I did find that the book was a bit long but I did enjoy reading it. I cried some moments and couldn't imagine how she went through the things that she did.

After reading Sarah Ruhl's memoir, you can imagine what it would feel like to lose control of half of your face to Bell's palsy unexpectedly. That means losing half of your smile -- an essential tool to communicate with the world without words. Ruhl experienced this loss after the birth of her twins. I know after becoming a mother (every single time I had a child), I felt like a different person and that I loss a part of myself. Compounding that with the loss of part of my face would have been extremely difficult.

Ruhl, a successful playwright (and memoirist, in my opinion, based on the writing in this book) and mother of three small children, takes the reader through her 10-year medical odyssey to regain her smile. Most regain control spontaneously and experience a full recovery, but Ruhl is part of the unlucky 10 percent who do not. This is a memoir that I enjoyed (the prose is great), but also thought a lot about as I was reading it. Thought provoking.

I was interested in this book because I know of Ruhl's work as an accomplished playwright. She is a really good writer. This book is a departure from her previous work because it is a mix of memoir and rumination on illness. The onset of Bell's Palsy post partum after the birth of her twins is the catalyst for this memoir. But her body deceives her in other ways as she discovers she has celiac disease. This book blends the joys and insecurities that come with society's expectations on what it means to be a good mother (I could really relate to her comparisons of inner doubts and comparisons to what we perceive as to be better mommies (more energy, more patience, etc.). She is able to effectively convey the stress of being a professional writer and being a mother and trying to excel at both. Ruhl also talks about the importance of smiling in bonding with infants and how smiles are perceived in American Culture. It is a kind of social currency that when your smile looks more like a grimace, has the risk of causing many cultural misunderstandings. I really enjoyed the book in the beginning but towards the end started to lose interest -- maybe in part because she was struggling on how to end since in life, not everything gets wrapped up with a bow.

Thank you Simon & Schuster and Netgalley for the electronic advanced reader's copy.

Content warnings: birth trauma, medical discussion, mention of suicide

Ruhl details her onset of Bell's palsy and the thereafter with great detail and care. I appreciate her candidness in describing the rollercoaster of emotions, mental and physical symptoms, and frustrations with medical professionals. Her memoir opened my eyes more broadly to Bell's palsy as a condition and to the lack of research on its occurrence in pregnant and/or people who have recently given birth. I also loved the inclusion of photographs throughout the book.

“Ten years ago, my smile walked off my face, and wandered out in the world. This is the story of my asking it to come back.”

‘ “You know what to do to look more beautiful. You don’t need any cosmetics. You need only to breathe peacefully, calmly, and smile mindfully.” I breathed calmly, then thought: But what if I can’t fucking smile?’

How would you react if you were given a 90% recovery rate statistic, only to find you are unfortunately in that unlucky 10%? This book tells the powerful story of a smile. But, oh, it is so much more than that. It is about faith and love and spirituality. It is about perseverance and grit and determination. It is about pregnancy and Bell’s palsy and the struggles of the working mother. But it is also about learning to love yourself, even if you don’t fit into society’s definition of conventional beauty.

Sarah, thank you for laying yourself bare and allowing the reader to benefit from your life lessons. That, in and of itself, personifies strength and beauty…smile be damned.

Thank you to Netgalley, Simon & Schuster, and the author for this ARC in exchange for an honest review.

Smile
I know first-hand some of what the author has been thru, so I can relate to some of what she thinks and feels. An open, honest telling of her story.

This is a poignant and heart-warming portrait of a woman who loses her "smile" because of Bell's Palsy. Although I found it too long with TMI, I do think she shares a lesson for all who have chronic illnesses. and must "carry on." She was luckier than most with the wherewithal and means to navigate the medical system. It's a reminder to be grateful for even the smallest things in this life, like a smile and to empathize with others.

