Wow, what a ride. Too often we say this is a book you need to go into blind, but in this case, it's absolutely true. A delightful parody of reality dating television through a feminist lens set on a former queer safe haven in the Pacific Northwest with a gorey, out of this world twist. What more could you need to know? Such a fun (?) time, such a great premise with an execution that finally followed through. So good. Please read.

A strange book that I really enjoyed! A dating shows cuts corners and ends up filming in Bigfoot territory—I mean, how can you not like that premise? The way the story unfolded was a bit bizarre, but I was never bored and kept turning pages to see where Allen was going to take me next. The plot takes a while to build and the ending happens very quickly, which is my only complaint. Will definitely read more from this super creative author in the future!

I’ve never read a book like this before 😳

🌹 we’re plopped in the middle of filming this "the bachelor"-like reality show with the final four contestants - all here for their own reasons, a dud of a bachelor lead, the longtime host, key production crew members, and the locals at this getaway destination~

📖 horror + romance setting + sapphic lit fiction
❣️suspenseful, funny, and bloodyyy
🦧 social commentary within the chaos

this was a captivating and refreshing read for me! the story moves quickly, it's not too long and definitely left me wanting more! for reality dating show lovers, slasher story readers, and/or just here for a wild ride, THIS IS IT!🤠

✨thank you to NetGalley and Zando Projects for allowing me to read this e-ARC via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review

Whenever I see a bunch of reviews about how unique and different a story is - I get intrigued and need to try it for myself. At the start, I was drawn into this one - we join mid-filming of a show called The Catch - similar to The Bachelor. The final 4 women have been brought to a remote location for filming. We also learn that 10 years ago some women disappeared from the same island and were never found.

However, despite that intriguing premise - this lost me around halfway through. I can’t say much without giving away spoilers. A lot happens in the second half but I didn’t really find myself caring about any of it. I wasn’t feeling attached to anyone. I just felt sort of meh about it all. This one was a miss for me.

Thank you to the publisher and Netgalley for the advance reading copy.

I loved it. Omg did I love it.

So I normally loathe Bachelor type setups in books, truly the bane of my existence. So the fact that I loved this book w a somewhat similar Bachelorette setup, speaks VOLUMES.

It was creepy and gory and funny and just so unhinged, I couldn’t look the other way, nor did I want to.

Don’t be fooled by the cover folks! Also don’t be fooled by its length. This book delivers in FULL.

Weird and wonderful twist on a creepy forest horror trope. Loved the deconstruction of Instagram culture and dating shows.

What a wildly weird and entertaining book.
Part behind the scenes of The Bachelor and part missing girls/wilderness queer slasher/ horror story, I can honestly say I’ve never read anything quite like it before.

Like two books mashed together but in a fun and shocking way. Although I have to say, Patricia most definitely did not want to cuddle.

If you are looking for something different and unique and fun and also horrifically violent. This is your book!!

i wanted to love this but i'm not sure it really came together, also i thought that it would be way more queer

Reality TV shows are fascinating to me. On the one hand, I hate them because they're hardly ever really real or good. On the other hand, they're just delightful sometimes, aren't they? So when I saw Patricia Wants to Cuddle and its hilarious blurb I knew that I was in for a rollicking time. Thanks to Zando Projects and NetGalley for providing me with a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

As a Dutch person I need to start any rant about reality television with an apology because it was actually a Dutch television company that came up with Big Brother. In their defense, the first season was meant to actually be insightful. But this quickly turned into the circus it is now. So, mea culpa. It remains true, however, that reality television is ubiquitous right now and that much of it is not great, or even good. Much of it depends on negative stereotypes of women, POC, and queer people, even if the shows themselves pretend to go "woke". But I nonetheless also feel the pull of it, the thrill of peeking into someone else's life and getting to judge them from a distance. But there are real people involved, with real feelings, and while we may think of it as fake, for some of them it is their life and livelihood on the line. Enter Patricia Wants to Cuddle, which at once satirises the entire genre while also being a heartfelt investigation of womanhood and self-actualisation.

While Patricia is central to the blurb, she is a largely peripheral figure for much of Patricia Wants to Cuddle. Central are the four women semi-finalists of "The Catch", and the female producer, each hoping to get something worthwhile out of this season. For some, it actually is love. For others it is money, recognition, a chance at proving themselves. And so they find themselves on Otters Island which, while beautiful, is also remote and a little odd. This island will be where secrets are revealed, where some women will finally find themselves, and where Patricia simply wants to cuddle. While much of Patricia Wants to Cuddle is hilarious and strongly aimed at taking the piss out of reality television, it is also a novel about self-discovery. Interspersed in the plot are letters from two women deeply in love in a town where this is not allowed. It adds a sense of realism, shows that love is something much weightier than "The Catch" pretends it to be. Love is not always easy, it is not a competition, it can be life and death. As Patricia comes to a conclusion, the overwhelming message that remains is that the most important thing is to live a life in which you can be yourself. The novel impresses upon the reader, despite all the fun along the way, that you are allowed to be, that you deserve a place where you are home and safe, and that sometimes this requires a mysterious specter.

