<i>Content Note: Not My Ruckus is an intense book that deals with themes of abuse and trauma, and some readers may find it upsetting.</i> from the publisher.

Um, yep, that content warning is correct. I ended up listening to this one and i gasped out loud at certain points. I was shocked where this story went from where it started. I thought I was going to read a story about a young girl exploring her sexuality in the South in the early 80s. This is a whole lot more than that, much of which is heartbreaking. And that was before I heard the author's note at the end that the events in the story are based on events in his past. Someone might read this book and think it is all too much, but humans are the worst abusers of other humans! This is a story that will stay with me for a long time.

Not my Ruckus is a phenomenal book. It is a truly beautiful story comprised of not so beautiful pieces.

It is a story of love, grief, and resilience, and while parts of it are hard to read, it is so very worth it. It is a heavy story loaded, and I mean LOADED with triggers.

Triggers included but not limited to are homophobia, rape, abuse (child and domestic), racism, underage sex/drug/alcohol use, suicide, incest, ableism, forced abortion, nonconsensal drug use and quite a few others.

This book is definitely far from light-hearted and will resonate with you for years after you close its pages. You will laugh, and you will cry for and with its characters. There will be times when you will want to slam it shut or throw it across the room. There may come a time when it hurts so much that you want to close the cover and walk away for good. I Implore you to keep reading because there are very few books like 'Not my ruckus'.

At its very core,'Not my ruckus' is a love story. It is a messy and heartbreaking love story between two teenage girls. Their story will break your heart, but it just might mend it, too.

I read as well as listened to the audiobook. I think the narrator did a fantastic job, and I enjoyed all the accents she accomplished

As always, thank you to the publisher and netgalley for providing me a copy in exchange for an honest review.

Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for giving me a free advanced copy of this book to read and review.

Everything about this book is stunning, from the cover, to the heartbreaking story it holds. This story was definitely a doozy that will be sticking with me for a long time.

The trigger warnings were helpful and yet I still felt like more was needed. This book kept me in my feelings and if I’m honest I’m not sure I enjoyed that. However, the writing is brilliant and I really did love the MC, just might not have been my top choice is you’re into reading for escapism.

This was a wild ride. I'll be honest, I hated the mc. But so much happened in this book and I could forgive the fact that she was so unlikable. I recommend this book to everyone who wants something completely unlike anything I've read before. I have a love-hate relationship with this book.

Well. This book was really disturbing. I usually enjoy serious, sad, thought-provoking books. But I wasn't ready for this. Please, please check the trigger and content warnings. There are a LOT.

I got a free copy through NetGalley a few months ago and finally got around to reading it. I kind of wish I hadn't, as I ended up hate reading it!

It's a real shame as it started well. I got attached to the main character, Clare, growing up in a family which refuses to see her seizures as anything else than attacks from the devil. She also is clearly in love with her neighbour Esther. I liked the writing style which was both moving and funny.

Then, about a quarter of the way in, the book turned into a weird mystery/thriller book with so many horrible twists and turns and very little character development that I started hating everyone and got really frustrated with the plot. The fact that Clare and Esther are only 15 was all the more disturbing. I don't want to include spoilers in this review so won't say more, apart from the fact that I definitely do not recommend this book.

The only reason why I'm giving it 2 stars instead of 1 is because of the queer representation and the writing style.

Thank you NetGalley for the free copy in exchange for an honest review.

wow, this was a lot. A lot of bad things are happening here and the tw list is looooong. There is a lot about the struggles between disability, abuse, neglect and faith. Clare, the narrator, is wonderfully resilient but she is also young and nuerodivergent and there is too much she's dealing with. Anyway, it's a good story with a lot of realism but rough to read.
“Maybe you can be so broken that hope and defeat sound the same.” kind of sums up the tone of the whole book.