I've seen and enjoyed several of Sarah Ruhl's plays, so I was excited to read her new memoir and learn more about her as a writer and a person. Smile is about Ruhl's birth of twins and subsequent onset of Bell's palsy, a condition where the face is partially paralyzed.

The first part of the book was the most interesting to me, about the pregnancy, births, the beginning of the Bell's palsy, and the challenges of working as a playwright through all of these things. Ruhl writes with eloquence, insight, and humor. (One favorite story was about people misunderstanding her pronunciation of her daughter's name) She would often jump back in time to share stories of her past that helped frame her present situation, and there are a lot of academic references as well.

Somewhere in the middle, I stopped feeling quite as engaged with the story. All of the real life drama in the beginning provided a lot of interesting content, but after that, her life settled into a more steady rhythm. There are lots of little stories that were fine to read through but didn't necessarily draw me forward to the next, and in between, there was a lot of musings about faces, spirituality, illness, and more. Most of the subjects are mentioned lightly and didn't provide me with any takeaways, with the exception of the topic of faces. I'm still thinking about how it must feel like to have a face that can't express the emotion you feel, the importance we as a society place on horizontal symmetry, and all the things that a smile signifies.

I think Ruhl anticipated that the end of her memoir, people would be wanting some sort of big, satisfying conclusion (which admittedly is what I was feeling), and wrote:

"My years of writing plays tells me that a story requires an apotheosis, a sudden transformation. But my story has been so slow, so incremental, the nature of the chronic, which resists plot and epiphany... What kind of story is that?"

A story worth reading, I think.

Thanks to Netgalley and Simon & Schuster for providing a copy in exchange for an honest review.

This was a beautifully written memoir about a playwright and mother's decade-long struggle with Bell's Palsy. With the entire left side of her face paralyzed, Sarah finds she cannot smile nor communicate her emotions, something she previously took for granted (as we all do). She no longer feels attractive. She is depressed and wonders if part of this might be because she can't ever smile. And yet -- she goes on and keeps living a full, rich life, writing and producing plays, traveling, being a busy, devoted wife and mother. Her ability to incorporate her facial deformity into her life without letting it destroy her capacity for joy is remarkable, and her spiritual growth through the years she struggles with this disease (still not resolved by the end of the book) is inspiring. I found the last third of the book a little hard to get through; it was as if I had already been inspired and moved by the story and I wasn't seeing enough that was new to hold my interest. Having photographs in the book was extra helpful. Thanks to Netgalley for providing me with an advance copy of this memoir in exchange for my honest review.

While this memoir is about the life of a playwright with Bell's Palsy, it also has historical context as well as the author's observations. It was more "literary" than I expected from a memoir, but I definitely felt for her as she navigated the medical system and became her own advocate. One of the more interesting things is dealing with a frozen face in a society where people (especially men) tell women to smile all the time and how women have a different experience from men

Happy publishing day to this beautiful book! This is the true story of playwriter Sarah Ruhl’s health journey after she gave birth to her twins. After her babies are born, Ruhl discovers that the left side of her face is paralyzed and she is living with Bell’s palsy. The author does a stunning job describing her journey as becoming a mom of three, a wife, a play writer and a human in society without a smile. Thank you to NetGalley and Simon & Schuster for the advance copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

Thanks to Simon and Schuster and Netgalley for an early copy of this work. It’s easily one of my favorite books of the year!

Sarah Ruhl is one of my favorite playwrights (uncontroversial opinion) and I’ve admired and followed her work for many years, so I could not wait to read her memoir. Whether you’re a long-time fan or new to her work, I expect you will adore this captivating book as much as I did.

Focused primarily on the decade from the birth of her children to the present, Smile is the story of Ruhl’s experience with Bell’s Palsy, a paralysis of one side of her face which struck after the birth of her twins. In many cases, Bell’s Palsy resolves itself in a matter of months, but in Ruhls’ case, it did not. This is her memoir of being a person, a woman, a theater artist, who was unable to make her exterior match her interior state, and more broadly, a funny, vulnerable meditation on what it means to feel embodied joy, and what happens to the heart when the body will not cooperate. In Ruhl’s profound-but-relatable, quietly reflective style, she uses the experience to reflect on her life, on illness and wellness, on connection and alienation.

