I'm of two minds on this one - the initial setup of everything is delightful, and there's some real fun criticism of the character types that appear on _The Batchelor_/its production crew that's fun to sit with. And yet, the part of the plot that picks up steam in part 3 of the book immediately runs off the rails in a way that got less fun to read as the book careened towards the end, and I could see exactly where it was about to land.

This is a fairly short book, and there are a few plot threads I could see getting some expansion so that all the events that take place once "Patricia" really shows up don't feel completely out of nowhere and feel real. I spent most of part 3 trying to figure out if what was happening was Actually Happening or More Of A Scooby-Doo Thing. Either would have been fine, but it took a little too long for the book to confirm that, and once it did, I was kind of icked out by the continuing series of events that ensued. YMMV!

What a wonderfully weird novel. When this landed in my inbox from the publisher I first thought WTF is that because the cover art screams pulp fiction and as much as I find those hilarious I'm not usually drawn to them. However, I'd decided I wanted to expand my LGBT novel repertoire, and knowing this featured lesbian/bisexual female protagonists I said sure why not.*

Billed as a satire of The Bachelor, Patricia Wants to Cuddle takes place in the final two weeks of The Catch's season with four female finalists and the catch going to the San Juan islands off the coast of Washington state. While it is that, it's also a final girl thriller novel with murder and mystery and urban legends aplenty to keep the reader engaged.

The book was a little bit of a struggle to get into, but I'm 80% certain it was the result of the bad formatting from my NetGalley download (it's amazing how much formatting matters). I couldn't see when the next section was (there were only three I think) and every subheading was messed up making the first sentence hard to read until I figured out the pattern.

Aside from that, all of the characters are written to be at the very least annoying AF, and for the most part despicable. They're all on the show for a reason whether it's to make money like the catch or to increase their followers on Glamstapix (Instagram knockoff) or to spread the word (yeah there's a religious nut). Renee and Mike are the two exceptions to this. Renee because she's just going through the motions and riding the wave with no real direction and Mike because he was probably the purest and most genuine person AND because he was the only one actually murdered.

The other character you're supposed to identify with and feel empathy toward is Patricia. Allen did a great job of writing up the horror and comedy aspects, but the thrilling and terrifying moments when we start to interact with Patricia were probably the most well written. From the almost car crash to the figure in the woods or even the last few scenes they were all so eerie and creepy until Maggie explains almost everything and Renee figures it out.

I wish there was a bit of explanation about who the people were with Maggie or a bit of focus on the group protecting Patricia, but leaving us in the dark does make it seem that little bit more this-could-be-real, as all sasquatch legends are. The jump forward at the end of the novel (the epilogue, if you will even though it wasn't labeled that way) was a nice little addition and made me laugh seeing it all being set up again.

Allen had a distinct voice and did a great job writing multiple characters from the ditzy yet business savvy to the cunning and sexual to the reformed religious southern belle, but she really excelled with the nefarious-seemingly-bored with the world group that protects Patricia even though we spend the least time with them.

Recommendation: This was a fascinatingly weird read that once I got into kept me engaged. It was a final girl murder thriller meets an urban legend meets a pop culture satire that somehow worked and had quite a lot of comedy and humor infused. Allen did a great job weaving all the stories together even if as I finished the book I just wanted more details about why they were doing what they were doing, how Patricia got there, and how they successfully kept law enforcement from finding out what was really going on. I'm not sure I'll seek out Allen in the future, but I'm glad I branched out.

*I received a copy of Patricia Wants to Cuddle via NetGalley in return for my honest opinion. No goods or money were exchanged.

This book was a shocking surprise. It was just what I expected from the synopsis, but with a darker twist. I’m not sure exactly how I feel. It was definitely fresh and different from many books. The main characters were extremely unlikable, just like the author intended and made me not sympathize with them.

PATRICIA WANTS TO CUDDLE promised to be a wild ride and it definitely delivered on that promise. It was different from what I'd expected going in, but that's not necessarily a problem.

It's campy and cheesy on the surface, but it has a lot of social commentary for the reader to unpack hiding underneath. It reads both like a piece of satirical speculative fiction *and* like a beach read. It's fast paced, thrilling, and keeps you on the edge of your seat.

Things I enjoyed the most: the references to older slashers and creature features, the queer characters and how they were developed, the inclusion of various forums, blog posts, and love letter (that last one almost made cry!!)

