I didn’t realise until I got married just how deeply I had absorbed the pervasive evangelical teachings about sex and marriage. The obligation sex message and the teachings around lust in particular have caused so much hurt for me and my marriage, so I was thrilled to hear that Sheila, Rebecca and Joanna were writing The Great Sex Rescue to help challenge these teachings in a big way!

They explore the evangelical teachings about sex, lust and more, and with clarity explain where the teachings go wrong, how they objectify women and hurt men and women in general, and how we can reframe them in a healthy way. I am so thankful for the courage with which these authors are boldly challenging the evangelical literature which has caused so much heartache!

I love how the book focuses on encouraging us to behave more like Jesus and to evaluate our teachings by their fruits. The Great Sex Rescue minces no words in defence of the many of us that have been hurt, it replaces harmful teachings with healthy ones and ends with great hope. It helped me understand so many things about myself, it was healing, and I would 100% recommend it to anyone that has grown up in the evangelical church.

Have you heard things like "Every man struggles with lust"? Or "Girl, you are the gatekeeper"? Or, "Men need respect, and women need love. It is rarely the other way around"? "All men are visual." "You are supposed to always be available to your husband." Guess what? These things are WRONG!!! Even in a healthy marriage, the ideas written in these books can hurt your s*x life. BUT there is always hope. ♡ So, here is a new book that can help. It is great for couples. It is great for singles looking forward to marriage. It is great for parents wanting to teach their children about s*xuality in a healthy, biblical manner. It is great for pastors, pastor's wives, youth leaders and counselors. I highly recommend it. OH!!! AND IT IS RESEARCH-BASED!!!!! Over 20,000 women were surveyed

💥😲I have been making my way through this book and let me tell you, it just put the leaders of the church on notice!⚠️
We have been indoctrinated by the thinking that what happens in the bedroom of married couples is for his satisfaction, his desires, and his demands. Well, 20,000+ women, most of them Christian women, say “No more!” 👎🏻
We want love AND respect. We want to be seen. We want to be more valuable to our husbands than to service his animal desires. And we want to know that you will be just as helpful in the partnership of marriage.
No more putting all the weight of male sun on female shoulders. We are not the reason you can’t keep your stuff together.
On that note, we still love our husbands. We want to have joyful unions and work together through this life with you. The teachings of the last thirty years has to be eradicated from our marriages and GOD’S word needs to be put in the right place. He designed marriage to be a beautiful dance of giving and receiving between husband and wife. A partnership like that between Christ and the church. Now, that all said, this book is written in a way that both husbands and wives can read it together and discuss the topics while they work on improving marriage the way God designed it. Women should not read this and then beat their husbands over the head with the information. I say that because I would have done that at one time. The authors have put together discussion questions for you and your spouse to go over as well as some practical application 😉.

This book is much needed! Many best selling Evangelical books on love and marriage just give bad advice! All men lust, you must give your husband regular sex, he has a need you don’t have and if you don’t ‘give it up’ he’ll turn to porn and adultery!

WRONG!! Women are people too as they say in this book!!

This book gives the tools needed to have a happy healthy sexually passionate intimacy with your spouse as God intended!

This book is FANTASTIC and revolutionary. Sheila NAILS it, repeatedly, all over the place. I cannot recommend it highly enough for undoing all the terrible things we were taught about sex!

It’s like when we were first married, I was handed a lovely little box of beliefs, neatly packaged up in popular evangelical books. They said if I followed these beliefs, I would be the wife God wanted me to be and my husband would be happy and this was the perfect recipe for marital bliss. Well guess what? These beliefs can actually lead to pain, abuse, enabling addiction, stripping away personhood from women, viewing men as powerless to their urges, and basically just overall literal DISASTER.

