This was thoroughly entertaining, but exactly as much so as your average episode of The Bachelor. I’m not sure if the author was trying to make some sort of point about the evils of reality TV, but if so, it was pretty fruitless. The main point I got from this book was how deeply compelling The Bachelor is - so much so that I was bored when petty TV drama gave way to Bigfoot-mauling. Devoured the first half, though, so I can't complain.

This was one of the more bizarre books I read in a while. Part fiction, part light mystery, part gory horror, this book starts off with the final four girls of reality show The Catch (think: The Bachelor) heading off to the Pacific Northwest for the show’s finale. But mysteries of the island’s past come to haunt them unknowingly… I don’t wanna say much more without spoiling anything, but suffice to say this took a pretty sharp turn in my opinion and at times felt like it was going off the rails a little bit! That said, it was an incredibly quick read and I was very engaged throughout the book. (I’ll admit I did a little skimming when the gore became intense, not because of the description but because I thought it wasn’t critical to the plot and I wanted to get back to the story.)

There’s certainly depth to this book that can be appreciated beyond its surface - commentary on gender, acceptance, etc - but in general if you’re looking for a shake up from some sleepy fiction books, this is definitely it!

Thank you to NetGalley for providing me with a copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.

In Patricia Wants to Cuddle, we meet up with the final four contestants and “The Catch” himself. They’re traveling to a remote island located in the Salish Sea where they are inching towards unveiling a final two contestants before the finale of the show. All the contestants are differently motivated and the prize husband is really anything but, but it’s a competition and they’re all in. Throughout the book, we also get to know a few of the crew and some of the locals who help set the stage.

I am not a Bachelor/Bachelorette devotee. I watched precisely one season (21) of the Bachelor and maybe one and a half of Bachelor in Paradise before vowing to never go back. I have, however, watched four seasons of UnREAL and I would watch four more if I could. I feel like the latter equipped me to never have to watch the former because, well, it’s gross. And the UnREAL vibe is strong in this book.

Having just finished a series of stories featuring the final girl trope, I loved the fresh way Samantha Allen connected the horror final girl to the Bachelor-esque final girl. Though this book is rather light-hearted (even in spite of the harsh events) I walked away with a lot to think about this connection.

Patricia Wants to Cuddle isn’t traditional horror because the spirit of the book is truly kind of zany. I saw one review describe it as madcap and the word stuck in my head the whole way through. It is violent, be warned, and it is shocking in parts, but the hilarity of the overall story tempers the brutality.

My only super tiny complaint? I wish we’d gotten to know Patricia a little better.

Fans of fun, abstract and kind of out there contemporary fiction will dig Patricia Wants to Cuddle, especially if they’re feeling a Pacific Northwest setting.

Well this was a fun read - sort of. If you love the Bachelor, or should I say hate the Bachelor and if you’re into blood and gore, then this is the book for you. But let me add that this is a well written novel that I simply couldn’t put down. As I said, perhaps not for everyone but I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Thanks to NetGalley and the Publisher for this ARC

honestly samantha had me at "queer grendel" but when u tack on classic horror tropes and skewering the bachelor?? hell yes. this was exactly the fun, bloody romp i needed to end my december (a month in which i accidentally read a bunch of sad sad books all in a row). highly recommend to horror fans, satire fans, n anyone who wants to read about queer characters who don't die.

Couldn't decide between 3.5 and 4. Took a while to get into the narrative as it was split between characters but once I was in, it was great. A slightly exaggerated but also true look into reality TV and a behind the scenes of the 'match making' programmes like Love Island and The Bachelor. Between the shadey producer and the bimbo influencers there were really no likeable characters. I also enjoyed the outside bloggers and social media commentary.

I absolutely loved this book and read it in one day. It's a little hard to review the book without spoilers, but it starts off as a propulsive contemporary read and leans into speculative fiction/sci fi in the middle half, and especially at the end. I love how many queer characters are in the book, and especially the inclusion of the lesbian love letters. There's great dark, dry humor throughout the book, and the satire about the reality tv show works really well. In the first few pages, I was unsure if the characters would be a little too much like caricatures, but the author actually fleshed everyone out just right. I'd recommend this book to anyone.

This is a really good book - great fun in a dark and twisted kind of way. It’s really well written and explores the dark world of reality TV beautifully.

This book had to be the weirdest book I've ever read. Interesting surprisingly mostly because of how it was set bachelor style and we got each contestants point of view which was amazing but then it started getting weird
So if you're into the Bachelor and something a little crazy. Then this book is for you

I've never read anything quite like this title before. It was a quick read, and I really enjoyed the rotating points of view from each contestant on the show. Strangely I started to lose interest when the plot started to pick up and Patricia showed up on the scene. I wondered too about the implication that Renee is able to pass the test and want to protect Patricia because she is not straight. I'm unsure what the message was here.

There is something incredibly delightful about this book. It's funny in a mostly sarcastic way. It's a little dark. I like when books are a little dark.

Contestants and production crew of a reality show travel to an island in the Pacific Northwest. What starts out as a dating reality show becomes something closer to Survivor or something more sinister. I'm just going stop there. If you love reality TV and are able to laugh at yourself about it, I definitely recommend this. I also recommend this to people that dislike reality TV. It's funny. It's what a lot of us would like to do to reality TV IRL. Well, maybe less gruesome. Maybe just write a book about what you fantasize about doing.

