Summary: Amanda Jackson and her husband Derrick long to have a baby. But Amanda’s meandering road to motherhood has strained her marriage and she finds herself keeping secrets, even from her mother and sister. Feeling adrift―and beset by the sense that she can’t trust her own mind―Amanda turns to neuroscientist Patrick Davis for answers.

Patrick understands the strange twists and turns of the human mind better than anyone. But his expertise hasn’t helped as his own homelife crumbles. Like Amanda, his brilliant wife Marissa is harboring secrets and an immense guilt. But instead of turning to Patrick, she becomes obsessed with finding a scientific theory to restore what she’s lost.

As the two couples confront the fraught intersection of hope and regret, what they find could change their lives forever.
*
Overall a fine read it did drag throughout parts of the story

I have really mixed feelings about the book.
It took me quite a long time to find the words for this review. I still don't know where I really enjoyed it or not. The premise was solid and the start of the book STRONG, dark and twisty but everything just.... Went everywhere. I feel like it was lacking some structure. Definitely not for everyone, but still a great read.

Read this if you like: Slow thoughtful stories, slow burn, twists

Amanda Jackson has always wanted to be a mother. The early weeks of her first pregnancy are a mixture of joy, anticipation, and uncertainty as she and her husband prepare for the journey ahead. Then comes a devastating loss. Amanda believes she’s still pregnant although she is not. Her diagnosis is a rare, mysterious condition called pseudocyesis, or phantom pregnancy. She turns to neuroscientist Patrick Davis for answers.

Patrick understands the strange twists and turns of the human mind better than anyone. But as he spirals ever deeper into Amanda’s illness, his own homelife crumbles as his wife, Marissa, struggles to cope with her own loss.

We spend the book focusing on the two couples. They are all unlikable to me but I think they're supposed to be. They are all villains in a way. They all need a lot of therapy.

The beginning was on the slow side but it sped up a lot mid book. The timeline jumps around a lot. This is unlike anything I've ever read. Very weird. It's like romance, psychological, science fiction even. The twists left me speechless. I've never read something that made me think so much. Wow. I can't believe this was a debut. Definitely recommend. *Check triggers

Thank you to NetGalley, the author C.J. Washington, and Little A Publishers for the ARC!

WTF??? No era para nada lo que me esperaba. En realidad no se que esperaba de este libro.
Por momentos, era interesante leer lo que le pasaba a la protagonísta, más con un marido así (esta mal de la cabeza). Pero los saltos en el tiempo medio que mareaban un toque, cuando se revela la razón y el por qué son así, todo empieza a tener más sentido.
Ahora, (spoiler) la muerte del marido se notó que fue para sacarlo del medio, como que fue muy forzado y creo que tenía más potencial.
Una novela medio rara, pero con varias caidas de culo.

C J is a new to me author and WOW what a story! If you need someone new this is the author for you! I didn’t want the book to end! Highly recommend!

When Plato first introduced the philosophical concept to be known as The Duality of Man I wonder if he fathomed a realm of reality in which his his questioning regarding the everlasting span of one’s immaterial spirit, might lead the lives we have lost in between the one we lead, to find each other in the pages of a book. I wonder he he knew to understand or include the possibility of grief & physical losses experienced in the material, physical form, in his philosophizing.

It is important to note that the majority of the themes explored in this book deal with sensitive subject matters. My review, therefore, touches on these topics as well. Many people might find the subject matters of the book as well as those detailed in my review overwhelming. I would suggest you steer clear of both if this is the case. Please note that from this point forward I will be writing about matters which contain reflections on parental neglect, parental abandonment, substance abuse, physical abuse, domestic violence, infant mortality, pseudocyesis, & others.

This book is breathtakingly fascinating. We are introduced to two romantic couples & their struggles with their state of consciousness compared to their perceptions of the world around them. Amanda & Derrick have been married, they have a house which they bought under the notion that it would be filled with the children they would share, they work in high-achieving fields & they appear totally & completely incompatible. In this couple we see two people who never communicate; every conversation they share is hollow & I found it truly frustrating to make my way through their chapters because I didn’t like Amanda. I struggle through literature which puts a liar in the forefront of the plot because I find it difficult to pace myself through a premise which is lead by the inability or the voluntary choice of said character to evade the truth. We are, from the jump, meant to feel some level of sympathy towards Amanda. She is dealing with the diagnosis of pseudocyesis (phantom pregnancy) & holds her ‘inability’ to conceive a child with her husband as being her own fault. However, we are then lead through mazes of Amanda’s willful decision to lie to Derrick, to withhold feelings & thought process from her husband who is, for all intents & purposes, pursuing the same goal of biological child birth, alongside her.

