A deliciously queer romp through a side of reality TV fans rarely get to see. It all leads to a truly bonkers ending.

This is a campy horror comedy about a season of what’s essentially The Bachelor that takes place on a remote Pacific Northwest island, where they begin to see a shadowy humanoid figure in the woods.

It took me a while to get into this book, but I stuck with it because of the fun premise. We get a lot of point of view characters, including the final four contestants of The Catch and their wrangler, plus letters from a lesbian couple years ago who are trying to escape their homophobic small town together. Aside from those letters, all of the women hate each other and are acting catty. One is the wrangler who loves this stupid show but judges all the contestants, one is a born again Christian trying to use her platform to spread the good word, one is genuinely trying to get the guy—while also being the villain of the season, one is an influencer trying to increase her follower count, and one—Renee—is trying to be first Black woman in the finale.

All of the point of view characters judge the others. One is constantly picking fights, especially with the goodie two shoes religious contestant. They all think their reason for being here is legitimate and the rest are shallow. This makes sense for the premise, but I found it tiring to read about a bunch of women all hating each other. Luckily, that’s only the first part of the story.

If there’s one main character, it’s Renee. Renee is queer and has no interest in the guy they’re supposed to be competing for. She was nominated by coworkers and is just going along with it, the same way she feels like she’s sleepwalking through the rest of her life. The longer she stays on the show, the more unbearable it becomes, but she’s sticking it our for the free trip she gets when they get to the final two—a trip she knows she’ll go on, because the producers have already let slip that they want her in the finale because they want the “first” of having a Black women in the final two, even though they know the Catch will not choose her in the end.

As strange things begin happening on the island—and a contestant disappears—Renee begins to imagine a new life for herself, one where she feels truly alive.

I’m glad I pushed through the beginning of this book, because the ending is campy queer horror with a fun twist: a lesbian bigfoot cult! That I was not expecting. If you like satirical horror, I definitely recommend this one: it’s weird and has lots of lesbians. What more could you want?

Content warnings for gore, religious homophobia, and racism.

I cannot stop thinking about this book. The dark satirical comedy paired with the reality TV aspect and campy horror elements just worked so beautifully. I was surprised, entertained, moved, and shocked throughout this read. I have not read anything else quite like this and I'll be eager to read more from Samantha Allen in the future. The ending was absolutely unhinged in the best way. I have recommended this many times since reading it; this book raised the bar for satirical horror for me.

This was a great read! Very unique with a great voice. The cover would get me to pick this up right away, but the writing was excellent and kept me reading.

I wouldn't call this book funny nor romantic, or even ironic. It is horrifying. For example, the screaming, guts, and gore towards the end will always be a prominent piece in this work of fiction. It has some interesting things to say about queerness, yet there's no homosexual love story that unfolds amongst the cast and crew of The Catch, although there is one lesbian relationship that exists in very short spurts throughout. It's my guess that Patricia is primarily a metaphor for the gay woman's existence. Trans and Gay women are often stereotyped as hairy and masculine when compared to the typical straight women. The majority of human culture looks at queerness and still sees something monstrous and I thought it was interesting to see that being explored in the story. Our main character experiences a personal revelation at the climax of the book, and if the reader experiences that with her then I suppose they'll like this book. If, like me, they find it pretty sociopathic then this book isn't for them.

Thanks netgalley for giving me the advanced copy so that I can share my thoughts and opinions with y'all 💛

3.5 Unreal meets B-horror movie / creature feature. I love a fun, weird book and this definitely delivered on the weird and had some funny moments. If you're a torn fan of The Bachelor (me), enjoy dark comedies, and want something to get you out of a reading slump this is it.

The blog posts and letters were strong. So were the "killer" descriptions at the end but the contestants' perspectives could have been flushed out more. Everything else worked for me even the ending.

Also, there is something here that makes me think of Jordan Peele's Nope. Both explore themes of spectacle and otherness through a human being's connection with a creature but have very different takeaways.

