I would rate this book 3.5 out of 5 stars.

This was a really well written story dealing with some quite dark topics. I love stories that deal with the families that take all different forms and that prove that familial love doesn't have to be biological.

I want to thank Netgalley and the author for gifting me the ebook. A good women's fiction novel. Filled with drama and a good weekend read.

“There is a sickness rising in Lacey’s stomach that she has kept at bay by sheer force of will …” These are the thoughts of one of the main characters towards the end of the novel when she reads her mother’s diary. I felt this way a number of times as I read the novel because the reader has been privy to her mother’s diary in the alternating narrative well before Lacey.

I found this difficult to read at times, disturbing in fact, and I’m not sure if I would have read it had I known some things, but it was too late; I was already invested in the characters and wanted to know what happens to them. The gut wrenching details of the past story is tempered by love and the realization of what family means in the present day story. Well written and captivating, in spite of the darkness of the past.

I received a copy of this book from Blackstone Publishing through NetGalley.

Lacey knows her mother loved her with intensity and left before she could fulfill her promise into adulthood. That space she filled with love and ferocity to her daughter who is diagnosed with a cancer that hopefully she will not remember. Willy loved her mother May and has carried that loss and confusion like an ill fitting shirt. Lacey returns to this place needing support and understanding. She finds both and a bit more in this haunting and tender tale.

Every generation likes to believe that they are more enlightened and advanced than the one that preceded it. And yet, sexual and physical abuse is ever-present.

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Silence and Secrets. These two historical culprits loom large in this heartrending story spanning three generations of the DuBarry women. Everything is shrouded in mystery. No one probes too deeply for fear of finding out a shameful truth that might require drastic intervention on their part.

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We are a product of our times, our thinking and our community. May was abused by the one person she thought she could trust. She felt ashamed: she suspected that her isolated Ocracoke community would judge her equally guilty if they knew what had been done to her, despite the fact that she was only 13 at the time. As the story progresses, the mysterious identity of who the father of her baby could be becomes horrifyingly clear to the reader, despite everyone else’s apparent ignorance. May’s ingenuous journal entries, employing her endearing Ocracoke vernacular, slowly revealed the tragic horrors of her young life.

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Unfortunately for May, even her Aunt Virgie failed her in the end. Aunt Virgie chose secrecy and “saving face” over justice for May, and eventually took May’s secret with her to her grave, leaving May totally defenseless.

The back and forth timeline caused me a fair amount of confusion. At one point, I thought that Aunt Virgie knew or at least suspected the truth from the start, but the timelines crisscross and waltz back and forth so often that I may be mistaken in this. Even if Aunt Virgie was still in the dark, I could not understand why May was sent back to live in Ocracoke with her father after recovering from giving birth to Lacey. Aunt Virgie was of the opinion that May should finish her education, but why send her back to the scene of the crime, so to speak? At the very least, May’s pregnancy was the result of statutory rape: she was only 12 or 13 years old at the time. Someone in Ocracoke had impregnated May and thereby had committed a crime. (This part of the story made little sense to me and even dismayed me. Why, too, didn’t May speak up or at least beg not to be returned to Ocracoke?)

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Innuendo, hints, and vague wording are often the only clues the reader has to work with, but after a while you know exactly where all of this is going. This novel should come with trigger warnings because there are several detailed descriptions of sexual abuse and physical assault, as well as two episodes of heartbreaking and vicious animal cruelty.

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May’s journal alerted me to the potential revelation or accidental discovery of the awful truth by at least one character in this tale. But what that character decided to do with that revelation at first disappointed me, then led me to delay writing my review until I had pondered each side of the issue. I am still disheartened that Silence and Secrecy prevailed and May was not exonerated. But I also had to acknowledge that Lacey’s motives were centered around protecting Willie from more heartbreak. What good would it do to make him feel even more guilty than he already felt for not going after May and attempting to persuade her to return? He might have prevented her death by finally forcing May to speak her truth. This last motive I did understand - <i>but I was still disappointed.</i>

Apart from these disquieting wrinkles, this was a mesmerizing story. I was fully invested in May, Lacey and Tasha’s mental and physical tribulations. I admired their strengths while at the same time sympathizing with their inner turmoil, self-doubt and personal weaknesses.

