disability. I have recommended this book to numerous patrons at my library and suggested it as a community read!

Ugh, I know all too well the struggles of having a chronic illness. This was an incredible account of Tessa's story. Thanks for allowing me to read it.

This will easily be one of my top reads of 2021.

1. It was written by a Tessa. Heck yes.
2. The cover design is incredible.
3. Any book that leads with a Fiona Apple ref is a guaranteed winner. The one Tessa Miller picked is a knockout: “Be kind to me, or treat me mean. I’ll make the most of it, I’m an extraordinary machine—FIONA APPLE”
4. I think I highlighted more of this book than not. While this book is a blend of memoir, commentary, and resource guide based on the author’s experience with Crohn’s disease- so much of it is just relevant to anyone dealing with trauma in general. I took a lot from it, like this: “Being alive at all is hurty stuff, and I’ve found that trying to bury that part of humanness only increases suffering. Trauma will always hurt, but we can carry it, nurture it, uncover it; or we can hide it and let it feed.”
5. She’s really funny. This is probably my favorite story: “Before the transplant, I had to gather supplies: colonoscopy prep to clear my bowels for the procedure; Imodium to help me hold in the transplanted stool mixture as long as possible after the procedure; and—this isn’t a joke—a blender. The hospital staff asked for the sample—as fresh as possible, they requested—to be brought in a blender so they could minimize their own poop handling and cut down on the procedure’s ick factor. I ordered one online after reading countless reviews for how well it handled smoothies and protein shakes. I wasn’t going to risk buying a subpar blender when my life was on the line, you know?”
6. Also funny: “I put off going to therapy for so long partly because I was afraid to cry during a session. (I did cry. My psychiatrist handed me a box of tissues. The world kept turning.)”
7. Miller tells us what we need to hear: “Through self-reflection, therapy, and a commitment to empathy, I realized that my pain wasn’t big or small, it just was. Individual pain feels big—giant, even—because it’s all we know in our brains and bodies. It’s our only perspective. It’s ours. The one hundred pounds in your invisible buckets feel very heavy even when your neighbor is carrying two hundred pounds. As I connected with chronically ill folks, I understood that my pain was never better or worse than anyone else’s. Weighing my struggles against those of others wasn’t helpful to me or to them.”

Now please excuse me while I hunt down everything Miller has ever written.

I finished this one a few weeks ago and still haven’t written a review because I have so many thoughts about it. Miller tells her personal story of being diagnosed and living with Chron’s, while also providing a journalistic perspective on what it’s like to exist with a chronic illness in the U.S. As most of you probably know, I was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis at 16 years old (20 years ago this month!) and am always looking for books that share a similar experience. And Miller’s book was about as close as I’ve come. I underlined countless passages, felt more seen than I have in a long time, and highly recommend this to anyone with a chronic illness, but maybe especially to those who don’t. She does a wonderful job of depicting the various struggles and challenges that come with being chronically ill. The only thing I would add is that because CF is such a unique disease (and a terminal one), there were a handful of aspects I either couldn’t relate to or felt were not accurate to my experience, but that will likely be true of anyone who reads this since no two people are the same.

A well-written narrative about the author's journey and personal experiences with chronic illness. This hits home on several levels. I appreciate the author's perception and ability to describe the effects on a person suffering from a chronic illness. This is also a great resource for people living with the trauma of chronic illnesses, whether it be for the patient, family, friends, employer, or anyone remotely touched by living with a chronic illness.

Thank you to netgalley and the publisher for providing a copy of this book to read and review. The impressions expressed here are my own honest opinions written voluntarily.

I don't know how to start with this one - everything I want to say about this memoir is going to sound hyperbolic. It's already a book that I know has made an impact on me for life. I've literally been quoting parts of it to my family for weeks on end now.

