Thanks to NetGalley and W Publishing Group a part of Thomas Nelson for my ARC in exchange for my honest review. This book was published March 30, 2021.

I wouldn’t normally turn to social media influencers for relationship advice but I think a ton of people will, due to their millions of followers.

What I did appreciate though was their honesty and vulnerability in sharing REAL fights and how they’ve worked to be better at fighting and ultimately better in their marriage.

Original review posted on GoodReads.

Full disclaimer: I love this couple. Like search out their videos love. I figured I would like this book but I didn’t just like this book. I loved this book. This book isn’t a fluff piece one would expect from someone that puts out Christmas jammie videos. This book is raw and earnest and it’s funny. My husband and I have been married a long time and there’s so many lessons we’ve taken from this book. I had so many lightbulb moments while reading. I cannot recommend this book enough. I am still convinced Kim and I could totally be besties too. Read this book. Seriously.

Humor and heart, this book reads like a coffee date with a close friend. Practical advise for healthy marriages shared in an authentic voice from familiar faces. Kim and Penn are vulnerable in their own experiences and generous in their eagerness to share their success.

My first introduction to the Holderness Family was from their humorous YouTube videos. Their parody videos are amazingly clever and have helped get me through some tough times during quarantine. With that being said, I knew that I had to read any book that they wrote! I was surprised at the serious nature of the subject matter, considering what I had seen of them was always comical. I then realized that a couple that lived and worked together and were around each other 24-7 might just be the right people to write about this topic.
I greatly enjoyed this book. Not only did it provide insight into their personal lives, but it gave ten tools on how to communicate better in a relationship and how to ‘fight fair’. Since they wrote the book along with their trusted pastor, the credibility of the information is certainly there.
I consider this book as one to give you ‘tools in your toolbox’ in order to effectively communicate with your spouse or with other people in general. My one takeaway from this book, as basic as it seems, it to ask for what you want. Again, very basic information, but a lightbulb went off for me when I read that tip. They said that when you do not <directly> ask for what you want, 100% of the time you will never receive it.
Since I am good at assuming my spouse knows my needs, I am not always good at direct communication. This tip has helped me more than anything, and has helped me to avoid some potential conflict.
Again, this book is a very good read for those wanting to improve communication in a marriage relationship.

Penn and Kim's videos have always been fun to watch and relatable. Note: I've been following them since their first video went viral in 2013, especially when I found out they were also in the Raleigh-Durham, NC area.

No surprise, their book is easy to read and often feels like you are sitting down with old friends to discuss marriage. I, too, have been married for over 15 years and they gave good advice and I found myself laughing their experiences as my husband and I have had the same fights, disagreements, and issues. Another reminder we are not alone and we can learn from each other.

Thank you to NetGalley and Thomas Nelson--W Publishing for the eARC in exchange for my honest opinion and review.

I was lucky enough to receive a copy of this book from NetGalley in exchange for my honest review and opinion.
This book is what we all needed after this past year! I personally have watched many of their funny singing video and this book brings to you the same humor from Penn and Kim Holderness that we have all love. I typically wouldn't request a marriage advice book but when I saw that Kim and Penn wrote a marriage book, I knew I had to read it if for only the laughs. The real life stories coupled with their advice makes you feel like you're having lunch friends you haven't seen since COVID started.. They repeatedly say they are not experts on marriage which makes the advice valid for so many couples. The real talk and showing both sides to some of their biggest fights helped me remember there is always another side to this story even in my own marriage. I highly recommend picking this book up and reading it. Lots of good advice and even a few laughs!

If you’re ever on YouTube, there’s a pretty good chance you’ve seen a video by The Holderness Family. Their first video to go viral was their hilarious ode to Christmas pajamas and the rest as they say is history. Personally, I love their videos. Each of them is so infectious and always brings a smile to my face. I’ve also come to admire Kim and Penn as they continuously working to better themselves and help others. They also have a blog and podcast too and have not been afraid to really put themselves admitting their faults and finding ways to work with them instead of against them.

