Wow! I have a book hangover! There is so much that I love about this story. J. J. Bola is a master wordsmith! I have so many passages highlighted and written down in my journal to go back to and ponder. For example: “We fight to be seen, for the world to know that we are here, only for us to be forgotten, to be invisible once again; the difference is our choosing, whether we are seen or not seen, we give that power back to us.” (Chapter 8)

As a retired high school teacher, I felt that Bola nailed many of the scenes in the school chapters. The care Michael gave his students showed in many passages. Teachers are exposed to many Duwaynes. This storyline was my favorite.

Depression is hard to understand. Michael’s journey to the U. S. with his total savings with the idea of committing suicide when he ran out of money was sad. Bola symbolized Michael’s journey by seeing the Golden Gate Bridge in his first stop in San Francisco. Michael’s stops in California were written well but I think the rest of the stops in Dallas..Chicago..could have been left out. I especially liked the Belle storyline in New York and his encounter with the homeless man.

I really would like to have an alternative ending. Sometime in the future, I will reread this book. This book would make an excellent choice for a book club. My thanks to Atria Books and NetGalley for an ARC of this book. The opinions in this review are my own.

*****You should first BE VERY AWARE of your own mental health before reading this book. It is hard to read when you are in a good head space, so please keep that in mind. *****

Wow! JJ Bola is an amazing writer! The words just flow and he has a beautiful way of expressing his feelings. The Selfless Act Of Breathing, is simply put, beautifully written.

All that being said, it is one hard book to read. You need to be in the right frame of mind to read this book, and even if you are strong mentally, this story will bring you down. It will show you just how a lonely and depressed person feels and how their mind works.

Michaels life is all over the place, or at least that is how it seems. He knows what it feels like to be happy or sad. But mostly he moves thru life in an ambivalent state of mind. He has friends and colleagues that he is somewhat close to, but most of the time he can't bring himself to be there for them. This is Michael... This is his life...

Michael is a teacher in London. His family immigrated to London when he was little. He has become despondent. He is only halfway present when he is teaching, he shows up late, he doesn't answer emails and he has become increasingly absent in his relationships with his friend Sandra, Jalil and his mom. JJ Bola touches on those relationships, but he does so in such a way that shows how a person with mental illness thinks. So the person in the book you get to know is Michael, not necessarily all the other people he knows or comes in contact with.

Michael decides to quit his job, take all the money he has and go to America. And once all his money is gone he is going to kill himself. He is tired of life, tired of being sad, so he makes plans for this trip. He is going to start in California and just go where he wants. While on this trip he meets many different people, does things he has never done before. But he is still sad, but now his plans of spending all his money and killing himself are becoming real. Will he do it??

This book goes back and forth between timelines. The author tells you the place at the beginning of each chapter but doesn't tell you the date, so at first it was confusing for me. I think the author does this on purpose to show how the mind of a person, who suffers from crippling depression, thinks. The chapters that are in America end with the amount of money Michael has left, so the closer you get to the end the more anxious you feel and you can feel it in the writing as well. Definitely a 4.5⭐ book.

Now for the big ending. Does Michael kill himself? I am not sure how to interpret the end of the book. The end of the book ( at least for me) could be interpreted in two ways.

1) Michael came home to his mom and everything is fine. The reason I struggle with this is because Michael has no money left and as far as I could tell did not book a round trip ticket since he was going to kill himself. So how did he get home???

2) The end of the book is back in London with Michaels mom. She is despondent knowing that he son went on a trip and plans to kill himself. She distances herself from the man (a preacher) who she was going to marry. She gets more and more sad, doesn't get out of bed, but then there is a knock at the door and it is Michael. Now I think Michaels mom also kills herself and only sees Michael after that she does that.

I could be reading the ending all wrong. Like I said there are a bunch of unanswered questions, and I think it was meant to be that way. There is always unanswered questions when someone commits suicide.

Thank you to Netgalley, Atria Books and JJ Bola for the eARC of this in exchange for my honest opinion.

3.5, rounded up. Do not read this book if you're not in a good place mentally; this book touches on loneliness, suicide, depression, and more. While it has an undercurrent of hope, Michael's long monologues about his despair bury it.

