Member Reviews

The writing in this vital book is superb. Ross expertly intertwines his own life narrative with an honest assessment of the evolution and continued existence of institutional racism in the United States. Although the facts he shares with his white male pals are painful, Ross does so out of love. As they see the racism in their own family trees, many white males are experiencing anguish. Ross equips people with the knowledge and skills necessary to overcome their suffering via self-awareness and positive action.

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This book is for all white males in any form of leadership or enlightenment.

What sets this book apart from a plethora of books that are on the same lines? First, the material is in the form of letters, which create an intimate setting with a slight emotive atmosphere. Secondly, Ross’ writing easily lures the reader/listener into his experiences. Especially insightful are his college encounter and his nonprofit worker observations. These are impactful nuggets on just how long the reach is within the deep context of personal and systemic racism. Lastly, Ross is aware and honest with his own set of privileges, which adds a dash of humility to the wisdom shared.

**thanks to NetGalley for the audio version – read by the author**

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*received for free from netgalley for honest review* loved reading this book, very important read for everyone, everyone can either relate or learn (or both) from reading this!

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Dax-Devlon Ross's newest book delves into the concept of racism and privilege. He identifies and expresses examples of systemic racism as he both personally bore witness to and identified throughout history and mainstream media. His targeted audience are white people, specifically white men as a means to put his hand across the aisle of race to his white brothers and sisters and explain the perspective of his black brothers and sisters. The audio, for me, was the best way to listen to it. Through it, I felt as though he was addressing me specifically. And in a way, he was. As I was the intended audience. If you're a fan of Uncomfortable Conversations with a Black Man by Emmanuel Acho, this will be another great book to read or listen to! And hopefully, be a further path for self awareness for those that strive for allyship.

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really interesting perspective from an African American man who grew up in an upper middle class neighborhood telling how his race (and the race-associated cultural, political, and social inequalities it has in the USA) impacted how others treated him at school and how race continues to impact his colleagues and coworkers. Two sections of his memoir really stood out to me. First was his experience being arrested (because his friend did a pullup on a piece of scaffolding) while he was in law school. Despite his class and educational status, he was jailed and counseled to take a plea deal that would have given him a record over an incredibly minor event. If his dad hadn't had the ability to hire a lawyer his adult life would have been very different, as it was for the dozens of others processed by the court that day. The second was his insights on the non-profit sector, where he worked as an executive director and now as a consultant. His thoughts about the impacts of donor culture (shading projects and appeals to satisfy donor expectations) and the way that the leadership and staff of non-profits often don't relate to or understand he people they serve were things I'd never really considered. There are a lot of books like this lately, but this was a perspective I hadn't seen before.

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Not just for white male friends! I really enjoyed this book and Dax-Devlon Ross's perspective. Addressing his audience as "friends" really made it feel personal and he totally broke the fourth wall. I also liked hearing about his life — the things he's endured and the path to success he's had.

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A audiobook that is a harsh listen. As the author and narrator goes through the book talking about himself and about black people as a whole - the listener begins to hear and try to understand about the types of feelings that the narrator and many black people go through; starting in childhood and continuing on into adulthood. I honestly don't really know how to describe this audiobook or what to say about it, but it made me think, it made me realize some things and there isn't much I can say besides I absolutely recommend this book especially as an audiobook. The way that the narrator talks through/reads the book really impresses upon the listener just how much of this is his daily life from when he was a child.
Again, I can't think of much else to say other than read it - listen to it.

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I waited nearly a month to review this book because I was emotionally all over the place after finishing it. I was angry (over the issues AND at the author), frustrated, and defeated. I admire Dax-Devlon Ross for having the guts to write this challenging book.

As someone that partially fits in the target audience for this book. I hoped to gain insight, to be challenged, and get some more direction regarding the gaping division between the races. It honestly left me feeling more defeated than when I started reading. It gave me the feeling that no matter how hard I (we) try, the issues associated with racism will be difficult, if not impossible to improve.

Ross often uses the word 'friend' but fails to use the word 'trust'. It has been my experience that without trust, there can be no friendship. So Ross's 'white male friends', can only be acquaintances at best. I felt Ross is saying: 'you created this, you fix it' - without any real guidance of how to do it, or what it would take for him to ever trust his white male friends. This, is the weakness and the strength of the book. Ross honestly expresses his raw feelings, so truthfully, that at the very least- I would hope it would make EVERY white person that reads this, really stop and think.

