Thank you NetGalley for the copy of this book for review.
Unfortunately, even though this book is well written, I couldn't get past the first third of it. I usually go into books blind, and even if I knew this could be a little triggering and I thought I was ready for it. I wasn't. I couldn't keep going, but I hope at some time in the future I might attempt to read it again as it has some pretty good reviews. For me, the topics and triggers in it were too much, so I just recommend readers know what they're getting into before reading.

This deeply heavy, emotional and rather dark novel would have been so incredibly difficult to continue had it not been written really well. I don't recommend this if you're in a dark place, and there are so many triggers within, rape, rape of minors, domestic abuse, familial abuse, teen pregnancy, and many more.

Despite all of that, as a book I did find it really hard to put down. I was compelled to continue in the hope that the girls in this book manage to escape their lives. Brutal, heartbreaking, the absolute opposite of a comfort read. Prepare with tissues.

Thanks to NetGalley, Cinnabar Moth Publishing LLC and Chad Musick for an eArc of this novel in exchange for an honest review.

I go into books blind. I like being surprised by books. Sometimes, I do read the blurb. I read the blurb here. I thought I knew what I was in for. I was not. This book contains lots of triggers for things such as s*xual abuse, ch*ld abuse and an insane amount of gaslighting.

What seems like a simple story turns into so much more, at times I felt as if my brain wasn't understanding the words written down but it all made sense when I had finished the book. It is a sad story of a life I have no experience of nor had I ever heard about before.

The book begins with a murder, so I assumed it would be a murder mystery. It is not, it's a story about a life where the most horrendous things happen but are not explained, you learn more by what you're not told than by what you are told.

I polished it off in one day.

This book was heavier than I expected it to be. It covered various topics and there was good representation. What really mattered was the flow of writing, which was consistent.

Not a huge fan of this book, I didn't enjoy this book much, thank you netgalley for a copy of this.
My rating ⊱ ─ {⋅. ✯2.5 stars✯ .⋅} ─ ⊰

Thanks to Netgalley for the ARC of this book. I really enjoyed this one and read it in one day. Look forward to much more by this author.

Ouch. This one hurt my heart. It was definitely triggering, and I appreciated actually good autistic representation. That said, it was just... SO MUCH. I feel like Chad tried to put 900 issues into one narrative and it got too cluttered. Not every issue needs to be explored in every story, if you ask me. I think it had potential but ultimately disappointed me.

Rating: ★★★★☆
Thank you to NetGalley for the ARC in exchange for an honest review.

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Okay wow! This book was good, but very difficult to read. This book has a lot of OwnVoices representation like autism and epilepsy. The author is a man, but the lesbian representation was done very well. This book has basically every content warning under the sun which have been outlined extensively by other people in their reviews. This book reminded me of Orpheus Girl, except much longer (a decade earlier) and much harder to get through. This book is definitely not for everyone but regardless very good- and very haunting.

I really struggled reading this one. The blurb didn't feel like it accurately captured the book itself which meant my expectations were skewed and not met from the start. The perspective and narrator was very confusing and I don't think it was clear enough what was going on or how characters were connected for a large part. I also felt that the issues were not handled sensitively and everything just felt a little bit amiss or not quite hitting the mark. The cover was absolutely stunning though and 100% why I was initially interested in the title.

I had no idea what I was in for with this book! There are a lot of trigger/content warnings. I won’t list them here because some of them of spoilers but the author includes them in the book so if you have certain triggers (especially surrounding abuse), check them out first.

This is not a fluffy read. It got more and more heartbreaking with each new secret revealed, but it was also beautiful and you can’t help but love and cry for the girls the story centers on. I started listening to the audio version and then switched to the ebook because I was so into it I couldn’t put it down. I finished it in a day. My only complaint is that it ended very abruptly. I’m sure that was on purpose but instead of it feeling like the author wants you to fill in your own ending, it just felt a little unfinished. This was a dark but poignant story that according to the author was inspired by real events, which makes it all the more tragic. It’s not the kind of book I’d re-read but the love between the girls and their strength and courage that they never should have needed was absolutely beautiful.

Thank you NetGalley, author and publisher for the arc in exchange for an honest review.

I absolutely loved this story! The characters are so enjoyable, and the plot overall is both important but also amazing to connect to. I have only positive things to say about this story and I'm so thankful I received the arc! I recomend whole heartedly.

