Before Finch Chamberlin died, she made a wish. Now she's somehow alive and a student at the prestigious Ulalume Academy. The secret to her survival? It's connected to the urban legends about an eight-eyed deer and a long-gone band. Something is wrong, something is repeating...

Cottingham starts her debut strong by setting the scene and mood. A rain-drenched boarding school, a car falling into the water, a desperate plea. While it takes time to build up the suspense with two storylines, Finch's investigating her new abilities and former mean girl Selena watching her friends make a deal with a demon, there are plenty of clues in the background to satisfy readers. Side characters do a great job, especially Simon, of asking critical questions about the horror genre and help advance the plot. The vague sense of ease is balanced well with the budding queer romance between Finch and Selena, but Cottingham's real strength is establishing the history. The details of the monster's victims and the resulting investigation by Finch, Serena, and Simon have to be my favorite parts. This is where the author's knowledge of horror comes into play the most, drawing on familiar tropes from classic cult films like The Craft.

Whereas the horror was present and fun, the storyline dragged with the antagonists' shallow personalities. I would have loved to see more of their struggle, the narrative asking them why they wanted more power. With so much of the local history seeped in monsters and demon deals, I was also expecting some of the school's perfect glamor to fade. There had to be more people in the past making deals with Nerossi...

Nonetheless, My Darkest Dearest is a bloody fun debut full of messy teenage girls and dead things. It is perfect for fans of The Craft and early seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer due to the school setting and excellent use of horror tropes.

My Dearest Darkest is a beautifully written YA coming of age horror that was so much fun to read. The setting is the beautiful Ulalume Academy in Rainwater, Maine, which is a prestigious all girls boarding school full of 300 very talented young prodigies. The story opens with Finch Chamberlin auditioning for a scholarship to attend her dream school. Although she played beautifully, she unintentionally makes enemies with the campuses resident mean girl. On the way back home after the audition, there is a tragic accident which results in the deaths on Finch’s parents. Finch is accepted to Ulalume and begins a new life, which is very different considering she had been homeschooled up until now. Finch navigates a new school, friendships, and romance. She also discovers a mystery about a local band that went missing in the possibly haunted tunnels underneath the academy.

My Dearest Darkest is the debut novel from Kayla Cottingham. It is a creepy atmospheric horror combined with a sweet coming of age tale. I do not like romance novels, but I loved the sapphic romance as naive Finch discovers that she is attracted to girls. I liked the mystery element and loved the Scooby gang vibes that were sprinkled throughout the story, including actually dressing up as Velma and Daphne at one point. This is a perfect combination of dark academia and eldritch horror. It was a very fast read and I enjoyed it so much I may have snuck in a couple of chapters while eating lunch at my desk at work. I look forward to reading more works by Kayla Cottingham in the future.

I'm not much of a horror reader, so this book is not for me. However, many of my writing students will love it. The combination of horror and sapphic romance is fun and engaging. I do agree with many of the reviewers who said some of the characters are two-dimensional. Still, it's nice to know I can recommend this to students looking for authentic queer rep in a horror book.

This book is creepy with impecable dark academica vibes. I think that the characters' struggles with peer pressure and the growing pains of determining right from wrong will really resonate with a teenaged audience. I also enjoyed the complex cast of characters and the lgbtqia+ representation.

3.50 Stars. This was a fun and entertaining read. It seems like ever since Power’s Wilder Girls, there has been this renaissance of horror/paranormal queer YA stories, and I’m so here for them. It is such a fun genre to read and this made for a good Marchoween read. However, this is a debut and it did have some newbie bumps. I think overall this was about an average or slightly better than average book for this genre.

A lot of people have been comparing this to The Craft, but coming from someone that watched the original movie dozens of times, I don’t really agree with that comparison. Yes, they are both dark and about young women in high school, but that is almost it. If anything this had more of a Mean Girls feel as the group is popular and privileged (unlike in The Craft) and some of them take the new girl in, even when her other friends warn her not to get too close. For me this had much more of a feel of Mean Girls meets the book To Break a Covenant (by Alison Ames).

