I tried hard to settle into this title but it didn't quite capture my attention. I found myself picking at it rather than falling into it. However, I full recognize that it could be a fun entry into dark academic or gothic style tales. I'm just too versed at this point to be enthralled.

"<...>how easily they walk into a trap, a voice whispered softly in her mind. humans are but animals, i suppose. and all animals can be lured with the right bait."

so you've just died and come back to life, got into your dream academy, and during your first week you do wandering in the tunnels under the campus, only to encounter a strange being who promises to bring you gifs out of the kindness of her heart. perhaps with a small payment attached. what could possibly go wrong?

i had a lot of fun with this one! in "my dearest darkest", cottingham has brought solid eeriness to their private school setting, doing a pretty solid job balancing the supernatural and the mundane. finch and selena's POVs are both distinct, painting a clear contrast and helping build up the relationship. both the bisexual and lesbian rep was lovely – having one character who's out and comfortable and another who's just starting to figure things out made for a good contrast, and i also commend cottingham for speaking about how traumatic being outed can be. i'm not a big horror reader, so this had just the right amount of that for me. there were some rather gory moments that made me a little queasy but someone who's more used to the genre probably wouldn't find to be that much.

the only real downside was the pacing and how it affected the character development. certain scenes felt fast-forwarded, making the timeline seem disorienting. i had thought several months had passed at one point, only for the story to drop a halloween mention. this led to conversations and relationship building being skipped over with short paragraphs of "for the next week, finch did this" or "the following two weeks, selena did that". the cult storyline felt lost in the time skips too and i felt like victor was underutilised for the storytelling. i certainly expected him to play a bigger role in the final act.

despite it, i found myself immersed in "my dearest darkest" and kind of wishing i had a story like this when i was 18-19 and hungry for spooky academia.

I forgot to leave a review for this, but I really enjoyed it! It's been out for ages, so I won't say much more than I need to for my star rating. <3

This sounded promising but I found myself unable to connect with it, which to be fair might just be down to the fact that I want to like the concept of Dark Academia but perhaps it’s time to concede that I just… don’t. There was lots of teen angst and horror here, it’s fast-paced and lively and some of the concepts were interesting. However, I found the writing a bit trying – it manages to be both overly straightforward and confusing – and the characters didn’t hook me. Just felt a bit unconvincing and underbaked all round.

Thank you to netgalley and the publisher for giving me free access to the advanced copy of this book to read.

The book got better as it progress --

This title does not start off strong. In fact, it starts out rather chaotic plunging the reader deep into the waters of the plot line and then having to fight their way back to the storyline. The cover combined with the description was a bit misleading for me as I thought it would be more gothic love story rather than "edgy" horror. The story was a bit hard to get into, but once I got into it, it was pretty hard to put down. By the end, the writing was so captivating is was reminiscent of a Lovecraft but for YA. As a debut and a less tapped into genre area for YA readers, I think this was a strong start. I'd recommend this to readers who enjoy horror and don't mind gore/gore adjacent,

My Dearest Darkest by Kayla Cottingham might be one of my favorite reads from last year. Their world building to writing complex and meaningful characters in smart and witty way that will have you rooting for our MC at all times. If that wasn't enough the amazing plot and fun setting along with our brilliant and funny side characters should sell you. please go check out this book if you get the chance you won't regret it!!

This is a fun and creepy sapphic mystery with plenty of paranormal haunts! I had so much fun with it. However, I found it tough to connect with the characters with a mostly surface level sense of their lives and thoughts, so for me the book falls around a 3.5.

Sadly this was a DNF at the 45 % mark for me. Dark Academia, female forward, and sapphic sounded great to me. I just couldn’t get past the writing style. I know my students will love it though and I’ll definitely promote it in my class!

My Dearest Darkest is a thrilling sapphic horror story set at an all girls school. And I absolutely loved it. Finch Chamberlin has been homeschooled her whole life, until she applies for Ulalume Academy, a dream school. But on the way home from her audition she and her parents are in a terrible car accident and both of her parents are killed, Finch barely survives, thanks to a dark force that has loomed over the island of Rainwater for years. We follow Finch as she navigates her new school, friends, and the darkness inside her.
I had so much fun reading this story. It's dark and beautiful and terrifying.

This was a great premise for a story, and I wish I would have been able to get along with the writing style a bit more. Unfortunately, it did not work for me.

The setting really sells this one for me. I love Maine and a dark academic setting. The snarling teenage girls were a bit over the top at times, but overall it was a quick read that I would recommend to students looking for something in the same vein as The Craft or Harry Potter.

this one kept me so intrigued the whole time. it was suspenseful while also having a great plot. it answered all of my questions and I really liked it.

I think the horror elements were really spooky and strong--the romance part of it I could have done without because I didn't think the two main characters had much in the way of chemistry. But for a spooky story with body horror, really good.

Thank you so much for the advanced copy of this book. It definitely lived up to its hype. This author has become a must read.

Something is lurking in the forest surrounding Ulalume Academy, something that can make your wildest dreams come true but with a heavy price. My Dearest Darkest is a dark exploration of high school hierarchy and the impossible standard society sets for students. This was a mix of fantasy and suspense horror that grabs the reader from the start. The fast paced dark drama was set perfectly against the high society boarding school motif. Butt what lacked the most was the development of the characters and how they interacted with each other. The self discovery seemed forced and uncomfortable.

This is a story about a deal with the devil.

This was a surprisingly unnerved YA dark acadamia. The palpable desperation to feel loved, seen, capable etc felt incredibly relatable to the part of me that remembers being 17… paired with a literal demon around you make bargains? A frightening!

Thank you so much Netgalley & Sourcebooks for the eArc!

3.5 Stars.

I really enjoyed My Dearest Darkest by Kayla Cottingham! It was so gripping! It's really quite messed up, and I was constantly on edge, wondering what would happen next, and what Nerosi was and ultimately wanted. I really loved how both Finch and Selena's characters developed over the course of the story. They both really grew, and their romance was really sweet.

I did have some issues with the ending, though. I finished reading wanting more, though. With horror, I feel you to either explain nothing or explain everything. Have the evil be completely inexplicable, or leave us with no questions at all. While, creature-wise, My Dearest Darkest got a little Stranger Things, I found Nerosi to be too far-fetched and a little ridiculous. We were given some answers, but left was left with so many other questions answered; we were given no reason for certain things. And because of that, Nsrosi lost her sinister vibes for me. It's hard to be scared of something you find ridiculous, that doesn't make sense to you. I also felt a lot of the more terrifying moments of the story happened off page, to the other characters with the narrators weren't around. It was a missed opportunity in my opinion.

But I did enjoy the story overall, and I really look forward to Cottingham's next book, This Delicious Death.

Thank you to Sourcebooks Fire for the eProof.

Trigger/Content Warnings: This book features vomit, blood, a rat, recreational drug use, references to sex, anxiety, depression, executive dysfunction, a car crash, the death of parents, implied racism, a character being outed, sex shaming, a broken bone, a dead body, extraction of teeth without anaesthetic, suicide, and body horror.

i started this book several times and stopped this book several times and was never quite drawn in enough to finish it. i found it hard to connect with the characters, the world, and the plot. the writing was a little heavy on the detail yet i still felt like i didn’t know anything that was going on. i can’t say much more as i wasn’t able to get very far but i know lots of people who did enjoy this book so i won’t count it out permanently.

Great book and enjoyed the characters . loved the slight romance and the how well the group worked together. Overall a great book . I would read this author again.