In The Great Sex Rescue, Sheila, Rebecca & Joanna literally come to the Rescue and throw back the covers on all the mess:
-Lies we’ve been fed in the most popular Christian sex & marriage books are uncovered, and exposed for what they are
-The insanity of those beliefs and the broken logic that backfires horribly in marriage is called out
-Abuse is shown to be abuse instead of being excused continually
-Addiction is called what it is instead of being enabled, and they urge you to seek professional help
-Women are called people, deserving of care and basic human kindness. Women are spoken of as being worthy and valued, not merely objects to be used.
-Men are called to be the men that Jesus sees them as and can empower them to be, not helpless
-Men & women are pointed to Jesus instead of formulas that stereotype and paralyze us

This book is for you if:
-you’ve ever read the popular Christian marriage books and they’ve sat wrong and you felt more hopeless afterward, like you were broken
-you feel like you are merely an object in your marriage
-you don’t enjoy sex or think that your body “just doesn’t work how it should”
-if you have pain in sex
-you believe that if you just try harder in your marriage, it will be better. If you give more sex, more happily, more enthusiastically, it will improve and he will be happier

If any of these resound with you, please snatch up this book as fast as you can!!! Maybe you will find that you were building on a broken foundation and no amount of fixing would ever produce the result you are looking for. But there’s a better way. There’s hope for something better. There’s hope for freedom and togetherness and mutuality and safety and pleasure and love where BOTH individuals matter and are allowed to have a say and be able to give willingly.

A few quotes:
-“Women are given a beautiful picture of shame-free, passionate sex but then are bombarded by dangerous teaching rampant in these same books: it’s her duty to give him sex when he asks, regardless of how she feels; sex is something he will take from her because he needs it so badly; all men lust, so she needs to do her part if she wants her husband to stay faithful. Our theology of sex has to go beyond the creation story in Genesis, of being naked and not ashamed, and encompass so much more.”
-“When you are repeatedly told that you are not allowed to say no to sex and that what you need is less important than what your spouse needs, that is a deep rejection of you as a person.”
-“We needed to give people explicit permission to reject the aspect of the evangelical zeitgeist [beliefs] that were holding them back”
-“It is perfectly reasonable for a woman to expect her husband to live out his wedding vows. She isn’t being selfish. She isn’t failing to understand what it is to be a guy. She is standing on biblical principles.”
-“Not being able to look at a woman treats women like threats rather than people. And what do you do with threats? You neutralize them…Well, people treat lust the same – just get rid of the woman! Or at least tell them to cover up…. The irony is that by equating attraction with lust, we’ve boiled women down to their bodies, whether a man is avoiding her completely or lusting about her…. The key to defeating lust is not to avoid looking at women; it’s to actually see them.”
-“God does not blame women for causing men to sin simply by existing”
-“You don’t build a great sex life by telling a woman that unless she becomes wholly available to her husband in such a vulnerable way, he will betray her by turning to pornography.”
-“Your experience matters. God gave you discernment. You’re allowed to use it. When you read something or hear something, you don’t need to believe it just because it came from a Christian leader. Look for Jesus in what they are saying, and if He is not there, discard it.”

I believe that in The Great Sex Rescue, Sheila, Joanna & Rebecca will bring light and hope to countless marriages where pain and defeat currently rule.

Great book! Sheila, Rebecca, and Joanna deconstruct many of the harmful myths and teachings on Christian marriage and sexuality to help readers rethink love, marriage, and physical affection without shame or subjugation. Each author brings different perspectives and experiences to the table coupled with survey data, focus groups, and Biblical principles to help people think through the affects of abuse, trauma, physical concerns, and unbiblical teaching on their sexuality, leading the reader to consider how healthy relationships can function in a fun, kind, Christ-centered way. I appreciated the abundance of check-in questions for application of sections, as well as how the chapters ended with "explore together" and "rescue and reframe" to help with summary and application.

Bringing Dignity & Compassion Back to the Marriage Bed

I picked up “The Great Sex Rescue” because I’ve read other books by the authors and found them to be insightful, grace-filled, and a breath of fresh air after having struggled through other faith-based books about marriage and parenting. In this book, I was expecting to find out how potentially problematic evangelical teachings have effected other women’s marriages.

What I wasn’t expecting was to find myself reflected in this book's stories and statistics. This book has given me tools to build a stronger relationship with my husband and the vocabulary to have better conversations with my children about sex and relationships.

