This book was incredibly helpful in helping me to understand why change is so difficult! I’ve tried to make several changes in my behaviors and had minimal success. This book explains why people have such a difficult time with change from a neuroscience perspective. I’m going to use the ideas in the book to try and quit smoking! I’ve tried several times before but never managed to actually kick the habit. I think that this book was exactly what I needed to make the change! Thanks to the publisher and NetGalley for my free arc in exchange for my honest opinion!

Why the F*ck Can't I Change? by Dr. Gabija Toleikyte is a book for those who struggle to make positive changes in their lives and want to learn how to finally make progress on their goals. The author was trained as a neuroscientist but has combined her doctoral training with coaching. Despite her academic background, the writing is very easy to read and digest with short sentence structure with limited jargon. The writing explains things in detail without becoming technical which is valuable as many academics tend to keep the scientific writing style common in journal articles but is arduous for books with a wide audience. The book is separated into different areas of life to change such as Changing the Self, Changing your Results, and Changing Your Relationships. The author does a very good job explaining the purpose at the beginning of each chapter and ending each chapter with a summary. At times the summaries get a bit repetitive because it almost seems like the author summarizes the summary towards the end of the section. Overall I recommend this book for individuals who need a simple, straightforward guide to changing habits and want a quick read!

Many thanks to the publisher Thread Books and Netgalley for the ARC in return for an honest review.

It's really great for cynics like me to have a 'self-help' book which explores the science behind our thoughts and actions. I found this approach really helpful in understanding and applying the concepts laid out.

I liked the idea of this book and found some useful tips that I can apply to my life within, but I also found myself skimming a lot because there are many passages that get very science heavy and lost my interest. I like that the author explained how the different parts of the brain work, I just wish some of the book would have leaned more towards layman's terms where it could have. Since I couldn't focus on the book, I only made it about halfway through.

The cover and title as well as description jumped out and stood out to me which is a positive. I am definitely a creature of habit, and ask myself regularly why can I not change. This is an excellent book to capture the people who like to make a change at the start of the year - new year, new me etc. It is a little bit too science heavy for me, a lot of jargon that not everyone would understand and does make it hard to follow in some places.

First off I love the title, would definitely grab it off a shelf if I saw it and knew nothing about it. This is a great book, very helpful.

The 5-step, painful and powerful approach to behavioural change

How many times have we wished we had a reliable and simple formula for changing habits?

In her book, Why the F*ck Can’t I Change, Dr Toleikyte offers a slightly different approach to changing behaviour than some of the already available guidelines. Firstly, she doesn’t tempt us to believe that change is easy. Nor does she take a dichotomous view by telling us to focus on either ‘System 1’ (the mammal brain) or ‘System 2’ (the human brain). Instead, she teaches us how to engage both our mammal brain and human brain to achieve the desired behavioural change.

These are the 5 steps of changing habits.

Step 1: Assessing
We developed habits because they meet certain needs. We eat 3 bars of chocolate after a stressful day because it fulfils the need of ‘calm’. So the first step is making an inventory of what needs the existing habit (the habit that we want to change) fulfils. We do this by using our human brain (deliberate thinking) to delve into our needs (inhabiting our mammal brain).

Step 2: Discovering
Next, we need to come up with alternative habit(s) that would address the exact same needs. For example, in order to feel ‘calm’, we could have a smoothie instead of chocolate bars. Or we could talk to our friends. We are using our human brain to think about the alternatives, while focusing on the needs of the mammal brain.

Step 3: Retraining
To increase the chances of change, we need to retrain our mammal brain by teaching it to feel rewarded by the alternative habit(s). For this, we need to write down the benefits of the new habit. For example, drinking smoothies will keep us safe, improve our concentration, increase our vitamin intake, etc. Writing down the benefits activates our human brain, which is powerful enough to come up with solutions that will please the mammal brain. (And we do want to keep this list on our desk, as a reminder to or mammal brain in moments of despair).

Step 4: Calming
Changing habits, that is, starting to do something new, can be threatening to the mammal brain. If the mammal brain gets scared, we might revert to the old habit. Therefore, we need to do mammal-brain soothing activities, such as yoga, walking, mediation, spending time with loved ones, etc. We need to use our human brain to set these activities up and do them regularly.

