Recently, I have been really drawn to mother-son relationship novels. I really enjoyed the cultural aspect of this one. It was so rich and well written--you could experience the relationship along with them. Well done.

Trying to broaden my reading horizons, I came across this fantastic story about a Tanzanian family settling into middle-class suburbia in Illinois. Renu, a depressed mother, and her son Ashak, a gay singer on the brink of ruin because of his alcoholism, take turns narrating the narrative. Additionally, there are commitment problems. In addition, he has an unquenchable longing for his first love, who is also a first-generation South Asian.

Mother and son both keep things to themselves. The mother, who was forced into an arranged marriage 30 years ago, is returning to London because her husband recently passed away. That Kareem, her one true love from long ago, will somehow find her again. All this is mentioned right away, so don't worry about spoilers. Akash, on the other hand, has a guy who cares about him, but he is unable to be faithful for the same reason that he is unable to control his drinking. Unfortunately for Akash's elder brother, who seems to be the perfect kid, he has a bad tendency of getting inebriated and behaving out during large family functions. Who else has hidden things?

Before she departs this house and the United States, the mother, two of her sons, and a daughter gather at the McMansion they all share on a quiet street.

Traditional cultural artifacts have a significant impact on the plot development. Renu, the mother, is jaded since she complied with her in-laws' and her husband's strict expectations. After years of hardship, Akash has essentially destroyed every relationship he once had, including those with his loved ones, friends, and business associates.

There are narrative twists galore in this little but fascinating story of a family where every member appears somewhat disconnected from themselves and each other.

A terrifically entertaining debut novel.

I won't go into detail about the narrative because it's already been discussed elsewhere, but I will say that I like the book very much because of its setting (the boroughs of Queens and Brooklyn) and its people (I'm happy now that I've read it). The story may continue in the form of a film or television series, which would be great for the characters.

“In life, the things we most desire are not always what we need.”

In the weeks since I finished TELL ME HOW TO BE, the music of this story has continued to captivate me, both literally and figuratively. I’ve been listening to a playlist of late 90s/early aughts R&B songs mentioned in the book, yes; and the emotional arc of the story has been looping through me, a scene from the story popping up like a favorite multilayered lyric, a quote from a character caught in my thoughts like a particularly addictive hook. It’s a stunning novel about romantic love and regret, family ties and long-held secrets, and ultimately the power of forgiveness, healing, and moving on from the past.

TELL ME HOW TO BE introduces us to the Amin family, a year after Ashok’s death. The story is told from two perspectives: Renu, his wife, and Akash, his son. Renu is figuring out what life is like for her after the structure of marriage and preparing to leave Illinois to return to London. Akash, a queer man and aspiring music producer, is at a liminal point in his career, deep in a unsatisfying relationship, and drinking more than he wants to be. Both are also preoccupied by a past love that was thwarted and which, for different reasons, they are unable to let go of. When Renu and Akash are reunited with Akash’s older brother Bijal to honor Ashok and pack up their family home, long-simmering tensions in the family rise to the surface.

There are so many pieces to this book that are expertly woven together: growing up queer and the layers of homophobia, internally and externally; the varied experiences of an Indian-American family, especially what’s it’s like to be a young kid dealing with pressure to assimilate and the oppressive whiteness of feminism; how conflicts between siblings emerge, solidify, and break down; learning how to identify and face down your demons, whether shame, remorse, or grief. The structure and pacing of the novel work so well - the alternating perspectives, pulling us back and forth between characters, sometimes with short chapters that keep the pace clipping along and sometimes longer ones that sink you deep into the emotions of a single moment. The way Renu and Akash’s stories mirror each other, even while they cannot see and understand each other, is so poignant. The use of the second person interspersed with first person is genius; it’s evocative, eliciting in the reader the same sense of haunting that Renu and Akash are feeling. I loved the way the different pieces of their stories come together as the novel progresses, unfolding the underlying reasons for the tensions within the family, the events that have taken root and shaped the characters into who they are now, and providing opportunities for those entrenched feelings and relationships to change.

It’s beautiful and heartbreaking, I laughed and I cried, and I don’t expect to forget this story for a very long time. Thank you Flatiron Books and Macmillan Audio for the review copy and ALC!

Content warnings: bullying, racism, homophobia, miscarriage, death of a loved one, grief

Acclaimed short story author Neel Patel’s debut novel, TELL ME HOW TO BE, is a wise, witty and emotionally resonant story of a mother and son learning how to exist alongside one another, within their complicated family and in the world at large.