I acknowledge that the purpose of frustrations felt towards Amanda’s character were most probably purposeful. Amanda is not one-dimensional. In fact, none of the characters in this book, primary or otherwise, are; every character explored throughout this story held such a deeply established dimensionality to them. It was easy to feel that the story that was being told was true. I must admit that being able to create such well-rounded, profound beings in this fictional world was a great feat. We read about so many different characters, perspectives & inputs that it would be easy to confuse some of their voices. However, this never happens, not once. Washington is able to bring all of the characters to life. He gives them voices & personalities that fit within the realm in which they exist as well as within the realm in which I do; the reality in which I sit & read a story about a person who experiences things that I have not & in which I seek to respect the differences in our beings, however frustrating that might be.

We also have Patrick & Marissa; academics who dip their toes in the world of those simply seeking to smell the roses & not reinvent mathematics. This couple is propounded connected by trauma & the innate ability of those who live through life altering circumstances as young people, to find themselves in the company of similar folks without ever really speaking their truth into reality. As much as it pained me to read the perspectives that were granted by these two, I appreciated it the most. I shan’t go into details as to why I found their insights comforting; as one who reads a familiar scene play out far from reach. However, I will say that the relationships that Marissa & Patrick held with each other & those around them, felt incredibly authentic to me. Having these two people who were highly intellectual, reveal through dissociated, third party dialogue, the events which transpired felt refreshing. I was glad to read about people seeking to achieve good things not because of what happened to them but simply because they could / wanted to. It never felt as though Washington was seeking to reinforce the age-old-adage that is often told ‘trauma made you who you are’ - these characters were who they were because that is who they are. I was glad to not read about trauma being credited for the absurd level of success these individuals achieved.

I think what I appreciated the most out of any of the aspects of this story was what it asked of me. I found myself recognizing aspects of myself & people around me in the actions of certain characters & within their rationalizations. Therefore, would I have sought to recreate the love I had with my first family dog, had I been given the chance or do I seek to inundate our future pets with the love that I was permitted to have grow within a heart which I carry with me until I meet my end? I had chosen the later prior to reading this book & this is but one example of how I was encouraged to question what some might approach as a mundane facet of life; loss.

The experience of grief, most specifically the loss of love, is an incredibly complex emotion, event & experience. Washington meticulously crafted individual people who found themselves coupled; romantically, with familial relations, & within friendships, & he determined to ensure that the loss that was described throughout this book might touch every single reader. One might not have experienced the loss of a child carried within one’s own body, but one has certainly lost someone who was loved. One might not have lost a family pet that granted that person the security of unconditional love but, one most certainly has felt insecure in their place which is the emotional world. I would encourage many & all people to read this book if they can. I acknowledge that the trigger warnings I listed above might prevent some people in advancing with their reading experience & that is OK. However, I applaud this book for bringing into focus the multitude of ways in which we experience loss in our lives.

I cannot help but feel for Marissa. Her quest to seek the comfort of the consciousness of someone she has known, lost in a reality which she no longer inhabits, is both overwhelming & debilitating. How can one be expected to go on when one has lost so much; what is left when we subtract from the sum total of all our parts? I will certainly find myself reading this book again. The themes posed within the plot highlight very important philosophical questions & I do not think that reading it one time will satiate my need to explore the answers that I gathered from this first consumption. As well, I cannot say that the way in which this book was written intended for the book to be read but once. Reading about a woman who is struggling with phantom pregnancy requires it’s own single read, as does reading about a husband who drugs his pregnant wife & a man who humours his brother in all this serious, & so does the woman who looses her mind to rationality in a void of grief. Every aspect of this story deserves its own lens, its own time to blossom within the story; this is a book I will keenly revisit throughout my life.

I find myself humbled after reading this book. It is one thing to see yourself reflected in the words of a stranger but, it is another to wonder what the people who find reflection differencing from your own might feel. This was a sad story & I’m glad to have read it.


Thank you to NetGalley, Little A & C.J. Washington for the free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review!

