I enjoyed this one. I went in knowing it would be more of a memoir but I would have liked some more facts and figures. But for what it was, it was good. I liked this take on dating .

This is a must-read for any single ladies in their 20s and 30s navigating the modern dating space! Lutkin captures this unique experience perfectly -- can't wait to read more from her!

I am sorry for the inconvenience but I don’t have the time to read this anymore and have lost interest in the concept. I believe that it would benefit your book more if I did not skim your book and write a rushed review. Again, I am sorry for the inconvenience.

Aimée Lutkin's writing was engaging, and I enjoyed reading this book. I don't think it really delivered on its promises, as it seemed to set out as more of a sociological study than a memoir. As a memoir, it also felt lacking in direction. But I'm glad I read it!

I was super excited to be chosen to review this book, but I have to say I was disappointed by this one. It wasn't the writing; that was good. I guess maybe it was the author's actions and attitude? I just couldn't get on board with the way she acted. Also, I feel like this book could have been way shorter. I haven't read the article that this book is based on, but I feel like it was probably better than the book. Don't get me wrong; I didn't HATE the book, but I didn't LOVE it either. I thought it could be more.

Thank you to the author, the publisher, and NetGalley for a free copy of the book in exchange for an honest review.

The description makes this book sound really enlightening and interesting. But it’s really not.

The introduction sucked me in with the promise of research from sociologists, psychologists, and other experts, and this is sometimes sprinkled into her personal dating experiences, but mostly it swiftly turns into a memoir about dating through dating apps and veers away from the initial question of “how our search for love is broken.”

If you’re interested in hearing a 30-something’s experience with dating apps, then I guess this book is for you. I was more interested in understanding loneliness, but hey, I think that’s a different book.

It was partially relatable, but ultimately it wasn’t what I thought it would be. Part of that is my fault by placing certain expectations onto this book, but I do think the description is misleading. I enjoyed it but wanted more.

This book felt a little confused in its purpose to me, and this ended up affecting my enjoyment of it. It's listed as a memoir, but the subtitle (How Our Search for Love Is Broken) and the first and last section seemed more like non-fiction/research. I actually would have preferred this to be more of a nonfiction book than a memoir I think. At least a clearer lean in either direction would have been better.

As a consistently single person, I was really intrigued by Lutkin's premise for this book. Is it actually okay to be single? Or do we need to search for a partner even we're content being alone in order to fit with what society expects of us? The first and last section of the book were the most captivating to me - filled with research on loneliness, societal expectations and standards, and musings on questions about what it means to be a single person in the US. Where the book lost me were the the remaining in-between chapters where Lutkin describes her own dating (mis)adventures. I had a hard time relating to this quest to date a new person twice a week, and I often found myself opposed to some of Lutkin's choices. While this is a good sign (it means Lutkin was honest and open about her experience), it just left me feeling aggravated by her in some spots.

I wish the thesis she started out with - that it's perfectly acceptable to decide to remain single if that's what works for you - would have been acted on in the rest of the book. It would have felt so inspiring and revolutionary for her to write about her experience just accepting her singlehood instead of trying so hard to change it even though she suspected she'd end up alone anyway.

This did inspire me to add some nonfiction books on this topic to my TBR, but I can't say I was a fan of this one in particular.

I loved the parts of this book where the author writes about herself - her assessment of her “situation” in the opening scene when she’s single and 32, and the arc of growth she follows as she works to shape her life. Her writing is beautiful, thought-provoking, and so relatable. I was less fond of her penchant for veering off into sociological studies, news reports, and various media reports of how terrible life is today and how it’s all systemic and therefore individuals can’t really change much about the plight of humanity. Besides being depressing, these forays into intellectualized, “this is the official state of the world” reports seemed self-protective in a way, like attempts to downplay the deep personal sharing of the previous paragraphs, as if to say, “It’s not just me…this is just the way things are…”. I wish she’d resisted this urge. I found myself skipping those lengthy sections and just reading about her - what she tried, how it went, how she responded, and what happened next. Those parts were really beautiful, and made me glad I read this book.

Thanks to NetGalley for providing a copy of this book.

I had a love/hate relationship with this book.

The tone of the book is good and it is obvious that a lot of research was done by the author, but, at times, it felt as though the author was putting ALL of the blame, for failed relationships squarely on women's backs, explaining away the reason why many women were STILL single at 30, 40, 50 etc

I wanted this book to be pro woman, that yes, it is important to see why you are still single, but also offer up other facts as well.

