This book is beautiful and heavy and so necessary. It's an intimate, troubling look at the life of a gay Black man that is at times hard to read.

At times unforgiving and always in beautiful writing, Mendez crafts a moving story about finding freedom and a life of your own.

Such a wonderful look into the life of this character. I love that Paul Mendez took this story and really dove into the characters.

I knew Jesse's story would wreck me. Rainbow Milk is a coming-of-age story, set in modern Britain. Jesse grapples with his religion, sexuality, and racial, identity while working to find acceptance, love, and himself. It was challenging to read at times, only because Jesse's story pushed my emotional limits. This is a stunning debut from Paul Mendez and Jesse's story deserves to be read.

Paul Mendez's Rainbow Milk does not waver from telling a classic tale of how young gay men embrace and identify their sexuality. Our narrator, named Jesse, welcomes homage to this sentiment by reading James Baldwin, enhancing his exploration of lgbtq+ themes to recognize within Baldwin's work, that Jesse too can seek themes within his own life when observing men and his desires. The first half of Rainbow Milk remains formulaic in Jesse feeling cast off from his previous life in favor of embracing his newfound time in London in his late teens. However, the spark of Rainbow Milk is how Jesse realizes overtime how his queerness does not come as easily to him while also combating his blackness. Rainbow Milk is a novel that takes its time gracefully. While the novel sacrifices the risk of starting off as a familiar story that may not standout to some, its power is Jesse's voice, as he fights for his place within an early 2000s world ready to reject him both publicly and privately, as Jesse struggles to yearn for stability with his encounters with men, hoping one of them can see in him what he sees in himself: A willingness to not only be loved, but to be seen, and how his life as far as he's lived it is hopefully the truest and most authentic part of it he's ever known.

First off, <i>Rainbow Milk's</i> cover is gorgeous. It caught my eye and when I read the summary, I immediately added it to my to-read shelf. I was excited to get the ARC--thank you to the publisher. I don't think I've ever read a novel where a Jehovah's Witness is front and center. Add blackness and queerness? <i>Rainbow Milk</i> sounded like a unique read that would preview a sliver of a culture I'd never considered before (and I say a sliver because, of course, reading about one black, gay Jehovah's Witness does not tell me about them all).

Sadly, this book was so difficult for me. It is intentionally painful reading. Jesse McCarthy's sexual exploits are written in graphic detail, over and over <i>and over again</i>. One or two of his encounters border on caring, but most are tinged with racism and abuse. Each man Jesse sleeps with clamors for his big, black d*ck (this is how it is written), while Jesse yearns for a loving father figure.

I wanted to read more about the relationships and emotions and less about the sex. I'm not prude, I don't mind reading about sex between men in graphic detail, but with <i>Rainbow Milk</i>, it felt like there was more of that than any other content <i>and</i> the sex that was so painstakingly described felt so dang sad to me. I wanted to read more about Jesse's Jehovah Witness roots, his family of origin tales and trauma, and how he navigated the world outside the bedroom. I also had some challenges with the shifting timeline.

I'm sure that this book will resonate with some readers, that some will be able to see the sex as an integral part of the story rather than an overdone part of the story (I mean, it works exceedingly well as a traumatic convention), but for me, I couldn't see the forest through the trees in this one. Not recommended.

Thank you NetGalley, Doubleday Books and Doubleday, for the chance to read and review this book.

TW: racism, abuse, violence

In the 1950s Norman Alonso is an Jamaican ex boxer and he's determined to secure a brighter future for his wife and kids in England, but they are forced to face illness and racism. At the beginning of the millennium, Jesse is determined to escape his family, his repressive community, and hometown, looking for a new life in London and forced, then, to escape to sex work, music and art. In this book the author follows the nineteen-year-old Jesse, while he comes to term with his sexuality, racial and sexual identities, escaping his Jehovah's Witness upbringing.

Rainbow Milk is a wonderful and intense coming-of-age, grappling with race, class, violence, family, sexuality, religion and so on
Sometimes slow, above all at the very beginning, the story is interesting and Jesse is a captivating and complex main character, dealing with traumas, abuse, himself, his family and religion, while growing up and becoming more and more himself. A strong character, brilliant and intricate, impossible not to love.
Often hard to read for the themes, the prose and writing style is really good and I really loved to read this book.