Things I enjoyed the least: some of the contestants and side characters felt a little one-dimensional/I wanted more from them and I wanted to know more about them, so I'm a little sad they remained on the sidelines the whole time and I can only speculate about their motivations and personalities. However I feel like other readers will enjoy that.

As a white person I'm not going to come to any conclusions here but I do want to say that there has been a lot of discussion whether or not white authors should write POC as their main POVs/MCs, and this is something that happens here (as far as I can tell).

Official raring is 3.5 stars.

“Renee doesn’t know how much the producer gets paid to emotionally terrorize influencers and scout bottom-of-the-barrel bachelors, but it can’t be worth this, can it?”

Reasons to read:
—-> SAPPHIC
—-> Funny Gen Y humor
—-> multiple mediums: chat rooms, letters, and blog posts
—-> reality tv and influencer culture
—-> mystery cabin in the woods vibes
—-> will save your reading slump

I didn’t know what to expect going into this but wow! It’s such a unique idea and it’s so witty.

Thank you netgalley for the arc.

I really wanted to love this novel, but I found that the characters seemed really underdeveloped and the writing was bland.

Patricia Wants to Cuddle by Samantha Allen
#thirtyninthbookof2022 #arc

CW: dating reality show, drunk driving accident, murder, death

Okay, this book is batshit and fantastic. It starts off following the final four contestants on a Bachelor-style dating show. The show takes them to a sparsely populated island in the PNW instead of the usual tropical destination, and it all goes downhill from there. Strange shadows in photographs, the feeling they’re being watched, and, of course, the drama that comes with being on a reality show.

Then, someone disappears. I won’t say more than that, but the last ten percent of the book is unexpected and amazing and bizarre and I wish more books were as wild as this one. I enjoyed the commentary on reality shows and social media. While I don’t watch the Bachelor, I enjoy reading books that air the dirty laundry of shows like it, and I wholeheartedly recommend this one.

Thank you to @netgalley and @zandoprojects for the advance copy. (Pub date 06/28/22)

“You have to watch out for the quiet ones.”

I had an ugly upper respiratory flu, and this excellent novel was exactly what the doctor ordered. My thanks go to Net Galley and Zando Publishing for the review copy. Patricia Wants to Cuddle will be available to the public Tuesday, June 28.

As the story begins, we are midway through filming “The Catch,” which is a reality television show similar to “The Bachelor.” Our cast includes the four lucky women to have made it this far; producer Casey; a handful of crew members; and oh dear, Jeremy, a scuzz bucket if ever there was one. Jeremy is this season’s catch. We also have a handful of locals, since we are filming on location; included is a bashful cryptid in the woods, a lonely creature that reacts very badly to stressful situations. As you may guess, Patricia is that cryptid.
These people are on Otter Island, a fictional addition to the San Juan Islands off the coast of Washington State. Think deep woods, rain, and glamping. And…what the hell was that, just now? Too big to be a bear. And why are the sheep so agitated?

Baaaaa.

The contestants are mostly not interested in love; they are interested in publicity, for various reasons of their own. The shooting schedule leaves them sleep deprived on an almost permanent basis, and so given the premise of the show—competition, not cooperation—it doesn’t take long for the women to turn on one another.
Samantha Allen is new to me, but she’s on my radar now. This story is snicker-worthy at the outset, and by the time we reach the climax, I am howling with laughter. Part of the joy comes from the plot and pacing, but the biggest laughs for me are those that combine these outrageous events with some of the funniest figurative language I have ever read. In fact, were I to rate this story solely on its humor, without rating the more traditional elements such as character development, this would be a five star read.

This book will appeal most to those that lean to the left.

Recommended to those that love darkly hilarious fiction.

I feel like the cover with the blurb give away too much of the story. So, it there's an interest in the story don't read the whole blurb.

Since I read the whole blurb, I kind of guessed the big surprise of the book and with that guess I was able to predict everything that was going to happen. The story needs the reader to be shocked by the reveal in order for the story to work and to have tension since its characters are pretty flat. Every single one is a caricature of one quality of a dating show contestant: we have the quiet one, the villain, the religious, and the ditzy. We even have the producer who thinks is better than everyone. And they are nothing more than that, they don't feel like people, so I honestly didn't care what was happening to them.

By the end, I just felt it was an ok book. But I probably would have liked it more if I didn't guess the big surprise that made the whole thing really predictable.

Thank you Netgalley, author, and publisher for the ARC.