This book had two main storylines going on, the horror part, and the teenager part. The creepy horror part is where I think the book really shined. There were some really gross scenes, and there was one part in particular that was scary enough that I was mad at myself for reading the book at eleven at night instead of during daylight. It seems like a lot of horror these days is either gross or scary and I was really happy that this had a good mix of both.

When it came to the teenager storylines, this was where the book was lacking a bit for me. I didn’t think these parts were as strong and there seemed to be no adult supervision or even just worry when kids were missing. It wasn’t like the teenager storyline was bad, but there was nothing new here and I felt like Cottingham concentrated more on the horror instead. I did think the sapphic relationship was pretty cute, I just wished that it wasn’t wrapped up in another “panic because I realize I’m gay” storyline.

TLDR: An entertaining horror/paranormal book. This was well done for a debut, but there were some obvious bumps like too much “telling” in certain parts, and the teenager storyline not being as strong as the horror one. I won’t give away what the “evil” being is, but it was well imagined and felt unique and not like a being that is often overdone in horror stories. I think this is the tale of two books and I would read it if you are looking for horror that was entertaining and done well. If you are looking for more of a queer teenager tale, than another book would probably be a better choice. I had fun with this book and I think it would make a good Halloween read too.

Thank you to NetGalley and Sourcebooks Fire for allowing me to read this ARC!

Content Warning: death, murder, violence/gore, homophobia, biphobia, forced outing (mentioned), racism, body horror, anxiety/panic attacks (mentioned).


Ulalume Academy is highly competitive, home to only the country's best of the best. Finch Chamberlin is the newest transfer student, musically-talented and hoping that perhaps she'll be able to start fresh at a new school. Months before school starts, however, Finch gets into a horrible accident -- one that takes the lives of both her parents. Afterwards, Finch isn't the same... and it isn't just PTSD and grief that's the problem. Something brought Finch back from death, deep beneath the mysterious waters of the Peninsula that Ulalume rests on. Something ancient, and hungry. While she's struggling to figure out what exactly happened, she meets Selena St. Clair, a privileged mean girl who has it out for Finch after an unfortunate incident. But when Selena and her friend group get involved with the being Finch awakened, it inadvertently brings Selena and Finch together -- and the rest of them onto a collision course they're desperately trying to escape.

This beautiful debut, in spite of its rather dark subject matter and sometimes gory content, felt like getting a warm hug. It reminded me of all things I loved growing up, and in many ways, this book is like a dream for a sixteen-year-old version of myself. There's everything you could want: a sapphic romance, an elite boarding school, eldritch monsters, and a storyline that kept me eagerly reading. It's pitched as being a mixture of the Wilder Girls meets The Craft, but I'm not sure either of those comparisons really fit the tone of My Dearest Darkest. Tonally, it's a combination of humor and darkness, and to me, has a hint of lightness in it that keeps you filled with hope throughout the entirety of the novel.

Cottingham's writing style really brought it all together for me. Although it's simplistic, there are some truly beautiful similes peppered throughout, and I was so relieved to see that it was in third-person, past-tense. I'll admit that the young adult genre hasn't been my favorite these last few years, particularly because of the navel-gazing, painfully dry style that's taken over, and so for me, this was like a breath of fresh air. We also get both Finch's POV and Selena's as well, and I found that this helped me to stay engaged with the story (seeing as they are often going through similar, but different circumstances) and to really find myself connecting with both of them.

Speaking of, I loved both Finch and Selena, and I also loved the way that their relationship played out. It never felt rushed, which I was concerned about -- they start out as enemies, and although I would say they end up becoming friends rather quickly, the rest of their romantic attraction develops in a way that feels totally and completely natural. There was something truly genuine about their interactions, and I particularly liked their discussions that centered around sexuality, emotions and love. This is a book that proudly allows its protagonist to say she is a lesbian, which is often treated as a dirty word, specifically in YA books. Selena, too, is pretty much entirely open about her bisexuality, and I can't emphasize enough how much I enjoyed the representation here!