The other way in which they have recently put themselves out there is in their new book Everybody Fights: So Why Not Get Better At It? Using humor and self reflection, the pair explains the things that they learned over the course of their relationship and marriage. They delve into how while everything may look picture perfect on screen, it is not always that way at home. They are human after all! They are also very open about their mental health and the influence which this holds on their lives and the way in which they understand each other. Kim and Penn are both very pro-mental health discussions and I love their openness regarding this.

inside Everybody Fights, Kim and Penn break down ten of their biggest fights and the lessons which they learned from them. They continuously remind the reader that they are not licensed therapists and encourage the reader to take the information presented at face value – they are a couple who has been there and has learned from it. They also advocate for their own marriage counselor who has helped them become stronger through their ups and downs. One of the messages that I took from them was how important communication is in a relationship. Be it verbal communication, body language, tone of voice, actions, or miscommunication, it all has an impact on your relationship and the likeness of a misunderstanding or fight occurring. And if you are aware of this, you can find a foundation which to work through these miscommunications and come out stronger both as an individual and within the relationship.

As many of you know I’m not married so you might be asking, why did I decide to read this book? Well, being a fan of the authors obviously played a role in why I wanted to read it but, I was also intrigued by the title. I wanted to know what kind of advice they would give and see how it helped their relationship and marriage. Yes, this is a marriage book but, it can also be taken as a way to improve your relationship. And I’m not just talking about a romantic relationship. I honestly feel like there are lessons in Everybody Fights which can be implemented in so many different ways. Each lesson is brought to the reader in such an easy way. Again, I love the dynamic between Kim and Penn, and felt like I was getting advice from old friends. I finished with a smile on my face and a good feeling in my heart and thought this was well worth the read!

Penn and Kim are incredibly relatable. When i first became a parent i realized how picture perfect people tried to make their lives. It’s so refreshing for this completely real view into marriage, fighting, and not just how to not fight, but how to use it to grow stronger. Thank you both and Chris too!

Penn and Kim Holderness have made a name for themselves with song parody videos, but this book is an entertaining and informative look at communication--particularly within a marriage relationship and with a focus on arguments.

They are not experts, they've just been married for many years and have experienced their share of communication breakdowns. They enlisted their own therapist/marriage coach Dr. Christopher Edmonston, to help them help others.

I've been married for almost 25 years, so many of the anecdotes they relate are quite familiar to me, but I also gained some interesting insights into what my spouse might be thinking when we do fight. There isn't much groundbreaking or new information here, but it is refreshing to see that a couple who live their lives on video in the eyes of most of us are actually human and have their own problems.

I think this would be a great book to purchase for an engaged couple or newlyweds to help them see that marriage takes work and that learning to communicate effectively is a strong key to marriage survival for the long haul.

The YouTube sensation who graced the world with Christmas Jammies back in 2013 has now written a book on marriage. This book was inspired (at least partly) by people commenting on their viral song parody videos saying things like ‘#couplegoals’ and ‘What a perfect couple!’

Turns out, we aren’t the only ones that present our best on the internet! Penn and Kim Holderness decided they would be vulnerable and use their platform to confirm what we (should) already know—no one is perfect, and they, like us, have to work hard at their marriage.

Indeed. Everybody fights.

But we can have what they would call “productive” fights. There may not be an ultimate “right” way to fight. But there is a “better” way to fight. A way that could help your marriage thrive.

Why do we care? Well.

“This is marriage we’re talking about, our most sustained and sustaining relationship with a person who we promised to love and support as long as we both shall live. Shouldn’t we look at the 55% divorce rate and say, ‘Forget pride—what do I need to do to take care of this thing?’”

If you, like me, have read several marriage books, there might not be a ton of new information here- not reinventing the wheel is a thing right? So yes, you will hear about communication. You will hear that we can’t expect our partners to read our minds. You will hear that we need to be better listeners. You will hear to ask clarifying questions, say thank you, and treat your spouse like a stranger.

But what I think sets this book apart is two-fold: how it is formatted and its conversational tone.

