DNF. I'm so sad, as I loved the author's debut novel, Down Comes the Night, but I just cannot connect with the characters, the setting, or the writing in this one. If you enjoy historical fantasy with a slow burning plot, give this one a try for yourself.

A beautifully written, equally heartbreaking and exhilarating story. There are some characters that you just want to embrace and love and help as a reader, and Wes and Margaret are two of those characters for me.
Margaret Welty is managing her family’s home by herself while her alchemist mother is off doing research. Weston Winters is in desperate need of an alchemy teacher and Margaret’s mother is his last hope. To make things even more interesting, the hala, a white fox with magical powers, has appeared, prompting the Halfmoon Hunt, a yearly hunt to kill the hala and bring glory and riches to the person who wins.
Things I loved:
Margaret and Wes’s chemistry. They both felt like real, complicated people.
The descriptions. Beautiful, but not too flowery or complicated.
The world. I got 1920’s-30’s vibes with alchemy mixed in and I was here for it!
The personal growth both Margaret and Wes have. I was so proud of them!

I enjoyed this novel; it has some interesting features, including an unusual twist on alchemy, and a somewhat understated flavor of steampunk. Set in a fantasy universe in roughly 1920, there are references to events - immigration, religious persecution, and war - that occurred around that time, but the names of all of the particulars have been changed, which allows for a social commentary on various forms of prejudice that is well-done, without naming specific groups.

Weston Winters (Wes) is an aspiring student of alchemy, an open, earnest young man with a somewhat bumbling personality and an ability to be released by various instructors, which leaves him seeking one of the few unaffiliated alchemists as his instructor: Evelyn Welty. When the letter he sent her goes unanswered, Wes presents himself at her home, hoping to charm his way into being accepted as a student - but that quickly goes awry when her daughter, Margaret (Maggie), informs him that her mother is not there, and won't be home for some time - weeks, perhaps months. And so begins an unlikely partnership, as the two slowly learn to tolerate each other, and discover a mutual need: the need to catch the one remaining demiurge, the hala, a task that no one has managed for over 75 years, and which requires an alchemist and a sharpshooter. As the two discuss how best to work together, they discover that each is, in their own way, an outcast; Wes is the son of Banvish immigrants, as well as a follower of the Sumic religion, while Maggie is the daughter of a follower of the Yu'adir religion - neither religion being accepted by the dominant Katharist religion. Each has experienced prejudice because of their origins, and each is reluctant to reveal those origins to the other, lest the budding friendship between them be damaged by such revelations. I felt that this part of the novel was very well done, and mirrored reality without identifying with specific countries, cultures, or religions.

Overall, the differences between our world and the world of A Far Wilder Magic are well done, but there are a few pieces here and there that are identical, and distract and detract from the story, at least for me. At one point, Maggie provides Wes with a bag of frozen peas for a bruised fist, which is out of place for the purported time, and while the religions are never detailed, the Sumic religion uses rosary beads, while the Yu'Adir religion uses terms that are in Hebrew and are of religious significant - thus identifying them, respectively, as Catholicism and Judaism, something that is otherwise studiously avoided. They're little things, but for me, they jarred me out of the fantasy world of the novel.

I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

This was a simply lovely book. I was intrigued by the cover and was pulled into the story from the start.

Margaret Welty and Weston Winters are brought together by circumstance, decide to work together to achieve their own very personal and complex goals in the dangerous and rare Halfmoon Hunt, and somehow find each other and themselves along the way.

The characters were such three-dimensional and solid characters. Their personalities, motivations, fears, and insecurities were so well delineated and well written. I was immediately drawn to them both and invested in their story.

The story and world building were excellent. We get enough detail to understand the events of the story and enough mystery to keep the reader thoroughly engaged. I liked the parallels to our own society, reminiscent of Guy Gavriel Kay's transposition of ethnicities and religion in his Lions of Al-Rassan. You could recognize the similarities but they remained of the book's world, rather than our own. I liked the setting, both by description and also as far as a timeline that felt both immediate but also set in the past. The details of alchemy and magic, the religious basis for divisions and bigotry, were all woven together so well. Familiar yet still distant as their own entities, perhaps shadows from our world but not quite. It made the story more immersive, as there was a familiarity that grounded me but also a wonder at the creative differences and hint of magic that comes from the very elemental alchemy.