This book is really unique and so interesting that I actually don’t know how to review it. I love the plot - the relationship between Lilac and Esther is beautiful and feels like a sensational representation of feminine connection, so much so that I can’t believe it wasn’t written by a woman. The author has tapped into a femininity that is so beautiful and it really warmed my heart to read.
There were some moments that left me frustrated - times when it felt like some things were left undeveloped, or times when the true potential wasn’t tapped into. I felt like the ending was a bit rushed, and the final chapters could have lended themselves more to exploring the nuances of Lilac’s growing relationship with Opa and Oma. It also feels like Esther’s character, after we discover what happened to her, is no longer a fully fledged character but a vessel through which the themes of child abuse and womanhood were presented. I would have loved to see her continue to grow right up until the final moment and become her own person.
But overall I still thoroughly enjoyed this book, and Lilac was such a fascinating and complicated narrator, and it was a joy to go on this journey with her.

Honestly, I think I may have been in the wrong place to read this one; if you like your fiction incredibly dark, then you'll love this one. The actual writing is great, the characters feel mostly well-drawn and relatable, but it's just so unrelentingly grim. That's not a bad thing! It's just not what I was expecting.

First I want to thank the author for giving me an advanced copy of this book via Netgalley in exchange of my honest review.

About the book, the plot it is really interesting but being honet I was getting bored by it, it needed something better, that keep everyone alert until the end..

This was incredibly well-written and well-executed for a debut novel and it kept me on the edge of my seat. Clare and Esther's story is riveting, heart-wrenching, and dark, which makes this book even more interesting, as I was expecting a "happily ever after" wrapped up in a little mystery. I wasn't expecting to bawl my eyes out. Loved it. Make sure to read the TWs before diving into this one though! It's a doozy, a brilliant, magnificent doozy.

This begins story with on two young queer girls growing up in 1980 with parent that are physically and mentally abusive. Clare who we discover has autism and epilepsy at the end of the book, something that I didn't realize was completely caught up in the mystery of the book. (Clare mom has a "car accident" ) Clare is trapped in abusive religious household While Esther lives with her acholic father but she desperately want to move and live with her grandparents.The writing was incredible in my opinion it keeped me wanting more. Went in to this book think it was a fluffy wlw story to be honest and was completely thrown way by this amazingly complex story of trauma tragedy and loss. I immediately feel in love with Clare she is such a resilient character. Esther was such completely dynamic.Clare can tell there is something wrong about her mom's car accident so decides to investigate when thing take a dark turn in the process recovers some dark family secrets and more.

I just discovered this a debut novel wow...
Also it's own voices as well as it inspired by the authors life...

Thank you netgally and the publisher for giving me a free copy of Not my Ruckus for an honest review.

*received for free from netgalley for honest review" oh, baby jesus. This is not a bad book but there is a lot of more triggering content, tho it was hard to read for me, i did like it and would consider rereading it in the future.

I’m going to be honest. I don’t like yo say I don’t liked a book. But this one was not for me.
Maybe it’s kind of entertaining but for another persons can be awesome.

I’ll be honest. If I had known exactly what this book was about and how it would go, I probably wouldn’t have read it. The subject matter got darker and darker as the plot continued on, but the first chapter had completely hooked me. I was quickly invested in the main character and wanted to see how it ended. I was also interested in the complex character relations. So once I started, I couldn’t really stop. It was like getting on a rollercoaster and realizing too late that you don’t really want to be on it. 


I did enjoy this book though, hence my rating. I thought that the neurodiversity was included very smoothly and the twists and turns were very clever. The writing style actually reminded me a little of To Kill A Mockingbird, so if you like that book you may want to check this one out. Overall, this book was very well written and I enjoyed it, despite the fact that it was a lot darker than I was expecting. Thanks to the publisher for the review copy!

This was absolutely insane, incredibly well written, and very, very messed up. I went into this book looking for a fluffy romance novel, and that is NOT what I received (and frankly, I wouldn't have it any other way). It was dark, interesting, and I genuinely can't wait to see what this author does next.