Not My Ruckus follows a young girl growing up under very difficult circumstances, coping with the standard challenges of coming of age/figuring out who she is, including questions about her sexuality and how to trust those around her, but also a great deal of abuse and trauma from the adults in her community. Secrets are discovered, and a lot of pain from the past is revealed as she grows up and tries to find safety in her world.

The book is definitely loaded with triggers, so I review it with that warning in mind (the copy I read had a warning in the front).

The strength of the book for me is in the voice of the narration, which is highly specific and does a great job with characters and their personalities, through word choice, actions, and dialogue. For me, the book felt very worth a read, if you're open to difficult subjects in a very immersive world.

***Special thanks to NetGalley and Cinnabar Moth Publishing LLC for providing me with a copy in exchange for and honest review***

I would like to advise people to READ THE TRIGGER warnings before reading the book. I am so happy that the author included them. This is definitely a dark and disturbing book so again, PLEASE read them.

Like a lot of other people who read this book I was VERY surprised by the plot. I expected this to be more of a romantic book where the character works through/understands her trauma and while there is some of that, romance is definitely not the main focus.

This book delves into the lives of two girls and both their separate and shared traumas.

While I wouldn’t say I enjoyed this book, I feel like that is the whole point. This book provides a view into the lives of people who have been delt so many awful experiences.

I would recommend this book

It feels strange to say that I enjoyed this book because the plot was so disturbing. Lilac, the narrator, has such a distinctive voice and it was a wild ride experiencing all her trauma and confusion. I feel like the parents' characters could have been more fully developed, but I can also see why they weren't.

This book was really surprising. I was expecting a light hearted fluffy romance but i was greeted with a really twisted and sickening plot. But i really enjoyed the writing style and there was really good rep.

This book absolutely surprised me, and in the best of ways. It is definitely one of the hardest things I've read: it was so brutal at times that I wasn't sure I was enjoying it, but I can now say that it was so worth it.

My opinion changed so badly all throughout the book, and I am so glad of it. All I could think about at first is how much this reminded me of Emily M. Danforth’s *The Miseducation of Cameron Post,* with the friendship and the religion and the having a parent die at the same time that they were kissing. But similarities end there. But then, was I mislead or did the synopsis just not give enough information? I don't complain at all because this book was a really pleasant surprise, and I liked finding out every detail on the way without any expectations. Not "enjoyed" because this book isn't enjoyable, it's just really thoughtful and the execution of such difficult topics was great.

The 14-year-old first person POV was brilliantly delivered; Clare's thoughts were simple but we grew with her as she was getting more and more answers about the situation surrounding her. This story is incredibly sad and upsetting at times, but it's not about that; it's about freedom, about resilience. It's about how two girls have to endure so much more than they should, than anyone should.

Even when they’re talking about mature topics, they have that childish trait to them, of being able to say everything completely unfiltered. Clare's and Esther’s innocence and naïveté just made it all more heartbreaking. How they talk about money, sex, adulthood, their families... But then as it progressed, I realized that they weren't innocent at all. That had been taken from them. Their choices, gone. As the story unfolded, the reader realizes what is really going on before the main character does, and it made it such a heartbreaking read; even more when she finally finds out. Since our main character is the narrator, we navigate the story as she does, and things are never explicitly revealed until she finds out herself.

It was beautifully written, and I'm so glad I decided to dive into it with nothing but a couple of lines of information. I will think about this for a really long time.

[ Trigger warnings: sexual abuse, child abuse, violence, incest, forced prostitution, gun violence, food derivation, miscarriage, exploitation of children, ableism, murder, domestic violence, homophobia, inner homophobia, etc., some explicit and some implied. ]

I loved this book. I didn’t read the blurb in detail before starting this, which for me added to the experience. The cover is beautiful – properly understood once the book is read. In a way it made me feel like the main character for much of the story – not knowing what was going on; being a few steps behind all the adults; seeing pieces of a puzzle but not being able to put them together myself. I don’t want to say much in this review because so much of it could spoil part of the story – and the feeling of confusion that I felt throughout; the victory of understanding what was happening before the book revealed it to me took a slight edge off the trauma woven into its pages. Every character was multi-dimensional. It’s another that I couldn’t put down and could probably read again immediately after the author’s note, with a different lens and able to see the full picture from the start. The writing was hard to get into at first, but that passed quickly when I got used to the vernacular. The whole book and the characters were beautifully written. However, it is a really dark story, so be prepared. I have never done so many content warnings for a book. It’s weird & a testament to the text that despite the plot hinging on trauma it isn’t a spectacle. Seeing it all through Clare’s eyes made it true, real and painful. A really empathetic read.