This was SUCH a fun read. A little rom com. A little mystery. A little fantasy. A little horror. Samantha Allen did a beautiful job developing characters that were both believable and likable/un-likable. There were times I was routing for each character and others I wanted to push them off of a Cliff myself. This was a thoroughly enjoyable standalone novel! Great summer read.

This was a wonderful distraction read! The Bachelor-esque storyline and the catty contestants really kept my interest and also kept me wondering what was going to happen next. The little bit of darkness is exactly what this book needed. Thank you to all for the opportunity to read this eARC!

This is a campy, gory horror read that's also incredibly fun! I read it in one sitting - devoured it, really.

Such great fun! A hilarious send up of reality dating shows and social media influencer culture with a horror movie twist. It’s funny, more gruesome than expected, and an all around good time. Perfect summer read.

Patricia Wants to Cuddle was an unputdownable, clever, gory, queer, tender, campy read. wtf!
As someone who doesn't typically read horror but likes weird contemporary queer fiction and campy horror movies (and doesn't mind gore), it worked well for me. Idk if a horror book super fan would find the explanations satisfying enough. The pacing could have been improved as well: the beginning was ominous but very slow. And the ending about 2044 was a little cheesy.

e-arc from Zando.

Patricia Wants to Cuddle is the perfect blend of horror and romance and comedy you didn't know you wanted but once you read it, it'll be all you can think about.

The plot line of a “The Bachelor”-like reality show is intriguing every time. Throw in a woodsy Sasquatch setting and dark humor, make it gay, and I’m sold. I know this book is going to be a lot for many people, but it’s charm lies in how silly it is.

I will say that this premise is SO delightfully ridiculous that it’s hard to live up to what I hope for out of an off-the-rails book, but the commentary on intimacy in the modern world of social media, and of course, the commodification of love on tv, is enough to make up for it.

I have no idea why my review wasn't published when I finished reading this book (and it's missing from my GoodReads account?), so I'm going to do my best to review it based on what I remember.

This book was all over the place and definitely one of the most bizarre books I've ever read, but I remember that being apart of it's charm. As I read, I was constantly thinking, "there's no way THIS is happening right now," but I kept flipping the pages until I got to the end because I couldn't put it down. I would recommend this book to people who have a love for the strange, bizarre, and unlikely stories, but to the masses, I fear this book might be overlooked because of its strangeness.

Devolution meets the Bachelor, but more gay and more fun. I wished Patricia Wants to Cuddle were longer but thought it was great fun and will not hesitate to recommend it to others.

This is a hard book to review because I don’t want to give away any spoilers, but I loved reading this! Part satire, part black comedy, part slasher(? Definitely more horror than I was petting and I loved that!) - I had such a fun time. As a fan/hate watcher of The Bachelor I thought this was hilarious and an accurate depiction of how I’d imagine the show being produced.

Patricia Want to Cuddle is rather short, but the author did a great job of creating tangible and unique characters. If you’ve watched an episode of The Bachelor or similar shows, you’ll see each of the usual suspects present in the Final Four of The Catch. I loved the inclusion of the fan forums and how every little detail is scrutinized and how their sleuthing helped us as readers pick up on some of the side story of what was going on behind the scenes in Otter’s Island.

Though this book was funny, it also gets pretty brutal towards the end so look up CWs if you’re squeamish.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Zando Projects for a review copy. I’ve already purchased a physical copy for my shelves and can’t wait to check out more from this author in the future.

This book was weird as all get out. I get the commentary this author was trying to make, but overall it felt a bit too scattered and ridiculous to me.

QUICK TAKE: Really unique, left-of-center horror satire that plays with reality show tropes. There's a big tone shift in the last 50 pages that I wish had been interwoven a bit more throughout the narrative, but overall this was a fun one.

This book was unique to say the least. It was extremely quirky and easy to breeze through. It was bizarre in a way that I kind of couldn't stop reading it. I don't want to give too much away. This is a book you should go in blind reading because you probably wouldn't believe or understand if I tried to describe the plot.

I'll be honest I was not a very big fan of this book and I really tried to be. There was just a lot of violence for me that I couldn't stand. Someone with a stronger stomach will enjoy this book because the plot was good.

I received this ebook for free from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.