So many parts of this book made me feel seen and yet it was also instructive about a larger social and political context. I am beyond impressed by Tessa Miller, who is about my age, I gather, and the wisdom she's gleaned from all her experiences with chronic illness and her research on the American health care system. She is unflinching in portraying her own history of physical and emotional suffering, but she redirects this personal pain (much of it made worse due to shortcomings of the medical system) into broader outrage and invites the reader to political activism.

A white 30-something cis woman, Miller gives the only personal account she can - her own -, but she never ceases to reflect on her various forms of privilege, contextualize her own experience, and redirect our attention to the issue of racialized injustice in particular in American health care. What she can't give us here from personal experience, she supports with data and research, showcasing her journalism background. This woman has done a LOT of work, emotionally and in terms of research for this book, and I really respect her for it.

In addition to her personal account and journalistic reporting, Miller also reaches out directly with this book to others suffering from chronic illness, providing "self-help" type advice specific to this experience. This is where I felt she really offered something new. For example, she examines the shortcomings of modern psychiatry in addressing the emotional journey of those with lifelong illness, namely the ongoing sense of grief that comes from such a diagnosis rather than from a terminal illness or one with a potential cure. I found this fascinating and would love to see more on this topic in the future.

I can't say enough good things about this book and would really recommend it, especially now in the era of COVID. The audiobook narration was great too!

Tessa Miller has written the perfect memoir on chronic disease—one that not only covers her personal story, but one that’s chock-full of research regarding problems with the American medical system, how to find good healthcare, the hurdles often faced with work and relationships, mental health struggles, and many helpful quotes for anyone who deals with chronic health problems—specifically autoimmune disease. This book is written well, and I found her advice helpful.

Having a chronic autoimmune disease, this book led me to constantly reflect throughout—from beginning to end—with chapter five hitting me the hardest. It’s raw and brought me to tears a few times. Here’s a chronic disease sufferer who’s had multiple traumas, has had problems with control…someone who’s had to face anxiety head on and deal with acceptance of a disease with an unknown prognosis. She’s experienced medical PTSD which isn’t something most doctors even recognize. I became fully aware that I was in a familiar zone here and not alone. I devoured every word. I’m not sure I’ve ever connected with a memoir as much as this one.

The biggest takeaway I’m usually left with after reading many memoirs is this: it’s just one person’s story. It doesn’t make your situation better; in fact, it’s heartbreaking, but I believe it helps one understand the importance of gratitude, hope, and knowing you have what it takes to overcome. It’s hard not to complain when you’re constantly sick, and it’s especially hard when you don’t have anyone to talk to about it, or just a good support system in general. I think it’s stories like Tessa Miller’s that reiterate an important truth often out of sight: none of us are alone. We can also seek the help we need and should never be ashamed of it.

There was a section in the book that I found thought-provoking where the author mentions taking advice from others and how it’s processed. I do agree that it’s hard to take advice from others and can be quite irritating when your ill and just downright sick of it all, but it’s something that I always welcome. Had I not been informed about my holistic doctor, I’m not sure where I’d be today as far as my health. Everything I’ve learned has been from others, whether it be books, YouTube, online, or word of mouth. I’ll be more mindful in the future about the advice that I offer to others though, because it isn’t always welcomed, and I think people get overstimulated with it all. This is just one section of the book that really got my brain churning.

Overall, I found this book to be inspiring, insightful, and hopeful. This is a good book for all chronic disease sufferers, especially those dealing with Crohn’s Disease and other autoimmune diseases.

5*****

Thank you to NetGalley and Henry Holt & Company for this copy of What Doesn't Kill You by Tessa Miller.

Part memoir, part guide to living with a chronic illness, What Doesn't Kill You is a unique book. Parts of it very much read like any other memoir and parts read like a how-to guide to living with a chronic illness. Miller lives with Crohn's Disease and shares the story of her road to diagnosis as well as lessons that she learned along the way. She also shares insight and tips for families, firend and co-workers of anyone living with a chronic illness.

