Unfortunately I cringed through my reading experience of this book.

I had positive thoughts going in as it boasted multiple aspects I enjoyed including boarding school, creepy atmosphere, folklore/supernatural leanings.
Yet I just found the characters awful to read.
They all felt written the same, and yet with no backing of substance. Even for a novel targeted for a YA audience I feel like the characters didn't act at all realistically right from the beginning, based on their motivations given.
Unfortunately for me it felt like reading a knock off made for TV teen drama.

Welcome to the 497th installment of my lecture series entitled “Just because it has magic and is set at a school does not make it Dark Academia.”

I’ll start by saying that overall this is a fairly entertaining novel and that I appreciated the basic plot as an attempt to pen something like the Gemma Doyle trilogy.

But. BUT.

The first rule of Dark Academia is that there has to be something at least vaguely academic about the story aside from the literal setting of a school. There isn’t much academic about this in any sense, but the vibe is particularly difficult to reach when the protagonist is, quite frankly, an idiot.

Unless we’re talking about satire it’s hard to make any book likable when the protagonist is a weak, mousy moron, but it’s especially problematic when the audience you seek is largely made up of Academic Validation girlies. Some of the secondary characters here would have made better leads than dim-witted, social coward Finch and faux troubled girl Selena.

The magic here wasn’t bad, though it suffers from the same problem that plagues many books like it, which is that the creepiness ends once the big reveal of what *it* is comes, making the climax of the story a bit too cartoonish. Still, it’s tough to go wrong with “don’t trust the thing in the basement that wants to do favors for you” trope, and it’s that part of the novel that makes this an entertaining read despite its other shortcomings.

Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for the ARC.

It took me a while to finally finish this book, but I really enjoyed it. It was more Wilder Girls than The Craft but that wasn't a detriment. The horror part is where the book really shined. I initially didn't think this was YA so my expectations would've been different going in. It definitely had darkness but it was tempered for the audience.

I received an ARC from the publisher via NetGalley. Review based on final copy. All opinions are my own.
I had completely forgotten I had requested to review My Dearest Darkest at time of release, but ultimately it worked out, because I could fit it in with my reading for the spooky season instead. And the way it almost felt like a more paranormal spin on another recent read, which also focused on the complex, sometimes toxic dynamics among girls in high school also worked well for me.
Cottingham captures the creepy vibes very well. The atmosphere of the school is well-conveyed, and there’s a creepiness conveyed through the prose. It’s more on the younger end of YA, but as someone who doesn’t often care for intense, gruesome scares in horror, I feel like it had just the right tone to be scary but not too much so.
Another key component is the sapphic element and the relationships among the girls. I really liked the growth of Finch coming to terms with her feelings for Selena. Selena herself is also a cool character, and I loved peeling back the layers of the archetypal mean-girl to explore her vulnerabilities, including her toxic friendship with another girl.
This is a solid debut, and I can’t wait to see what Kayla Cottingham writes next! If you enjoy YA sapphic horror, I recommend picking this one up.

I think this book tried to do too many things without really going all the way.

I liked Selena’s character a lot and she felt like the driving force of the story even though Finch should have been at the center. Selena started out as the stereotypical high school mean girl, and I liked that we really dug into her character to see what lay beneath. The balance of social pressures, rumors, her own interests, toxic relationships, and identity made her feel like a very complex and real character.

A lot of the supernatural aspects came up in the book solely because of timing and not because of a character- or plot-driven reason (or at least that’s how it read to me). We don’t see lasting consequences for two out of three of the characters for whom supernatural things happen, and it felt like a major oversight. Plus there’s a huge chunk in the middle where the supernatural is entirely incidental as we sidebar into normal teenager drama, but then the ending is so rapid fire that it felt like an entirely different book. The balance was just off there.

Overall, it was okay. I liked bits and pieces of it - enough that I would probably read another book by the author - but I didn’t love it.