The whole story is very creative and original. It kept me engaged and curious, making it hard to put down. The interpersonal relationships between the main characters–but also the secondary characters–were dynamic and complex, realistic and at times heartbreaking.

Margaret is a strong heroine. I liked that the book had dual POV for Wes and Margaret. It gave us immediacy with their stories, but also insight into what they weren't telling us as readers–how their own views of situations, , their circumstances, their strengths and weaknesses were subtly different, depending on the POV.

They both underwent significant character growth and learned not only about each other, but had profound revelations about themselves. They worked together so well and it was so satisfying to see them be better together, with a synergy that was palpable.

The slow burn of their relationships was such a lovely part of the story. It was awkward and sweet, gentle and vivid in the best way. It was a good counterpoint to the slowly building intensity of their partnership for the Hunt and the trials they both go through, individually and together, to reach their goal.

There are a few important secondary characters and they add a richness and depth to the story, whether they are likable or quite frankly distasteful at best.

There are some difficult topics raised in this book–prejudice, bullying, intolerance, the pernicious undercurrent of othering, of bigotry, of exclusion. It tackles some challenging family issues as well, including loss, financial insecurity, abandonment, lack of boundaries, and toxic parent/child dynamics.

The writing was brilliant. Descriptive, evocative, setting a mood, a tone, emotion. The story flowed so well, never dragging or rushing. The actual Hunt itself only took place in the last part of the book but the build up was so well done. The pace of the romance was similarly steady and building. I was rooting for Margaret and Wes on so many fronts!

I will be searching out this author again--the writing was simply splendid.

Atmospheric and engrossing. Romance and fantasy, magic and mystery. So much to enjoy in this book.

highly recommended.

My thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for a digital review copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.

(3.5+) You know those dreams where everything is fantastical and vivid and engrossing? Those dreams you really never want to end? So much of this book felt exactly like one of those dreams.

The first thing that struck me about this book is how good the writing is. Allison Saft has created a truly beautiful setting full of incredible imagery — “rich, amethyst purple skies,” “skin dusted with silver,” etc. — and everything is so atmospheric that the descriptions just jump off the page and straight into your imagination. Saft’s two main characters, Margaret and Wes, are fully developed, and their intimacy and tenderness is a strong selling point for the book. You’ll love them, and your heart will break for them given their situations. They’re both so earnest — but they’re so naive (they both face discrimination because of their religion, so he wants to be a politician to change things; she just wants her (horrid) mother to come back so they can be a family once again). Their characterizations are close to brilliant (Wes amasses too many half-drunk coffee cups when he’s working and often forgets which one is fresh), and it doesn’t take long for them to burrow their ways into your heart.

But where some of the haziness created a kind of haunting atmosphere, the lack of details about the timeline confused me. Once you get about 40 percent of the way through the book, you find out this is supposedly taking place in 1918, but, before that, I was having trouble placing where in the (fantasy) world I was. I also wish some of the world-building was more thorough — the coded layers smack you in the face (one of the protagonists is essentially Irish, and the other is essentially Jewish, and both face the horrifying prejudices common in 1920s (and today, to be fair)), and the thinly disguised allusions felt a little lazy. Some of the details in the world, too, feel not entirely thought-out; $75 is supposedly gobs and gobs of money, but, in 1918 in the U.S., that would amount to about $1,400. Which, sure, is a lot of money, but I’m not sure I’d risk my life in a deadly hunt for a godly creature for it.

This is a languid novel — there’s not much sense of urgency, as the hunt takes up about three percent of the book while the rest of the book is just the lead-up — but it’s an engrossing one. Plus, it’s so beautifully written that it’s a joy to read. But, like any dream, some things are a little too hazy and just don’t quite make perfect sense.

Fave new book! Saft's prose feels lyrical and wild. Like it could not belong to anyone other than her. Her characters are so INTERESTING. They feel like real, beautiful, broken, desperately hopeful people. I don't often read multiple POV's where I enjoy each perspective equally--but I just love Wes and Margaret to pieces, and I couldn't wait to see the world from the other's eyes.