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I’m rating this one an engrossing 4.5 out of 5 stars. (Goodreads Admin: we need to be able to assign half stars in our rating system!) I’m going to round down to a 4 for now because there was one journal entry where May suddenly lost her Ocracoke dialect and envisioned her future actions in perfect and highly dramatic phrasing. This stretched my credulity a tad too much.

That said, I highly recommend this riveting story: I deliberately dallied and spread out my reading time so that I could extend my stay with these fascinating characters who had become very real to me. My thanks to the author, publisher and NetGalley for an ARC of this novel in exchange for an honest review.

A Hand to Hold in Deep Water follows Lacey who moves back to the farm she was raised on by her stepfather, Willy, after her five-year-old daughter Tasha is diagnosed with a serious illness. While back Lacey reflects on her time on the farm growing up under Willy's care after her mother May leaves her. Willy and Lacey discuss her mother's disappearance while she's back and she wants to find answers. The story goes between the past and present with a focus through May's old diary entries and mostly through Lacey's point of view.

The characters were developed well. I struggled with why Willy didn't try harder to find May after she left. It also takes Lacey over thirty years to truly search for answers and reasons for why her mother left.

The main topics are on how secrets can destroy a family. It also mentions the importance of family, not just blood related, but the people we choose to spend our time with that become apart of our family.

This was a slow read but I believe that it was intentional so that the main elements of the book could shine through. I liked the idea of the story and the characters were interesting enough.

Thank you to Netgalley and Shawn Nocher for allowing me to read this.

Favorite Quotes:

Something was expected of her, something that might change the course of what was transpiring, but whatever it was felt just out of reach, like a word one might search for and though it shimmies around the tongue, it can’t be called up.

His voice is a painful thing in my ear that has settled in the corners of my mind like broke glass. I cannot bear the feel of his words.

She reaches across the table and takes his hand in hers. It’s so big, has always been so big around hers. She squeezes and he lifts his other hand from his lap, places it over hers. She knows now that she had been miraculously caught in the depths of a fall, cushioned by this man with the deepest of hearts.

My Review:

This was an intensively emotive read that was so perceptively written it was startling. I tumbled right into this itchy, prickly, and heart-squeezing tale and I grew to love these oddly compelling and uniquely crafted personalities. The characters weren’t people I would ordinarily seek out to spend time with yet they become so very knowable to me and I found their story addictive and gripping.

The storylines were cunningly crafted and maddeningly paced with intriguing, painful, and cringe-worthy elements that will stay with me for quite some time. Yet even those uncomfortable events were painted in an uncommonly personable and deeply observant manner and were so very thoughtfully presented that I found an odd wetness seeping from my eyes and hot rocks in my throat as I gasped to catch my breath. I am astounded by the quality and depth achieved by a first-time novelist. Shawn Nocher is definitely one to watch and was quickly added to my list of new favorites.

The writing was beautiful and the content was really tough at times. I loved this book. It is about a family struggling to confront a difficult disease.

Will and Lacey have had 30 years to wonder where Lacey's mother went when Lacey was 5. Her story. told in her journal, was a very real character in the story. I appreciate being allowed to read an early copy of this book. I want to tell total strangers on the street they should read this.

June 2004

‘She and I are lying on the dock, peering through the planks at an especially large jellyfish, the breadth of a dinner plate thick and milky, drifting beneath us in the brackish water. They’re common in the river this time of year, something to do with the salinity, but these larger ones with their ruffled pink insides are more unusual, and we watch in rare silence.’

Lying peacefully alongside the St. Mary’s River, Lacey and her friend Tasha, this is how this story begins. For a moment in time all seems like a perfectly idyllic scene of those summer childhood days spent languidly exploring the mysteries of the world.

Still, there are bigger mysteries in life, some growing more mysterious as the years pass. Why did May, Lacey’s mother, suddenly disappear, and where is she? Why would she abandon her, leaving her with her stepfather Willy?

As many years have passed, and the ‘why’ of her mother’s disappearance continues to haunt her, she feels an increasing need to come to terms with her mother’s leaving her. She now has a five-year-old daughter, Tasha, and she can’t imagine leaving her behind. She goes in search of the past as a way to make sense of the present, and answers about the past.