Thank you to Zando and NetGalley for this ARC in exchange for an honest review!

All I have to say is wow! Patricia Wants to Cuddle by Samantha Allen is a blend of social satire and horror that is sure to become a modern classic! The story revolves around the final four in a romance/reality TV show who are competing to be chosen by The Catch, Jeremy. Each of the women are very different and have their own reasons for being there, whether they want to use the exposure to become Glamstapix influencers or whether they simply want to enjoy the free vacation. But what will happen when a mysterious creature on the remote island starts hunting them down, one by one?

Here is a humorous excerpt from Chapter 1, which is from Renee's perspective:

""Here we go!" Amanda chirps, turning to face her, smiling through a bump. "Two more weeks!"
"Well, for half of us," Renee says.
Amanda tightens her seatbelt around the waist of her purple floral-print leggings.
"Oh, girl! I'm sure Jeremy's taking you to the finale. Did you see the way he was staring at you back at the airport?
Gross.
Yes, Renee had noticed Jeremy's leering back at the gate. This is partly why she half-wishes that one - or both - of the jet's engines would fail, although if she's being honest with herself, those thoughts long predate her time on this stupid show."

Overall, Patricia Wants to Cuddle is like The Bachelor on steroids. It will appeal to fans of Showtime's Yellowjackets or Lifetime's Unreal. Also, this would make the perfect book club read if you're looking for something darker. One highlight of this book is the biting social satire, which was very funny and made me laugh out loud a few times. Another highlight of this book was the stunning original premise. I have never read a book that mixed horror and comedy so well until now. I could not put this down! If you're intrigued by the excerpt above, or if you're a fan of satire, you won't regret checking out this book when it comes out in June!

This book was a wild ride, and as many reviews have called it: ‘bonkers’. Spoiler-free review ahead!

It starts off as a bachelor-esque show with the four finalists and ‘the Catch’ on a ferry with a skeleton crew to film the final episodes of the show on a ‘remote and luxurious getaway’ where more than the final corsage awaits them. If you’re a lover or a hater of reality tv shows, you will love the interactions and behind the scenes treatment you get with the contestants and crew.

And if you’re a lover of satire and slasher films, you’ll love the looming presence and big twist that comes on the contestants’ glamping trip to the infamous Mount Resilience.
It is really difficult to talk about this book without giving too much away. I may not be a fan of horror, but I loved the set-up of this book, the tension, and its commentary on social media and reality tv, as well as the longing to find acceptance and connection. The mixture of discussion forums, blog posts, and love letters helped to round out the narrative and keep you on the edge.

My only setback was the ending - through a horror lens, it made sense to end it where it did. However, I still wanted more, especially about the community surrounding Patricia and all of their individual motivations. Disclaimer: although the blurb for this book makes it seem as if Patricia is given a dominating role, we never see the story through her pov.

For such a short book (‘under 250 pages) it was entertaining all the way through, and although the characters started as tropes you still got depth to them leading to the big twist.

I stumbled across Patricia Wants to Cuddle while looking for a light, beachy summer read and I could not have asked for anything better. It perfectly balances the cheesiness with witty satire, an absurd plot with actual character development (usually what I find lacking in books of this genre)… except to say this fits in a genre isn’t quite right either. My jaw dropped in shock reaching the thrilling/horrifying ending and didn’t close until the end. I felt terrified. I was in awe. Patricia, I DO want to cuddle. This incredibly weird (meant in the best way possible) novel will definitely stay in my mind for a long time, and I am looking forward to reading more of Samantha Allen’s work.

Patricia Wants to Cuddle was a wild ride from start to finish! In this book, we are following four women, who are the final four in a dating show, akin to the Bachelor. The show takes them to a remote island in Washington, where things start to get a bit ominous.

I am really impressed with Allen's ability to juggling the multiple POVs in this book. Not only do we get POVs of the four women, but also from one of the executive producers, letters, a blog, and a chat room. Everything felt so distinct, and each of the four women + the EP had such strong narrative voices. Truly a delight to read.

I'm rating this 4.5 stars and rounding it up. I do think the ending was a bit rushed and it could have used a few more chapters to round things out, but overall this is definitely a new favorite read. Great for folks who love literary fiction and slasher horrors.

