“You, and your words, are significant and necessary for the building up of his church… We build up the body of Christ by reminding one another who Christ is and what he’s done for us.”

This is a short, practical book on how to come alongside our loved ones and speak truth in times of struggle.

“We titled this book When Words Matter Most because we believe there are crucial moments in each of our lives when what is heard and believed makes all the difference in the world. When we’re burdened with worry, weariness, sin, or sorrow, we have a choice to build our lives either on the rock of God’s word or the sand of human wisdom. That choice has real consequences.” 

This book is concise and full of Scripture. The core of speaking truth with grace is being willing to do it, understanding God’s Word, and having an attitude of humility and compassion.

‘When Words Matter Most’ provides a helpful resource to guide our conversations and provides sections we can even read verbatim to our friends to offer biblical encouragement.

At the end of the preface they included a prayer for the person reading this book. There wasn’t anything particularly profound in the prayer but it was genuine and reading it really touched me. I feel like just reading their prayer for me over myself was calming and encouraging and could be something I do each time I use this book to talk with my family and friends.

It is evident that the authors are writing from experience and compassionate hearts.


Part One

Part One focuses on how God calls us to speak truth and grace and what those two things mean. This is one way we build up and take care of the Lord’s church— carrying one another’s burdens.

Where does this grace come from? From where does the hope come that we offer others? Both of these are sourced in Christ whose grace and mercy gives us life. We love because he first loved us. We can be gracious because we live in the grace of Christ. We can give hope because the hope of the cross is eternal and sufficient.

As we come alongside hurting people we humble ourselves knowing that all of us are sinful, all of us need a Savior, and the power for change and healing is not in us or our words but the power of Christ in us and working through us as we share Truth.

There is a section talking about different kinds of believers that have trouble accepting God’s truth (withdrawn, angry, defensive, struggling, rebellious) and how we can respond biblically.

“Love at the expense of truth isn’t love.”  

If we are going to speak truth, we’re going to need to know what truth is. There is a section the authors spend a little time talking about Scripture and its sufficiency, clarity, authority, and necessity. They remind us how truth has the power to transform us.

Scripture sanctifies, wisens, encourages, fortifies, and brings blessings into our lives.


Part Two

Part Two focuses on four kinds of struggles our loved ones might be going through and provides a few Bible passages for each circumstance and how we can pull out gospel truths and communicate these to our people, even if we are reading them straight from the book.

They discuss

- Truth for the Worried (Matt 6:25-34; Phil 4:4-9; Ps 27:1-14; Ps 34)

- Truth for the Weary (Isa 40:27-31; 2 Cor 4:7-18; 2 Cor 12:7-10; Ps 71)

- Truth for the Wayward (Prov 3:5-8; Gal 5:16-25; 2 Cor 7: 9-11; Ps 32:1-11; 2 Cor 2:14-17)

- Truth for the Weeping (Ps 13:1-6; Lam 3:19-26, 55-58; 2 Cor 1:3-5; Ps 40)

The Truth for the Weary section is where I am personally, and I found it to be really encouraging. Not only is this book to help us encourage others, but we can pray these truths over ourselves too.

A small caveat, but I wish they would have elaborated when they talked about serving others. They gave some examples but as a mother of four children under 6 I am not sure what that looks like for me. I know I can’t always be the one to serve and that even though my life is hectic I can still find ways to serve, but I can barely make meals for my own family let alone others and get it to them on time. I can’t really go anywhere without either taking my kids or hiring a babysitter. I want to be able to serve, but I could use some ideas of how people at my life stage can serve in ways that actually help people and not add my chaos to their lives.

One thing they mentioned that I had not heard before was the origin of the hymn ‘What a Friend We Have in Jesus.’ This is a song sung to me as a child and one I sing to my kids now, too. The writer of that song had a life full of tragedy. By the age of 25 he had lost two fiances to tragic accidents. His mother also suffered illness.

Yet, amidst the worry, the weariness, and the weeping, he penned these words:

“What a friend we have in Jesus
All our sins and griefs to bear
What a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer

Oh what peace we often forfeit!
Oh, what needless pain we bear
All because we do not carry 
Everything to God in prayer

Have we trials and temptations
Is there trouble anywhere
We should never be discouraged
Take it to the Lord in prayer

Can we find a friend so faithful
Who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness
Take it to the Lord in prayer

Are we weak and heavy-laden,
Cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge
Take it to the Lord in prayer

Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?
Take it to the Lord in prayer
In His arms He’ll take and shield thee
Thou wilt find a solace there”

I hadn’t really reflected on these words before. They remind us— Jesus is our Friend and there is power in prayer. We can strive to be the best friends we can be for others, but the truest friend there is is Christ. And he is waiting for us to come to him and find rest for our weary, heavy-laden, and weeping souls.