The book tackles difficult topics like lust, pornography, libido, sexless marriages, and sexual pain, among others. Woven throughout are scriptures that affirm the dignity of men and women, edify fellow believers, and point to Jesus.

The citations and endnotes are impressive. The book is a good balance of both statistics and individual stories that then give a face to the statistic. I also especially appreciate that when a problematic teaching is encountered, the book doesn’t stoop to finger-pointing but also does the hard work of rescuing and reframing the teaching. For example, “Instead of saying, ‘He can’t feel close to you unless you have sex with him,’ say, ‘Sex can help a couple feel closer, but it cannot sustain intimacy on its own.’”

The book ends on a similar note with the chapter “Where Do We Go From Here.” As the authors state, it’s intended not so much as an end-all-be-all, but as a way to start conversations in relationships, Sunday school classes, and churches. Instead of dwelling on the discouraging statistics and often gut-wrenching stories, the book offers actionable suggestions for moving forward and ends on a note of hope: “Let’s put Jesus… back at the center. Spur one another on to love and good deeds (Heb. 10:24). And take heart, for he has overcome the world (John 16:33)."

I received an ARC of this book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

This was the best Christian sex and relationship book I’ve ever read. For the first time, I felt actually SEEN by the authors and not shamed or objectified. I would highly recommend every woman read this, but men should read it too!

4.5 Stars

So desperately needed in the Christian sex and marriage world!

As a homeschooled kid whose sex ed was entirely Christian books/tapes and who later in life had to unlearn and heal from the teachings I found in them, I am so grateful this book exists and that women who are still in that position are able to get their hands on it and glean from it. The book address both men and women, but it is especially conscious of how harmful the more prevalent teachings in the church have been toward women and makes it very clear that those are not okay.

Not only does it call out the false/harmful teachings and explain why they are unhealthy and unbiblical, but it also offers replacement principles and things we can do to reclaim a truly good relationship with sex. I appreciate the advocacy, the candor, and the heart for healing permeating every chapter.

And it doesn't come from a man-bashing perspective; on the contrary, it comes from the belief that plenty of men would be appalled to find their wives believed what other books say about them, and that those teachings enable abusive men within the church. I love the way this book explains what sex actually is/was meant to be and how that positively impacts a marriage and both members of it.

Will be reading this again and underlining!

I would like to say, the way this book describes sex/body parts is not vulgar but they also don't shy away from being clear; it doesn't bother me but it may bother/trigger others] [there's also a brief mention of weight's effect on sex in chapter 11 that I felt was unnecessary and potentially triggering.

Many readers will be familiar with Sheila’s personal and blunt style from her popular blog, To Love, Honor, and Vacuum. For over 17 years, Sheila has shared her wisdom about Christian sexuality and marriage in her numerous books, podcasts, blog, and speaking engagements. She is a champion for equality between men and women in the bedroom and advocates for sexual pleasure and enjoyment as part of a Christian marriage.

Now she is joined by her daughter Rebecca, who brings a fresh and fiery perspective on gender equality, and Joanna, a statistician who no doubt serves as the brain behind the book’s research.

In The Great Sex Rescue, Sheila, Rebecca, and Joanna ask the question, “Do our evangelical resources for sex and marriage point readers to healthy relationship dynamics or unhealthy ones?”

To uncover the effects of evangelical teachings, the authors surveyed over 20,000 women. Then they followed up their survey with focus groups and one-on-one interviews. Next, they analyzed secular peer-reviewed research on what leads to healthy marriages and healthy sex lives. From these findings, the authors developed a rubric to rate harmful or helpful messages in three areas: infidelity/lust, sex as pleasure, and mutuality. Finally, they applied their rubric to the top 13 best-selling evangelical sex and marriage books to uncover problematic teachings.

The Great Sex Rescue calls Christians back to a healthy, biblical view of sexuality. Each chapter is organized around a problematic teaching paired with a part of the authors’ definition of great sex—that sex should be personal, be pleasurable, be pure, be prioritized, be pressure-free, put the other first, and be passionate.