One year ago, the Amins lost their patriarch, Ashok. Since then, his wife, Renu, and her two sons, Akash and Bijal, have existed mostly on the outskirts of one another’s lives. Renu has given up on appearing perfectly dressed and made up at all times, slaving over lavish meals and maintaining her large, stylish home in favor of takeout, soap operas and wine-fueled book club meetings. Akash, a budding songwriter, traded one man for another, losing his father but gaining Jacob, his first real, steady boyfriend who offers him a life of stability and support. Bijal has turned his focus entirely on his white wife, Jessica, who threatens Renu’s careful hold over her family and their culture and traditions.

In preparation for an anniversary celebration of Ashok, Renu informs her sons that their childhood home is on the market and she will be moving to London when the sale is complete. The young men are shocked, but neither can say they have made much room for Renu in their lives; even if they had, there is too much tension where Akash is concerned. Raised in competition with his older, perfect brother, Akash has long lived in Bijal's shadow, finding his parents’ spotlight turned on him only at his worst moments: failing to gain entry to an elite school, dropping out of college and a wildly out-of-control problem with alcohol. As Akash and Bijal return to Renu’s home to remember their father and sort through the messy sentiments of their youth and upbringing, Akash and Renu recognize that they finally must confront the secrets that have kept them separate from their family, and from their own true selves.

Written in short but vivid alternating chapters, Patel unpacks the old hurts, simmering resentments and tragic love stories of Akash and Renu. A closeted homosexual man, Akash has internalized his parents’ homophobia to the point of self-destruction, a hurt that only alcohol seems to soothe. Yet every time he drinks, he burns another bridge: first with his brother, then with his career, and now with his partner, a stable and secure white man who does not understand the difficulties he faces as a brown gay man. Akash’s only true passion is R&B music, but even that appears to be slipping through his fingers as his more talented friend seems to be outgrowing him and their collaborations. With his world threatening to crumble around him, Akash wonders how his life would have been different if not for the tragic and dramatic end to his first relationship with a boy.

Renu, meanwhile, is sick of watching her sons fight and disappoint her. She has turned her mind to another man entirely, Kareem, who she almost married before she met Ashok. As she prepares for the second greatest move of her life, one that will bring her back to the home she adored and the place where she discovered love for the first time, Renu begins a Facebook message to Kareem that throws her whole life into question. With both Akash and Renu digging deep into their pasts and how their choices --- and the choices of others --- have defined them, Patel highlights the ways they are uniquely similar, and how their unhappiness is mirrored in one another, making them blind to each other’s pain.

TELL ME HOW TO BE is a glimmering gift of a novel. Patel is an incredibly wise and poignant writer, but also one for whom storytelling seems almost supernaturally easy. Even as he probes deep subjects --- homophobia, racism, betrayal, grief --- he manages to infuse his prose with a lot of tenderness and a surprisingly irreverent sense of humor, adding much-needed levity to his plot while propelling the weighty narrative forward with gusto. The result is refreshingly authentic. Patel’s characters are terrifically relatable, not just a mother and son struggling with grief, but a mother and son who have lied to themselves for too long and now must come clean once and for all. What makes the book so special, though, is how Renu and Akash’s stories mirror, complement and push one another forward, a call-and-response duet that feels incredibly satisfying to read.

Full of complicated characters, messy family relationships, and celebrations of music and culture, TELL ME HOW TO BE is a memorable, vulnerable and deeply moving debut from a writer who makes it all look easy. I’ll be adding Patel’s story collection, IF YOU SEE ME, DON’T SAY HI, to my list immediately and auto-buying whatever he does next. You should, too.

Absolutely beautiful, devastatingly so! There is so much to unpack from this book, that I won’t even try. It is written in such a deep, onion-layered manner - the characters are flawed, human, and grow tremendously during the course of the story. I was so invested in the characters and keenly aware of the situations - I could feel all the emotions too. This is the first book I’ve finished this year, and it has set the bar very high! I cannot wait to see what Neel Patel comes up with next!