The best thing we can do for our loved ones is to point them to the ultimate Friend.

“Our confidence to speak truth with grace to one another is rooted in knowing that God is present, powerful, and faithful to his promises.”  

“Jesus is the one who saves and sanctifies his people, and that was never a weight intended for you to carry. You can’t rescue anyone, but Christ can. You can’t change anyone, but Christ can. You don’t have the power to produce spiritual life and transformation in those you love, but you can have every confidence that Christ does.”  


More Quotes:

“We can provide spiritual help by listening (Prov. 18:13), sympathizing (Rom. 12:15), giving encouragement (Eph. 4:29), and interceding for others, praying that they’ll receive mercy and grace in their time of need (Heb. 4:16).” 

“In times of trouble, we all need constant reminders of what we know is true about God, just like the psalmist who repeatedly asked himself, “Why are you in despair, oh my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me?” Each time, he reassured his own faint heart with the same words of encouragement: “Hope in God, for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God” (Ps. 42:5, 11; 43:5).”

“It may be tempting to simply give unbelievers advice to help their lives run more smoothly, but offering principles for life without the hope and power of the gospel won’t give them relief from their heaviest burden—the burden of sin and its condemnation. Beware of providing unbelievers with only temporary solutions that ignore the spiritual realities in their lives.”  

“If she sins, speak of God’s forgiveness. If she fails, speak of God’s mercy. If she doubts, speak of God’s faithfulness. If she suffers, speak of God’s lovingkindness. And if she hurts or offends you, remember that as God has been gracious to you in your salvation, you must also be gracious to her—especially when you speak.” 

“As you grow in understanding and appreciating the grace of God in your own life—especially as you meditate on his grace in your salvation, sanctification, and glorification—your speech will become more grace filled. Your words will become more loving, and you will find yourself speaking freely of the grace of God.”  

“If you’re honest with the Lord and yourself about your own struggles and shortcomings, then you won’t be shocked, judgmental, or easily offended when a friend shares her sin and failures with you. To respond with humility, own the fact that you’re a sinner as well (Rom. 3:23). You both need the same Savior.”  

“You can’t tell the Lord how to care for you, but you can trust that he always will. Wait for him to work in your life, believing that you’ll see the goodness of the Lord. As you wait for and remind yourself how trustworthy he is, the Lord will give you strength and courage to persevere. Let the knowledge of his goodness toward you dispel your worry and fill you with a steadfast faith.”  

“You can do whatever God calls you to do—persevere in suffering, walk in obedience, be content in every circumstance—with the help he gives. The Lord will fill your weakness with power and your weariness with endurance. When you lack strength, his grace will increase in you all the more…”

“though you may agree with what he says is good, don’t fall into the trap of believing your sinful choices are better for you because of the circumstances in which you find yourself.”  

“He’ll redeem what has been lost and broken in your life and use it to display his glory in you. And in this there’s great joy—the joy of forgiveness, the joy of righteousness, the joy of life in Christ. Praise him for his steadfast love!”  

“Your role in the lives of those who weep isn’t to be their sole comforter; your role is to direct them to the Comforter of their souls.”  

“He’s the ultimate source of every true act of comfort. He’s the hand behind the friend who helps you, the truth behind the song that calms you, the Creator behind the nature that refreshes you, and the giver behind every gift that blesses you. His Spirit applies his word to your heart like a soothing balm, and he pours his peace into your soul like a cool river in a parched land. No affliction enters your life that doesn’t have a corresponding comfort from the Lord.”