It is structured around ten of their biggest ‘fights’. Penn and Kim each weigh in, setting the scene and giving us their side of the story. If you’re married and haven’t had one of these fights, I would be shocked. Here’s a sampling:

- Can You Please Just Say Something? Anything?
- I Do Everything and You Do Nothing
- I’m Struggling with Snuggling
- Are You Even Listening to Me?
- Why Are You Being So Snippy?
- It’s Like I Can’t Do Anything Right Anymore

They worked through these fights with their pastor, gained some helpful tools and strategies they’ve personally “battle-tested” the last five years of their marriage and are sharing them with us now.

If you’ve seen any of their videos, they are a little over-the-top but still entertaining. This book is somewhat similar. You definitely hear their personalities come through. It’s informal and funny. And 99% relatable. (I’m not a Snoop Dogg fan…)

What qualifies them to give us marriage tips? Well… not a lot. Except that they’ve been fighting a lot and have gotten better at by using these methods. And they fight a lot because ever since Christmas Jammies, they spend almost all of their waking hours together making and planning their videos. (Plus a solid year of Covid quarantine)

“We talk to one another easily seven hours a day. Six of those hours are debates about what rhymes best with ‘booty’ or how to get a camera angle that doesn’t take Penn’s chin from a double to a triple… but disagreements are inevitable when you spend that much time with someone, and if we had a knock-down, drag-out fight every time we saw things differently, we would never accomplish anything.”

So they clarify that this book is not for people struggling with serious marriage issues that may involve addiction, mental or chronic illness, or serious trust issues. They do not claim to have the answers for everything. But this is a book intended to provide a little boost to help improve our marriages.

And I think this definitely accomplishes that.

I won’t rehash all of their strategies here because without the context of the particular fight, it’s not as effective to understand how to employ them. That’s the point of reading the entire book and not just my stellar review.

But here are some snippets that I found relevant and relatable:

“It’s not what you said. It’s how you said it.”
(ugh. this is definitely me)

”You see what happened there, right? You started with one fight and then escalated into every fight you’ve ever had or thought about having”
you know how sometimes you ruminate on your feelings and you remember all the other times you had those feelings and then when you finally talk about it with your spouse you start bringing up ALL the things… well this is the part where they tell us to ‘stay in the airport’ and deal with one fight at a time)

“When Penn said that Kim wasn’t spontaneous, Kim heard, ‘I find you boring and uninteresting’ When Kim brought up how much they were spending on restaurant meals, Penn heard, ‘You aren’t providing for your family.’”
(this reminded me a little bit about the distorted cognitive thinking explored in The Coddling of the American Mind book I just read—the ways we interpret what others are saying or doing can have a huge affect on how we relate to people and how we view ourselves.)

“When something is bothering you, you might think its’ better to endure in silence, to play the part of the stoic or the martyr. Choosing that path may sound like you’re being the bigger person, taking the good ol’ high road. Au contraire… you are compromising your communication.’”
(shoot. so the silent treatment isn’t winning?)

“Three of the biggest challenges to good listening habits: distractions, laziness, and interrupting.”
(and 100% of distractions are phones, kids, phones, and phones, amiright?)

“Strike you statements from your conversations and replaced with I Feel.”
(Is it a ‘you statement’ loophole if you say: I feel [this] when you…?)

“[If I had had my phone on me] I would have clicked on a video of some guy who can hit a frisbee with a ping-pong ball from two hundred yards away and I would have gone mentally AWOL. But instead I was tuned into [what Kim was going through.]
(Um. actually I’m just put this one in here because the guy he is referring to is almost absolutely my husband. PENN: If you’re reading this, I think you should collab with @thatll.work and blow your sports-and-trick-shot-loving mind. You know… when you’re done being tuned into your wife…)

“Then she did that thing that I hate: she asked for specific examples.”
(right?! We need examples but we’re also supposed to forgive and forget…but also we’ll never believe our spouse unless they can prove it…but also we should “keep no record of wrongs”)

“A non-kinetic interruption is when you have something you’re so excited to share, you stop listening to what other people are saying while you wait for your chance to say your piece.”
(Also me…preparing my point-by-point response or chomping at the bit to share my stupid ‘me too’ stories that I don’t realize hijack the convo. Whoops.)