My Dearest Darkest
by Kayla Cottingham
Finch is the new girl at an upscale boarding school. Being new is hard, especially when she is so different. She can't quite explain it, but ever since she woke up from her near-death experience, she hasn't been the same. Something pulled her from that crashed car sinking in the river, but she's not sure what.
Then she clashes with It girl Selena and her perfect friends. This is the school she's dreamed of, but not the classmates she thought she'd have. And she keeps feeling that familiar pull, that same strange tug right before she came out of the water. Is it her guardian angel guiding her away from danger? Or is it something darker pulling her in the wrong direction? #netgalley #My #DearestDarkest
#KaylaCottingham

Thank you to the publisher and Net Galley for the advanced copy of this book in exchange for my honest, personal review. This mystery/thriller is a bit too dark at times for my taste and it touches on subjects that may be too intense for some readers. Otherwise with those thoughts in mind, this is a good read for a teen mystery. Finch is a sheltered teen who transfers to an competitive private school after suffering a near personal tragedy. She felt pulled to the island and the school ever since that incident and she is about to find out why. This is one to read to the end because you will want to know what happens to these characters.

This was a wild ride. Not only the story, but my feelings for it. For the first 50% I was really considering dnfing this. Like literally after each chapter I thought, "do I really want to keep reading this?" And you know what? I'm very happy that I did.

Finch is not my favorite character. I found her very annoying, and I don't think I was supposed to find her annoying. That made things difficult. I did enjoy Selena and the side characters. I thought that (for the most part) the side characters were given personality and presence that made them (and the story) feel more realized. I'm sad that I didn't get to see more of a couple of them, but it's OK.

The second half of this story solved a lot of the problems I had with the first half. Finch was less annoying, there was communication, there was action, and there was tension. My god the tension. I was so tense for the last third of this book I stg. There were some scenes that depicted some pretty intense body horror (for me at least), and if you have a problem with anything dealing with nails or teeth, you might find it hard too. I just squinted my eyes and read as fast as possible in those situations.

I loved how sexuality was tackled in this, and I love how proudly and happily the word lesbian was used, and that bisexuality was respected as well. The conversations around sexuality and how it was handled between different characters was just great. We love to see it.

I'm excited to pick up the next thing by Cottingham because she really showed promise. You can very much so tell that this is a debut, and I'm confident that all of the things that were indicative of that will be worked on and fixed in her next one.

ARC kindly provided by the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review

CW: Graphic body gore, eye horror, abusive relationships, anxiety, death (of friends and family), grief, depression, drowning, outing, murder, PTSD, panic attacks, blood, bullying, forced outing

I think I just found one of my favourite sapphic books of the year.

Not only did this book bring forth the dark academia aesthetic (which is the best kind of aesthetic if you ask me) and suspenseful horror, it also had really well-rounded characters and romance.

My Dearest Darkest is told in two perspectives, one being Finch, a white haired girl who just lost her parents in a freak accident who's a new student at Ulalume Academy and Selena, the hot, popular bisexual girl who's instantly drawn to Finch. Their connection grows stronger after an encounter with a greater god who grows more powerful with each "gift" the two or their friends give them in exchange for beauty, health and charisma. But as Nerosi's power grows so too do her demands and very soon, she starts asking for more than just a strand of hair or fingernail clipping. She asks for body parts. Selena and Finch need to work together to take down the rampant goddess before someone gets seriously hurt.

I loved this book from the start, it just drew you in from the first page and I was constantly asking "ooh what will happen next?" I also was interested in the development of Selena and Finch's friendship and I was shipping the two together with all my heart and soul. Both girls were so different but they suited each other perfectly at the same time, Selena's self-assuredness balancing Finch's quiet and reserved nature. I can't tell you who had my heart the most in this book but Finch was just so loveable and lovely, she's a character you can't help but fall in love with especially after everything she's been through and how she's still finding her feet after her parents' death. I loved the discussions this book had about that and also showing grief, anxiety and mental health in a realistic and relatable way.

Another theme that I really enjoyed reading about in this book was Selena and her toxic relationship with Chloe. Chloe was using Selena, turning a crush into something to be manipulated and used. Chloe was obsessed with power which ultimately lead to the choices she made and eventually, her downfall. Every book has a villain you love to hate but with Chloe, she was just pure evil, I don't think there's a way she can redeem herself. She even made Nerosi look great at times which is saying something.

The only thing I wished this book did more was delve into the whole connection between Finch and Victor, another student who got involved with Nerosi years ago with his friends. There's so many loose strands there and I would love a sequel that teased that out a bit more. What really happened to Victor? What really happened to his band and his girlfriend? Is there more to the story than meets the eye? I wish we could find out because the anticipation is killing me!

All in all, one of my favourite sapphic books I've read this year. A huge thank you yet again to NetGalley and Sourcebooks Fire for the ARC.

