This book offered really insightful perspectives on using CBT in relationships, offering ideas I had never considered before. In particular, I think it had me rethinking my need for control and the ways that this may manifest in my relationships. I have very little experience with ROCD therapy and I found myself enlightened at certain points in this book. It was a really interesting, and refreshing read. I would recommend it to people who like me, have little exposure to ROCD therapy. It offers a great jumping off point.

Do you have Relationship OCD? Then this book might be for you. I'd never heard of this term before and was intrigued. Even if you don't suffer from Relationship OCD, I think reading this book can give a greater insight into relationships and lend to being a more supportive partner, friend, parent, etc.

For someone who is affected by the topic, this book was very helpful and soothing in a way, because it explained what can occur when you suffer from ROCD.
It was a comfortable read with short chapters, that you always can come back to.
With helpful tips to manage the anxiety and questions to clarify why you are struggling with this disorder.

I already recommended it to people who suffer from ROCD and they loved it as well.
Definitely worth a read to educate yourself, if you suffer from it or if you have someone who's affected by it.

Thank you to NetGalley and Sana Balagamwala for providing this book in exchange for an honest review.

I very much enjoyed reading Relationship OCD as I felt it focused on many different aspects which were helpful and as a self-help book, it was an easy read with clear guidance on how to utilize the tools in it. 

I highly recommend reading it.

Relationship OCD by Sheva Rajaee is written from the perspective of a therapist who herself has dealt with relationship OCD (ROCD). What a perfect combination! I love that more and more mental health professionals are willing to talk about their own mental health challenges.

Throughout the book, the author emphasizes the importance of learning to tolerate uncertainty. She writes that addressing ROCD isn’t just about managing anxiety, but also about changing expectations about what love and partnership should involve. She describes the myth of the one (MOTO) that we’ve been exposed to pretty much forever, and how unlike real relationships that is.

If you feel concerned that you don’t feel the “butterflies” you think that you’re supposed to feel, the author points out that the feeling of butterflies is actually an anxiety response driven by the amygdala, and the steadiness of a non-anxiety-provoking person could actually be a good thing.

The book describes two different areas of focus for anxiety in ROCD. One is partner-focused, which involves a preoccupation with the partner’s perceived flaws. The other is relationship-focused, which is a preoccupation with the quality of the relationship. The author explains that for most people, ROCD comes from some combination of nature and nurture, and she ties this into attachment styles.

There’s an interesting chapter devoted to sex anxiety. It incorporates cultural myths and moralization about how sex should be, fantasizing, and the effects of anxiety on desire and arousal. Real-life just isn't the way it is in movies, it's not always mind-blowing, and you don't have to be gettin' it on multiple times a week for your sex life to be considered acceptable.

The middle section of the book covers strategies that can help with managing ROCD, including addressing cognitive distortions, using acceptance and commitment therapy tools, and doing exposure and response prevention. The author explains that these tools won’t get rid of your anxiety, and that’s not the goal, anyway; rather, they’ll help you to tolerate it more effectively.

The chapter on healing shame talks about how we become indoctrinated into “the cult of what’s normal.” We soak up all kinds of messages about how we should look, feel, behave, and live our lives, and this knowledge is stored implicitly, outside of our conscious awareness. The author explains the benefit of self-compassion to address shame around not living up to these expectations about what’s normal.

There’s also a chapter on what healthy relationships look like, and the author cautions that you shouldn’t trust your gut, as emotions on their own will never be able to confirm for you that you’ve met the right person or that you’ll live happily ever after. I liked that she was very realistic about how there's no way to predict the future of a relationship, and sometimes divorce ends up being the right thing.

The author was also very realistic about ROCD recovery writing that intrusive thoughts and uncertainty aren’t going to just disappear. She acknowledges that ongoing maintenance work will probably be needed.

I thought this book did a really good job of popping the bubble of the assorted problematic messaging we’re exposed to regarding relationships. The author balances warmth and kindness with telling readers that being uncomfortable and being uncertain is a necessary part of the process. This book was really well done, and I think it will be very helpful to people dealing with relationships anxiety, whether it’s full-fledged OCD or not.



I received a reviewer copy from the publisher through Netgalley.

Sheva Rajaee's "Relationship OCD" is a gift to those who continually find themselves in a state of worry and anxiety in their relationship. Sometimes there is adaptive anxiety, especially if the relationship is toxic, then, there is another type of anxiety that can ultimately ruin a fairly healthy relationship. Sheva helps folks to determine what is healthy and what is maladaptive and ultimately propels them into a healthier self and healthier and more connective relationships. I highly recommend this book!