I went into this story quite blind and my, I was completely hooked from the get go. Considering this is a memoir, I feel very heartbroken for Leslie and her brother.

This memoir follows seven year-old Leslie and her younger brother who are struggling to live with their mother’s mental illness. Their mother is determined that someone is out to catch them and lock them up. There are all these little conspiracy theories playing out in her head which terrified Leslie. She wrote about her difficult childhood where they were abandoned by their own grandparents because they didn’t want to deal with her mother any longer. There is no doubt that their mother love them but having to deal with her own mentality took a toll on her and caused her to be a danger to her own children. They drift in and out of foster care not knowing what will happen to them.

Despite the story being heart wrenching and appalling at some point, I feel comforted when Leslie finally met someone who really cared for her and provided her with the love and stability she needed. It really only takes the kindness of one person to change your life. There were times where I just want to jump in the story and give Leslie a big warm hug to shield her from all the pain she was going through.

It is amazing how much Leslie has overcome and how much she has grown with such a turbulent childhood, being torn with loving her mother and leaving her so she can live again. She made tough choices and had to forgive herself for thinking she was selfish. Her determination and strength to live gave her the courage she needed to create a better life for herself.

I really enjoyed reading this very honest writing Leslie has shared with us. She didn’t shy away from the serious trauma she endured but she also showed us that there is always hope to heal. Thank you Netgalley and Acorn Publishing for the arc.

While a book that opens with the mother attempting to kill her daughter sounds like it would be an exciting and quick read I unfornately could not get into this book. The read ended up being slow and the author relied too much on using metaphors at every instance. I found the writing style distracting from the heart of the story, which should have been a scathing review of the foster system and family. While this book wasn't for me I'm certain others will find it enticing.

"My skull throbbed from the pressure, lack of oxygen, and the thought I'd done something wrong that caused Mom to hate me." What's it like to grow up with a mentally ill parent? Leslie Ferguson answers this question in her memoir, When I was Your Daughter. It's a fairly harrowing account of what should be viewed as attempted murder, neglect, kidnapping, and violence, that is downplayed by the victim writing through the lens of a child's naive love. It speaks to the long-term impacts of (even well-intentioned) abuse on the child's wellbeing: "I tried to be like them, those girls with smiles built into their lips and happiness streaming under their skin."

"I wondered if he knew Mom had been jailed for kidnapping us before. Records showed some of what had happened, but I doubted the judge knew the whole truth." This memoir highlights the inadequacy of court responses in determining what should happen in the best interest of the kids: "Getting our Mom back was like a present and a punishment at the same time." Leslie is rarely asked what she wants, and when that finally happens, it's in a traumatic situation with no support to help her untangle her feelings of love for her Mom and what relationships and living arrangements are actually in her own best interest going forward.

When I Was Your Daughter is also a scathing indictment on the foster system, where kids are placed with families that treat them as servants or as lower tier members than their "real" children. When there's a choice between being a perpetual outsider or being with a mentally ill mother, that child really has no acceptable choice at all. It's no wonder the book ends with the author revisiting this trail of destruction that made up her childhood with "a strange sense of saudade, a feeling of sorrow and nostalgia for what has been lost". Those opportunities to be a kid who is carefree and happy will never come again in her lifetime: "I'm a damaged tourist carrying around this longing to exist inside my past." We need to do better for kids with mentally ill parents than this.

Wow, this book blew me away. I have read this story completely enraptured and unable to put it down. I have longed to reach through the pages and hug her, as a mother of young daughters, my heart was weighed down with a heaviness as I read, yet by the end- overflowing. The author’s writing is incredibly moving and beautiful? Her story is quite shocking. 5 stars. Thanks to Netgalley for the opportunity to read an arc of this astounding memoir. I would recommended to anyone who was moved by American Daughter and North of Normal.

The start of this book was too slow for me. While it did pick up, there were a lot of issues in the book that hit close to home, it was hard to finish. It was definitely an emotional book, but I the ending was worth reading through it.

Ferguson shares her childhood with us in a way that really makes it feel like you are living it along with her. She does an exceptional job of presenting things from the perspective of the age at which she experienced things. She really demonstrates how complicated relationships can be with parents - regardless of how unsafe they are to be around, there is a complication of feelings. Fear, love, regret. Ferguson truly explores this and the the many times she had to balance the feelings of wanting to honor her mother and the part of her that was screaming that she needed to get away from her in order to be safe.

I wanted to like this book, it sounded really really interesting. But alas I just couldn't connect with the writing style. It didn't flow easily for me and I gave up after skimming a few chapters.

Ferguson shares her painful childhood with readers. Her mother suffered from mental illness and jostled her kids around from place to place. Ferguson’s grandparents helped as they could, but tired of the drama. The author found parents who cared and loved her, giving her much needed stability. It’s always heartbreaking to read memoirs like this. Ferguson proved to be tenacious and resilient, despite her tumultuous formative years.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing this book in exchange for an honest review.
What a terrifying childhood the author and her brother had with their mother who suffered from psychosis. This book is well written and heartbreaking but also uplifting when she encounters people who really care. It's amazing how much she has overcome with such an unstable childhood and dealing with the foster care system that often doesn't work like one would hope.
I highly recommend this book as it is engaging and eye opening.

When I Was Her Daughter: A Memoir
by Leslie Ferguson
Pub Date 12 Nov 2021
Acorn Publishing
Biographies & Memoirs



I am reviewing a copy of When I Was Her Daughter: A Memoir through Acorn Publishing and NetGalley:



Leslie is only seven and she already has a serious problem, someone is trying to kill them!



Leslie had to save herself and her little brother from the stark realities of living with their mother’s raging psychosis. In order to evade the evil Russian spies her mother believes are after them, they forgo sleep, speak in whispers, and live on the run. Her Mother searches for hidden listening devices, writes rambling manifestos about the impending Communist takeover, and attempts to kill herself and her children to protect them from rape, torture, and murder at the hands of the government. Leslie finds controlling the chaos impossible. Leslie rebels, which only angers her mother, but when she obeys, terrible consequences follow.



Eventually the police the police place Leslie and her brother in foster care. The freedom the police place Leslie and her brother in foster care. But when she experiences abusive homes where she’s alienating homes. All seems lost until a teacher intervenes, risking everything to bring Leslie to safety, to show her the redemptive power of trust and patience, and to prove unconditional love is possible, even without the bond of blood.



When I Was Her Daughter is a powerful and raw account of one girl’s terrifying childhood journey through madness, loss, and a broken foster care system, where only the lucky and most resilient survive.



I give When I Was Her Daughter five out of five stars!



Happy Reading!