This story unfolds at a languid pace, much like childhood summer days spent chasing those moments that cannot live forever, but are forever a part of us. We learn of the past through May’s diary, while also following the story as it unfolds in the present day, until eventually, the past has been revealed.

This was a tenderly handled, heart-rending story with wonderful characters whose stories I was drawn to, hoping their search would bring them peace.


Published: 22 Jun 2021

Many thanks for the ARC provided by Blackstone Publishing

#AHandtoHoldinDeepWater #NetGalley

This is NOT a beach read- it's slow like molasses, which can be a good thing, and in this case it is (though I think some shortening could have helped). Telling multiple stories at one time- both that of Lacey (and her daughter) and her mother, the story goes back and forth in time. The time doesn't slow it down, it's the scene setting and narrative prose. While beautiful to read, it slows you down a bit. It's a story of what makes us family- is it blood, or is it love and need? Sometimes the help we need to figure that out comes from unexpected avenues, and provides a future you don't see coming. Ultimately though, it's a story of forging your own path and unburdening yourself from a past that is carried down, and moving on to tell your story.

EXCERPT: 'Willy,' she had said, nudging her shoulder into his where they sat on the stoop together, her voice small and papery, like it might blow away. 'I don't think my momma likes it here no more.'

'Now, girl,' he said, patting her knee, 'what makes you say such things?' But his heart had already tightened in his chest because he'd been thinking the same thing, the very same thing. May wasn't happy, and it didn't seem right since he had thought for sure she would be. He had been so proud to bring her home on their wedding day, and after that first night with her, feeling so good, he couldn't imagine she would feel any different from him.

That was just the thing that confounded him - that he could feel one way and she could feel another. Of late, when he touched her, she just lay still, not saying 'no' to him, but like she'd taken out her heart and set it aside. And just last night, when he'd lifted his head from the sweet-salty crook of her neck, she lay wide-eyed and staring at the ceiling, and he couldn't go on.

It was a terrible thing, to feel connected to a woman and then find out you weren't really touching her at all. Something like that made a man start asking questions that he didn't want to know the answers to.

But even then, at that moment, with Lacey tucked against his shoulder and his hand patting her knee, he couldn't possibly have imagined that May would disappear the way she did, that she could just quit the life they had like it meant nothing, leaving him and little Lacey without even so much as a 'so long and see ya later'. Gone. Like a breath that has been inhaled and exhaled and done with.

ABOUT 'A HAND TO HOLD IN DEEP WATER': Willy Cherrymill and his stepdaughter Lacey are deeply bruised by a past brimming with unanswered questions. It’s been thirty years since May DuBerry, Willy’s young wife and Lacey’s mother, abandoned them both leaving Willy to raise Lacey alone.

Lacey Cherrymill is smart, stubborn and focused. She’s also a single mother to a young daughter recently diagnosed with a devastating illness. The last thing she needs to think about right now is the betrayal that rocked her childhood. Reluctantly, she has returned to her rural beginnings, a former dairy farm in the Maryland countryside, and to Willy, a man steeped in his own disappointments and all the guilt that goes with them.

Together they will pool their wobbly emotional resources to take care of Tasha, all the while trying to skirt the issue of May’s mysterious disappearance. But try as she might, Lacey can’t leave it alone. Just where is May DuBerry Cherrymill and why did she leave them, and how is it that they have never talked about the wreckage she left behind?

MY THOUGHTS: The writing in A Hand to Hold in Deep Water is beautiful, lyrical. It flows like molasses from a spoon. It is a novel that drew me in so that I was breathing the same air that the characters breathed, experiencing their triumphs, their pain, feeling their emotions, living their lives
along with them.

A Hand to Hold in Deep Water is an exploration of love - the love of a mother for her daughter, her need to protect her daughter at any cost, even that of her own happiness.

At first I thought this story belonged to Lacey and her daughter Tasha, as Tasha is diagnosed with cancer and their battle with this demon is the predominating thread, with the mystery of May surfacing only occasionally. But gradually the tables turn as Lacey faces up to her need to know just what happened to her mother, her need to know her mother and where she came from. And so she packs up Lacey and Willy and Carlotta, and they embark on a mission to find out just who May duBarry was.