Of course, the sadness is written in a beautiful, lyrical way; JJ Bola's prolific abilities as a poet really shine through here. The dual voices for the two timelines (both of which chronicle Michael's experiences) were distracting at first, but they actually helped me differentiate between the different plot points more easily. There are some discrepancies (e.g., Michael's third-person perspective popping up in his first-person-perspective timeline) that will hopefully be fixed in the final, published version.

Overall, this is a beautiful but heart-wrenching little book. Read it for a good cry and some thought-provoking questions about identity and belonging.

This might be a polarizing novel due not only to the subject matter but also the way it is presented. Michael, a teacher in London, has been struggling with depression and with his place in the world as a black man. He decides to take all of his money, fly to the US, and end his life when his money runs out. This moves back and forth in time between London, when Michael tells his story, and the US, when the story is told in the third person, a buit distracting in these circumstances. The US proves to be a difficult place as well until he meets Belle in NY. There are some bright spots in the people he meets (and some dark ones as well) but the writing and the plot felt inconsistent. Michael manages to go a long way with his money. Novels with this theme- a journey before the end- have been popular in recent years. Bola has brought a new element, race, to the table. Thanks to Netgalley for the ARC.

I was torn between giving this a three or four stars. I went with the four star because it was beautiful written, depression is hard to describe and occasionally the author hit the nail on the head but I felt on the whole it was missing something. A lot of time Michael reminds me of a spoiled child feeling sorry for himself and not having much consideration for the feelings of his friends and family. The ending was a kind of thrown together. The time has come that his money was used up while he is still in New York. At that point you need to see him end his life or get his act together. Instead as by a miracle he ends up back home in London. It’s not like you can hitch a ride to cross the Atlantic. He only purchased a one way ticket to the states because he wasn’t planning to return. What happened to the preacher also didn’t feel right.

"The Selfless Act of Breathing" by J.J. Bola is so beautifully written, it almost reads like poetry. It's truly poetry in prose. The story follows Michael as he travels to from London to the United States with his life savings, planning to commit suicide when his savings run out. During his travels, he meets characters who, though they are unaware of his plan, convince him to stay alive a little longer. In this way, the story reminded me a bit of my favorite book, "A Man Called Ove." The writing is so gorgeous that I filled several pages of my book journal with quotes that I want to remember and on which I want to continue to reflect.

The author either meticulously researched or is personally familiar with depression and the feelings of isolation and hopelessness the mental health disorder can cause one to feel. As someone who struggles with severe depression and anxiety, I could really identify with Michael. Truly, there were many points in this book where I wondered how the author got inside my brain and was able to describe my feelings and experiences so vividly and accurately. The author does not sugarcoat or minimize mental illness, and for that I am grateful.

Many thanks to NetGalley, the author, and the publisher for the opportunity to read an advanced digital copy of this beautiful book, in exchange for my honest review.

Book Review

The Selfless Act of Breathing
J.J. Bola
reviewed by Lou Jacobs



readersremains.com | Goodreads


A lyrically beautiful written journey on contemplating a failure at self-actualization. Michael Kabongo is a British-Congolese inner-city teacher living in London. Although he appears beloved by his students and co-workers, and is the pride and joy of his immigrant mother, he is plagued by a sense of hopelessness.

Michael is overwhelmed and feels impotent to the suffering and injustices that surrounds him. Whether it be the violence and brutality that engulfs black men, refugees, and women in general, or the inability to make a meaningful change in the life of his students. He is also haunted by memories of his father’s mysterious violent death and its repercussions growing up without him. Michael’s escalating sense of dread, despair, and depression is stagnating his life and relationships and resulting in overwhelming pain and angst. His solution involves quitting his job, emptying his bank account, and fleeing to America—the mythical “land of the free.” He contemplates a spontaneous journey across America, with new friends and faces and adventures and possible loves.

His journey starts out with his racing to make a flight to San Francisco from London. From there, the tale alternates between London (told in first person) and his journey across America (told in third person); incrementally unfolding are his thoughts and motivations. At the end of each America chapter readers see his dwindling bank account remnant. Michael expects when his money is exhausted, so will be his life—anticipating his ultimate death.