And they don’t just leave you with the problems—they give you a path forward.

The book provides ample opportunities for readers to apply what they learn. There are check-ins and practical conversation starters for couples, as well as application exercises to correct faulty thinking. At the end of each chapter, the authors provide a rescuing and reframing section which gives the Church a better way to talk about these issues without causing harm.

The authors’ attention to evidence-based treatment and empirical research is commendable. Frankly, empirical research is largely ignored in most Christian non-fiction books. Unlike other Christian resources, this book is not just based on anecdotes, personal experience, and opinion; it is based on data and research.

I also applaud the authors’ nuanced approach to sexual values. They both embrace orthodox Christian values about sexual purity and fidelity while criticizing the extra-biblical messages about sex that we have taken for granted. The authors suggest ways for Christians to talk about sex in a much healthier way that still affirms biblical teachings about sexuality.

Sheila, Rebecca, and Joanna don’t want to challenge a biblical sexual ethic. They want to encourage us to take a deeper look at the books and the messages that have become ingrained in our belief system, and to examine the damage caused by those beliefs.

The Great Sex Rescue is a long overdue correction to Christian books on marriage and sex. With both biblical truth and evidenced-based research on sexuality, Sheila and her co-authors tackle the myths that keep many Christian couples from enjoying true passion and intimacy.

The Great Sex Rescue is a book that sees and validates the pain caused by so many misguided and abusive Christian teachings about sexuality. It is a book that provides hope and healing for Christian couples looking to correct their faulty beliefs and experience true sexual intimacy as God intended it—pleasurable, mutual, respectful, and uniting.

We cannot thank the authors enough—especially Sheila—for their courage to speak out against evangelical sex teachings and speak up for women. They are a brave and powerful voice in the Christian world. I now have a Christian sex book that I can wholeheartedly recommend to my clients, friends, and readers.

The Great Sex Rescue is designed to correct the harmful expectations in marriage that popular Evangelical Christian marriage books have (perhaps unintentionally) taught. Based on faulty research and opinions, many Christians are taught things that don’t match up with the Biblical principle of Love One Another.

There are many dimensions to intimacy, and this book reframes and rescues many of them, but especially those related to sex and purity. Including duty, respect, faithfulness, pleasure, and much more.

I would recommend it for anyone (both men and women) who’ve been married for any length of time. I would also recommend it to anyone 16+ with a note that it should be discussed with someone trusted. If they’re allowed to read the second half of Judges, then they should be okay with this.

There are some “try this at home” sections meant for married couples only, and some extremely dangerous/hard situations that will need processing. But it also has some extremely beautiful situations, too. The kind that proves Good Men exist and can be found! Excellent role models for those teen boys to look up to and follow after.

Rather than dooming them to ‘Every man’s battle’ and their wives to constant doubt and fear, set them up for success by teaching them to value the whole person. That makes managing expectations in relationships much simpler.

I received an advance copy of the book, but have also preordered 4 copies. I chose to review it here. All thoughts are my own.

This book challenges so much of what the modern church (or at least best selling Christian authors) teaches on sex and marriage. It shows the reader some of the problems in the current evangelical culture, and offers hope and life-giving solutions.

Based on a survey of 20,000 respondents, the statistics are interesting but not over-done or boring. It was easy to read, yet held my attention.

The modern church is in desperate need of the message in this book. I am thankful to have found it, and will be sharing it with others.

I recently read The Great Sex Rescue: The Lies You've Been Taught and How to Recover What God Intended.
It's. SO. GOOD.
The authors do a deep dive into Christian bestselling books' teachings about sex, men and women. Yes, there's a lot of really great, empowering content in those books. There's also a lot of unhealthy information that may be framing the way you approach sex and sexuality. Yikes! More importantly, we can change the conversation with some crazy-simple-empowering statements.
I was personally interested in the topic because I think my own feelings about sex have been strongly influenced by the Christian culture - in some amazing ways and some really terrible ways. I'm confident that I'll keep coming back to this book time and again to reframe my thinking and be more empowered.
If you're curious and interested in reframing how we approach sex in the Christian world, check out this book! (If you preorder, you get some fun bonuses, too!)