Four Books Quoted in When Words Matter Most:

- How Long O Lord?: Reflections on Suffering and Evil by D.A. Carson

- Taking God at His Word: Why the Bible is Knowable, Necessary, and Enough, and What that Means for You and Me by Kevin DeYoung

- Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy: Discovering the Grace of Lament by Mark Vroegop

- Women of the Word: How to Study the Bible with Both Our Hearts and Our Minds by Jen WIlkin


Other Relevant Books:

- Calm My Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow

- Gentle and Lowly: The Heart of Christ for Sinners and Sufferers by Dane Ortlund

- Becoming a Woman Whose God is Enough by Cynthia Heald

- Cultivating Compassion: Practical Advice as You Walk a Friend Through a Season of Loss by Lynne Hoeksema

- The Honest Griever: Truths God Teaches on the Journey from Pain to Purpose by Lynne Hoeksema

- Where I End: A Story of Tragedy, Truth, and Rebellious Hope by Katherine Elizabeth Clark

- You Who?: Why You Matter and How to Deal With It by Rachel Jankovic

- Suffering Wisely and Well: The Grief of Job and the Grace of God by Eric Ortlund

- It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way: Finding Unexpected Strength When Disappointments Leave You Shattered by Lysa TerKeurst

- Fierce Faith: A Woman’s Guide to Fighting Fear, Wrestling Worry, and Overcoming Anxiety by Alli Worthington

We all face various issues in our life and often find ourselves struggling. In this book the authors use personal experiences to show how we can deal with problems people are facing. Most importantly of all they point to scripture. This book is particularly useful to me as a ministers wife because it provides practical advice and scripture references as i seek to help women in our congregation.

First sentence: Welcome, reader, to a book about conversations. During the last few months of writing this book, personal conversations have taken on a new significance in our world.

The authors, Cheryl Marshall and Caroline Newheiser, stress the importance of speaking truth--with grace--to those you love. They encourage their readers--and the assumption is mainly that the readers will be women--to speak with truth and grace to their family, friends, coworkers. Don't shy away from hard, tough, uncomfortable conversations--at least not because of fear. When you speak the truth--aka The Word of God--with love and grace, you are speaking words of life, empowered words. The Word of God always accomplishes the will of God. And your speaking the truth with love and grace may be the means by which the Holy Spirit does his work.

This is not to say that it is always, always, always the time to speak. After all, in Ecclesiastes we read that there is a time to speak and a time to be silent. But more often than not, we stay silent out of fear rather than a lack of opportunities. I should also stress that the book is not advocating readers becoming like Job's friends! Job's friends weren't speaking with grace nor showing much love. And their truth, well, much of it wasn't truth so much as opinion.

The two share plenty of personal composite fictionalized experiences about their experiences. Some of the experiences they have been on the giving end. Some of the experiences they have been on the receiving end. And that is how it should be. If you are only willing to give advice but never to take it, willing to share verses but never receptive to hearing, then there's a problem.

I think this also deals with knowing, understanding, listening, caring. It isn't just about let me throw a brick of Scripture at you with a smile and a wave. There's a great line from Anne of Avonlea by L.M. Montgomery. Mr. Harrison has this to say about Mrs. Rachel Lynde: "I detest that woman more than anybody I know. She can put a whole sermon, text, comment, and application, into six words, and throw it at you like a brick."

This book is practical. Several chapters serve more as topical guides to Scripture for common problems and issues facing us all.

There were a few places this book seemed a little too self-promotional. For example, one of the suggestions was for you to read paragraphs out loud from this book to share with your friends. But for the most part, I think the book was solid.

This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life. Psalm 119:50. And it makes us spiritually strong: My soul melts away for sorrow, strengthen me according to your word.

This text is for those that want to give an encouraging word to others with grace, love, and truth. However, it is more than that, it is a word for you as well. It was for me. It is a reminder of the power of God's word to minister to others. To encourage, strengthen, and remember the goodness of God. It also reminds us that God's care is different than how we look at care. His care goes much deeper as it is care for our souls. I am always reminded of the words of Christ not to worry about what man can do to our bodies but to fear God and what He can do and will do. He is establishing his rule and reign.

I appreciated the practical application for me to extend grace to others but also the importance to be Gospel centered. My soul depends on it. Highly recommend.

A special thank you to Crossway Publishing and Netgalley for the ARC and the opportunity to post an honest review.

A great blend of grace and truth! As someone who mentors women younger than me, I greatly appreciated this book! Practical and helpful.

We’ve all heard the saying “it’s not what you say but how you say it”

Well in When Words Matter Most: Speaking Truth with Grace to Those You Love, we learn that both are important.

An important part of loving our sisters in Christ well is giving them the truth, always in love and according to the scriptures. The authors so beautifully lay out practical ways to admonish, correct with grace.

Caroline and Cheryl are biblical counselors and it really shows through their thoughtfulness and carefulness in each chapter.

This is a book you will not want to put down. 5/5 stars easily.


Read with a sister in Christ to get the most out of it. There are questions for reflection at the end of each chapter.