I recall Ruhl talking in her (also brilliant) essay collection 100 Essays I Don’t Have Time to Write (#76!) about the lack of plays that take seriously the experience of motherhood from the mother’s point of view, and this book, so honest and personal about the experience of mothering and being mothered, seems to be a near-perfect addition to the neglected canon of stories that center and illuminate that experience.

Speaking personally, it was so eye opening, as a man, to learn more about Ruhl’s experience as a new mother working in theater. I knew intellectually that workplaces suck at accommodating parents and especially new mothers, but holy heck, the things that happened to actual legend/genius Sarah Ruhl were so infuriating; her recounting of them gave me a slightly realer understanding of the world. Beyond working motherhood, Ruhl tells some stories of misogyny that shocked me -- such as the photoshoot where a photographer had such seriously defective judgment he suggested to Sarah Ruhl, Lynn Nottage, and Theresa Rebeck (I mean, the mind BOGGLES) to take their sweaters off and “show some skin.” My jaw is still on the floor, can you IMAGINE?? It’s easy to imagine the world is less like that when it’s not your everyday experience; so I was grateful for the reminder to try to step up my attention, allyship, and care for the folks in my life who may experience situations like those.

As revelatory as those stories were, the book is not primarily about these things, though; the book is primarily about joy, how it can be expressed, and how it can be dampened by illness or shame. It’s really gorgeously written, and so beautiful.

If you’re already a fan of Sarah Ruhl, like me, there’s also a fun “behind the music” quality to the book; you get to better understand the personal context of some of her recent books and plays. But if you’ve not encountered her work before, this is the absolute perfect place to start: here’s an absolute standout memoir for anyone who craves a wise, reflective, funny vision of the world through the eyes of someone who has had a relatively unusual vantage point on it for the past decade, and who has the tremendous writerly skill and generosity to share how it changed her.

This was an interesting memoir about a condition that I had very little knowledge of. Having a friend that recently was diagnosed with Bell's Palsy definitely added to my level of interest in this book.

I found the book easy to read and it kept my attention pretty well through the first 60-70% of the book. The last third of the book for some reason became less interesting to me, almost as if the author were trying to fill pages with random added info.

While the story opened my eyes to how differently people are perceived just because of an asymmetrical face, and while I felt a lot of empathy for the author and her experience, I think I expected a deeper, more introspective look at the experience. And while there were parts of the book that focused on that, a lot of it was more focused on random stories from the author's life as well as her plan of treatment and the experiences with different doctors.

I did especially feel empathy for her as a mother, especially with the concern about her children being affected for life by her inability to smile at them as babies. I feel for the anxiety and anguish that she suffered through, and it's crazy how life can change overnight. I also really admired her persistence in fighting the Bell's Palsy, trying various different treatments.

I do feel that the author is extremely fortunate to have the financial means to be able to experiment with all different types of treatment, but also realize that's not the situation for everyone. And I certainly don't fault the author for that. I'm happy that she was in a position to try different forms of treatment and especially that she took the time to write a book and share those experiences with others. I'm sure that others suffering from Bell's Palsy will find hope within the pages of this book, and I think it's a good read for everyone to gain a better understanding of the struggles that people go through. It's so easy to take things like smiling, eating, drinking, blowing up balloons (this was referenced in the book) for granted. This book was a great reminder to appreciate all of those little things that it's so easy to overlook.