This is my first book by Samantha Allen but, as far as I can see these themes, of finding a home and living queer and free, run throughout her writing. Billed as a horror comedy, Patricia Wants to Cuddle plays with these themes as well in a way that is at once irreverent and affirming. It tiptoes on the fine line between the two and for some readers it may lean to for one way or the other. The novel is told from different perspectives, interspersed with letters and blog posts and internet threads about the show. Each adds something in their own way, even if not every perspective felt equally real to me. What grounds the novel for me is the story of one of the contestants, Renee. Her heart isn't in the competition because she is still figuring out what her heart wants. She is also dealing with being the only Black woman to have ever made it this far in the show and she really doesn't know if that is a good thing or not. She feels aimless and lost, until she gets to Otters Island and finds out there could be a different way to live. While her choices may feel extreme to some, her desire for a place to rest and just be struck a chord. I can't wait to read more by Samantha Allen!

Patricia Wants to Cuddle is absurd in all the best ways. You may think you know where it is going, but Allen will surprise you at every corner.

Super excited to read this, but the digital ARC formatting is a bit of a mess (random line breaks, no space between things. Going to see if I can get a copy in another format because I just can't properly read and enjoy with it like this.

Submitting a review now because I don't think messy ARCs should end up penalizing my feedback ratio here on NetGalley. <3

Viciously funny indeed, this is a darkly funny and edgy book. Patricia Wants to Cuddle won't be for all readers but for horror fans/final girl trope lovers, readers who don't mind a social satire skewering of reality/dating TV shows, and for anyone who sees "lesbian sasquatch' and doesn't run away.... this is for you. It's hard to summarize much more than that, if this sounds good to you then go for it. It does move a bit more into horror/chaos violence at later points in the story and that didn't quite work for me but that is me as a mood reader and some recent world events at the time of my reading this, not a comment on the quality of the narrative, the creativity of Samantha Allen's voice and writing. (I point this out though in case that helps anyone process when to read this!)

Thank you to Zando publications for the ebook copy, I appreciate the chance to read and talk about a truly unique and unexpected read. Samantha Allen is a writer now 100% on my radar and I can't wait to read more. Thank you for trusting me with such a wildly entertaining and creative plot.

This was kind of a weird book. I usually like weird but not this time. It as well written just not really all the believable at times.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for an electronic copy to read in exchange for an honest review.

I don't even know how I would categorize this book - fiction with some mystery? It was epic - take Devolution by Max Brooks and add in a behind the scenes dating show and there you have it. This will definitely be in the top 10 books of the year for me; maybe even top 5.

Patricia Wants to Cuddle begins with 4 final contestants of a Bachelor type reality TV show, their love interest, host and staff arriving at a sleepy island in the Pacific Northwest. Each of the women came on the show for her own reasons and each of them wants to win, but when strange things start happening in the night, there can only be last one standing… literally.

This book is a truly wild ride! It’s difficult to explain it without giving too much away but I can say it It mixes elements that I had no idea I wanted to see together before - dating reality TV shows, slasher horror, and dark comedy, with a big splash of queerness and a sprinkle of genuine affection. Who knew that celebrities and cryptids go hand in hand? This was a quick, easy read that hooked me from the first page and I simply loved how funny it was! It was also a bit gore-y, but if you can handle it, you’re going to be very entertained. I was also impressed by how Allen balanced the humor with a very moving, even heartbreaking storyline. The only reason I can’t give this book full 5 stars is because I wish more of my questions were answered by the last page.

TLDR: Patricia Wants to Cuddle is a fun, campy novel that would be a perfect beach read for fans of wacky horror stories. Highly recommend!

This was a wild ride and entertaining as hell. It is satire on shows like The Bachelor, but then you add in Sasquatch, horror, and gore. You get multiple POVs of the four contestants and the shows producer. Despite some of it dark content and graphic descriptions, it was a fun and enjoyable read.

Thank you Zando Projects and NetGalley for this arc in exchange for my honest review!

3.75ish (?) stars

This one was wild. It definitely left me in a “what the heck did I just read?!” state, to a certain extent. I think I’m still processing some of it. It was amusing and entertaining for sure; I laughed out loud more than once. It also dealt with some real issues but in a fairly light-hearted way. I don’t think I loved it quite as much as some did, to be honest, but I’ll probably still be inclined to check out whatever the author writes next.

I am so glad this book is in my life. My goodness. With just the right amount of humor, satire, and a little dark, this book was just a good time. It gave me similar vibes to Quan Barry's We Ride Upon Sticks.

Funny, gruesome, and dark, the only thing that stopped me from reading this in one go was having to go to work!

I really enjoyed this book about a Bachelor-esque tv show crew filming their penultimate episode on a remote island. The contestants that we follow in flashes are all distinct, and I would've liked getting to know them better if it wouldn't have axed the fast pace of this book.

A campy, slasher sapphic horror novel that I thought was perfect for a hot summer evening on the porch. Fully recommended to anyone wanting a quick popcorn horror experience

An excellent fiction debut from the author of Real Queer America. Weird, fun, and fresh, Patricia Wants to Cuddle has a lot to say about queerness, community, celebrity, and cryptids. This book is an excellent example of what queer monster fiction should look like. Highly recommend.

“‘I saw something here that made me realize that beauty - true beauty - exists on a plane apart from life and death or anything else I used to see as important. That kind of beauty is here on Otter’s island. I wish you could have see her, too.’” A fun, campy slasher fic. This book has such an off-the-wall concept of what if The Bachelor ran into a lady Sasquatch. It does work however, with clever execution and witty writing. The cycling of perspectives works well to flesh out the characters beyond the 1 dimensional characters you would see on tv to the real life concerns of your identity being exploited for television. However, the letters between Kathy and Maggie are so sweet and touching and a beautiful example of sapphic love. Thank you to Zando Projects and NetGallet for the ARC.