The author, at times, made being single worse than COVID, which is not the message I wanted to hear.

Some good parts such as how dating itself is hard for everyone was interesting.

At times, this book was accusatory towards women which is the exact opposite of what I wanted/hoped to read.

I normally do not read memoirs but I decided to give this one a try due to the subject matter. Unfortunately, I could not find much of a connection to the story other than the stigma of being single.
I think TW would be helpful for some, as it discusses ED's.
Thank you to netgalley for the ARC in exchange for an honest review.

A memoir (?) about a woman in her mid-30’s coming to the realization that she’s “alone” (read not in a relationship/married) trying to figure life out trying different therapies and dating people through different methods and lots of research (which I enjoyed). I thought the author tried to do too much and, in doing so, lost a lot of my investment on her plight. At times she irked me - glib about some things that felt inappropriate which took away from my enjoyment or even attention to the book. But then again - it’s a memoir. It’s the author’s views and directions. Would I recommend? Nah. Would I recommend to a “single” friend? Nah. I appreciate the advanced copy from Dial Press.

I read an ARC so I’m not sure if the final version will include content warnings, but hopefully it’ll give readers a heads up for restricted eating and weight discussion. Neither are encouraged but they’re not really challenged either. They’re celebrated in a way when she receives positive attention for changes to her body. She does this a lot with things - states that she recognizes that they’re problematic but keeps doing them anyway. Either way, they are discussed so please be aware of that if those are sensitive or triggering topics for you. Also contains discussion of depression and anxiety while not always labeling them as such.

There are parts that are a bit ableist as well when deriding social media and the Internet for the majority of problems in the area of humans lacking connection. This entirely ignores the way the internet has become a tool for disabled or homebound people to have some connection to the outside world that they cannot easily or cannot at all connect to in a physical way. Going out to meet friends is a great suggestion unless your physical or mental health precludes you from doing so.

——

Here’s the thing. I’m not sure what Aimee Lutkin wanted so say with this book and I’m not sure that Lutkin did either. I’m two weeks shy of forty, currently single, and not happy with life. I should be the target audience for this book and it didn’t connect at all. At. All.

She’s not really dating. She’s trolling for hookups on Tinder, meeting other people who are looking for hookups, and then wondering why those same people aren’t looking for a relationship. She didn’t want these non-date meetings to turn into anything more than sex and then after slighted when they were just sex. She did everything she could to gaurantee they wouldn’t and then complained. Then the people who are interested in dating her are ones she breaks things off with because she’s not ready for that. What?

She touches on privilege as a thing that exists but seems to fail to understand how much she actually bathes in it.

The book is disjointed, much like her ideas of dating, relationships and love.

It’s like she slips from professional writer in the very beginning to her personal journal complaining about dating for most of the book and claiming to be in love with a man that she admits to spend no more than a week - A WEEK - total with spread over the course of a year, then back to professional writer summarizing studies and books written by other people at the end. It felt like filler tacked onto the end of a book she didn’t know how to finish.

This was just a big miss for me. Such a disappointment when I really wanted to love this one.

The Lonely Hunter is a mix of memoir and research on the topic of loneliness in our current times. Aimee Lutkin is in her mid-thirties and thinks she will be alone for the rest of her life, as she sees more and more friends pair off, get married, and have children. After several years of not really dating, she jumps back into the online dating pool, setting a goal to go out at least two dates per week and see what happens. Interspersed in her search for love is her research on how loneliness is viewed by others and how dating has changed, as well as the en vogue term of "self care." While I did not rate this book highly for myself, I fully admit that I went into this book thinking it was something different than it ultimately was. I thought it would be more about being alone and how it is viewed, and acceptance of not needing a partner in order to be content with one's life, but this very much was about partnering off and being lonely, and adventures in dating. Lutkin's ways of going about dating were confusing to me-- she wanted a partner, but frequent dates she went on seemed to be with people in open relationships where she would not be the primary relationship. And none of them seemed to go anywhere. She tries to connect her experiences with data/science, but it is disjointed at times. And the concluding section in particular is all over the place, and I came away from this book not knowing what the author was trying to get at.

Thank you to Dial Press via NetGalley for the advance reader copy in exchange for honest review.