J.J. Bola crafts a lyrical narrative whose prose frequently drifts into the poetic. The reader frequently will stop and re-read passages to enjoy the eloquent prose and message. The extremely descriptive prose effortlessly entraps the reader in the emotional narrative and the unexpected denouement. Bola explores a heady mix of themes: racism, gender bias, violence, relationships, friendships, and love.

Thanks to NetGalley and Atria Books for providing an Uncorrected Proof in exchange for an honest review.

If you gave yourself 90 days to kill yourself would the universe spend those 90 days trying to convince you otherwise or would it simply continue to exist as it always has, in acceptance of your fate?

Suicide is a subject that you venture into because you trust the author to take you into and out of it, safely.

The haphazard framework of this novel wherein one second I’m dying and the next I’m hopelessly living, left me feeling jarred at best.

I didn’t trust the author to take care of me through the book. I felt the subject of suicide was used to shock me into inspired page-turning, asking myself through the pages “Will he do it?” and Why?”

And what actually happened is that I began to get angry that the author was toying with me in such a way. Even the change in rhythm and prose between timeframes is jarring.

All of it!

I do not want a rocky reading experience on the subject of suicide.

DNF at 26% because I didn’t trust the author with my personal triggers.

Thanks to Atria and Netgalley for the advanced copy!

The opening sentence of this book was one that I won't forget. What a way to start a story.

I think this is going to be a very popular book this year. I immediately was sucked in.

There is a lot going on and it takes a minute to figure everyone out. So for that reason it may not be for everyone. But I do think it is going to take the book community by storm.

While I recognize the importance of mental health representation in fiction, THE SELFLESS ACT OF BREATHING missed the mark for me. On the surface, no one would know that Michael Kabonga was in the midst of a deep depression and planning to end his life.

We spend a majority of the time in Michael's head as he contemplates the meaning of life and travels from the UK to America to have one last hurrah of reckless spending and promiscuous encounters. The focus on Michael's inner thoughts may have been deliberate to illustrate how disconnected he was from others, but it was too introspective and philosophical for my taste despite the poetic prose. Having more robust development of the secondary characters would have added an additional layer to the story that could have made it more enjoyable.

While there are brief glimpses of hope, this book is overall bleak and depressing. Reading this in the midst of my first trimester pregnancy ailments and in the dreary depths of a Midwest winter was a poor choice on my part.

RATING: 2.5/5 (rounded up to 3 stars)
PUB DATE: February 15, 2022

Many thanks to Atria Books and NetGalley for an electronic ARC in exchange for an honest review.

I really wanted to like this, and I really liked the writing style and descriptions, but I ultimately felt like I couldn't connect to the main character. The book starts off with Michael in the past, in London, going about his life -- hanging out with his work wife or his best friend, trying to connect to students. Then it flashes forward to when he's in America and planning his own death. I expected there to be more connecting those two timelines, but it ended up coming off as rather sudden. Despite how introspective Michael is at the end, how he got to that point of despair felt more like the author was just telling us rather than showing us. And maybe that was the point? That to the outside observer things seem fine right up until they're not. But it made it hard to feel connected.

The Selfless Act of Breathing is a powerful and emotional read.

Looking at Michael Kabongo, no one would guess the inner turmoil he is experiencing. On the surface, he seems like a friendly and charismatic fellow. On the inside; however, he is more than a little depressed and quite philosophical.

He decides to give up his job as a teacher and embark on a trip to America until his savings run out. Once they are gone, he will end his life.

Told in dual timelines, the reader sees Michael’s everyday life before he quits his job, as well as his time in the US. The reader watches as he struggles to make emotional connections with people, has a string of flings, wantonly spends his money, and as he contemplates the meaning of life.

J. J. Bola’s beautiful prose makes it abundantly clear that he is a poet. The author explores racism, prejudice, intersectional feminism, belonging, grief, feeling invisible, and familial and cultural expectations.

This novel was very close to a five-star read, but my eyes tend to glaze over when topics become overtly philosophical. However, others may get a lot out of the existential musings in this book. And I found that some of the characters were underdeveloped. Although, that may have been purposefully done to show how in his own head Michael was. I’d simply have enjoyed more background on the people in Michael’s life.