🎧 Tell Me How To Be 🎵 ⁣
@hewritez⁣
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Told in alternating narration between Akash and his mother Renu, this story of life, secrets, love, and healing is already a contender for my Top 10 of 2022. ⁣
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Akash has always been told to strive to be “a good boy,” falling below his Indian family’s expectations time and time again culminates into frayed relationships and words left unsaid for far too long. ⁣
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Renu has been everything she thought was a good wife and a good mother should be, but now that her husband has passed and her sons have their own lives, she looks at life in terms of the past and what the future could be. ⁣
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Seemingly opposites at the beginning of this well-written, authentic, deep, yet humorous novel, readers begin to see that the mother-son narrators aren’t so different after all. Tense scenes of familial disconnect in the present connect back to familial discord in the past as Akash, his mother, and his brother face a reckoning as their family home is soon to be left behind. ⁣
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Akash’s struggles with his identity are cushioned by his love of music. Renu is anchored by her awareness and her best friend Chaya. The novel is one I won’t soon forget. ⁣
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Thank you to @NetGalley, @flatiron_books, and the author for this ARC in exchange for an honest review. I highly recommend this novel, and look forward to reading the author’s previously published short story collection.⁣
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📖 #bookstagram #bookstagrammer #booksta #books #bookish #readwithme #booksofinsta #booksofig #instabooks #bookclub #TellMeHowToBe #NeelPatel #JanuaryReads #2022Reads #readersofinstagram #readersofinsta #readersofig #readers #reading #bookrecommendations #booksonbooksonbooks #bookshelf #bookchallenge #bookworm #booknerd #guysreadtoo 📖

Slow... but I like slow. I can see where the pacing/details wont fit some readers, but I really love a book thats slow. I imagine this story is a lot of peoples realities. I enjoyed the two perspectives a lot!

Tell Me How To Be by Neel Patel is a wonderful novel about an Indian-American family from Chicago coming together for a final week together before their matriarch moves to England. The story is told in two perspectives, Akash a professionally struggling and closeted gay musician in L.A. in his late 20s, and Renu, his mother who is widowed and returning to London where she lived in her 20s.

Akash and Renu have very distinct personalities and stories. They've both felt like an "other" throughout their lives, both trying to live up to familial expectations while not feeling like they belong for different reasons. Each perspective has constant references to a lost first love. This really drew me in and their individual histories were carefully teased out in the novel through this lens.

I especially enjoyed Renu's character. She was no nonsense, but also vulnerable, and embarking on a new independent life after devoting over three decades to her husband and sons. Akash was also entrancing telling his story with the backdrop of 90s R&B and rap.

The story and dialogue are so sharply written, at times it's hilarious and heartbreaking. Vikas Adam well-narrated both Akash and Renu. Though I do wish a woman narrated Renu's parts, Vikas did a fantastic job. I highly recommend this layered family novel.

Thank you Flatiron Books / Macmillan Audio for providing this ebook / audiobook ARC.

I really like the alternate cover because it reflects the alternating povs between a recent widow who is moving back to London after a lifetime in Chicago, and her son who is a bit estranged after ruining his brother's wedding.

But the truth is not as it appears. The characters appear as Indian American but the Mom (Renu) actually grew up in Tanzania, where she fell in love with a Muslim man who was forbidden but never forgotten. Her son Akash has been pursuing a music career in Los Angeles, but he's in the closet, barely getting by, and (not effectively) hiding his problems with alcohol.

Both are keeping secrets from the other, and first they are revealed to the reader and then they are revealed to the characters - this happened a bit slowly for my tastes but other readers did not find it so.

It's not that I didn't find the characters engaging, though, just found the pacing slow. I appreciated the nuance and contrast in each character and the hypocrisy of pursuing drama in what is consumed but not wanting it in ones actual life. Since the story revolves around the puja marking the one-year anniversary of the father's passing, both characters are reflecting on their lives and identities in ways I found to be authentic, particularly in their ultimate decisions and conclusions, which are best discovered by the reader.

I really wanted to love this book. Quiet, literary fiction, family drama, it ticks all of my boxes. However, I just found myself avoiding the book and coming up with excuses not to pick it up again. It’s a short book but felt much longer. The characters are tormented by their past, so desperately unhappy that they were unlikeable to me. Regret and shame fill every page and it was too much for me. Maybe I can blame it on the time of year and wanting something more uplifting right now but really I think I just didn’t care for these characters.

Review posted to Goodreads.

WOW. I honestly didn't expect this book to be very good, but I absolutely loved it. I don't typically finish books feeling super emotionally attached to the characters and their story, but this drew me in and got me super invested. A must read, for sure!