There were moments of sheer brilliance in <i>Rainbow Milk</i>, illuminated by its viscerally real protagonist Jesse. The story of a child of Jamaican heritage raised in the Black Country of England is one I'm woefully unqualified to speak on: but I truly enjoyed reading about it. This was a refreshing addition to the own-voices stories that are, thankfullyJesse's change from ingenue to adult was an interesting and compelling story. His grappling with his sexuality intersecting with his race and ethnicity led to a page-turner of a novel.

However, this brings me to why a star is missing here: the lack of growth. The reader is told that Jesse has grown, but there is little showing. Also, the framing of the story begged the ending. The reader was left waiting for the big reveal: even though it was pulled off with great aplomb and effect.

Mendez is wildly talented, and I look forward to all they have coming in the future. Four stars.

Rainbow Milk is a complex, coming-of-age about Jesse McCarthy, who has grown up in a family of Jehovah's Witness with an abusive mother and an adoptive white father. His various identities, be it racial, sexual or even personal, are slowly getting erased and Jesse decides to leave his family and town and move to London.

This is an intricate story which almost feels like a third-person memoir. Throughout the book, you always care about what is happening to Jesse and are holding your breath every time Jesse puts or finds himself in a dangerous/difficult situation. The way Jesse's sexuality is at first pushed down and how he finds his confidence follows an unsafe path, but it is heartening to see him find new genuine friends and family. There is a lot of emphasis on music, which was a little lost on me because of a generation gap, but it is an important part of Jesse's life.

I just feel like this book had the potential of breaking me completely, and I think it stopped short of eliciting powerful emotions out of me. The writing is amazing, but it almost always relies on being coarse. There were times throughout the book where I felt that it could be more subtle, sometimes you don't need everything spelled out. Other than that, this is a book which should be read, and I'll definitely read Mendez's next work.

Rainbow Milk is an own voices novel that follows 19yr old Jesse as he grapples with his racial and sexual identities against the backdrop of his Jehovah’s Witness upbringing.

Wow, this book had me feeling all sorts of things. While it was graphic at times in regards to his sexuality discovery, I still enjoyed reading where he came from and how he developed into adulthood. My heart hurt so much during this book but then I felt spurts of joys when Jesse overcame adversity.

I learned so much about things that I did not know. I feel like this book can be very educational and eye-opening. However, I had a very hard time keeping up with the time jumps. The style of writing was just something that I struggled to push through. Parts of the story felt like they didn’t belong there. By the end of the book, it all came together and puzzle pieces were put together. But I did struggle reading this one.
3/5 ⭐️

TW: religious trauma, child abuse, graphic sex scenes, sexual abuse, prostitution.

Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for this gifted copy.

Claiming Freedom: Exploitation and Self-Determination in Paul
Mendez’s Rainbow Milk