I picked this up because of its Bachelor-satire premise - I'm always down for that, and you never know what angle you will get. Well, this angle was certainly the first of its kind!!

Bachelor-style reality TV + lady sasquatch + black comedy horror = a great way to spend a Saturday night!

Beyond that, Allen has written a thoughtful study of how badly we desire to fit in, what it feels like when we do not, and the things we are willing to do in order to feel comfortable in a lonely and often uncomfortable world. Most important to contentment, it seems, is knowing yourself. From one angle, the takeaway message of the book is (this line I am stealing and butchering): Sometimes people die and it's unfortunate if you love them before they do. And in many ways this is true, Full Stop. But I also think the book makes it apparent that you can be wildly fortunate if you know and love yourself before you go. And, I think that it is also apparent that if you know and love yourself, then loving someone else is always bound to be good fortune, even if they leave. [To that end, I must say - the letters between Kathy and Maggie were beautiful, earnest, and familiar to me. They are proof that love and life matter, Glamstapix posts be damned!] Knowing and loving yourself also makes room for you to care for others, including those who are different, difficult, or dangerous.

(So many more feelings, thoughts, and lessons than all seasons of The Bachelor franchise combined!)

In any case, I will recommend this book highly to my book clubs and friends, and to fans of Grady Hendrix. Many thanks to NetGalley and Zando for the review copy! Can't wait to purchase the real deal.

What to say about this book? I know it's some sort of social commentary but what? If you like shows like The Bachelor and are fans of Bigfoot, this would be for you. I'm not going to lie, I loved the cattiness of the contestants, the vapidness of the "Catch" and seeing what may actually go on behind the scenes of shows like this. Maybe I'm vapid for not understanding the true meaning behind this book but all I know is that I really enjoyed it and sometimes, that's all I'm looking for.

So, I can't say that I've applied it much before, but I think the expression "madcap adventure" is probably used to liberally. Rarely are things actually madcap, they're just messy or chaotic, or – in the case of fiction – badly written, so nonsensical. That being said –
This a freaking marvelous madcap adventure! I read this novella in one sitting and at a blazing speed because as the smashing (literally) denouement approached I was desperate to see how it'd unfold.
Following four contestants and a skeleton crew while filming a pseudo-The Batchelor series on a remote PNW island, Patricia Wants to Cuddle is simultaneously a scathing satire, a genuinely beautiful love story, and a graphic horror adventure. Doing all three at once should be impossible, but this books manages it expertly.
Each character/caricature (but intentionally so!) is developed beautifully for their purpose and their interactions are compelling. You hate them and root for them and place bets on who'll win the corsage … or survive the night. The behind-the-scenes setting adds interest and tension, but also a certain salaciousness, in an energizing way. The PNW is a perfect setting; gorgeously verdant and majestic while also banal and threatening all at once.
Altogether, this book is just a great time. And lest this pithy review make it seem shallow, there is also an urgent beating heart infusing these pages; there is love and loneliness to spare throughout – and this keeps the events of the text from being as meaningless and shallow as … well, that culture it is satirizing.

My only complaint with this book is actually with the blurb, which implies that Patricia is a perspective character in the text, which – for better or worse (I can't decide) – she's not.

It's challenging to review this without spoiling, so I'll give a Russian doll of "spoils". My first, non-spoiled part of the review is that the blurb that this is "viciously funny" is possibly the most accurate descriptor of the book. I laughed out loud during pretty much every paragraph, and was having such a great time that I genuinely couldn't stop turning the pages and finished the book in one night. I had only read Samantha Allen's more sober, investigative Real Queer America, so it was a welcome surprise to find that she can also write explosive fiction with so much humor and style. Now on to spoilers.

It might be a good idea for this book to come with a CW, because there is graphic body horror, e.g. dismemberment, bludgeoning, etc. It was all the more shocking considering the light-hearted wit that characterized the first 70% of the novel or so, and the kind and generally balanced way Allen tackled the foibles and follies of the characters. This is the only reason I brought the novel down a star- the rest of it had been so enjoyable, but the end turned brutal. After coming to understand and love the characters, nearly all of them died in truly viscous ways. I understand why Allen chose to go that route (a meta-commentary on smashing apart the heteronormativity of American institutions like The Bachelor), but I think it would have been possible to keep at least some of the characters who are brutally killed alive. For instance, there's a truly touching scene between two of the feuding contestants at the end of the novel, but in my opinion this was ruined by the following paragraph describing those characters' gory dismemberment/deaths- it would have been more touching/poetic if they made it out alive and became firm friends after their ordeal. A recent article in Vice outlined how the true legacy of the Bachelor is the friendships contestants make with each other, and it would have been more powerful had Allen kept that legacy intact, with at least one example of friendship surviving the horror(s) thrown at them.

In sum, this book is a genuine page-turner and a showcase of Allen's incredible talent, but (without spoiling) I would recommend readers follow the novel up with something else a little more light-hearted.

Thank you to Netgalley for providing me an ARC in return for an honest review!

Thank you Netgalley for this ARC for an exchange of an honest review.

Very entertaining read. I recommend it.