The Great Sex Rescue is the book that Christian circles have been missing until now! Authors Sheila, Rebecca, and Joanna used information gathered from a survey of 20,000 Christian women to confront the damaging teachings so many of us have been taught surrounding sex, intimacy, and marriage, as well as to critique some well-known Christian sex and relationship books.

If you've been taught that...

Lust is every man's battle
Sex is a duty that wives perform to keep their husbands from sinning
Men will always push boundaries
Women must be the gatekeepers to stay "pure" before marriage
Women need to be vigilant about what we wear and we do to avoid causing men to stumble
Marriage means that you can never say no to your spouse

....You need to read The Great Sex Rescue! And even if you haven't been taught any of this, even if you've learned from healthy sources, even if you have a fantastic relationship, I guarantee you will still benefit from reading it. Each chapter is full of stories, statistics from the study, little check-ins for the reader to do, and an Explore Together section to do with your spouse.

This is one of those books that I may wear out a highlighter (or two!) on. Here are just a few of my favourite quotes from The Great Sex Rescue.

"The "all men struggle with lust" message has taught us to trade trust for fear in our marriages, so it shouldn't be surprising when sex doesn't work. Jesus told us to look at the fruit to judge the tree, and the fruit of this tree is nasty. Women are made paranoid because they are told they can't trust the man they married, the good man who loves them. These books unjustly paint husbands as sex addicts and pathological liars, while normalizing ogling women. If this is the fruit, why have we kept the tree?"

"Defeating lust is not about limiting a man's encounters with women; it's about empowering men to treat the women around them as whole people, daughters of Christ. The key to defeating lust is not to avoid looking at women; it's to actually see them."

I could go on for hours, probably days (my husband can testify to this) about how much I've loved and appreciated everything about this book. But don't just take my word for it. Grab a copy and see it for yourself. Share it with a friend. Share it with your spouse. You won't regret it.

*I received a complimentary copy of The Great Sex Rescue through the author and NetGalley. All thoughts and opinions are my own. My positive review is not required.

Anyone in a Christian marriage has struggled in some form with the proper role and practice of sexual intimacy. Some of that is the inevitable result of the Fall. But a great deal of it is due to unbiblical teachings that are unresearched yet repeated without questioning. This book is the beginning of the answer to those unbiblical teachings.
By analyzing survey results from over 20,000 women and focus groups from subsets thereof, Sheila, Rebecca, and Joanna have crafted a scientific, empathetic exposé of the harm done within the church by teachings such as: sex is a man's need, not a woman's; lust is every man's battle; women need to unconditionally respect their husbands; and women need to give their husbands obligation sex to keep them from watching porn.
The authors, while Christians, don't dwell a great deal on the proper Biblical interpretations to combat these teachings, which would muddle up the clear presentation of the data.. It should be obvious that God intended marriage to be good, (even "very good") and that it is not His will for women to be harmed in their marriages. As a starting point for evaluating what kind of marriage and sex teaching we should be promoting in our churches, this book is excellent.
For individual couples struggling with the effects of the toxic teachings addressed herein, this book is 1) intellectually and emotionally freeing in the information presented and 2) practical in starting the healing process, with exploratory exercises and discussion questions for couples at the end of each chapter.
However drastic or subtle the harm to your marriage caused by misplaced teaching bearing the "Christian" label, this book is a must-read. Buy extra copies to give to newlyweds in your life.

Often we criticize porn for reducing sex to something merely physical and for disrespecting and objectifying women, only to receive the same messages, wrapped in Christianese and peppered with Bible verses, from the pulpits on Sunday, in marriage classes and bestselling Christian books. "Sex is a need women don't have". "Do not deprive." "If a husband doesn't have enough sex, he will be tempted to watch porn and cheat." But we as Christians deserve a better message about sex that puts Jesus at the center. And this book wants to start the conversation about how we can do better.

"Authors and pastors [...] say women need to understand men. [...] What we're saying in this book is that women do understand men. [...] What we need now is for men to understand women."

Sheila Wray Gregoire, Rebecca Lindenbach and Joanna Sawatsky believe that in order to have great sex, we need to dismantle misconceptions about female and male sexuality and replace them with the truth. Actually, they don't just believe that, but back up their claims with a massive survey of 20,000 women. In this survey, they could cleary see the effects of harmful teaching on sexuality in marriage as women that were fed these harmful messages were more likely to experience pain and suffer emotionally.

But what are these harmful messages? That sex is just for men. That women don't have a sex drive. That women don't need to orgasm or don't need foreplay and that it's normal they will engage in uncomfortable, unenjoyable sex because that is their marital duty. That men are unable to stay faithful and pure if they don't get as much sex as they want. That marital rape doesn't exist.

Sheila tackles each of these in a chapter and shows how these teachings release men from accountability and the need to cultivate self-control. How they harm and hurt women. And she provides a better way forward: what to teach instead, how to discover joyful intimacy for both partners and how to have these conversations as a couple. At the end of each chapter, there are suggestions for couples and questions for reflections in each chapter.

Biblical sexuality is worth rescueing and I am so thankful for Sheila for starting this conversation.

Wholeheartedly recommended for married couples and couples preparing for marriage as well as pastors, counselors and educators.