A thought-provoking book on parenthood and gender identity from a non-binary perspective. I deeply appreciated this book.

Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for giving me a free advanced copy of this book to read and review.

Thank you to Counterpoint Press and Netgalley for the Advanced Reader's Copy.

Now available.

I sat with Krys Malcolm Belc's work on Mother's Day this year, spellbound by the complexities of gender & sexual identity, pregnancy and social cultural norms that Belc details. The short, matter of fact language propelled the story forward along with the visual cues. Belc does an incredible job of trying to focus on the journey of pregnancy than the children themselves..definitely a lot of food for thought.

The Natural Mother of the Child: A Memoir of Nonbinary Parenthood explores topics of gender identity and parenthood in a poetic and moving memoir-in-essays. As Krys Malcolm Belc explores the intimate and mundane details of pregnancy and parenthood, he reflects on his role as a transmasculine gestational parent who carried, birthed and breastfed one of his three children. In so doing, he moves from the universal to the unique and back again: what it is to be sleep-deprived and exhausted with two very young children at home; the experience of a neighbor whispering, "I think the man is pregnant"; how it feels to grow increasingly large with the weight of a child--"becoming more woman where a woman was never supposed to be."

The Natural Mother of the Child takes its name from a line on one of the many legal forms that Belc and his partner, Anna, have had to complete over the course of creating their family, which are peppered throughout the text of Belc's memoir, along with family photographs. Every aspect of The Natural Mother of the Child, including this documentation, is heavy with emotion on its own. Combined, they result in a powerful and heartfelt reflection on the birth of a child and the birth of a parent; the way Belc's experience of a "masculine pregnancy" ultimately clarified his own understanding of his gender identity and an examination of family, both inside and outside the confines of a family home. The Natural Mother of the Child is a gift to readers interested in concepts of family, gender and identity--and how the three are inextricably linked.

This is one of the best memoirs I've ever read. It is so raw and so real. I learned so much about experiences other than my own and think everyone should pick this up. It will challenge your mindset in the best ways.

I loved this. Beck’s writing style flows so nicely, making the book read like it’s a dreamlike state. I can’t think of another memoir about a trans parent and I enjoyed reading about it. The ARC formatting was wonky, which happens, but it looks like the photo accompaniments were chosen wisely too.

Raw intimate open honest.A memoir so beautifully written so honest the author shares all the emotions of being a parent a binary parent.A special book perfect for discussion will be recommending.#netgalley#counterpointpress

I was really looking forward to a book about nonbinary parenthood, but this was unfortunately a little too much for me and my tokophobia. DNF

What a beautifully written, enlightening and celebratory memoir about a Trans male who carried one of his three children. I will be putting this book in lots of hands!!

Thanks to Counterpoint for the free copy of The Natural Mother of the Child (out June 15th)!

Krys Malcolm Belc explores his experiences as a white nonbinary transmasc person before, during, and after giving birth to his child, and provides a valuable contribution to existing queer parenthood narratives.

I really enjoyed this deeply compelling memoir. Belc provided many powerful insights about his experiences with gender, pregnancy, parenthood, marriage, and masculinity.

As a memoir-in-essays, the use of documents and creative formats worked really well in some places and muddled the narrative in other places. The timeline shifts were jarring at times, perhaps because the essays were originally written as stand-alones. Similarly, I found myself struggling with the shifting vulnerability of Belc’s narrative, mostly because the open, intimate, uncertain parts were so effective at drawing me in. While I wish certain situations were explored further, I appreciate that he was honest with what he didn’t feel like he could fully share.

A few quotes I loved:
-“Girls’ school, women’s sports: my whole life I’d been falling for my best friends. Legs running downfield, hands that reached into backpacks when I needed to borrow a pen. The way I felt so many friendships obscured by hiding and quietly wanting. Shame and denial. Everyone must feel this way sometimes, I told myself.”

-to their wife: “If I’ve lost a part of what I had with my mother, with your mother even, I know it is not possible that I still have all of what you fell in love with. (...) Sometimes I worry you miss me even though I am right here. How much of that is normal and how much of it isn’t?”

-“I worry that when he is thirty-one, like I am, he will feel distant from pictures of his infancy, his toddlerhood, his entire childhood, these years that have defined my life.”

At the end of "The Natural Mother of the Child," Belc reflects on the fact that he "should have used the word uncommon when talking to [his son] about [their] relationship, instead of rare" because "Everyone came from someone." Nevertheless, Belc's chronicle of his experience as a transmasculine gestational parent is like nothing I've read before. Through an accumulation of clear-eyed, unsparing stories that span the past, present, and imagined future, Belc picks apart the normative knot that tangles the physical capacity for pregnancy with a range of cultural beliefs about gender and motherhood.