The side characters did feel a bit more one-dimensional, but I think that probably has something to do with the focus and centering on Finch and Selena. I do wish that they had gotten a bit more character development, but I liked them all -- especially Risa, a Japanese transfer student who is a member of Selena's pretty, talented, bad bitch clique. She was rife with potential, and I would love to see a book dedicated entirely to her! My other favorites were Kyra (who I loved to hate) and Simon, who reminded me a bit of myself with his ADHD hyperfixation on cryptids. All in all, in spite of the fact that I felt they lacked a bit of history beyond their stories on the page, they helped to make the story feel more well-rounded and whole. The inclusivity in the story was wonderful, casual and excellently rendered.

As for the plot, it was engaging, quick, and in my opinion, nicely paced with the rest of the story. The horror aspects were chilling and fascinating, the atmosphere enough to send a shiver down my spine. All in all, it's both simplest and truest to just say that this novel captivated me from the very first page, and it quickly made its way onto my favorites list.

Very, very highly recommended, and I cannot wait to see what Cottingham will come up with next!

This book was a 4.5 out of 5 for me, it was truly incredible. It was Jennifer’s body meets the heathers in a sapphic thriller/horror. Everything about this book charmed me. The author was masterful in how they crafted the story and brought out these incredible dynamics. The plot was fantastic and even scared/gave me the chills sometimes. I feel like it’s definitely appropriate for ages 13-14+ because although it was horror the line was never pushed to a point where a reader might feel traumatized. I love that this book was a stand-alone and didn’t drag on, every moment in this book seemed international and purposeful and truly concise. I also wanna just brag about the author really quickly because from one of the first few scenes in the book, the car scene between the main lead and parents, that was beyond one of my favorite things I have ever read ever. It was simply perfect, the right notes of creepy where you just read the pages over and over trying to see if that was a clue. If anyone is hesitating to pick up this book I genuinely wouldn’t.
Cons: some cons I had for this book was that in the beginning when mentioning the race of the characters I felt like there was too much tell and now enough show, the author straight up said oh this persons white etc. That kinda took me out of the story but after that point I had no further cons.

I liked this a lot! My ratings are based pretty much entirely on my own personal enjoyment, and I had a really great time reading this. I liked all the main characters and I liked seeing how their friendships and relationships developed and played out. It was interesting to see Selena’s ‘mean girl’ persona disappear when she had some distance from the toxic relationship that reinforced that kind of behaviour, and seeing how deeply important her friendships and ambitions are to her. Also, watching Finch grow in confidence and go from not being sure of her sexuality to proudly calling herself a lesbian was honestly delightful.

Weirdly, this had a UK feel to it. I can’t put my finger on why this is. Cottingham is American, the book is set entirely in America, and there’s even a homecoming subplot, and yet I found myself double checking all these things while reading because it didn’t feel American to me at all. I do not know why this happened. I’m happy to admit this is probably just a me thing, though, and it’s not like I minded it at all! If anything, I’m glad that a book set in American highschool wasn’t constantly hitting me in the face with the Americanness of it all.

Something that I liked, that probably not everybody will, was that the spooky horror vibes weren’t constant through the whole book. The first chapter is very creepily written, and the scenes directly involving the horror elements are done well! But there are periods of time where the girls are also getting to know each other better, or are going to class, or are doing what every horror movie protagonist should be doing and Not messing with the supernatural thing more than is absolutely necessary. I liked that the scenes depicting their ordinary lives felt like just that. The horror elements aren’t few and far between, this is a horror novel so there are a lot of them (see the laundry list of content warnings), but seeing a scary ghost doesn’t mean you don’t have class the next day. This felt very true to life to me. Something awful can happen, but time keeps moving forwards and daily life goes on. This approach may not be for everyone, but I really liked it!

Ultimately, I think this book has a relatively hopeful tone to it. It’s horror, and it’s also coming of age, and I just think it’s neat.

A fast-paced YA horror that does not hold back on the horror (in particular the body horror)!
This book was a solid 3 stars for me—I liked it. What I didn't like about it is not the book's fault but rather me not being the intended audience (YA). The writing and pace were propulsive and the characters were interesting. I just wasn't so into the rich mean girl stuff that was going on, but again, I'm not a young adult. I did love to horror elements though and the climax/reveal was interesting, I just wish there was more of that and less of the school stuff.

This had so much promise. I loved the idea but I was not really fond of the execution. The writing was abrupt and even awkward at times. I swear it was like reading something from one of my students. Often the actions of the characters made no sense at all. The dialogue was no where close to believable. I hope that the future brings this author a really good editor. A team could have made this a truly interesting book to read.

