This was so much more than I expected. What an incredible story this is. Clare is such a complicated character and iam amazed by her. Thanks to Netgalley for the opportunity to read this book

"Not My Ruckus" is a story about what it's like growing up DIFFERENT in 1980s. "Different' in this case can be a number of things - Clare is neurodivergent and undiagnosed, Clare is queer, Clare just doesn't fit in with the local religious scene. But Clare is strong. Clare is resourceful. And Clare is an extremely interesting, vibrant protagonist with the tragedy that strikes.

And this book IS tragic. It hit a lot of triggers for me, personally, and while I can recommend it due to the author's sensitivity in handling these triggers, this is a heavy book. It's intended to hit heavily. Musick's ability to deal with difficult subject matter without wallowing is a rare one. Despite the emotional pile-on, I never felt too overwhelmed to keep going - in fact, this book compelled me to keep going. I felt like I owed that much to Clare.

Recommended if you're looking for a dark little tale about small towns and secrets with a strong central protagonist.

Not My Ruckus by Chad Musick is a coming o age story that explores queerness, family ties, abuse, and so much more. Clare, a young tomboy, knows she isn't normal. She runs too much, talks too little, and carries a gun too often. Clare thinks she has everything figured out, but when her neighbor Esther kisses her, she doesn't know what to think anymore.

Musick's sentences are beautiful and eye catching. Clare is a well-rounded character who I could see my younger self in time after time. This book had me on my toes and I never knew what was coming next. If you are looking for a disabled, gender nonconforming, ace lesbian, this is it.

While this was an entertaining story, I do think there were too many plot points going on. I was often confused and felt the story was a little too fast paced, specifically near the end. However, this is still a great story exploring queerness, abuse, and found family.

TW for several kinds of abuse, trauma, and violence.

Thank you to Net Galley and Cinnabar Moth Publishing for providing this e-arc in exchange for an honest review.

An easy, yet difficult read. The pace and writing style of the book meant I worked through it fairly rapidly but the content didn't make it an easy ride at all.

A challenging tale with really not many nice things at all. The MC and surrounding characters are under a constant barrage of abuse and male oppression. I went into this book pretty blind as the description made it sound quite interesting; I wasn't prepare for 300 pages of hardship and suffering.

Was there a light at the end of the tunnel? Barely. I know not every book needs a happy ending but after a journey of utter pain like that it might have been nice to include something good in there.

The author made it clear at the end that this was based upon their own experiences and I am sorry for that. This might have been more suited as a fully fleshed out auto-biographical tale rather than this fiction suffused with their pain and childhood memories - with some philosophical statement bolted onto the end.

Following Clare through 1980's Texas and what happened in her life gripped me for the first part of the book. I enjoyed the story overall and I kept reading even if there were parts where I was willing to put it down. The book read well but there were parts where the character's viewpoint didn't give the reader enough insight into what was going on and the twists the author wrote in kept you guessing about what had actually happened to Clare.

This is a brilliant book, but not for the faint of heart at all. The trigger warnings are plentiful, and the author very kindly provides a section of all and their severity at the end of the novel. There were times when I felt I might not be able to continue (the subject matter was that dark) but the characterisation of the main character was just so well done that I couldn't resist continuing.

Clare's perspective is so unique, innocent, bold and utterly righteous; she is my favourite protagonist of 2021 so far. She has epilepsy and autism and her understanding of the novel's events are at first clouded, before she slowly learns what is happening. The author has handled both expertly, using his own life experience, and Clare certainly isn't stupid, but she will believe what people tell her, even if we as the reader can see the real truth of what is said by the other characters.

The novel was crafted so carefully - I didn't expect anything that happened, was constantly second-guessing myself, but everything felt absolutely correct when it was revealed. The author has deliberately placed the red herrings in such a skilful way! I would recommend that everyone pick up a copy, but to read the warnings provided before deciding to read.

To start, this book was amazing. We follow 14-year-old Clare (who also goes by Lilac) and her friendship with her neighbor Esther. The book starts off when Esther kisses Clare but things get extremely complicated when Esther's mother is killed at the same time. It was extremely interesting to see how Clare worked through things, like Esther's mother's death and her father's abuse, and Clare's religious upbringing at its flaws. The "twist" was well planned out and made sense, the characters that we trusted and didn't at the end made sense, I felt uncomfortable with the characters that were bad people. I also appreciated the content warnings being included in the book, I think it's incredibly important for the author to include that.

4.5 stars. Not My Ruckus is a beautifully written powerful story. The story takes place in the 80s and deals with topics such as undiagnosed disability/illness, abuse, family ties. The MC really grabbed my heart. She's strong and brave yet doesn't even recognize her abuse is just that, abuse, and it's heartbreaking. I was so invested in Lilac and Esther.

The abuse and violence is disturbing and unsettling but not described in graphic detail, much is implied. My heart broke for these characters.

I highly recommend Not My Ruckus.

NetGalley ARC Educator 550974


A tale of abuse, love, family and strength. Lilac and Esther against the ills of their world. A one sitting read that will keep you reading until the very end. Many triggers, read the content page. I can see this book being used for college courses as it covers a myriad of topics on the human psyche, violence and sexuality.