I came to this memoir expecting a critique of the way that medical establishments and government institutions interact with nonbinary parents, and that critique is certainly present, but for me the strength of "The Natural Mother of the Child" lies in Belc's reflections on his own changing internal landscape before, during, and after pregnancy. Indeed, adaptation and transformation define Belc's experience. His ambivalence about his pregnant body intersects with an appreciation for the close bond it creates with his son Samson; when he begins testosterone and people no longer see the contours of that bond written on his body, it feels like something of a loss. After Belc finds out Samson's sex during an ultrasound, he is jealous of the boyhood that he never got to have and the identity that he assumes Samson will easily inhabit. Later, this jealousy morphs into something more complicated as he watches Samson grow into a person that is softer and gentler than his two brothers (both carried by Belc's partner)—binary gender doesn't seem a good match for parent or son. I found myself continually surprised by the way the nuance of Belc's analysis exposed and undermined assumptions about gender and families that I didn't even know I was holding.

The stories that make up "The Natural Mother of the Child" are interspersed with institutional ephemera that chart Belc's changing identity, as well as baby pictures of Belc and his three sons. The sheer number of documents required by the state to legally acknowledge the reality of Belc's family is overwhelming; while I was initially unsure what the legal documents added to the narrative, by the end I was grateful for even this small glimpse of the time and resources required to build a family outside of society's rigid expectations. The structure of the memoir links Belc's internal experience to the demands of the public world, aptly illustrating the challenge of crafting an authentic identity in a society designed to keep people in boxes.

"The Natural Mother of the Child" is beautiful and thought-provoking, and I'm grateful for Belc's generosity in sharing his story. It's changed the way that I think about pregnancy and parenthood, but also gender more generally. Thank you to NetGalley and Counterpoint Press for the ARC!

This raw, vulnerable memoir explores Krys Malcolm Belc's experience of pregnancy, parenthood, queerness, gender identity, and more. While growing his child, Belc is bombarded with our society's limited understanding around gender and pregnancy, as well as the medical system's failure to support all pregnant people. Apart from exploring the impact of this experience on his gender identity, Belc also utilizes things like old photos and court documents to further expand on his queerness. He writes about his relationship and marriage, about his upbringing, and what it's like to now be the parent of three young sons. Given the format of this book, I could see him adding on more and more as his children grow up and the conversation continues with them. Among the many parenting memoirs that exist, this one stands out as a valuable voice that I hope we'll keep hearing from in the future.

This book is engaging, vulnerable, and gorgeously written. I've been a fan of Belc's for years, but this memoir is raw, powerful, and moving. I love how Belc doesn't shy away from the conflicting feelings and powerful/difficult/joyful moments of non-binary parenting. Belc is an autobuy author for me!

Beautifully written and heart-wrenchingly honest, Krys Belc details the story of carrying his child as a transmasc parent in the mid 2010s. Though we have progressed far in our understanding and mainstream acceptance of many facets of LGBT life, our society still struggles with rampant transphobia both in and out of the medical realm. Belc details his struggles with his own gender identity while carrying his own child as he watched his partner take care of their oldest son. His prose is gorgeous in the way that too many memoirs are not, and this was the book that finally made me understand why people love memoirs.

He is honest and raw when detailing the transphobia he faced both growing up and as a full adult, married with children and trying to navigate a world still callous to him, whether intentionally or not. His reflections on being called the natural mother of the child in all legal documents and struggle with doctors and everyday people alike struggling with the picture of someone visibly pregnant while transmasculine is exactly the kind of look into the pervasive and insidious ways transphobia infects every facet of life. For those who are gender nonconforming, you will resonate with much and some parts you'll find entirely foreign, just as every gender journey is unique. For cis people, particularly those that do not know and love trans people in close ways, this is a great way to become aware of the microaggressions we perpetuate and the impact of words that we take entirely for granted all too often.

Though Belc is absolutely not responsible for teaching cis people what it's like to be nonbinary and transmasc gestational parent in today's world, his poetic prose and honesty are a snapshot into his life that I am deeply honored to have experienced. Buy this for your nurse and doctor friends, the doulas and midwives you know, your book club that needs a bit of bubble-bursting. Tell your libraries to get this book. It'll make you more empathetic person, I hope. It'll stick with you and remind you that family is complicated, love is messy, and parents don't always know the right thing to do.

I started this memoir and couldn't stop reading. I'm so thankful that this will be out in the world soon so I can share it. Krys does an excellent job depicting new partnerhood and the messiness of gender.

As a member of the LGBTQIA+ community, nonbinary parenthood was a completely new topic for me. I was really excited to get a deep dive on the process in order to better understand other groups of my community. As an adoptive parent of two, I am always excited to read about other queer peoples journey towards parenthood. This was a diary style memoir that left me wanting to know more about the author and his backstory. I recently read that when writing about one's life it is important to fill in all the details so the reader can see the full picture. This memoir felt a bit restrained, like it was written for the author instead of the reader. Overall, I enjoyed the book and I look forward to reading similar stories in the future.

Thanks to NetGalley and Counterpoint Press for allowing me to review this memoir.

Book Review for The Natural Mother of the Child by Krys Malcolm Belc
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