Hello, new favourite darker read! This is a must for all spooky, dark lovers to buy and add to the Halloween reads!

With the classic cult vibes of the Craft, Jennifer's body and Supernatural (the darker seasons, 1-3), My Dearest Darkest is a seductively good read when you want a mixture of supernatural and moral horror! Even worth a small body part or two...

The beginning of this book was something to get into, but by chapter 6, you are in for the long haul. The story grips you as these girls spiral into their desires and fall prey to a manipulative wish granter. I loved how the girls were all suspicious, but you could see how it waved when they were desperate OR when the holds of the creature got to them.
The flashbacks and echoes from the last folks to fall prey to the creature added to the urgency and questioned how easy it was to give in. It was just a well-designed and intertwined story.
I loved the effortless LGBTQA+ representation and honest complexation of the characters from their first introductions to their end scene (Finch has a great character arc, and so did Selena), AND we got an excellent callout about white privilege and assumptions.

All in all, a fantastic read, Staff pick for sure!

There were a lot of good things about MY DEAREST DARKEST by Kayla Cottingham, and a couple of things that didn't work as well for me. In terms of the things that didn't work, I thought that a lot of the characters were fairly two dimensional. I really liked Selena St. Clair, as her arc of being a 'girl with a bad reputation but has a heart of gold', as even though it's been seen before, she was really likable and easy to root for. Her emotional armor is well explored and well explained, and I liked her snarky banter and quips, as well as her tentative and growing affection for Finch. Finch, however, didn't really meet the same levels as Selena for me, and even though she had the actual connection to the Nerosi, the strange being that may be more malevolent than she appears, I was less interested in her arc if only because she felt less interesting compared to her romantic interest, personality wise. I was invested in them as a couple, but mostly because I really liked Selena and wanted her to be happy. And pretty much all of the side characters were also rather cardboard. But the horror elements of this book REALLY worked for me, with shades of body horror, Gothic horror, cosmic horror, and some good old ghostly scares to boot. There were numerous moments that were deeply unsettling, and Cottingham doesn't really hold back when it comes to imagery and execution. Given that I sometimes find YA horror holds back on the horror elements within the narratives, it was really great to see Cottingham have full trust in her audience and to deliver something really scary at times.

MY DEAREST DARKEST lives up to the horror potential, even if some of the characters are pretty standard. I am very interested in seeing what Cottingham has in store for us next.

Short fast fun YA horror that I couldn’t put down.

Whenever I read too much in one sitting my brain goes to mush and I forget how to think thoughts. Did that with this one. I read it in a day and it was very fun and honestly the perfect YA horror. It was spooky but not too scary and creepy but not grotesque. 10/10. Plus elite boarding school drama and vibey friendships and a stag with sharp teeth. Any kind of deer with sharp teeth is good. More deer should be carnivores.

Brain mush rant over.

“My Dearest Darkest” was everything the description promises, and then some. It was dark academia, sapphic, paranormal, mysterious, and just so so we’ll written. It was action right from the very beginning, with no real slow burn to it.

Finch is hoping to get into a prestigious school with her phenomenal piano skills. On the way home from her audition she and her parents are in a terrible wreck. Both her parents drown and she miraculously lives. But things are different now…she gets into her dream school and is drawn to the tunnels below the school where she pulls a being of some sort to the surface. As time passes, this being offers some of girls on campus special favors. But nothing is free. Nerosi, as she is called, wants to be powerful and she wants things in exchange for the favors. Will Finch and her new friends be able to overpower Nerosi or will she devour the whole town?

This is not my typical read. About halfway through I found myself wondering what in the world I was even reading. A book about gods, cults, people that die but aren’t dead….all of these things are in this book. Whole I didn’t really want to enjoy it, I ended up really connecting with Finch and her friend group. I was really cheering them on by the end of the book! Thanks to #netgalley for this ARC in exchange for my honest review!

I absolutely loved this book! It was creepy and definitely a horror story. I loved the setting and the villain. The pace was amazing and don’t even get me started on Finch and Selena. Their story was really cute and filled with adventure. Also the monsters were like so creepy, I loved it.