Step 5: Learning
To create new habits, we need to create new networks in our brain. This process takes time, energy and repetition. The good news is that if we do something small and if we do it often, the brain will be more inclined to sustain that habit. For example, we can start by eating 2 chocolate bars and replace one of them by a smoothie. We continue with this pattern until we feel comfortable with this ratio, and then change it up after a while.

In creating a new habit, we do need a strategy for keeping it sustainable. Using an app (I personally like Fabulous can help create a strategy and keep us going. Writing a journal, doing challenges, being part of a social group are all good solutions as well.

The magic lies in acknowledging that change will take effort, but knowing that with enough work, it is possible. All it takes is a continuous conversation between the mammal brain and the human brain.

There is a lot information and suggestions illustrated with examples in Dr. Gabija Toleikyte’s book, Why the F*ck Can’t I Change? There are 8 other areas enabling the ’new you’, such as changing personalities, emotions and productivity.The book is out in Jan 2021, by Thread Books.

Going into reading this, I thought this would be more humorous, however, it is very science-heavy with both neuroscience and psychology aspects. This being said, the book is very easy to read and understand. It was also very well structured, and provides basic explanations leading into new topics/chapters. The book is broken up into sections, which are also broken up into chapters to cover all aspects of the topic.

Working in the mental health field, I found the book to be relevant and would recommend to others in my field. The downside, is that while the title is eye-catching, many professionals may overlook it thinking it will be humorous.

I enjoyed this read! Why the F*ck Can't I Change goes into the science of change and habits. There are lots of good tips to implement in one's life to make sustainable changes and I think it is certainly worth a read!

Thank you to NetGalley and Thread Books for the chance to read an early copy of this book!

This cover and title jumped out at me, and I imagine you might do the same. Self-improvement is always on my mind, especially now that we're in "New Year's Resolution" season. While this book isn't a magic pill, it is stuffed full of practical tips and insights into why our brain is fighting us so much.

I always appreciate a well-structured self help book. The chapters are very clearly laid out, with each chapter starting with an overview and ending with a summary, with lots of subsections in between. There is a LOT of information, and I had a hard time absorbing more than one chapter at a time. But also, because of the convenient structure, it's easy to look back and refresh yourself.

My main detraction from the book was that I didn't find the personal examples (which included both personal anecdotes from the author as well as hypothetical scenarios) very useful and just skimmed through those. Additionally, for all the emphasis on actionable tips, there were some very elaborate list-making requests like "write down 50 reasons why this is a good thing" that immediately put me into a detached, defensive mode.

Still, I really think I'll be turning back to this information. It touches on many different dimensions, which will stand out in different ways to different people. For example, the Leadership section really spoke to some management style issues I've been struggling with at work, but the [Romantic] Relationships section didn't seem particularly useful (I guess I should be grateful I'm in a healthy relationship!). This book's strength is in assimilating familiar information (habits, productivity, self-care, etc--they're all things I've seen before) and in adding the neurological background that can help your rational pre-frontal cortex identify when your "mammal brain" amygdala is taking over. This is a great overview applying these lessons (which mostly boil down to rational brain vs mammal brain) to many areas of life.

I really enjoyed this book, as it was filled with so many practical tips for self-improvement, relating to habits, emotions, productivity, and relationships. It is easy-to-read and feels like something I will refer back to in the future.

Ah yes, New Year’s Resolutions – and as the intro says, come February most of them will be long forgotten or guilty regrets.

This book is about change, and understanding the ways that you can help yourself make those changes you want in different areas. Three sections – Self, Results, Relationships – have three chapters each, covering topics including emotions, productivity, decision making, and communication.

The underlying theme is that better understanding of how your brain works will help figuring out how to work with it, not against it. I find psychology the closest thing we have to an instruction manual for ourselves, both absolutely fascinating and a huge dose of “why does no one tell you these things?!”

A lot of it was familiar from other reading, things like the ‘lizard, monkey, and human’ brain layers (the former controls e.g. breathing, the middle is our survival instinct, and the latter is what lets us use computers – to paraphrase badly!). But it was an excellent reminder of why life feels like such a struggle at times: under enormous stress this past year (as have so many of us been), it was hugely comforting to read that this pushed me into survival mode, so of course logical and creative thinking became so, so much more difficult.

I enjoyed the early chapters best, that covered more general topics applicable to everyone. The more specialised areas, such as leadership and relationships, felt a little more distant. Still globally relevant, but a little harder to connect with? I did like the use of an example or two, but sometimes it made the entire topic a little one faceted.