This is the book I needed 15 years ago! I hope this becomes the new Christian best selling marriage books. I have read the majority of the marriage books the authors discuss in this book. And I can confirm from personal experience that their messages are harmful. What I love is how In The Great Sex Rescue they don’t just point out what other authors do wrong but also point to a new message that is good. They show the problem and provide the solution. I really liked the “check in” parts of the book that give you questions to pass and reflect on. And the better phrasing’s are the end of each chapter. In reading the book I can tell they truly care about men AND women, believe that God is good and loving, and believe that sex can be good and intimate for both genders. This will be my new favorite wedding gift to give to other!

Here it is on goodreads which is linked to amazon https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/54232794-the-great-sex-rescue?ac=1&from_search=true&qid=suvVrOFDbo&rank=4

The Great Sex Rescue was helpful in ways I didn't even know I needed it to be. I grew up in purity culture and heard so many harmful teachings about sex, marriage, men and women...at church and in the home. As I stepped into adulthood and marriage, I realized that a lot of what I had been taught was wrong. I disagreed with the messages of "all men lust", "women are responsible for not being a stumbling block", "virginity is the most important thing you can give your husband", and so many more that are addressed in this book.

I figured that The Great Sex Rescue would be informative, but more life-changing for others rather than myself. I have a great marriage with a wonderful man. Our sex life is amazing. And I didn't know how much I needed this book. The most groundbreaking moment of this book for me was in the research the authors conducted and shared--that even if I don't believe or agree with those harmful messages, it still has an impact on my thoughts and ability to trust my husband. This was the most shocking thing for me to realize--it was like a lightbulb flashed on in my brain. I've dealt with body and self esteem issue most of my life, as well as trust issues, anxiety, and paranoia regarding my marriage and sex life (even though my husband is an honorable, honest, trustworthy man who has NEVER made me feel less than, unwanted, or like an object). I never knew WHY I had these issues until reading The Great Sex Rescue. I know so many have been (and still are) abused and manipulated as a result of evangelical teachings and culture, and, comparatively, my experience has been very mild. Still, now I feel like I can truly begin to heal and call out the mindsets that are lingering from the harmful teachings I grew up with. I can only imagine how much more life-changing this book will be for those who have deep trauma.

This book is so necessary, especially now as more and more people are calling out the harmful affects of purity culture and other popular evangelical teachings. The Great Sex Rescue couldn't be more timely, and I can't wait to see how it changes so many lives. Not only do I recommend this book, but I plan to purchase several more copies to give to friends and family. Thank you, Sheila, Rebecca, and Joanna!

Wow. This book is so needed--I wish it had come out twenty years ago. Readers will appreciate the relatable tone of the writers, the references, and the biblical responses to messages women have been being given for years from well-intended but completely misguided Christians. This isn't solely for "problems," either. It's about rediscovering and/or developing true intimacy between a husband and wife. It's about honoring each other. It's about reclaiming sex as God intended it. Something beautiful and safe and wonderful. Something raw and honest and intimate. The authors are spot-on with their assessment of the unfortunate misinformation perpetuating problems in Christian marriages. I highly recommend this novel--it's enlightening, liberating, and has the potential to save or enhance every marriage it touches.

FINALLY, a Christian book on sex that praises mutual, loving, and rocking-awesome sex for both the husband and the wife. Finally, a book that encourages both men and women to be all they can be. One that refuses to imply that all men are just animals who can’t help it but have sex all the time (so wives, you better be ready for it). Where women are considered important and also created for sex to feel amazing.

This is an important read. It is needed in our churches. For a relationship struggling in the bedroom, this book will help the couple understand what is going wrong. It will not promote intimacy at the expense of the other spouse. It will not condone sexual assault. This book offers ideas to help a couple mutually spice up the bedroom scene. It also champions getting help if the issue is bigger than sex alone. Because of it advocating true Biblical sex (which cares deeply for both the husband and the wife), this book is also beneficial for any couple, not just those struggling with sex.