Thank you to Netgalley and Sourcebooks fire for an eARC!

My Dearest Darkest by Kayla Cottingham is a delightful sapphic dark academia horror featuring near death experiences, supernatural forces, and an all girls school. Finch is the survivor of a horrific accident that neither of her parents survive. With the money they left her and her musical talent, she is accepted into a highly competitive all girls school where she meets Selena. Together they have to put on a performance and save the world from a paranormal entity.
The plot was fast paced and spooky. I could not put it down. I was rooting for the romance and thought that the characters were well written and worked together in a great way. The different dynamics--such as Finch struggling with her identity and lack of social skills due to being homeschooled; or Selena being a different person based on who she is hanging out with--were portrayed well and made it easy to care for the characters and empathize with them. This book features a sapphic romance with lesbian and bi rep.
While I certainly do not read a lot of horror, this is definitely one of the better ones that I have read. The setting was perfect and it conveys many great elements of dark academia. It honestly reminded me of Jennifer's Body (in a good way) because it includes a bunch of teenaged girls figuring out who they are and what they want (in a less male-gaze type way) and a pop punk band willing to sacrifice things they shouldn't in order to gain fame. The quote "Hell is a teenage girl" is at the front of the book and sums up much of the conflict, and ties in the influence. This book has also been compared to Wilder Girls and while I don't think it is quite the same, it features many of the same sapphic, private school, and horror vibes. Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed and recommend My Dearest Darkest.

This is such an incredibly fun book that fully lives up to the potential of its premise! From some very sweet bi/lesbian pining and cute romantic stuff to a full-on monster gorefest, this book really does have everything someone could want (well, it has everything *I* could want). Sometimes it's appropriately gothic, sometimes it's a bit zany and silly, but mostly it's a weirdly successful combination of dark academia and Scooby Doo vibes. (Hell, the main characters even dress up as Velma and Daphne towards the end of the book, in a fun nod to the book's tone.) I do wish the book's synopsis gave LESS away, but it was still a spectacularly fun ride!

I went to an all-girls high school and I did NOT get to have this much fun.

Turns out, debut author Kayla Cottingham knows about secret tunnels where sapphic teen love connections (and monsters) are made.

While I grieve over all the girls I DIDN'T kiss in high school, here's a rundown of what happens in the shadows of Ulalume Academy.

Finch should be dead--but she's not. Instead, she's the newest student at an exclusive school. She crushes on (and pisses off) popular girl Selena.

Selena's mean girl group is perfect: too perfect. They've made some nefarious deals with an ancient entity beneath the school in exchange for the fulfillment of their deepest desires.

Finch has a connection with this entity--a memory of the day she almost died. She tries to discover (and sever) the link while falling in love with Selena. But love can be a blessing or a curse, and Selena's ex enlists the power of the entity to get Selena back--with monstrous consequences.

MY DARKEST DEAREST contains one of the most delicate, affirming, and sweet coming-out scenes I've ever read. I was raised on tragic lesbian narratives (it was all there was!). Reading Cottingham's careful words healed a little part of me, and reminded me that we've come a long way since THE WELL OF LONELINESS.

Pick up MY DARKEST DEAREST if you like: affirming LGBT rep, enemies to lovers, dark academia, eldritch-style horrors, affirming coming out stories, coming of age stories, fast-moving writing style, ghosts, body horror, and the joys of found family.

It's gory. The body horror gave me shivers, but I'm a weakling around that content. I've never recovered from watching the tooth scene in POLTERGEIST as a child.

Let me know what you think when you read it yourself! MY DARKEST DEAREST comes out 5/29/22.

Thanks to @sourcebooksfire and @netgalley for the advanced reader e-book.
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Thank you to Sourcebooks for sending me an arc in exchange for an honest review:

This book. I loved it and it became hard to put down as I got further in. Horror for middle school without being off the deep end. A group of girls unknowing releases this vicious, manipulative creature and get involved with it quickly as it grants what they wish. We all know nothing is free though and dreams take blood, sweat, and tears. As the desires get bigger, so does the cost. With each payment, the creature gets more powerful. The girls must stop it before it destroys their world.