The story will sweep you off your feet, but I also loved the complex threads that run through Saft's world. Inspired by America in the early twentieth century, it's all too easy to see how it relates to the world we still live in, as if her tale is a fantastical mirror held up to the world today. All that to say: You will enjoy reading it so much. But it will also make you rage and hope. Which is one of the highest compliments I can give a piece of fiction. 🖤🖤🖤

Though not every scene in this story takes place at night, I felt like Allison Saft had conjured a constantly chilly, wet backdrop for this romantic story of two young people who are outsiders in their land of New Albion. Neither is accepted by the dominant culture, as both have ties to other countries: Maggie is half Yu’adir, while Weston is of the Sumic faith from Banva, putting the two of them at odds with their majority Katharist (the dominant religion) country of New Albion. Consequently, they’ve both endured years of bullying for being different. Also, Maggie is prickly and mistrustful from years of neglect by her mother, and Weston is hiding his family’s poverty and his desperation to get them out of it.

The two would normally not have met, but he wanted to apprentice with Maggie’s famous, alchemist mother, and shows up on Maggie’s doorstep while her mother is away. Maggie decides she wants to enter a ritual hunt for a Katharist-hated otherworldly, powerful and frightening creature, known as a demiurge. The only impediment is that she needs an alchemist partner to enter the competition, then to succeed at the days-long rigorous effort. Of course they team up, albeit reluctantly on his side.

They both have baggage to deal with as they prepare for the hunt, with their misperceptions about each other and their personalities clashing despite their attraction. The author draws our attention to their differences in multiple ways, though I liked her descriptions of their homes as one of the indicators: the dark, brooding, dusty house Maggie lives in and its empty coldness and air of loneliness and constrained feelings contrasts with the bustle, boisterousness and warmth of Wes’ family’s cramped, two-room apartment.

Maggie and Wes make an unlikely pair amongst the expensively fitted-out other hunters who sneer at the two for their supposed inferiority due to their origins

The hunt itself is dangerous because of the conditions, the dangerous demiurge, and the resentful hunters. There is dark magic at work, and the pair must work hard to best their opponents.

I did have a problem with one aspect: Wes’ mother is a staunch Sumic, and killing a demiurge is antithetical to her faith. I thought her acquiescence of his teaming up with Maggie was a little too easily won, and didn’t ring true to me.

Allison Saft creates lovely tension and has her romances develop organically. It’s swoony, but believable. I just wish the hunt and murder of a beautiful, terrifying being had not been part of their developing feelings.

Thank you to Netgalley and to St. Martin's Press for this ARC in exchange for my review.

This book was everything I wanted it to be and more. At first, I was worried about the writing. When it comes to really magical prose, I tend to have difficulty understanding/following it, or I just get bored - and I’m happy to say that that wasn’t the case here. The writing is beautiful, and it’s easy to understand and has a really nice flow to it. This story takes place in a “fantasy 1920’s” (words taken from a synopsis of the book), and it definitely feels older in terms of dialogue and dress. But the writing uses a bit more modern terms that made it easy to follow along, something that I always appreciate with fantasy.

The plot was fairly simple but contained so much within it. The actual hunt doesn’t happen until near the end of the book, but there’s so much action leading up to it that you stay intrigued the whole time. And I think that the characters really made this book. I loved Wes and I loved Margaret and every other minor character felt fully formed. Even Jaime has his unique characteristics and was engaging. (I also noticed that Wes may have been compared to Orpheus, or at least the version seen in Hadestown?)

Read this book if you like alchemy, romance, high stakes, and bullies getting what they deserve.

**Thank you to NetGalley for providing a digital copy of this book in exchange for an honest review

Review will be up 03/16
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<i>“Misfortune has hardened them both. It roughened her, but it polished him to a sheen. If he lets the world believe he is all surface, then there is nothing to expose. Beneath her implacable stare, however, he is utterly naked.”</i>

This is an atmospheric and character-driven story. I must say that I thought this would be focused a little more on the hunt but I still really enjoyed it. The author did such a great job with the characters, there were layers to them and deep feelings. I want to say this is an enemy to lovers, but they weren't enemies exactly, they just didn't like each other very much, but still had to work together. They were more like opposites attract sort of trope, Wes Winters is a charismatic, dreamer, aspiring to be an alchemist and be able to support his family because after the loss of his dad he feels that needs. Margaret Welty is an isolated girl that lives with PTSD from her mother's alchemist obsession. Margaret has a hard shell on the outside but on the inside, she just wants to be important, to be loved and cared for, and when Wes shows up at her doorstep with that bright smile to be her mother's apprentice and she loathes him but see him as an opportunity to join the hunt so she can show her worth to the town and have her mother back.