The story is split between the 'present', being the mid-2000s, and the 'past' of the early 1970s. The story is interspersed with May's diary entries. I found the telling of Tasha's battle with cancer difficult to read. It is a brutally honest, no holds barred account. But it was worth getting through, because it is May's story that is the crux of the book.

This is very much a character driven novel. If you are looking for action and excitement, look elsewhere. If you are looking for a beautiful, tender and heart-piercing story of family, love, sacrifice, secrets and shame, then you couldn't do better than pick up A Hand to Hold in Deep Water by Shawn Nocher.

⭐⭐⭐⭐.5

#AHandtoHoldinDeepWater #NetGalley

I: @shawnnocher @ blackstonepublishing

T: @shawn_nocher @BlackstonePub1

#contemporaryfiction #familydrama #historicalfiction #love #mystery #sliceoflife

THE AUTHOR: Shawn Nochers compelling short stories have appeared in numerous literary magazines, including SmokeLong Quarterly, Pithead Chapel, Eunoia Review, and MoonPark Review, and she has been longlisted or won honorable mentions from both SmokeLong Quarterly and Glimmer Train.

She earned her master of arts in writing at Johns Hopkins University, has given wings to two children, and lives with her husband and an assortment of sassy rescue animals in Baltimore, Maryland, where she writes in a room of her own. This is her first novel. (Amazon)

DISCLOSURE: Thank you to Blackstone Publishing via Netgalley for providing a digital ARC of A Hand to Hold in Deep Water by Shawn Nocher for review. All opinions expressed in this review are entirely my own personal opinions.

For an explanation of my rating system please refer to my Goodreads.com profile page or the about page on sandysbookaday.wordpress.com

This review and others are also published on Twitter, Amazon, Instagram and my webpage

When her 5-year-old daughter Tasha is diagnosed with a serious illness, Lacey moves back to the farm where she was raised by her stepfather Willy. As she stays by her daughter’s side during her treatments, she starts thinking back to being raised by Willy after her mother May left her and Willy when Lacey was Tasha’s age. Knowing she could never abandon Tasha, Lacey wonders how May could have left her daughter. Lacey and Willy discuss May’s disappearance 30 years earlier, and though Willy advises otherwise, Lacey keeps searching for answers.

The narrative alternates between the present, with most of the focus on Lacey, and the past through May’s diary entries. Because of this structure, the reader knows more than Lacey and Willy know. It is not difficult to understand why May left Lacey with Willy after only one year of marriage. The interest lies in whether Lacey and Willy will learn the truth and how they will react if they do.

I found the book to be predictable. Once I learned what happened to May, I knew exactly what she would do. The repeated references to May’s behaviour around the pond are such obvious clues as well. But would a person keeping a chronological diary actually write, “And that time I chose to turn around”? The implication is obvious but makes no sense unless May can predict the future. The visit to the cottage and the mentioning of the unmovable wardrobe tells the reader exactly what will happen. Unfortunately, Lacey’s discovery stretches credibility: in 30 years, a drawer has not been opened?

The characters are well developed. Everyone is complex and flawed. Even the most villainous character is shown as a victim of circumstances with some touches of humanity. My one reservation is Willy’s lack of action when May left. Wouldn’t he have tried harder to find her? Lacey also moved on fairly easily. Only thirty years later does she start her search in earnest? The author does make attempts to make their behaviour credible, but I was not totally convinced.

The novel examines the effects of secrets. May’s secret has led to 30 years of misunderstanding: “Look at the shape it has taken, look at the haunting it has conjured. Look at the blame we have wordlessly passed between one another like a forkful of bitterness.”

The book also examines the concept of family. There are biological connections, but the novel suggests that the more important family is the one we choose to construct. Certainly May’s decisions suggest that though Willy was not Lacey’s biological father, May knew he would be a good father to Lacey, better than May’s biological father was to her. And May is right; Willy raised Lacey so she flourished and knows she always has Willy’s hand to hold in difficult times. Considering the backstory, the importance of constructed family is a paramount message for Lacey.