Jesus has said that we shall know the Truth and the Truth shall set us free. This is in the context of God's Word, to abide in Jesus, and to follow Him. In a world that has been devastated by the coronavirus, many are not only struggling with basic needs, but they also needed a greater dose of human interaction and encouragement. Words matter and they matter even more in times of need. With many stories of how different people have impacted them, authors Marshall and Newheiser share with us stories of how family, friends, and fellow believers had blessed them with hope, strength, and faith. There was a mother of five who gave them a friendship anchored on transparency and unconditional love. There was a teacher with a servant's heart who engages them with Truth and loyalty. There was also one with a pillar of faith that even in the midst of difficulties, one can exuberate joy in service. Calling these people gifts, they share with us how in times of acute need, these people were there for them. With gratitude, the authors are expanding their scope of encouragement through this book of stories and Truth-Telling about how words can make a difference, especially during this pandemic. Written in two parts, Part One explains the impact of words, and how the Word of God reminds us about our calling to speak words of Truth to one another, especially in crucial moments we discerned in the Spirit. We are called to build up the body not with our human wisdom but with the counsel of God through His Word. We are given three goals when we interact with one another:

1) Build unity in the Faith
2) Increase Knowledge in the Son of God
3) Grow in Christlike maturity

We can lean on God's Word such as Ecclesiastes when we need wisdom. We obey Galatians 6:2 when we carry one another's burdens. From time to time, we need to learn admonishment as well as Truth is not limited just to being nice. Love binds one another together in the unity of Christ. Grace helps us recognize the depth of gratitude of receiving so much that we do not deserve. When friends come together, some of the best starting points to remember is to affirm one another's unity in Christ. I find the chapter on "When Grace is Tested" quite powerful as it shows us that love can also mean tough love. In a world infatuated with the need for praise and nice words, Truth in Love needs to be upheld at all times. How do we deal with hidden anger or defensive situations? What should we do when a friend is stuck with sin? Going back to the teachings of Jesus, the authors remind us of the gentle but firm approach toward spiritual correction of a fellow believer. We also learn of the five ways that Scripture can transform us, and how the Word can guide us in that process.

Part Two of the book shows us the different unique situations where we can apply God's Word. There are tips about speaking to situations where people are weary, worried, wayward, or weeping. With Bible references and brief explanations, we see how the Word of God can speak into these challenging situations. For instance, worry is one of the most troubling aspects of daily living, especially during this pandemic. Ever wonder why Jesus spends time telling us not to worry? Perhaps, there is something we could learn more intently here. It forces us to reflect on God's promises and love for us. Think about it. If our earthly fathers are so willing to give us good things, how much more would our Heavenly Father gives? For the weary, we learn about the stress of young parents, mothers, and other working people. These and many more make this book a timely welcome booster to our spiritual lives.

My Thoughts
==============
It has been said that when the going gets tough, the tough gets going. Many depend on inspirational quips like this to go through any tough situations. Leaning on positive thinking and new thought, there is a sizable percentage of people depending on motivational words to go through the day. Nothing comes close to what the Word of God can do to our hearts and minds. This is where this book is anchored on. The Word of God is Truth and this Truth will set us free from a world of falsehood. The more we know of the Word, the better we are in leaning toward the Truth. As for motivational speeches and positive thinking, they work, albeit only for a little while. That is why many motivational gurus continue to make money from repeat conference attendees, who consume these speeches like a chronic prescription. The Bible however is not only free for us to read and to live by, the Word is eternal. Proverbs 25:11 tells us that a word spoken at the right time is like apples of gold in settings of silver. Jesus' teachings continue to bring life to our souls daily. That is why we pray "Give us this day our daily bread," which is essentially the Word of God. Marshall and Newheiser have gifted us with this book that focuses on God's Word and helps us grasp God's Word for our daily needs and inspiration. Words matter. The Word of God matter. God gives us His Word because we matter.

As a resource, this book gives us lots of pointers. The bibliography list has been carefully categorized for ease of reference. This work is a labor of love which reminds me of our calling to care for one another by carrying one another's burdens and fulfill the law of Christ (Gal 6:2). I find the reflective questions at the end of each chapter not only helpful for groups to discuss, they highlight key points we might have missed. As our daily struggles drive us to read this book, may this book eventually lead us to the Word of God more. If that is done, I believe it would have worth every cent.
Cheryl Marshall (MM, The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary) is a wife, mom, counselor, and Bible teacher. She has over twenty-five years of experience teaching and discipling women, and she currently serves as director of women’s ministries at Founders Baptist Church in Spring, Texas. You can connect with her at cherylmarshall.com.