ACTUAL RATING: 4.8 STARS

Didn't get to download so i'm writing this as to not mess up my score! Still want to read it, especially this autumn because it seems like the perfect spooky read!

After Finch survives a near-death experience, she arrives at her new boarding school a little different. She feels drawn to the creepy tunnels under the school, the same place where an emo band went missing some years ago. In addition to all this weirdness, there is weirdness between her and the beautiful yet cold Selena, the gifted dance student Finch is paired up with for a project. I loved the development of their relationship and I appreciated the homage to Jennifer's body.

This will sadly be a short review as I found this book to be incredibly disappointing. The premise sounded intriguing but I struggled to finish this title and had to keep putting it down. I didn’t find any of the character likeable and found the story/mystery rather dull.
I would be interested to see if the authors other works were any better but in this instance I wouldn’t be recommending this book to my borrowers

dnf @ 42%

2.5 stars

I had been SUPER excited for this one -- it sounded atmospheric and creepy as heck, which are things I love in my horror novels. But unfortunately it didn't deliver on either account for me. Pretty much all aspects of the book felt flat and artificial to me. None of the characters (besides Simon) were interesting to me, and I felt like the romance elements truly just sprung out of thin air -- there's no chemistry (platonic OR romantic) between any of these teens. The story concept itself is interesting, but the writing was so un-compelling that I just couldn't make myself read any further. I'd be interested in trying another novel by this author, but this book just didn't work for me.

This book was amazing. I coudn't put it down. It was magical. Higly recommended! The characters, the plots, the writting: wonderful and perfect.

3.5 rounded up.

A satisfying paranormal horror for teens. The book is creepy, and I think it'll best fit younger teens trying to get into horror. It's very Lovecraftian, but it reads a little young and isn't too explicit so I think young teens can use it as an entry point.

I do think it's very clearly a debut novel. The characters don't have much depth so it feels a little lackluster especially as some deeper motivations could have made the story that much more compelling. This book is truly paranormal which is fantastic because so often that's not how it played out.

I will absolutely be picking up with Cottingham does next.

2.75/3 stars

I may just be too old for this book, because I think I would’ve liked it a lot more if I was 13 with a lot less reading experience. This book is very obviously a debut novel, and not in a good way. While there are a lot of plot elements that seem interesting at face value, the execution is extremely lacking. The writing felt very juvenile, and everything from the characters to the mystery felt very underdeveloped. The dialogue was also so obnoxiously gen z™️ that it was exhausting to read. Maybe Kayla Cottingham’s next book will be better, but this is just not it

Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for providing me with an arc

Once I heard the premise of My Dearest Darkest and saw it pop up on my Netgallery feed, I just knew I needed to request it. I am so glad that I did because I absolutely loved this story!

This story had me on the edge of my seat the entire time as I was trying to unravel the mystery happening at Ulalume Academy. The writing helps to further the dark, suspenseful mood forward allowing the reader to get more invested into the story. This story is filled with Eldritch monsters, cults, and body horror that is sure to get you intrigurting in this terrifying story.

My Dearest Darkest is perfect for readers looking for a sapphic horror that has major dark academia vibes, a slow burn romance, and the classic enemies to lovers trope.

I'm glad to see that it has received recognition from places like BookRiot and BuzzFeed because this book definitely deserves to be recognized. I can't wait to add it to my young adult collection! Definitely going to recommend this one to patrons.

I love the vibes of this book but I am just struggling to get into it. I think I will try again next time I am in a dark academia mood

I really enjoyed this YA mix of paranormal horror and dark academia. It's a debut novel and definitely shows some great promise for this author. There are strong gothic vibes and the narrative was solid with some well-executed character composition. There's also a good sapphic component. I do wish there was a bit more development to the plot as I think there could have been some stronger exploration of the emotions and relationships, but I still enjoyed what was present.

There's a good mix of the two genre components. There's a dark Mean Girls vibe to the social aspect and the atmosphere is fun. The story also has some fantastic creepy vibes, but stays within what I would consider a YA range for intensity. With what I would consider to be a bit of Lovecraft infleunce, there are definitely a few moments of strong violence and gore, so it's not completely for the lighthearted, but these scenes are limited.

I had a really fun time reading this and devoured it in just a couple of days. It was a good under the covers read and definitely one to contemplate before reading it after dark. I'm looking forward to what else Kayla Cottingham can produce in the future. Her talent for horror writing is one I would definitely love to explore.

* Disclaimer: I received a copy of this novel from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.