The pace is slow; because the focus is on character development and development of themes, there are times when not much happens. As a consequence, I found it difficult at times to stay interested. The pacing and plot predictability make the book less enjoyable than I had hoped.

Note: I received a digital galley from the publisher via NetGalley.

When the unthinkable happens and Lacey needs to seek medical attention for her five year old daughter, Tasha, she heads home to the farm she grew up on and her step father, Willy. Going home brings her closer to the care needed at John Hopkins for Tasha, but it also brings up many unanswered questions. Why did her own mother leave them when she was young? Weren’t they good enough? Did she do something to drive her away. Told in the present and throughout diary entries of the past, we slowly learn the cold hard truth of why May left. At times this book was a difficult read with the tough subject matter it contains, but filled with some lovable characters, I found it a compelling. As the past meets the present and the book draws to a close, I felt that the past overshadowed the present and I ended up wanting more!

When I read the description for A Hand to Hold in Deep Water. I had to try and get it!
Knew this book was going to fire!

Lacey returns to her rural hometown in Maryland..... and she is looking for answers! Her child was filled with questions!
Laceys mother May up and left her 30 years ago for her stepfather Willy to care for her! They both have questions about why she just left!
Lacey and Willy pull together to take care of Laceys daughter Tasha who was just diagnosed with an illness.
Will she finally get answers? And what will be the outcome?

I absolutely love books that draw me in. And I'm so gripped in reading that I forget about the world even if its for A couple minutes! That's what this book did for me!
I absorbed these characters. The story held my attention throughout the entire read!n
That is what makes a great book to me!

I can't thank Blackstone Publishing, NetGalley and Author for giving me a chance to read this fabulous ebook copy!

Will post to my Goodreads and bookstagram closer to pub date!

Review also published on blog: https://books-are-a-girls-best-friend.com/

The day Willy Cherrymill fell for May DuBerry, his life changed in a myriad of ways. A chicken farmer, he fell and fell hard, for May and for her daughter Lacey. His life seemed picture-perfect until the day May abandons them both.

Now twenty-seven, Lacey Cherrymill has always felt like she was missing something. That something is her mother. A Professor at a nearby college, Lacey’s life revolves around teaching and her precocious, five-year-old daughter Tasha. Though it has been a while since Lacey saw her stepfather, a trip to the farm is just what they both need.

For Willy, Lacey, and Tasha, family is what you make of it and the bonds these three share are heartfelt, and true. When near-tragedy strikes, these three will find that together they can face anything.

A sweet, heart-wrenching, and evocative character-driven story, I adored the characters of Willy, Tasha, and Carlotta in “A Hand to Hold in Deep Water” by Shawn Nocher. The relationship between all of the characters in this story is what drew me in.

Told in the present day and through past diary entries of May Duberry’s, I found the writing and the story to be quite compelling. Though there were times where I would have liked to be shown more of the story through the lives of the characters, v told what had happened, I think that the way this story was presented lent itself to the way it was ultimately told.

All in all, I found “A Hand to Hold in Deep Water” to be wholly compelling. The book’s message struck a chord with me and I have a feeling that it will resonate with everyone else who reads it.

Thank you to Blackstone Publishing, NetGalley, and Shawn Nocher for the arc.

Published on Goodreads, Twitter, and Instagram.

I received an ARC of this novel from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

May returns to her step-father's home with her young daughter during a health crisis. While there, she confronts him about the mother she barely remembered. The truth of what she finds is unspeakably horrible.

A Hand to Hold in Deep Water by Shawn Nocher, published by Blackstone Publishing, is a story that will stay with me.
It's an emotional read, intense, deals with sensitive subjects, consider you warned. The full length stand-alone had me in suspense from start till the last page. I easily connected with characters and storyline. My heart was hurting for them.
Lacey and Tasha, Willy and May, Sugar and all the others have an intriguing story to tell.
This new to me author nailed it form the start. I loved the excellent writing, the outstanding storyline, how everything comes tohgether. The well deserved hea.
I recommend the book, 5 stars.

This is a touching, captivating, and heartfelt novel. The characters are deep, touching so many emotions and drawing you into a realistic story of love, pain, joy, and sadness.
I voluntarily read and reviewed an advanced copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.