I have spent many hours thinking about this. And though it mostly made me feel defeated, in the end, it did challenge me to continue to pursue answers and solutions. It made me feel- deeply.

The horrific treatment of black people, particularly in this country MUST be resolved. History can not be undone, but if we can just get to the point of finding some basic trust between the races- only then can we progress.

I received a copy from the publisher through NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

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I am not the intended audience for this book, but having read this book, I feel obligated to share this with the target audience. A wonderful book! Thank you to NetGalley and Macmillan Audio for a copy of this audiobook for an honest review.

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This book is written as a series of letters that are history, memoir and action plan. The writing is clear, personal, and raw. It was the generational angle that first interested me, and Ross delivers. He is speaking to Gen-X, and the specific, unique ways racism has affected us. He nails that.

I have to mention that the focus of this book is racism. Not any other kind of discrimination. The author's belief is that is we take care of racism, the rest takes care of itself. Frankly, I'm not sold on that. I've also been reading about the Combahee Women's Collective and how members didn't let their focus on intersectionality and creating community for Black/Feminist/Lesbian/Socialists stop them from joining with other groups with a more narrow focus to fight for one specific thing, so I kept reading. I think his suggestions are good ones even if they don't solve all the problems. If nothing else, they got me thinking about how I could apply those suggestions in different ways.

Ross uses the term "friend" repeatedly, and purposely. This is tough love here, ultimately kind, honest and respectful. He assumes the person on the receiving end is willing and able to make things better. The key word here is "able." He is speaking specifically speaking to friends who are white, middle-aged men in leadership positions. If that isn't you, his suggestions for action may feel like they fall a little short. This isn't a complaint as much as it is a warning that this book has a distinct target audience in mind, which the title makes very clear, and for good reason.

Though this is a short book, I recommend taking it slowly. Each letter should be given time for reflection before moving on.

I listened to the audio version which was well narrated by the author.

I received an ARC from the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review

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While I might not be the target audience, I really this. Excellent history, thought-provoking stories, and concrete ways to bring about change. “Are you going to go along with scrapping the constructs that have sustained your cultural dominance?” Thanks to @netgalley for the e-ARC.

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I'm clearly not part of the demographic the author was aiming for. However, as a young white woman, I figured I could also benefit from the perspective Dax-Devlon Ross offers here, and I was correct.

Letters to My White Male Friends is, as the name suggests, a collection of letters written for white, middle-aged men, particularly those in positions of power professionally. The author describes his upbringing after the civil rights era and offers ways for white men in power to take action. It's well-written and eye-opening; I would definitely recommend it, even if (like me) you're not the exact target audience.

The only issue I have with this book is that Ross tells these white men to focus on race rather than "wider" forms of diversity in the workplace because, "if you solve for race, you solve for everything else." I could be totally misunderstanding his point and I'll look into it further, but this seems to go against what I've heard from other Black activists regarding the intersectional nature of oppression. What happens to those who face different or additional forms of oppression such as ableism, sexism, transphobia, etc? If we're focusing on race alone, what incentives would these employers have to hire a Black trans woman over a cisgender and straight Black man, for example?

Aside from that small thing, I think this is a super important read. The author narrated this himself and he did a fantastic job. I highly recommend listening!

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The book is a collection of letters, written by the author, with the intended audience of middle-aged white men.

"I write the letters herein to my white male friends because you are everyone's target but no one's focus."

While I am a white, cisgender female, I found many of the principles, insights, and facts presented to have a very important influence on my personal anti-racist work. The letters detail aspects of our upbringing that influence our views on the world, especially race – colorblind education system, systemic racism in the judicial system, and race in youth sports to name a few. Overall, this book was profound and offers opportunity for white men (or any one in a position of privilege) to take action in their personal lives, workplace, family, or community, to continue the anti-racist work that is so desperately required. He urges the reader to continue to stay loyal to this work, even when movements such as Black Lives Matter are less frequently in the mainstream media.

Sincere thanks to NetGalley and Macmillian Audio for an advanced audio copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

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