<i>“But why would that be enough to sway her?” Wes groans. “Because you're not just offering her your love,” Mad says. “You're offering her hope.”</i>

The romance is a slow burn and had me turning each page in anticipation for the characters to finally admit their feelings for each other. It also touches lightly on political and religious themes that parallel discrimination issues against ethnic minorities and immigrants. Wes’s family is so warm and its all Margaret has ever wanted, although she is not fully healed from her emotional scars, now with Wes's help she will learn what love is supposed to be. Overall, it was a little slow but the writing is beautiful and the two main characters will be on your mind forever.

<i>“All her life, love has been a scarce and precious resource, something earned or denied, something she starved for every day. But with Wes, love is different. It is reckless and inexhaustible. It is freely given. It simply is.”</i>

Unfortunately, this took a lot of effort for me to finish. I wasn't very engaged in the story for the first 50% of the book, and only once the hunt began did I start liking it a bit more. The plot just moved too slowly for me. I did like how it showed the effects of parental neglect and how the child usually thinks it's their fault, even when it's not.

While this novel was very slow paced, and dragged at times, it was so beautifully crafted and endearing that I can't bring myself to regret a minute of it.

The characters are so real and flawed and it makes them only more relatable as they grow individually and together throughout the storyline. The depth of Margaret's and Wes's struggles and emotions are expertly portrayed and only left me rooting harder for them by the end.

When I read Saft’s debut, DOWN COMES THE NIGHT, I knew I had found an auto-buy author. When I read A FAR WILDER MAGIC, I had a “I’ll follow you to the ends of the earth” devoted fan feeling. Saft is such a talented author. Even though this book isn’t a sequel or a companion novel to her debut, debut authors often struggle with second book slump. It’s a common and natural step to honing their craft.

However, A FAR WILDER MAGIC is a phenomenal second book. It’s rustic, velvety, lush, and raw. It’s got one of my favorite romance tropes: grump/sunshine. Margaret’s the grump and Weston’s the sunshine. It’s got small-town politics with real-world social commentary. It’s also Jewish-coded which I love, love, LOVED. It’s got mythical creatures, religion, alchemy, loyal dogs, and so much more. All beautifully wrapped in lush prose.

The pacing is slow but steady. I wasn’t bored or skimming pages. It’s a slow burn kinda story and the payoff was worth it.

Saft does such a beautiful job of writing fantasy standalones. It’s refreshing in a genre that loves book series.

5 out of 5 stars

TW: abandonment, animal death, antisemitism, blood, child death, death of a parent, emotional abuse, gore, panic attacks/disorders, religious bigotry, sexual content.

"A Far Wilder Magic" was an atmospheric, emotional read that would have benefitted from slightly different marketing.

If you - like me - are going into this book expecting a high stakes, magical fox hunt, you should know that portion of the story does not begin until the last 10% of the book and even then, it's not the entire 10%.
It's still the over-arching plot, and most of the book is spent leading up to it (/trying to come up with a weapon that could kill said fox) but the hunt itself is the smallest portion of the story.

Which was slightly disappointing, but that's on me for expecting something different than what this book was and as such, I won't judge it for that.
I do think it's worth noting before reading.


My reading tastes considered, the changes actually should have increased my enjoyment of the story and in some ways, it did.

Unfortunately, I still didn't connect with this as well as I wanted to. Had this not been an ARC, I probably would have DNF'd it early on- considering how much I was struggling through the first 30%.

I'm glad I kept reading though because it really does improve from that point forward.


This is a very character driven book and that's definitely not a bad thing, unless you find the characters insufferable. For the first half of the book, it seemed like the author was so focused on achieving the Grump x Sunshine dynamic that the characters existed only to fill those roles and nothing else.

At some point, however, the characters fall into place. Instead of just being told by their thoughts, "I'm this way because of x,y,z." (which is honestly 80% of their povs), the reader can actually begin empathizing with them. They become actual characters instead of cardboard trope fulfilments and, as a result, the rest of the book is a lot easier to read.


Truthfully, I was the most invested in the mythology and setting of the story. These should be the selling points, in my opinion.