What did I just read?? The Bachelor meets Harry and the Henderson meets graphic horror movie. This book is so weird, but I was addicted. I couldn’t put it down. The first half is a little boring, especially if you hate all things The Bachelor. But as the weird secrets of Otter Island start to emerge, this book takes off in such a bizarre, unexpected way. Thanks to NetGalley for the read. Pick this one up with an open mind.

Maybe I'm biased because I love creepy horror, satire and reality dating show spoofs, so naturally this would be a slam-dunk for me regardless of how well it was done, but honestly, Patricia Wants to Cuddle is a total winner. It's a satire/lit-fic/horror hybrid about a Bigfoot-like creature stalking a reality dating show's final four contestants and crew as they film their final episodes in a remote island far from civilization. (Bonus: it's LGBTQ+ inclusive, and there's a brutally honest portrayal of queer characters silently battling confusion towards themselves and from others.)

It's one of the weirdest books I've read but in the best way. It's a gripping read that I binged in two sittings. Allen is a fantastic storyteller and the writing is so smooth and easy to read. I appreciated how Allen slowly built up the horror - the first 60-70% is mostly satire/lit-fic with an undercurrent of creepiness, but then the tone slams into dark horror and full "wtf is happening?!" mode quickly. Most of the characters are deeply unlikeable but I strangely felt emotional when, without spoiling it entirely, they met Patricia at the end and discovered why she wants to cuddle.

God, that ending. It took me a few hours to digest that ending. (But if I'm being real with myself, it took me almost a full day.) The gory horror aside, PWTC ends on an unexpectedly thought-provoking note. Again, no spoilers, but it'll really make you think about what a genuine connection looks and feels like, and juxtaposed against reality dating shows, a.k.a. the fakest "connection" known to man, it's pretty profound food-for-thought.

I'm still going back and forth between giving this four or five stars. Everything I just mention totally warrants five stars, but I don't know, this feels like it's missing something but I just don't know what. Maybe more about Patricia, especially since the blurb suggests she's a supporting character in the story rather than just sporadically appearing throughout with a huge role at the end. All I know is I loved this book and I won't be able to look at reality dating shows the same way ever again.

Thank you to Zando Projects + NetGalley for the eARC in exchange for an honest review!

Pub date: June 28, 2022

The cast and crew of Bachelor-esque TV show The Catch heads to quaint Otter's Island to film. With 4 women left, the competition is getting.. ferocious. Once everyone settles in, it seems to be a secluded and intimate getaway.. until the group finds out they might not be so alone after all.

I absolutely loved Patricia Wants to Cuddle! I thought this novel was creative, hilarious and entertaining! I loved the nuances about pop culture, sexuality, and the horrendous amount of time we spend obsessing over social media. I wasn't expecting it to take a gory/horror turn towards the end, but thought it was really crafty/fun. Definitely would recommend this one!

This is an incredibly strange little book! I requested it as I have a soft spot for books about reality shows, especially reality dating shows, and I saw others talking about how weird this was so I had to give it a go! It's a very quick read and there's not much I can say without spoiling but it's darker than I thought, so TW for death/murder/decapitation/traumatic amputation!

This was great! I devoured this in one day - granted it's fairly short - and loved it! My only critique that really keeps it from being a 5 star read for me is that the ending is FAST. There's about a 50-60% lead in to the real action that was by no means dull, I liked that part. But with another maybe 100 pages the ending could have gotten some more meat. That being said, I respect Allen's choice to end abruptly and leave readers hanging a little.

Patricia Wants to Cuddle follows a film crew and cast members of a reality show similar to The Bachelor as they navigate in-fighting and manipulation during their last days of filming on a remote island in the Pacific North West. What they don't know is that a lonely creature named Patricia is watching them and making plans of her own. What follows is shocking, graphic, and oddly humorous. One note - the blurb makes a point of calling Patricia queer, but in this case I have to assume they mean odd not lesbian, as her sexuality is never discussed.

If you're looking for a quick, fun read and can stomach graphic violence, this is an awesome book that I recommend to anyone.

**Thank you NetGalley and Zando Projects for the eARC**

This short and silly book was a fun read. It’s the last episode of The Catch (a bachelor-like show) and we learn more of the final 4 contestants as well as the producer of the show. They travel to Otter Island in the PNW for the big finale, but things do not go well at all, in some very unanticipated ways.

Weird and different from my usual reads. I appreciated the satire of social media influencers and reality TV dating shows. There wasn't much time spent on any of the many characters except maybe the producer, so it was hard to care about any of them.