The Great Sex Rescue absolutely lived up to everything I hoped it would be. Like the authors, I hope it offers a real and deep conversation on what God intended for sex. It’s time to stop allowing Christian sex to be a one-sided release of male sperm into a female receptacle.

The Great Sex Rescue is the book that Christian circles have been missing until now! Authors Sheila, Rebecca, and Joanna used information gathered from a survey of 20,000 Christian women to confront the damaging teachings so many of us have been taught surrounding sex, intimacy, and marriage, as well as to critique some well-known Christian sex and relationship books.

If you've been taught that...

Lust is every man's battle
Sex is a duty that wives perform to keep their husbands from sinning
Men will always push boundaries
Women must be the gatekeepers to stay "pure" before marriage
Women need to be vigilant about what we wear and we do to avoid causing men to stumble
Marriage means that you can never say no to your spouse

....You need to read The Great Sex Rescue! And even if you haven't been taught any of this, even if you've learned from healthy sources, even if you have a fantastic relationship, I guarantee you will still benefit from reading it. Each chapter is full of stories, statistics from the study, little check-ins for the reader to do, and an Explore Together section to do with your spouse.

This is one of those books that I may wear out a highlighter (or two!) on. Here are just a few of my favourite quotes from The Great Sex Rescue.

"The "all men struggle with lust" message has taught us to trade trust for fear in our marriages, so it shouldn't be surprising when sex doesn't work. Jesus told us to look at the fruit to judge the tree, and the fruit of this tree is nasty. Women are made paranoid because they are told they can't trust the man they married, the good man who loves them. These books unjustly paint husbands as sex addicts and pathological liars, while normalizing ogling women. If this is the fruit, why have we kept the tree?"

"Defeating lust is not about limiting a man's encounters with women; it's about empowering men to treat the women around them as whole people, daughters of Christ. The key to defeating lust is not to avoid looking at women; it's to actually see them."

I could go on for hours, probably days (my husband can testify to this) about how much I've loved and appreciated everything about this book. But don't just take my word for it. Grab a copy and see it for yourself. Share it with a friend. Share it with your spouse. You won't regret it.

*I received a complimentary copy of The Great Sex Rescue through the author and NetGalley. All thoughts and opinions are my own. My positive review is not required.

Often we criticize porn for reducing sex to something merely physical and for disrespecting and objectifying women, only to receive the same messages, wrapped in Christianese and peppered with Bible verses, from the pulpits on Sunday, in marriage classes and bestselling Christian books. "Sex is a need women don't have". "Do not deprive." "If a husband doesn't have enough sex, he will be tempted to watch porn and cheat." But we as Christians deserve a better message about sex that puts Jesus at the center. And this book wants to start the conversation about how we can do better.

"Authors and pastors [...] say women need to understand men. [...] What we're saying in this book is that women do understand men. [...] What we need now is for men to understand women."

Sheila Wray Gregoire, Rebecca Lindenbach and Joanna Sawatsky believe that in order to have great sex, we need to dismantle misconceptions about female and male sexuality and replace them with the truth. Actually, they don't just believe that, but back up their claims with a massive survey of 20,000 women. In this survey, they could cleary see the effects of harmful teaching on sexuality in marriage as women that were fed these harmful messages were more likely to experience pain and suffer emotionally.

But what are these harmful messages? That sex is just for men. That women don't have a sex drive. That women don't need to orgasm or don't need foreplay and that it's normal they will engage in uncomfortable, unenjoyable sex because that is their marital duty. That men are unable to stay faithful and pure if they don't get as much sex as they want. That marital rape doesn't exist.

Sheila tackles each of these in a chapter and shows how these teachings release men from accountability and the need to cultivate self-control. How they harm and hurt women. And she provides a better way forward: what to teach instead, how to discover joyful intimacy for both partners and how to have these conversations as a couple. At the end of each chapter, there are suggestions for couples and questions for reflections in each chapter.

Biblical sexuality is worth rescueing and I am so thankful for Sheila for starting this conversation.

Wholeheartedly recommended for married couples and couples preparing for marriage as well as pastors, counselors and educators.