Rainbow Milk was published in England in 2020 to great acclaim and named as one of the Observer’s best debut novels of the year. The U.S. version is set for release in June 2021 and is sure to electrify the literary world here as it did in Paul Mendez’s home country. The story centers on Jesse McCarthy, who, like Mendez, was raised in what is referred to as the “Black Country,” the West Midlands, England, in a strict Jehovah’s Witness household. Groomed to enter into a career of Witnessing ministry, Jesse is the shining star of his local community and congregation until he is outed by one of his friends after making an obfuscated pass at him during a rare night of intoxication. When this revelation strips Jesse of his home, family, and community, he moves to London and quickly discovers that the most effective way for a pretty young man with no education, aside from an inside-out knowledge of the Bible, to make a living is by being a rent boy, which he does until suffering a traumatic injury from a client and then meeting the love of his life soon after. Mendez successfully demonstrates that a world in which family relationships, love, and sex are created on one’s own terms is a world of true freedom. Jesse’s journey of self-creation occurs in a racist, homophobic society and thus Mendez is arguing that claiming one’s own life is not only imperative, but possible, even under the harshest conditions.
The novel opens in the 1950s, and the first section, which serves as a prologue, is narrated by a Jamaican boxer named Norman who came to England during the Windrush generation and settled in the West Midlands. While Norman is not biologically connected to Jesse (nor do we see him again once Jesse is introduced), he sets the stage for some of the key themes this novel explores, namely disillusionment, alienation, and the exploitation of Black bodies by white colonizers, actual and symbolic. By starting out with Windrush, Mendez sets the stage for the legacy of racism and oppression in England and shows that the struggles Jesse faces have a long history. Norman’s narrative is the story of Jesse’s grandparents without actually being about his grandparents. The prologue also foreshadows Jesse’s life of servitude, as his clients are mostly white. As a boxer, Norman literally gets beat up for a living, which foreshadows Jesse’s life as a prostitute and the physical toll this takes on him. Later, Jesse becomes a waiter in an upscale restaurant and even though his service to his largely white customer base comes with less risk of bodily harm, the psychological toll is similar.
The narrative jumps around in time even within the sections that are labelled with specific dates, and though this structure can be confusing, it works; the flashbacks come together to stitch the narrative of Jesse’s life together, yet this patchwork still manages to be clearly organized. The through-line of Jesse’s story is never lost, and Mendez manages to seamlessly connect every character and plot point through to the story’s satisfying conclusion. In this way, the novel calls to mind one of Mendez’s stated influences, Marcel Proust and his landmark work Swann’s Way.
The only section where the story seems to nearly lose its thread is in the last quarter of the novel, which is set in the present day. The jump in time from 2002 to 2016 feels jarring, but while this final section could benefit from some trimming, it is necessary for the story’s completion. It is here that a particularly pivotal conversation transpires between Jesse and a Lebanese friend, Jean-Alain, where Mendez via Jesse describes for his white readers what it might look like to really embody antiracism. In this scene Jesse describes the fact that his white partner Owen was offered the job of head of the English Department at his university and instead of accepting the position, he gave it to a woman of color. Of Owen, Jesse says, “There’s nothing he can do about being white, but he knows he has to be absolutely aware of his privileges at all times. He knows he is part of a group that has to give up some of its privileges, and he knows that having the choice to be able to give up some of his privileges is also a privilege.” In this way, Mendez demonstrates how white people can actually do something about the issue of unearned advantage. He communicates this message through a brief conversation rather than in the heavy-handed speeches that readers are sometimes given from writers like Richard Wright. The dialogue between Jesse and Jean-Alain is the definitive show-don’t-tell, encapsulating one of the most important messages a white reader can take from this book.
Themes of identity and alienation are common literary tropes, especially in coming-of-age novels, but the way Mendez tells this story does not tread these same well-worn paths. Jesse goes from being defined by the church and his family to being branded by his profession and his johns, but by the end he is living a life of self-determination. While Mendez certainly renders shades of James Baldwin, Rainbow Milk also calls to mind contemporary queer writers like Michelle Tea, Lynn Breedlove, and Leslie Feinberg, whose queer autobiographical novels explore many of the same themes this novel elucidates. Jesse’s story is one that sinks deep into the bones of the reader and illuminates Paul Mendez as an author who is sure to be a staple both on best-seller and academic reading lists for years to come.

gorgeously written, nearly unbearable to read. I frequently wanted to look away from the page. Everything was very close and very bright with this prose. The sentences felt like one dazzling tour de force of gristle and sweat after another. I craved more nuance. This is a preference, not a criticism. Im going to enjoy Mendez's second book a great deal.

Rainbow Milk is a gay coming of age story told in two parts. The narrative meanders and allows access to Jesse’s innermost thoughts and feelings. The discussions on race, white supremacy (mostly from an English perspective but some references to American white supremacy too), xenophobia, religion (Jesse is kicked out of a Jehovah Witness group), class, and sexuality offer incredible insight.

This is a very fly on the wall, slice of life style that is character driven more than plot driven, which is my preferred type of reading. Jesse is a character who feels so real that I’d read him in any situation.

Strongly recommend this book for anyone looking to expand their LGBTQ+ reads to be more inclusive of race, specifically what it is to be Black and gay, and how whiteness impacts Jesse throughout his life.

Thank you to NetGalley and DoubleDay for the digital ARC.

I was looking forward to reading this novel, but I couldn't get into the story. The writing didn't capture my attention.

My heart will never be the same.

I would say that this feels very similar in essence to THE HEART'S INVISIBLE FURIES. You follow this character through the past as they struggle with identity. You see them at their worst and lowest to their highest.

I cried, and I just want to give the main character a hug.

The writing was beautiful. It dragged a bit but picked right back up. Even so, I didnt love love it. It was more of an I enjoyed it kind of book.