This book is rather depressing, so I’d recommend reading it when you’re in the right mindset. It’s not all bleak; it has its moments of hope. The ending made me bawl.

Thank you to Atria / Simon & Schuster Canada for providing an arc via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

https://booksandwheels.com

whoa so much packed into this short novel. I loved everything about this book down to the title. so good! I feel like this should be highlighted more than ive seen it around.

I don’t even know how to start to describe this book. While the writing was beautiful, the story and length of the book at times was tedious. Bola has a magnificent ability to create stunning visuals. I was utterly taken at time with the prose. This story seems to go on and on endlessly, however.

Michael is a school teacher. He was born in Congo, but moved to Britain during the war, which is where he resides now. Michael seems to have a happy life - friends, a home, a good job. In the dark, though, Michael is very unhappy. He’s not sure what he wants from life or if he wants to continue living.

Somehow he hatches a plan to go to North America with all his life savings, and when the money runs out, so does the clock on his life. Half of the novel explores his experiences in North America, while the other half provides a visual into his life prior to leaving for the U.S. The chapters do not completely alternate, but it is back and forth between the two existences.

For some, I’m sure this novel delivers on all fronts. In my reading, I just couldn’t care deeply enough about Michael. It’s hard to tell whether he is actually suffering from depression or simply apathy. Perhaps I missed the point. I do feel that JJ Bola has a gift for expression, this might not be the best example of his ability.

The Selfless Act of Breathing
by JJ Bola
Pub Date: February 15, 2022
Atria
I wanted to like this book, especially when I saw it compared to Backman's A Man Called Ove and Gyasi's Transcendent Kingdom. Unfortunately, this was not a good read for me.
I did not connect with the book or its characters. It’s a depressing book. It’s beautifully written, as befits the author being a poet, but it’s just way too dark for me. The underlying sense of the book was severe hopelessness.
Thanks to Atria and Net Galley for the ARC. I cannot recommend this book.
3 stars

I wanted to like this book, especially when I saw it compared to Backman's A Man Called Ove and Gyasi's Transcendent Kingdom. I was bored. So bored. And it felt like it was going nowhere at a snails pace.....I will say, there were some really beautiful passages that I highlighted.

Bola has decided to tell a story featuring a man who is literally just passing through his life at this point. He is fed with his job, with his home life, and his overall existence.

He feels disconnected and uninterested even as he sees and acknowledges issues around him and that affect those like him. Yet he cannot find the energy to care enough to do something about it.

He refuses to engage his grief, his apathy, which may or may not help him cope and find his way through. At times the prose was too flowery and some tines just the right amount of poetry was used and it was beautiful.

I wanted Michael to wake up and to fight for his life and what he could accomplish with his awareness. A novel that hints at the fragile mental state of Black men and their unwillingness or fear to face that vulnerability.

Absolutely mind-blowing read. I feel so honored to have been able to review this book. The story follows Michael, in fits and starts, through the supposed end of his life. He has chosen to end his life due to many different factors, and we see how he chooses to go about doing it, and what he factors weighed on his decision. He leaves his position as a teacher in London and takes his savings to the United States, in hopes of really living before he ends it all. The descriptions were so rich, and touching, and despite the subject matter, the author somehow made what could be a very depressing subject into a beautiful story with a great moral undertone of learning to see the beauty in many different things.
HIGHLY recommend.
This ebook was provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

Stunning work here. Absolutely breathtaking, emotionally dark, raw, and real. Big reminder of new beginnings that can come to an end and begin again for anyone struggling internally with their mental health.

Author JJ Bola is such a beautiful writer. He carves amazing sentences into his story that cause the reader to stop and re-read the passage again and again. THE SELFLESS ACT OF BREATHING is a loosely gathered tale of one man’s effort to jar himself -either awake, into life, or permanently asleep. The story itself is a series of vignettes at different points in his life. They are disjointed in many ways and not easy to read. But within the book itself, Bola is a masterful writer. I received my copy from the publisher through NetGalley.