I was very impressed by Miller's candor and willingness to share the intimate details of living with Crohn's Disease. I had only heard of Crohn's and knew it was a disease of the gut so this book was an eye-opener. I had no idea the level of pain that people leaving with Crohn's deal with every day. I am so glad that I read this book, as I have several people close to me living with chronic illness. I now feel like I have the tools to be a better friend to those people. Thanks, Tessa Miller, for sharing your life and insight.

Tessa Miller has written a thoughtful coping guide for people with chronic disease. She includes a lot of valuable information for navigating the fraught world of medical care for chronic disease. In most chapters, Miller also includes short anecdotes about her own experiences from her initial diagnosis, complications of multiple infections, and the medication that brought her disease into remission. I think her information is especially useful to the newly diagnosed or for family members and friends who would like some insight into life with chronic disease. This is a book I would have liked to have had available when I was diagnosed almost thirty years ago.

3.5 Crohn's disease IBD, both I've heard of but this is the first time I've read about these very serious issues. In a honest, no hold barred way, the author portrays just how devastating these conditions are but how it detailed her life and how she learned to cope. Like many of us with chronic conditions she went through a cycle of incorrect diagnoses, failing treatment options and trial and error medications. I truly admire her strength. She went through a horrendous time.

The facts and figures she presents on our healthcare, how so little, including mental health is unavailable to those who need it most. So often even if available the cost is prohibitive. This was eye opening for me, I didn't realize how truly awful this is, for so many.

She offers us glimpses into her personal life and ultimately offers advice, hope. Advocate for yourself, take care of yourself, your brain, your well being which are all integral to self acceptance, paths forward. As with all chronic diseases, there are many stresses, periods of depression, self doubt but reading her story provides one with commanalities and a shared focus. Much advice is the same as other books on the subject of living with a condition that one learns is never leaving but her story is unique as our conditions are unique to us.

ARC from Netgalley.

Was not for me. I just think it could have been so much more. Highly recommend a rewrite. Nothing more to say.

Tessa Miller's What Doesn't Kill You was a fascinating read into the world of chronic illness in the United States. Having been diagnosed with Crohn's Disease in her early twenties and having spent the last ten years navigating the complexities of employers, insurance, doctors, medications, hospitals, and trauma work, this book should be required reading for anyone who loves someone with a chronic illness. I found so much of it eye-opening into just how difficult it is for sick people in the US to get the health care they need while having to also deal with discrimination, loss of wages, etc., all on top of the symptoms of their disease. Miller is always quick to point out the privilege she is aware she has being a white, cis, thin female and that her struggle is just the tip of the iceberg for many people who are chronically ill but also POC, fat, or transgender. I found the book highly informative, well-researched, and thought-provoking. I think we often fear what would happen if we were diagnosed with a life-limiting illness but not much thought is given to illnesses for which there is no cure but that won't necessarily kill you. We often see illness as black and white, as Miller says, we get better or we die, but there are not a lot of conversations around what happens if we get sick and our entire lives are upended and we are left to sort it all out.

This is an incredibly powerful book that resonated with me well. Tessa Miller is a mighty voice for the chronic illness community, with a brave, real, raw story that you have to empathize with. Her courage in penning her journey as someone affected by a chronic illness is inspiring and one that so many of us who suffer the same can relate to. Miller not only details her life in this memoir, but presents well-researched facts regarding the healthcare system and its failure to provide adequate treatment for so many. The shocking facts coupled with Miller's life make for an outstanding book that is sure to have you needing your tissues.

Tessa Miller is one amazing writer who has brought us a beautiful gift to those with chronic illnesses. Not only does this book touch the heart of "spoonies", but it's such a great book for any audience. Her writing is so engaging, so personal, and well-researched. She left nothing unsaid, and kept me turning the pages to the very end. I took notes and found myself nodding "yes!" during each chapter. I personally have several chonic illnesses, and it was so refreshing to read such an incredible account of someone who actually understands. I will be recommending this for days to come! Well-done, Miller!