Caroline Newheiser (MACC, Reformed Theological Seminary, Charlotte) is an ACBC-certified counselor. She has been a pastor’s wife for over thirty years and is currently the assistant coordinator of women’s counseling at Reformed Theological Seminary, Charlotte. Caroline’s ministries include counseling, blogging, and speaking to women’s groups. You can connect with her at carolinenewheiser.com.

Rating: 4.25 stars of 5.

conrade
This book has been provided courtesy of Crossway Publishers and NetGalley without requiring a positive review. All opinions offered above are mine unless otherwise stated or implied.

DNF - it is wayyy too choppy with two authors. This is a topic I would really love to learn more about but unfortunately this one was not done well.

What’s your platform?

We tend to think about it in terms of social media, how many friends or followers you have, the number of likes on your post, or the amount of times it has been shared. You imagine popular people on Instagram or Twitter who shape conversations and have a large influence.

Other times, we think about platform as a way to propel our business forward, sharing our products and connecting with our customers. It's a venue of sharing and communicating.

But what about you?

While you may not think you have one, you do.

God has uniquely positioned you into a family and network of relationships for a plan and a purpose, equipped with the Word of truth to guide our encouragement to those who need it. We hear their sorrows and struggles on a walk with a neighbour, out for coffee with a friend, or during a visit at church.

These are your people.

In When Words Matter Most: Speaking Truth With Grace to Those You Love, written by Cheryl Marshall & Caroline Newheiser, they remind us of our calling to speak biblical truth into the lives of those who are spiritually struggling and teach us to share these words of truth to point them to Christ.

The first chapters look at God’s call for each of us to build up the church by growing in knowledge and maturity, and to extend the same grace to others that has been given to us, by becoming a gracious friend. They share practical ways to develop our own hearts, submitted to Christ.

The second half guides us to the word of God as truth to be shared, it’s attributes and transforming power. We are reminded how the Bible is intended to teach, reprove, correct and train us to live righteously for God. They highlight passages we can share with the worried, the weary, the wayward, and the weeping.

Ladies, you may not feel ‘good enough’ or ‘wise enough’ but you're called to build up his body and steward the relationships he’s given you. Even when we feel timid, his word is bold, and carries the power of hope in our suffering. While you may be a great listener and a loving friend, it’s through him and because of him this work is accomplished.

“An important point for you to consider when speaking truth in times of sorrow; your role in the lives of those who weep isn’t to be their sole comforter; your role is to direct them to the Comforter of their souls” (p.171).

If you’ve ever struggled to know what to say to a friend or family member struggling spiritually, this book is for you. It’s written to “encourage and equip you to speak truth with grace into the lives of those you love” (p.21).

If you want to learn how to share Scripture in a helpful and meaningful way with others, this book is for you.

Quick Stats
# of pages: 176
Level of Difficulty: Easy
My Rating: 5 stars!


*A big thanks to Netgalley and Crossway for the complimentary copy of this book and the opportunity to post an honest review!

I'm so grateful for being able to read an advance copy of this book. I learned a lot from it. This book is perfect for today's time when people is in need of encouraging, strengthen, uplifting, comforting words. It will help you learn how to be a better friend, wife, sister, etc. The book is easy to read, it is convenient that when some verses are mentioned they add an extract of it within the text. The authors uses a lot of examples when talking about specific topics, not only personal examples but also situations that characters in the bible experienced.
The book has two parts. The first part will help you understand how to become good with words, when they matter and how to approach those who needed it. The second part will teach you different bible text for different situations that people may be going through, for example: words for the worried, words for the weeping, among others.

I would recommend reading it with a bible study group. I believe it'll impact believers life but also non believers.

This is the perfect book for helping you build up others using your faith. Cheryl Marshall and Caroline Newheiser use examples from the Bible, the apostles and their own experiences to guide you in having a closer relationship to God.
This book is accessible to all. The verses are are explained and presented in a way that is easy to apply to your own life.
I received a complimentary copy of this book from Crossway Books through NetGalley. The opinions expressed in this review are entirely my own.

2 stars
I really wanted to like this much more than I did. It was confusing to read the way the two women went back and forth.
It would have read much better with each woman putting there name in the beginning of each chapter instead of randomly dropping it in to a sentence.