And probably the most relatable thing contained in the entire book:

“We spit out an average of over fifteen thousand words each day. True, about five thousand of those are a variation on ‘Has anybody seen my phone?’”
(for rarely leaving my house I lose my phone a shocking amount of times)

I know this is a long review, guys, but can we talk about marriage books for a minute? If only one person of the married couple reads a marriage book, does it really help anything? I feel like you have to both WANT to read the book and then read it together so you can actually implement the strategies. If just I read this book and then I tell Mike in the middle of a fight that he’s doing one of the 3 D’s, he’s not gonna get it. And when I explain it to him, he’s probably not going to be on board about ‘fixing’ it. So I think marriage books are best consumed WITH your partner. This also helps prevent you from reading it and thinking “Oh, such-and-such-my-lover should definitely read this part” (on every page). Because let’s be real, our biggest blindspots in life are probably in our marriages.

So I would recommend reading this WITH your spouse. (Full transparency: I didn’t. But I should have.)

And it’s short and super conversational so it’s not going to be a tedious book, I promise.

I think you’ll like it. (Except for the part where they talk about one of Freud’s theories. We don’t need to listen to that guy.)


One last comment. They’re self-proclaimed Christians, and they talk about the help they received from their pastor with each fight, but this is not a Bible-based marriage book. That does not render this book useless by any means—I think there are a lot of good ideas here that I think really would change your marriage if you’re willing to do the work— just know that there is an element of personhood and sin and grace missing from this book that would make a biblical marriage book worthy of your time as well. (I may update this once I read Paul Tripp’s marriage book next month)


In summation: Everybody fights. If you haven’t yet, you will. I’m ten years into marriage and I would have said I didn’t need this book the first 7 or so years of our marriage. But here we are- ten years in, four kids later, living in the age of facebook (I know I’m not cool) and TikTok (I know my husband is) and our communication is sometimes in the pits. So read the book and fight more productively. It’s worth it.


Okay. Two more quotes because they made me laugh.

“I sat the family down and said, ‘can I have one hour…when you agree to pitch in around the house and lighten my load?’ They conferred and decided, Yeah, OK, this is literally the least we can do.”

“The shame was all completely in my head. The person judging me was me. The call was coming from inside the house, which made it all the more horrifying.” IN. SIDE. THE HOUSE.

**Received an ARC via NetGalley**

This book surprised me! It was more indepth and research supported than I expected! I would recommend it to anyone who has enjoyed this families videos over the years! It was an interesting and surprisingly applicable read!

I could not finish this book. First of all, the formatting of it was terrible. Secondly, I found it redundant. I LOVE this family and their videos and fun songs, but this book was not for me.
Thank you to Netgalley.com and the publisher for this ARC in trade for my honest comment.

So much more than parodies! :)

I stumbled across the Holderness family and their parodies a while ago and I absolutely love them because their content is so relatable. I think they do a killer job with their videos and they really brighten my day. I was not however, convinced that their book would be interesting. Clearly, I was wrong.

This book honestly helped me calm down about my own fifteen year marriage. Their arguments are so relatable, as are their reactions. While I don't think all of their pointers are new or eye-opening, I do think it's extremely helpful to see that even the best marriages struggle post-baby and during COIVD and it's really encouraging to read about people being open about it. We live in a world where people Facebook, Snap and IG every single positive thing they experience but rarely get real about the nitty gritty stuff, and this was such a refreshing perspective!

I especially enjoyed the format of a lot of this book-- where Penn tells you what happened and then Kim butts in and tells you what "really" happened, or vice versa. It really gives you the perspective to understand that you can't assume malintent, people really honestly do see things differently and didn't always mean to send you off into outer space with a dumb comment.

Honestly just truly enjoyable. I realize I got this copy free but I ordered a signed one anyway.

A wonderful book about improving a marriage that might actually have a chance of working. Penn and Kim (and their kids) are known for their entertaining videos. This book though, written by Kim & Penn, opens the doors to their private lives... the skeletons are pulled out of the closets... the dirty laundry is aired... and they explain how the struggles of living your life with another person can turn from frustration to fun.
The Holderness' don't pretend to be fonts of knowledge. What they are is a couple who has made it through 16 years together and still loves each other. They felt admit they had help with this on the form of marriage counseling and this too is a great normalization of therapy which will likely help as many couples as the advice contained in the book itself.
I would recommend this book to literally anyone who is married or planning to become married. It is simply a recipe book for a better marriage.

