A good book focused on helping you though the hard times of life, and dealing with grief. It offers many exercises, tips, and techniques using an approach called ACT. He goes deep and offers many examples and tips.

Dealing with grief, facing crises and dealing with losses of various kinds are sadly things that each of us will have to face on our journeys through life. We’re all different and no two people will respond in the same way to the same loss or challenge. ACT gives us a tool we can use with the aid of a therapist or to help ourselves and this makes it particularly useful.

While the book focusses on crisis points in life Russ has combined ACT with mindfulness to give us useful techniques that can be applied to many issues. We can all add these to our personal toolkits and use them to smooth our way through the ups and downs we have to cope with on a daily basis. I would go so far as to say that these pearls of wisdom could be distilled down into bite sized chunks which could be taught to children to set them up for life.

When Life Hits Hard by Russ Harris draws on acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) to explore dealing with grief. I’m a big fan of the author based on his other writings about ACT, and this book didn’t disappoint.

The book is divided into three sections: regroup, rebuild, and revitalize. Grief is framed as a process rather than emotion, and that process occurs in different ways for different people. The book isn’t so much about changing that process as smoothing the way.

The author explains that we can’t control the past, future, or other people, and “we definitely can’t control our thoughts and feelings.” He’s very realistic and anti-toxic positivity, saying that your loss isn’t a gift, and pain isn’t going to vanish because you “somehow magically replace them with joy and happiness.” Preach! I like the ACT approach of allowing thoughts and feelings rather than trying to grapple them.

He explains what self-compassion is and isn’t, and why it’s important. He also acknowledges that it’s not easy at first, and offers suggestions to practice, including going back and offering compassion to your past self.

Metaphors are used a lot in ACT to capture important concepts. To illustrate the importance of feeling the whole range of emotions, Harris likens feelings to the weather. He pointed out how much it would limit your life if you could only do/be what you really wanted on days with good weather.

Anchor-dropping is a technique that’s frequently referred to throughout out the book. It involves acknowledging your thoughts/feelings, connecting with your body, and engaging in what you’re doing. This is to keep you centred, not to make problems go away; after all, “anchors don’t control storms.”

The book address psychological smog, an ACT concept that refers to all the mental pollution that we create that clouds up our inner world. Mindfulness and getting unhooked from thoughts are presented as a way to cut through the smog with openness, curiosity, and flexibility.

Values are another important concept in ACT, and in this book, they’re used as a way to orient yourself in moving forward. Harris also suggests looking at what you want to contribute rather than what you want to get out of life, which I thought was an interesting way of reframing.

Regarding behaviour change, I think Harris is spot on. “Whoever said ‘practice makes perfect’ was deluded. There’s no such thing as perfection. Practice will help you establish better life skills, but it won’t permanently eliminate self-defeating behaviors. You (and I, and everyone else on this planet) will screw up, make mistakes, and, at times, fall back into old habits. This will happen repeatedly.”

I’m a fan of ACT, I’m a fan of Russ Harris, and I’m a fan of this book. It’s genuine, it’s real, and there’s no BS. Exactly the way I like it.



I received a reviewer copy from the publisher through Netgalley.

I'm a huge fan of Russ Harris, his books make the wonderful ACT model approachable and fun to all. As a big fan of the first edition of the Reality Slap, I was really excited for this updated (and re-titled) edition. There was a lot of new material in this book, I enjoyed the focus on self-compassion that carries through both books. I will definitely be rereading in the future and recommending this updated edition particularly for my clients who have experienced loss.

Love Russ Harris - an ACT book as usual that rehashes basic principles, but worth reading just the same.

Russ Harris is known for his support books, and I have read another one, which I found great, too. When Life Hits Hard is a great book, particularly for those suffering from grief, loss, or another huge event which has impacted on their life. The book has useful strategies and examples for finding your way out, or at least understanding how you're feeling. I really recommend this book.

This excellent book about grief is fortunately not for everyone, but for those of us who have experienced a life-changing loss, it is so affirming, so helpful, that I recommend it unreservedly. Following the devastating death from cancer of my 28 year old son, I sought help from various sources. The Bible, friends, mental health professionals. This book, THIS BOOK, helped me. In a compassionate and uplifting way, the author explains what you are feeling, why you are not alone, and how to continue to survive in the face of loss. I turned around and read this book again, cover to cover, as soon as I finished it.
I received an ARC at no charge from NetGalley and the author, but all opinions are my own.

Russ Harris’ “When Life Hits Hard” is an absolute must read for anyone suffering from life’s blows. His ability to articulate sound psychological wisdom with absolute clarity is a gift to the world. I am a big fan of Russ’ work and this book definitely does not disappoint.

This is everything I needed. I recently lost my father and have been having a rough time coping. I needed ever single page of this book.

Thank you netgalley for the opportunity to read this book. It’s amazing