The title and the premise sounded so promising to me, but it fell incredibly short. I absolutely hated this book and the author came off as a judgemental b*tch for lack of a better word.

Some parts of this book were actually really well done. I liked how descriptive it was.

I'd probably recommend skipping this one.

I should have given up on this book, it was not for me AT ALL. I’m sorry to those who enjoyed this, but I couldn’t connect with it. I just think I wasn’t the audience for it.

I initially said I couldn't give feedback however I found the audio hidden on my shelf. I really enjoyed the information given as well as some of the stories of scenes the author has been on however there are times where she comes off as judgemental and rude. I wish she would have worded the descriptions of some people different. There were some laughs that came out of this book though such as her forgetting her gear and the story the book is named after is bizarre! Overall this is a 3 star read for me.

This was great! I enjoyed it and it reminds me of a few other books I’ve read in the death positive genre. Some may say the author isn’t really that nice, but I found her to be true to herself and very interesting! Highly recommend!

Could not keep listening. The language and dialog by the main character too cold hearted and crass. DNF

A very detailed, but still humorous, account of life working as a crime scene investigator. ☠️💀☠️

So I am a criminology major and found this book to be extremely interesting. The author spared no details, so proceed with caution if you are squeamish. (My husband begged me to stop telling him about the book because there were too many details for his liking 😂) Also, many reviews are negative due to the way she talks about people. So be warned that there is crude humor, but honestly the humor is how she kept her sanity working an insane job. I really enjoyed this, but it definitely is not for everyone! But if you love true crime, and have a strong stomach, you might want to give this one a try! ⭐⭐⭐⭐

I would like to thank @netgalley and @tantoraudio
for my copy of this audiobook in exchange for an honest review!

This sounds like a fun and snarky book. I really enjoyed the excerpt. I think it is the beginning of an interesting book.

Honestly I would say I had a good sense of humour this however was just too far I didn’t enjoy this at all

I really wanted to enjoy this book. While the author can tell a story well and while it was fascinating to see both the police department politics and what a CSI actually does, I just couldn't get past the utter callousness and contempt the author showed to the people in a lot of her stories. Dark humor and distancing and othering are coping strategies, I get it, and CSIs deal with some pretty horrible, disgusting, and horrifying scenes (see the titular story for example). But she is seeing people on what may be the worst days of their lives; that's not a standard or an example i would like to be judged by, and Kollmann doesn't seem able to pull back the gallows humor when she's no longer dealing with the aftermath of the hangman.

If you like your real ,ice stories to be a bit dark and morbid, then you will likely enjoy this book. I am both a medical professional and someone who appreciates the darker side of reality, I I did enjoy this on audio. The fist hand accounts of the author reporting to the scene of a death were both interesting and sometimes humorous, which if you work with the deceased I think you truly need to survive.

This book is not for everyone. If you're sensitive about death, gore, etc, then obviously this is not the book for you. It's not a textbook about forensic practices and it's not a crime thriller. It's just some stories about Dr. Kollmann's experiences as a CSI, and how ridiculous the job can sometimes be. I enjoyed her derisive tone towards the media due to the vast amount of misconceptions the media puts in audiences minds regarding CSI work. The book is an easy read with a lot of humor (if you don't mind dark humor) so if you like forensics, give it a try.

The title grabbed mentioned! Not sure about this one. I loved the very detailed descriptions (even as I made faces and thought ewwww) but the author was very judgmental and that spoiled it for me.

Thanks to Netgalley for the opportunity to listen to this audiobook.

BOOK REVIEW
📚 Never Suck a Dead Man's Hand by Dana Kollmann

Never suck a Dead Man's Hand details the author's experience working as Crime Scene Investigator for over 10 years.

This was not what I expected in an unfortunate way. I expected delightful gallows humor, in depth descriptions of horrific crime scenes and while I did get those two things off my wishlist it was not enough to balance out the unexpected content I encountered. what I wasn't expecting is a profane amount of racism, homophobia, fat phobia, trans phobia, and the outdated use of "retarded".

Never Suck A Dead Man's Hand was like an in depth peek at what Crime Scene investigation is like if it were narrated by your white racist uncle. This is not the first book I have read with a narrator who holds a position that requires humor to remove the narrator from the hideousness of the job they hold. There is a fine line between coarse gallows humor and down right disrespect and instead of tastefully towing the line, this book crossed every line. The fact that I was more disgusted with the author's ignorsnt perspectives than I was at the over the top descrptions of decomposing bodies and brain matter dangling from ceilings, really says A LOT.

I am not sure who I am more disappointed in, the writer who wrote this book or the publisher that allowed it to be published despite the book's flawed, outdated, and dangerous narration. Don't waste your money or time this is not worth it.

Content warning: racism, homophobian transphobia, fat phobian xenophobia, descrimination agains BIPOC, use of the word retarded (i mean COME ON) suicide, murder, animal abuse, rape, etc. This is about crime scenes so crimes are often discussed in depth.
An advanced audio copy of this book was provided to me by @netgalley and @tantoraudio in exchange for an honest review

⭐ 1 star

Many of these stories and antidotes are fascinating, but I could have done without the chapter on bowel movements and her judgemental tone. The way that she describes the woman in the funeral home while attempting to purchase a coffin was mean-spirited and added nothing to the story. It was almost like a disgruntled employee who is burnt out and no longer has a passion for the role.

If you are looking for a book about crime scenes, I would suggest The Trauma Cleaner by Sarah Krasnostein. Sarah has a lot more empathy in her storytelling.

*received for free from netgalley for honest review* Omg i could not stop laughing out loud while listening to this book!! Hilarious!

This was exactly what I was hoping it would be. Disgusting yet fascinating. This is a memoir of sorts and is not a new book however the audiobook is new. The narrator was excellent. I found this to be so descriptive and gruesome and I loved it. Those who are faint of heart may want to steer clear but anyone fascinated by forensics and want a deeper dive into the work life of a CSI this is definitely the book for you!!

This book is definitely not for the squeamish! If you can imagine a horrible crime scene of any type, chances are the author has been to one just like it. And her stories are super interesting. The writing is a bit corny and amateurish, but definitely very authentic, and true to the author's voice.

Definitely recommended for anyone interested in true crime, forensics, and crime scene investigation.

This book had some really interesting points and could have been great. Unfortunately, the author is an insufferabley judgmental and awful person. She tries using the excuse that she uses humor to detach herself from terrible situations, but that only goes so far. And there's a difference between using dark humor when dealing with dead bodies and making fun of people for being poor, uneducated, or mentally ill.

This book was amazing! The title grabs your attention, the narrator was prefect, the stories were interesting, and there was a good amount of laugh out loud humor! I already have plans of buying a couple of copies to give to friends and family that I know will also enjoy this book!

🎧 Did you like Will My Cat Eat My Eyeballs? Well this is the CSI version of dead people. No joke.

There’s so much insight to the CSI job & hilarious personal stories about life as a Crime Scene Investigator for the Baltimore County Police Department.

CSI isn’t as glamorous as you think. Some truly horrific stories are detailed within this book. This is written with a biting sarcasm that sometimes makes the author feel a little mean but for the job she had it’s 100% forgivable & understandable!

Whether it’s taking fingerprints off of a frozen corpse or dodging flying blood & guts being ejected from a ceiling fan the stories don’t stop. There’s an entire chapter in bathroom etiquette that is hilariously true!

The narrator is a good choice as she seems no nonsense.

It’s gross but I loved it!!!

Thank you NetGalley!!

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️1/2