"80 percent of Americans who live with an autoimmune disease are women."

~ Tessa Miller, What Doesn't Kill You


It took me awhile to get a handle on exactly what author Tessa Miller is writing about in What Doesn't Kill You: A Life with Chronic Illness--Lessons from a Body in Revolt. She is recounting her experience with Crohn's Disease, as well as advising people with a chronic illness on how to manage their lives. Miller advises on topics such as what to do about anxiety, how to choose the right doctor, and what to say and not to say to people with a chronic illness. I was most interested in Miller's personal story, as I too was a victim of the excruciating pain and humiliation of Crohn's Disease from ages 13-17. The medical tests alone, not to mention the fear of having to someday have a colostomy bag, gave me nightmares for years. I had no idea how bad Crohn's could get, as mine has been in remission since undergoing a bowel resection during my senior year in high school; Though my weight loss made me look like a holocaust survivor I remember thinking at around age 14, I never experienced the associated conditions Miller describes such as a C. Diff. infection, which made her life so miserable, and brought her close to death more than once. I was interested to read about her fecal transplants, as I had read about them in the New Yorker and was wondering if the procedure is being performed in the US (it is, but is highly regulated, and difficult to procure). This book goes into graphic detail about Miller's poop experiences, and is not for the faint of stomach if you don't have a stake or an interest in chronic disease. But if you or anyone close to you is going through or has gone through an Irritable Bowel Disease, Cancer or other harrowing health issues, I think you will find her honesty refreshing, and her advice wise and helpful.


"Yeah, my body won't allow for a lot of ambitious plans I'd had, but it also won't allow for any bullshit--no jobs I hate, no relationships I'm not fulfilled by, no hours crying over wrinkles. Illness made me braver, kinder, and empathetic..."


Hardcover 303 pages, Audiobook 9 hours 12 minutes. ⭐⭐⭐⭐/5 on Good Reads in our RipeReads group. What are you reading this week? Please leave a comment below! We love reading about your book recs!

Did you enjoy reading "Brain on Fire" by Susannah Cahalan? (If you have not read that book, you need to go read it now!) This reads a lot like it! I loved diving into the world of Tessa's diagnosis because she wrote it so beautifully (it was so real and raw) for those who have never experienced a huge health crisis. There were so many times where I was saying "wow, I couldn't have said it better myself!" As someone who struggles with Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, and Endometriosis, this book was spot on. This book was like a new best friend for someone who has just been diagnosed with a chronic illness (hello COVID long-haulers). Like I hinted at before, I wish I had this book 12 years ago when I was fumbling through getting diagnosed and struggling to understand what was going on with my body physically and emotionally. I will cherish this book forever.

Loved this one. Reading the author's experiences and all the crap she's gone through sounded pretty harrowing. And maybe saying I "loved" the book isn't quite the way to word it, but maybe more, I really admire the author for her writing and enjoyed reading about her journey.

4/5 Stars

First off, if you have a chronic illness this book will probably re-traumatize you. That's not saying you shouldn't read it - you definitely should - it's a warning, so you can be prepared.

This is one of the most complete and honest illness memoirs I've read. It's only part memoir, the other component is a guidebook for those living with a chronic illness. Tessa beautifully weaves her own narrative with anecdotes and facts about the health care system. She covers everything from racial and sexual discrimination in medicine to how to tell your boss you are ill to how to have boundaries with your family and everything in between.

Tessa's writing is raw and honest, bordering on crude but in the most necessary way. She is transparent and vulnerable with her reader when it comes to sharing the intimate details of her life with Chron's Disease and before. She addresses heavy topics with dark humor. She covers not only her physical health but mental health, romantic relationships, family dynamics, death and grief.

This is an important, powerful book, though it isn't an easy read at times. I highly recommend it for readers of memoir and those looking for support and guidance in regard to chronic illness.