Thank you NetGalley for the copy of this book for review.

I don't like knowing too much about a book before I read it. I read the summary and even the content warnings and I thought I was prepared. My advice... always heed the content warnings!

I'll be honest and say that I couldn't complete the book at this stage. Blame the pandemic, blame my own need to read more hopeful books right now, blame anything you want. What I did read was brilliantly written but tough to get through. There are a lot of triggers and dark issues. It felts like what the main character had to go through was relentless and I honestly was not emotionally able. I also am not sure that the summary correctly conveyed the darker nature of the book and could be presented a bit better to ensure readers are prepared.

That said I do want to return to this when I feel able so I'm still giving it a decent rating to reflect what I felt was good - if dark - writing.

First I would like to say thank you to NetGalley and the publisher Cinnabar Moth Publishing for an advanced readers copy in exchange for an honest review.

I started Not My Ruckus with very little background knowledge on the novel other than it was in the LGBTQ+ section of NetGalley and it had a pretty cover. That’s usually a pretty good start for me. Importantly, I would recommend that you read the content warnings before starting it as there is a lot of subjects covered that could be triggering. It covers a lot of heavy subjects and I think could be quite upsetting for many readers.

We follow Clare as she navigates her teenage years in a 1980s USA. The entire novel is told through her eyes and although she is around aged 14 I felt that her actions and internal monologue represented those of a much younger girl. Perhaps this is due to a generational difference of how girls were educated in the 80s compared to now, but I was still surprised when I realised she was in high school and not younger. I found the depiction of puberty in girls almost cringe-y and almost obvious it had been written by a man that had not experienced it themselves. It had the embarrassing descriptions of female figure that as a queer woman I wouldn’t talk about my own or another woman’s body in that way.

As far as the plot, it felt almost never ending. Clare was hit with blow after blow that would easily be life-shattering, yet these issues were resolved within a matter of paragraphs. It felt unrealistic and somewhat ridiculous that it could be one girls life. Even with all these blows thrown at them I struggled to sympathise with any characters and couldn’t relate to many of their decisions.

Having said all of that, I still gave Not My Ruckus 2 stars. This is mostly because I applaud the author for addressing both neurodivergency and sexuality in a book. It is implied that our main character is epileptic and autistic which is confirmed by the author at the end. It also has mentions of her and side character Esther being lesbian, or possibly asexual. I only wish that these topics could have been addressed more openly in Clare’s narrative. I understand that with the historical setting it is unlikely she would have been diagnosed with either condition and their were plenty of taboos surrounding sexuality, however even in Clare’s internal monologue these subjects were brushed over. As a teenage girl I spent most of my time worrying about if I was ‘normal’ or not when it came to almost every action I took.

Overall I think Not My Ruckus is simply not the book for me. I have seen many rave reviews but as someone that reads to escape the pains of daily life I do not enjoy books that are so dark and heavy. I look for a happy ending and did not feel fulfilled by this. I think many people could take a lot from Clare and her experiences, but as I said it wasn’t the book for me.

First of all, I would like to thank NetGalley and the publishers for providing me with the eARC of this book, Not My Ruckus by Chad Musick.

Not My Ruckus is a story that takes place in the 1980s following the main character, Clare, who “runs too much, talks too little, carries a gun too often, and holds a grudge forever,” as she deals with a series of traumatic events at the hands of her family and the consequences of their actions.

I can’t speak to the accuracy of the representation in this book but the author used his own experience of undiagnosed autism and epilepsy as a child to create the main character in his image.

Before reading this book I would 100% recommend checking out the trigger and content warnings, which are listed at the back of the book, to decide for yourself whether it is something you wish to continue.

Despite the content in this book I found it quite an easy read as the writing is so accessible. I admire the way in which he delved into the psyche of the main character and her motivations, the lengths she’s willing to go to and the lines that she’s willing to cross to protect the people she cares about.

I look forward to reading more of the author’s work in the future.