The author writes of becoming affected by Bell’s palsy following the birth of her twins and the subsequent decade that she spent living with the condition, which still has never completely cleared up.
I can wholeheartedly sympathize with anyone having to deal long term with a situation that is quite temporary for most people afflicted. Being in that minority would, frankly, suck.
That being said, I thought this memoir lacked the emotional punch that separates good memoirs from great ones. I didn’t think this was great; it was pretty good, occasionally wandering into boring territory.
Thanks #netgalley and #simonschuster for this ARC of #smile in exchange for an honest review.

Smile, by Sarah Ruhl, is a memoir about her face. Sarah experiences Bell's Palsy after the birth of her twins. While in most people, the Bell's Palsy goes away after a few weeks or months, Sarah's stays. Most doctors deem hers a permanent defect, and although things can be done to improve it, Sarah does not do any of the things suggested to her until YEARS later.

I really enjoyed over half of this memoir. I was definitely "in it" for the medical aspect, and the diagnoses that the book brought up. I was less so interested in the theater aspect (Sarah is a playwright) and the "artsy" parts where she ruminates on life, etc. Generally, though, I would definitely recommend this book for anyone who may have a facial deformity, such as Bell's Palsy, because I think Sarah's feelings ran the typical gambit of what one could expect with that. The grief, denial, anger and eventual acceptance are all feelings that those with chronic or lasting medical issues do feel.

Overall, I gave this book 3 of 5 stars. While I would recommend it to specific people, I don't know that it is a book for the general population.

Thanks to the author, publisher and Net Galley for an advanced copy of this book in exchange for an honest opinion.

interesting memoir about the battles of mother hood and bells palsy. While I enjoy a good true story I felt that this story lacked more substance. I enjoy it - quick read but left with wanting more

This is a well-written book about the author's long struggle with Bell's Palsy and her search to find answers. She does a good job of describing her frustrations with medical personnel and the various attempts to deal with the condition. I've known people who had Bell's Palsy and now how disheartening it can be. We don't realize how important our smile is - - until we don't have it.

Many thanks to NetGalley and Simon and Schuster for gifting me a digital ARC of this wonderful memoir by Sarah Ruhl - 5 stars!

Sarah Ruhl has a charmed life and every reason to smile - twice a Pulitzer Prize finalist, her play on Broadway, wonderful husband, small daughter and pregnant with twins. However, the pregnancy had issues and she was put on bed rest. Once delivered and healthy, Sarah developed Bell's palsy. Unlike the 90% of people who have full recoveries after a few months, Sarah's left-side face paralysis persisted and she was diagnosed with other immune disorders as well. This is the story of not only how she tried so many different doctors and treatments but how she changed once her outside looks didn't match her inside looks. It was a 10-year odyssey to gain acceptance and this book is filled with such wonderful writing and thoughts to ponder about appearance, self-worth, parenting, marriage, career, life.

Highly recommended!

Stunning. Man, can Sarah Ruhl write. What a gorgeous memoir of a segment of the author’s life written with intelligence and compassion and honesty and humor. This book is, of course, about much more than the author overcoming a serious condition in her very privileged life. Drawing from different religions and friends’ wise stories and passages from other written works, Ms Ruhl’s words were poignant and relevant to me despite never facing a challenge such as hers. Pick this one up. Get a physical copy because you’ll want to take notes and dog-ear the heck out of this one. Heartfelt thanks to Simon and Schuster for this truly lovely advance copy. I’m grateful.

“A woman slowly gets better.” - From Smile

4 stars

This was an interesting mini memoir focusing on the authors medical battle for about a decade of her life. I found a lot of the doctor interactions shocking from the inappropriate beautiful comments even to the one who had her hug him for the epidural. The books carries a melodramatic prose that took me a little while to get used to it. That combined with some of the name dropping, came off pretty privileged and distanced me from the journey somewhat. I found some of the more simple, honest statements (like the example I quoted) the heart of the book. I loved the abundant literary, musical, and play mentions woven through the text of what she was going through.

Thank you to the publisher, author, and NetGalley for an advanced copy in exchange for an honest review.