Their world has 3 major religions (being very clearly inspired by Judaism, Catholicism, and Protestantism), that each have a very similar belief system and yet they are entirely contrasting. I was the most fascinated by the times the characters would talk about their mythology and the demiurges.
I wish more time would have been spent on that aspect, because I found it so intriguing.

As for the setting itself, the "Scorpio Races" comp was extremely accurate and that's both a good and a bad thing. It's a good thing because that means this book is both pretty unique and comforting at the same time. There's a familiarity to the setting that feels like fog drifting across an open field. The bad thing about this is that most of the magical scenes, feel like they were lifted directly from the pages of "The Scorpio Races" and altered just enough to work with the rest of the story.

At the end of the day, this isn't a big deal and for someone looking for something with the kind of setting they've only seen once before, the similarities between certain scenes may not bother them. I just think it's worthy of note.


Overall:
I would recommend this book to anyone looking for a slow-paced, character driven, older YA book that deals with topics like childhood trauma and religious bigotry.

A Far Wilder Magic was a book that was just ok for me. I loved Allison Saft's first book which is why I picked this one up but there were a number of sections that seemed to drag for me in this one. I thought the characters were interesting as was the world they lived in but for some reason, the pacing felt slow and some of the story felt repetitive.

I did enjoy the ending and thought Saft tied the story up well.

This book was an enjoyable read. I really liked the worldbuilding and characters. It wasn't my favorite but a good one in between books I'm waiting for. I still would recommend this to the right reader and think it's work checking out.

A Far Wilder Magic drew me in with its description. Who doesn't love a book about two underdogs who team up to fight a mythical beast?

You meet Margaret Welty and learn that her mother is "away" on a research trip. Apparently she leaves frequently and stays gone for indeterminate amounts of time. You gradually discover that something horrible happened to Margaret's family and it shattered them to the point that Margaret's mother has never been the same. As a world reknowned alchemist, her reputation and talent is known by many but Margaret just wants love from her mother.

The other main character is Weston Winters. He is the only son in a large family of all sisters. His father has recently passed away leaving him the "man in charge" and he is feeling the weight on his shoulders. He wants to succeed as an alchemist in order to gain entry to university and ultimately become a politician. He sees it as his family's way out of poverty. His older sister doesn't necessarily see things the same way and often criticizes him. Even though Weston has a natural talent, he has difficulty focusing on bookwork and it has led him to being expelled by several other alchemists as their apprentice. With Margaret's mother being his last hope, he has travelled to their town hoping to convince her to train him.

All of this coincides with the reappearance of the mythical beast known as the Hala. As the Hala wreaks havoc in the small community they prepare to have a traditional hunt for it. Weston is from a religion that reveres the Hala while Margaret knows her mother believes the Hala possesses magic useful to complete the most difficult alchemic reactions. She persuades Weston to be her partner in the hunt. Not only do they have to worry about dangers of the beast, they are at risk of being attacked or injured by other hunters as well, There are many in the hunt who don't want to see them participate.

There's more to this story than the mystical hunt and the beast's appearance and dangerous threat. There is the character study of Margaret and Weston. Margaret is a young woman who has basically been abandoned by those who should love her most. She stays at her home and works herself to the bone trying to keep up with it so that when her mother returns, she'll show favor on her. Weston is a young man who is trying to do right by his family while still trying to follow his dreams. Yet, he always feels like he's letting someone down.

These two characters are undeniably attracted to one another but refuse to acknowledge it for the longest time. It's as if they would show weakness by doing so and neither will admit to it first. They do have weak moments where they let the other person in and then second guess themselves. It was such true human nature -- how insecurities play into doubts and how you often take the easier road because you don't want to risk your pride. I thought they were very real characters.

This was a lovely book and I was pulled into it from the beginning.

Thank you to NetGalley for this ARC. I voluntarily chose to read and review it and the opinions contained within are my own.

Margaret Welty lives a solitary and lonely life in the countryside with her eccentric and emotionally isolated mother. Her mother is a talented alchemist who basically ignores Margaret. Margaret has few friends as she is Yu’adir and is treated as an outsider by the local, overwhelmingly Katharist population. In comes Weston Winters, a Banvishman who knows what it’s like to be treated as less because of his background and whose dream in life is to be an alchemist so that he can then become a politician and make the world a better place. Margaret and Wes form a tenuous bond and decide to team up for the Halfmoon Hunt which is an annual tradition in which the Hala (a mystical fox-like creature) is hunted. Margaret yearns for her mother’s approval and Weston hopes that winning will help him become an alchemist.