Thank you to the publisher and Netgalley for the opportunity to read a pre-release copy of this book.

"I received a complimentary copy of this book through NetGalley. Opinions expressed in this review are completely my own."
I enjoy a good Holderness Family video, but I don't know much about them beyond that. So, I was intrigued to see what the book would hold.
I think they did a good job of keeping reader interest by sharing personal accounts and real life experiences. But blending that with advice and tips about how to better communicate.
Really that's what the book boils down to is communication strategies. "Fight" is more dramatic, but really it's about communicating.
Overall I think it was well put together.

When goofy, yet hilarious people write a book you have to know your in for an exhilarating ride. Kim and Penn Hold nothing back, bearing it all for us to read in black and white. The courage to air your dirty laundry so to say, is truly humbling. Every chapter divulging us with real arguments they had and did work through. I have to admit I was called out on several occasions...Thankfully It didn't sting so bad because the humor Kim and Penn add to the book makes it feel like you're not alone and there are steps you can take to work through those problems. They even take it a step further by giving clear detailed steps and worksheets you can use to make working through your troubles easier. Marriage is hard but this book has the potential to make it just a little easier.

I’m sorry, but I was unable to finish this book. I think the core of this book is going to be very helpful to many readers, I just wasn’t one of them. I love the idea of Penn & Kim opening up about their marriage and how they often have different views about the fights they gave. I wish the authors & publishers much success upon release.

I’ve been following the Holderness family on social media for a few years and I really enjoy them and their hilarious parody videos. I was excited to see Kim and Penn wrote a book together. In the 10 chapters in this book, Kim and Penn talk you through fights they have had during their marriage and they offer strategies and explain how they have learned to fight better. I found this book to be very relatable. It has a lot of great advice and takeaways you can easily implement into your own marriage. I definitely see myself coming back to this book as reference later on. I enjoyed getting to learn more about Kim and Penn’s life on a more personal level. And true to the Holderness style, there are also some funny moments in the book that I really enjoyed.

Thank you Thomas Nelson and Net Galley for the ARC of this book

If you know Kim and Penn Holderness from their videos, you will love their new book Everybody Fights: So Why Not Get Better at It? If you don't know who they are, I'm sorry, you're really missing out.

Kim and Penn are known for their humor, and it comes out in spades in this book. They are open about how they fight and the way therapy has helped them to fight more productively.

The info included isn't all new to me, but damn, this is by far the best way I have ever seen it presented. It's honest, funny, and completely helpful. Best of all, it's sound advice offered in a fun, easy to read package.

If you are ever going to read a book about help in your marriage, this is the book to read!

As well, I find this book can be helpful and useful for arguments with anyone. A parent. A sibling. A co-worker. A friend. Anyone. Although written for both side of the argument to understand the "better" way to fight, I see that just one person knowing the useful way would be extremely beneficial.

I seriously love this book. If you're a fan of Kim and Penn, this is a great look at the people behind the video. Their personalities shine throughout. They give you an up close look into how they balance their family, marriage, and work lives.

They repeatedly remind the reader that they are not therapists. But they heavily focus on some of the things that their therapist has taught them that can help all of us. Basically, it's a much cheaper version of therapy for yourself and it's wonderful.

Everybody Fights: So Why Not Get Better at It? is a must read book as far as I'm concerned. You might not relate to everything that Kim and Penn are saying, but you will definitely learn a thing or two, if not twenty, on a more productive way of fighting and communicating.

And again, if you haven't yet seen the Holderness's videos, do yourself a favor and look them up on You Tube. Be prepare to binge watch them though as they are hysterical.

Most people that choose this book will likely be followers of their YouTube channel to get a glimpse of their real life off camera. Their humor from their videos carries over into their book. It does talk about what their big fights are about and how through counseling they are able to get past them.

This book was fun to read but I don’t think it would be one I refer back to or read again. It is a book that will likely appeal to a big audience.