Content Warning: all types of child abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, neglect and psychological abuse.

This was ok. Hard to follow, I ended up requesting and finishing the audio rather then ebook.

A lot of connections between two neighbors. Unrealistic at times but definitely binge worthy just to see how it ends. A lot of character build up, but the last hour was a lot to take in.

Two girls who are neighbors become friends. One dad is angry. Come to find out he killed the neighbors sister who her parents were keeping a secret from her. That same girl, has an older brother. He falls in love with the neighbor. They get married because she is pregnant. But it’s actually his dads kid. It’s crazy weird and super intense with the connections.

This book was extremely difficult to read, so I want to start by offering content warnings for child abuse, sexual assault and sexual abuse of children, domestic abuse, religious trauma and abuse, violent homophobia, child death, and homicide.

I went into this book not really knowing what it was about. That’s my own fault - I only read the first half of the synopsis, enough to know that it was about a teenage girl questioning her sexuality after being kissed by her best friend. While that is the start of the book and a theme present throughout the story, that doesn’t really tell you what the book is about. If you’re planning to read this book, I would strongly recommend reading the full synopsis and list of content warnings.

Not My Ruckus takes place in early-1980s Texas. Fourteen year old Clare has epilepsy and autism, both undiagnosed, and a mother who believes her seizures are the work of the devil. She and her best friend, Esther, both live in wildly abusive households next door to one another - Clare with her parents and older brother, and Esther with her father. The book opens with Esther kissing Clare just before learning that their mothers have been in a car accident together, which resulted in the death of Esther’s mother.

From there, the book follows both girls - and in particular, Clare - for about a year over the summer and during their first year of high-school. The girls lean heavily on one another and, at times, Clare leans on her brother Frank for support as they learn things about their parents, themselves, and their relationships to one another.

As difficult as Not My Ruckus was to read (and I want to stress that many of the content warnings listed above were not simply references or allusions to, but were described in various levels of detail), I did enjoy it. Musick’s writing was extremely powerful, and each of the characters felt incredibly real. There were several parts where I had to put the book down and walk away, while others left me filled with actual dread and a desperate need to know what happened next. The ending in particular was perfectly executed, in my opinion.

In a short note at the end of the book, Musick explains that Clare’s character and several of the events which take place in the book are in some part based on his own childhood, though he clarified that no one character beyond Clare is fully based on any living person. I think this personal experience likely added to how powerful this book was.

It takes two to keep a secret. But the secret is safe only if one of them is dead or is pushed to the edge of their sanity. But what happens when there is an entire neighbourhood that’s involved in keeping secrets – each for their own benefit? Who do you trust? A storm can however, bring up a lot of things that were buried and bury things that everyone knew about. So when such a storm hits them, it’s time for unravelling.
 
Lilac is an autistic and epileptic child. Suffering from seizures every now and then, she is made to believe that she is wicked and the devil takes possession of her when she commits a sin. Growing up in a family held by terrible secrets, she is the child of abuse. Living across the street from her, Esther is the child of murder. Held together by an unknown past, they navigate through the present along with each other. A kiss, an accident, a murder – all it takes is a day for their lives to finally shed its illusory skin of protection.
 
The book was difficult at places to read for the sheer amount of raw truth portrayed in it. But it’s been worth it. A coming-of-age fiction about two girls, it is so much more than just their growth through adolescence. It tackles issues of autism, epilepsy, paedophilia, non-heteronormative sexuality, the insecurities that’re so much a part of humans with an honesty that wrecks the reader. What happens when your very identity is a sham? Whom to approach when the ones supposed to protect you are the ones with your blood in their hands? Where lies the line between bravery and cowardice? How far can you go for the people you love?
 
What I loved the most about this book is that even though it deals with characters with non-heteronormative sexuality, it’s never exaggerated to bring focus on it. It’s as natural a part of their lives as anything else. The writing is absolutely beautiful. This is more than a book about young adults. It is a book about life and families beyond the one you’re born into. It is the broken voice, singing love. Listen close! You will be able to hear the world singing back.