This book was really, really good. I was hooked from the very beginning. It is a beautifully descriptive story with complicated characters. I almost wish that the author would have just used our world instead of inventing a very similar one. Yu’adir is Jewish and Sumic is Catholic. Banvish is Irish. Katharist is Protestant or Anglican. But I don’t think it detracted from the story, it was just a little distracting for me.

I loved seeing Wes and Maggie’s relationship grow and their character development was gratifying. The pace of the story was steady and the hunt scene had my heart pounding. This was an excellent read from start to finish.

A FAR WILDER MAGIC is the raw intensity of first love - the falling in love that stuns and consumes you because you could never know what was possible until you met them. Wes and Margaret's romance is falling in love the way dust falls and collects over time, barely seen and only noticed all at once.

Allison's prose is gentle and the characters are complex, with authentic pain and joy in equal measure. Their stories remind us that our sadness can become our comfortable way of life - centered on survival and allowing no space to dream.

We can be so much more when we don't hold back and we deserve every shining piece of ourselves. Sometimes we need someone unexpected to show us how vast our world and our hearts can be. AFWM is an invitation to find love in what you fear - or what you think you hate - and learn opposites aren't always the opposition we expect.

It is a far wilder magic that illuminates the soul of another so we may glimpse the divinity they possess. It is love that casts the world in a divine glow. It is our perception that creates love - our gaze that manifests magic.

With her mother pretty much abandoning her for yet another research trip, Margaret Welty is just trying to get by in their dilapidated manor with her hound named Trouble. She knows it is hard to keep the attention of a world renown alchemist who is obsessed with her work so she never complains. Out of the blue, the last magical creature known as a hala appears in the woods nearby and it could be a way to get her mother to return home for good.

When we meet the silver-tongued Wes Winters, he has one shot to becoming an alchemist after getting rejected by every teacher possible to train under. His only hope is Evelyn Welty, Margaret's mother. He manages to charm his way in Margaret's isolated life at the manor to wait for Evelyn's return.

Days go by and the hala wrecks havoc on the town, gaining strength as the moon waxes. Excitement is in the air as everyone prepares for the Halfmoon Hunt to kill the creature. Margaret and Wes form an unlikely team as two outsiders who are discriminated against by the religion and background. Can they work together to fulfill their dreams?

My thoughts: I absolutely love the world building in this book and getting to know the characters. There is something familiar and soothing about this book. It's always refreshing to see a female character who can fend for herself and is a force to be reckoned with like Margaret. There is a sense of magic and wonderment whenever I picked up the book. Even at the last page, I was left wanting to know more about what happens to Margaret and Wes.

I am torn about how I feel about how descriptive this book is. On the one hand, I really enjoyed that I can completely envision the scenery and mood in my mind's eye. I get the feeling that this a purposeful and deliberate choice by the author because the characters were often lost in thought to the point where they almost got run over on the street or someone had to snap their attention back to the present. But at the same time, I felt like the book is weighed down and I can only read it for short periods of time. It might just be that I wasn't in the right mindset. A Far Wilder Magic is the type of book that is meant to be savored slowly as you sip a pot of tea undisturbed. I was trying to get out of a book rut, it seemed like everyone and everything was trying to get my attention. I would love to revisit this book in the future when I do have a luxurious free day because it is a world that I want to slip into again.

I would recommend this book to fans of Full Metal Alchemist and Howl's Moving Castle. Did anyone else get Howl/Sophie vibes from Wes and Margaret? Maybe it's just me...

Thank you Saint Martin's Press, Wednesday Books, and NetGalley for the eARC

After absolutely loving Saft's debut Down Comes the Night, this was a highly anticipated read for me. Saft is a great writer and character building. Unfortunately, the fantasy elements and plot did not do it for me. At 60% through I still felt stuck in a drawn out exposition. The characters were heartfelt, but there wasn't enough movement to keep me interested. Unfortunately, not even the beautiful writing nor the exciting premise could save this for me. It absolutely breaks my heart to give this 2 stars.