Add this one to your list, if for no other reason than to seek out all the musical references bursting out of Paul Mendez’s debut, which includes everything from Joy Division to Beyoncé, with a little Swan Lake and Anita Baker thrown in for good measure. Someone has even made a Spotify playlist to follow along to as you read Mendez’s guaranteed-to-make-straight-people-squirm story of a Black, ex-Jehovah’s Witness hustler making his way in early 2000s London.

In the past year there seemed to be just an incredible collection of debut authors premiering coming of age stories both real and imagined, however with ‘Rainbow Milk’ Paul Mendez has written one of the best. Jesse McCarthy (and no, not the singer) is a nineteen year old Jamaican living in the Black Country of the UK with his mother and white step father. “His mother had married a white man, but how could a white man raise a black boy to be anything other than white, and to consider his blackness as a disability to endure?”

On track to become a Jehovah’s Witness despite wrestling with his insistent sexuality as well as his race, a series of events soon lands him in London becoming a sex worker to survive. To describe this makes it sounds like a bleak, ‘A Little Life’ esque tragedy, and yet that’s not what Mendez has in store. This is a journey about identity and survival, populated with a series of wonderful characters, friends, coworkers, tricks and lovers. It’s unflinching in its sexuality, heartfelt in its passions, timely in its discussions about race, and spans over fourteen years in his life, bookending in a moving final puzzle piece. An absolute favorite of mine so far this year and an author to absolutely keep your eye on.

Rainbow Milk contains such depth and details so many intricacies of experience that it's difficult to succinctly summarize it. It's Paul Mendez's debut--fiction informed somewhat by his personal life--and a queer bildungsroman, but its complexity makes it much more than that.

The story begins with a narrative from Norman Alonso, a Windrush generation former boxer struggling to find his place and create a safe and successful life for his little family. We share in Alonso's heartbreak as the Black Country reveals itself as anything but the promised land of opportunity and new beginnings he had hoped.

From there, we follow Jesse McCarthy through formative years of his life, starting as somewhat of a prodigy in the Jehovah's Witness community in the Black Country some years after Alonso's tale. Jesse lives with a detached, depressive mother, white straight-laced stepfather, and two half sisters--none of which seem to be able to figure out how he fits into their lives regardless of how hard he tries to be the perfect son. As he faces rejection from his family, the Witnesses, and even his best friend, Jesse attempts to come into his own as a queer Black man and starts a new life in London.

His London years are bumbling and imperfect, as most of us are as late teenagers. This portion of the book does get very sexually explicit, as Jesse made a living as a sex worker and details many formative encounters. Sex work is work, and I'm glad it is detailed and treated as such. Mendez is able to openly discuss sex work without a constant narrative of it being degrading or morally wrong, a lazy and misguided trope sex work portrayals often fall into. This isn't the main focus of Jesse's life, but it does serve as a vehicle for him to grapple with family, religion, racism, relationships, housing, income, and finding yourself. While this seems a lot to tackle in one text, Mendez raises these issues beautifully throughout.

I won't spoil any ending bits, but we do get to follow Jesse through to some later years, and seeing the way challenges change (or don't) and who comes into his life (or doesn't) is a treat. I was extremely invested in his journey right from the beginning, and the more we learned of him, the more I wanted to know. My heart broke and it sang. Rinse and repeat.

I'm thrown by some other reviews stating distaste for the detail in Rainbow Milk. Maybe it stems from being wordy myself, but I thrive off of rich detail. I felt like I knew Jesse after reading this. I've never been to the Black Country or to London, but I felt like I could see them through Mendez's narrative. I can picture the people in his life and the way he carries himself. I heard Joy Division's Unknown Pleasures the same way he heard it the first time. I heard Freak Like Me with him. I felt the bass thump in the clubs and sweated through crowded restaurant shifts. I fell into the story in a way that I wouldn't have if these details were cut.

I will say that if you are reading this and don't have a familiarity with 80s-2000s pop culture, queer lingo, or reading phonetic patois, there will be bits in here that may require a hand. Keep your phone nearby and search a term if the need strikes. You'll be glad you did.

Rainbow Milk was one of the most interesting and enthralling coming-of-age novels that I have read in recent history. I was interested in reading this book as it centers around a young black man who has left the Jehovah faith, and his sexual journey that follows. This book covers so many topics (race, class, sexuality, religion) that make the book truly one of a kind. Thank you Doubleday and NetGalley for allowing me an early read and to the author, congratulations on a stunning debut.

Full review to come closer to publication.