The Lonely Hunter by Aimée Lutkin

My rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Aimee highlights the stigma of being single. Pointing out how society tends to look at someone that’s single as having something wrong with them, that they have something missing from their lives. I loved how the book started by raising the point that one can be fulfilled and be single. Relationships and happiness are not mutually exclusive. I loved this point and was excited to read more into this insight. I did feel that as the book went on that she contradicted that notion.

The book then delves into many dating app dates. Some were relatable, but all were somewhat uneventful. The dates became redundant after a while. Lutkin sites a lot of great articles. Some of which I stopped the book to go check out. I feel like that’s the best thing I got out of this book. The ending felt a little like an afterthought and didn’t really flow with the book.

I really felt like I was the target demographic for this book, being a 30-something female that’s had long periods of being single, but personally had trouble relating.

I would recommend this to women that have been single a long time, stable, and ventures out into the dating app world occasionally, even if it’s just to commiserate with someone in the same boat.

Thank you to NetGalley and Random House - Dial Press Trade Paperback for the opportunity to to read this ARC in exchange for an honest review.

It is okay, the author’s voice really wasn’t my vibe, but I am sure others will enjoy her “sad, but not too sad” inner musings voice

This was a book that was mostly a memoir but was trying to be more of a commentary on dating and life in general. I wish people would just stick to memoir if that is what they ultimately want to write because purporting to be more and then not delivering makes the book come off more poorly than it would have been had it been upfront with what it was. The nonmemoir parts were poorly done and frankly a little fatphobic. Pass.

ugh this was just not it for me. honestly, i need to stop reading memoirs by white women in their 30's who are extremely privileged and live in new york but they are fucking everywhere!!! i didn't even think this was going to be a memoir, i was under the impression this was going to be closer to a psychology science-based book. definitely not that. it was honestly just so underwhelming but holy shit I'm begging the publishing industry to look outside of the bubble of white women in their 30's in new york for people to write memoirs!!! also like others mentioned the first chapter was like off-puttingly fatphobic and i was like isn't this supposed to be about dating??? like we get it! you are so attractive and thin and smart and there's absolutely no reason you should be single!!! we get it!!! i'm sorry and i hate to be so negative but this really did nothing for me and i had to slog through it! publishing companies: please stop giving memoir book deals to white women in their 30's in new york, just because they write on the internet, doesn't mean they should have a memoir!!! and the thing is, is there are memoirs i have liked where this is the subject matter and demographic, but this is not one of them, and there are far too many mediocre ones out there! the only thing i liked and the saving grace was that i could relate to some of the LGBTQ+ dating experiences, as well as the discussion of the stigma of being single. but ugh that was about it, and that was a surprisingly small part of the book. thank you random house for letting me read the arc, i appreciate the opportunity!!

The author shares with us her intimate story of being single in a world of couples.As she dates looking for tha special person she starts to acknowledge that she might never find him.Interesting essays perfect for modern times and for those who want companionship but might have to learn to renjoy singlehood.#netgalley #randomhouse

It starts off well enough by highlighting society’s emphasis on being a couple. Lutkin poses questions that are thoughtful and dissects what it means to fit into the crazy world of dating. The diets, the style and the mindset. Somewhere along the way it loses focus. I was hoping for insights and connections into how people currently navigate the dating world. The initial ideas presented give way to a diary format where we see her everyday dating life. I kept waiting for each date to tie into something else or lead to a new discovery but it just sort of drags along until it’s over. Studies and books are referenced to provide a more balanced view but come across as disconnected. Reading about studies and articles deeply rooted in the sciences in a book that is anything but feels disjointed and doesn’t anchor the book the way the author hopes. I was hoping for a glimpse into how dating and expectations have changed after COVID but instead was just given a slew of stats. The few insights she does provide are brief and vague. They come right before she launches into the topic of incels. The Lonely Hunter came across as more of a wanderer trying to figure things out. Is it bad that I’m still not sure I knew exactly what she truly wanted?

Likes: non traditional dating arrangements, LGBTQ dating, examining society’s expectations of couples and dating

Dislikes: studies/books that felt like add ons, very few insights into dating and handling rejection, still unclear on what exactly the author wanted

Aimee is a 30 something writer and single in NYC. This is her experience with online dating.

It was interesting watching her navigate different stereotypes when it comes to being single. However, I found myself annoyed at some of her choices at times. I wasn't quite sure what she wanted the end result of the process to be. I wanted to shake her and tell her that she should date a little bit out of her comfort zone. There's a lot on this topic already and this isn't anything new, but it was still interesting to read.

Thanks Random House and NetGalley!