#TheIntangible #NetGalley

An unusual condition (phantom pregnancy), two very different couples and a mystery. A few lessons in neuroscience, a bit of maths - an engaging novel with well developed characters.

This isn't a book you pick up if you're looking for explosions and fast-paced suspense. It's one of those thoughtful, curious quiet stories. Two sets of characters pained by loss in different ways, struggling with loneliness and trying to navigate life. You're along for the ride to find out what lurks in their pasts, and to see if they will or won't confront their issues and come out the other side. This is a story you have to let yourself sink into and CJ and his solid, thoughtful writing will carry you to unexpected places.

I'm not quite sure where I stand with this book. Overall I believe the writing is good and easy to follow, the author also handles grief and mental health exceptionally well - it's incredibly compelling and emotionally relevant. I think Washington knows how to write a good story, but something with this was a bit lacking. There's just not a ton of momentum, so this takes a ton of effort to slog through.

In general, I enjoyed this book. I thought the writing was decent and the dialogue was easy to follow. Some chapters had me captivated and surprised, but overall the plot and the characters fell short for me.

There wasn't one character I was totally invested in. I felt there wasn't any part of the book that made me completely hate or root for a particular character. The timeline of this book was also a bit complicated at parts as there wasn't necessarily a pattern. Each chapter could have been the same character at the same time, or a different character in the past. Some dates are quite similar while others years in the past --- I found myself having to flip back and forth to piece it all together.

The plot of this book touched on some interesting points. A rare condition of "false" pregnancy, drugs, etc. While I felt the academic parts weren't too complicated, I questioned the importance of mentioning parts in the story.

Overall, I wish the plot was more dramatic and shocking. In that case I believe I would have enjoyed this kind of story more.

Thank you to NetGalley and Little A for the copy!

Thanks NetGalley, Little A and C. J. Washington for an ARC to review.
A magnificent unique book, I've never anything like it before.
Two separate tangled stories dealing with grief and loss and second chances.
I absolutely loved it.

The Intangible is a book that is hard to summarize or tie to one genre. It has elements of mystery, medical unknowns, psychological issues, trauma, and a heavy dose of mathematics. Yes. Mathematics. What drew me to it was the premise that one of the characters is experiencing a condition called pseudocyesis, which is basically a phantom pregnancy, and I was curious to see how that would resolve. In Washington's book, he focuses on two couples- Amanda and Derrick and Marissa and Patrick. Both couples have experienced a devastating loss in their lives. Amanda was pregnant and then miscarried, but continues to show signs that she is pregnant including her belly continuing to grow in tandem with how old their fetus would be. A friend connects her with Patrick, a neuroscientist who studied another condition that involved both physiological and psychological aspects. Patrick feels alone after his wife and him experience a loss and Marissa, a renounced mathematician, copes with her loss and guilt by throwing herself into mathematical equations to the point that Patrick fears she is losing a grip on reality.

The mix of science and grief after a loss was interesting. That alone would be an interesting topic for a book, but Washington brings in other mysteries and whodunits. Amanda's husband Derrick is coping with her condition in unexpected and frightening ways. Patrick does not know how to balance his wife's brilliance and how unhealthy he thinks she is dealing with their loss. Patrick and Amanda grow closer as they struggle to deal with the complications in their marriage. Extended family bring additional complex relationships to the plot.

I appreciated that this book really kept me guessing throughout. Without spoiling, there were multiple unexpected plot twists. Some I felt probably were a bit extraneous and did not add to the overarching plot, and I'm not sure if the author quite stuck the landing with all the balls he was juggling, but this was an unexpected delight to read.

Thank you to Little A via NetGalley for the reader copy in exchange for honest review.

Grief and mental health issues dominate this novel which just wasn't for me. I appreciate that others will undoubtedly like it but I DNF at around 30 percent. Thanks to Netgalley for the ARC.

I found this book to be contemplative and intricately woven. I really wish that there would have been more momentum in this book. It just seemed vegetative and that it just sat there and did nothing and did not move forward. I think the intent was to build up suspense, however the timing just made this a bit perplexing. I did like the writers voice and that the characters were well defined. I feel that there is definitely talent. I think this book just lost me when it covered things in such minute tiny fragments that just left the story hanging. There were a lot of moments of intensity that were just dropped instead of expounded upon. The premise itself was something new.. Thanks for the ARC, NetGalley.