The language used is fairly intellectual, while still staying accessible. It’s not pop-science, but nor is it an academic paper. It suited me well, not talking down while at the same time challenging me to think and expanding my knowledge – without being too dense to even attempt!

Change is hard. There are a million books out there trying to push you through those New Year Resolutions, but I think starting with a ‘this is how the brain works’ is an absolute essential first step towards success in any area!

I was thrilled to start this book but I just found it harder and harder to read it is probably because I have been so busy

I really, really loved this book! I have to admit, I started reading this book a bit reluctantly because it’s always difficult to confront your past decisions and understand why we do the thing we do. However, I was incredibly pleased with how much I loved this book! I highlighted practically entire pages in my kindle because there was so much relevance to my life- why I’ve made and repeated bad decisions and gotten stuck in ruts of bad patterns and negative self talk.

Not only does this book go into the science of why we make the decisions we do, it also gives practical advice on how to make good changes to improve our lives. I will absolute be returning to this book again and again for advice and for help in reversing some of my own bad patterns in order to improve my relationship with myself and others. I recommend this book highly for anyone who desires to make positive changes in their life!

Amazing! I adore this book and really need to get a hard copy so I can continue to refer to it as time goes on.

This book was so much more than I expected. It covered how to change, why we struggle to change, how to assess whether we actually do need to change, and how to better understand and manage our relationships with others and with ourselves.

This book brings together so many subjects that are close to my heart. It balances the neuroscience with a trauma informed approach. It brings in attachment and methods to help us change our styles. I cannot express enough how much everyone should read this book and keep it with them!

This book is insightful and empowering, and has left me with lots more to explore further. Highly recommended.

I recommend this book to everyone who's ever asked themselves the question posed in the title.

Even though the book is very science heavy (neuroscience and psychology), it is easy to read and understand. The book is very well structured, and always starts with basic explanations so it's easy to follow along. Different chapters focus on different aspects of our life - our personality, emotions, relationships, leadership, communication etc. The book is very inspirational as it validates that you are not alone in feeling unable to change, it explains why do you actually feel so, makes you realize that you CAN actually change, you've just been doing things in scientifically not the best way possible up to now. It offers much better understanding of yourself and your behaviors, as well as reasons behind everything. It was very interesting to learn how brain functions and what's actually happening in there that causes our responses, choices, emotions, behaviors. There are also real life examples presented in the book and actual techniques how to effectively change in all areas of life.

I will definitely reread this book in the future!

Why The F**k Can’t I Change? by Dr. Gabija Toleikyte
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

This was a really great book that brought together the scientific, neurological and psychological powerhouses behind why we keep the habits that we want casted out of our lives.

Reading this made me become drastically aware of how comfortable and set I get in my ways I am, but also, it really highlighted to me just how much my brain really puts a barrier between myself and my goals. It was a bit of an eye opening experience.

I believe because I now have an understanding of the processes behind the scenes and I feel as if I will only be able to combat the things I want to achieve at a much more successful rate.

As a Psych major, I was absolutely fascinated by this read. The content was easy and approachable - meaning it’s not set at a academic level - and the book really sets out to give you a full and comprehensive understanding of everything you need to know on this topic.

Dr. Toleikyte is a neuroscientist and business coach. She has completed her Ph.D. at the University College London on the neuronal basis of memory and navigation. During her years of Ph.D. Gabija has acquired business coach qualification and worked as an internal coach at UCL for the senior academics and administrative staff. Combining coaching experience with neuroscience insights, Gabija has been able to develop unique seminars, and books where solid neuroscience research is presented in the context of the topics relevant for organisations and businesses.

I was given the opportunity it’s to review this ARC in exchange for my honest review. This book will be published on the 21st January in the US.

An interesting book well worth a read.

All about habits, how they’re formed and how you can train yourself to stop them.
Great if you do want to stop a habit or if you want to make some changes.
Our minds can be complex and cause lots of our our issues.

Worth a read, very helpful

This book has a lot of good information on how habits are formed, how to break bad habits and most importantly, how to form new ones. There are several helpful exercises to help focus on what you really want and how to get there. This book is helpful for anyone wanting to make a change or even just wanting a better understanding of their own behavior.

I thought from the blurb that this would be slightly different lol, I was slightly underwhelmed. Although it was very factual and interesting, I’d expected something more self-help and less psychology course. I think it was definitely eye-opening just not my cup of tea.