Conversations with People Who Hate Me: 12 Things I Learned from Talking to Internet Strangers by Dylan Marron is a good fit for readers who are curious about navigating difficult conversations, exploring the complexities of cancel culture and social media, and seeking inspiration on how to cultivate empathy and connection in a divided world.

DNF @ 14%. There is a tone issue here for me. Something distasteful and cynical about his method of being online and interacting with people. I’m not sure if this is so that he can later talk about all the lessons he’s learned and how he’s a better person or what, but I’m not invested enough to find out either. Just not for me.

I"ve loved Dylan's podcast and this is a wonderful addition to the catalog! It's a wonderful message to be sending our world where we've forgotten to see each other's humanity.

I was not familiar with the podcast of the same name but found this book (while funny at times) deeply moving. It really shines a light on who we are and who we become in the anonymity of the Internet.

Thank you to netgalley and the publisher for giving me free access to the advanced copy of this book to read.

I enjoyed reading Dylan Marron's Conversations with People Who Hate Me very much! Unlike other readers, I've never actually heard of Marron, so I was going in completely blind. I enjoyed reading about his hard hitting deep-dive of online debates and rhetoric, especially with his willingness to sit down and listen, but also shut down harmful ideals. I felt that I especially enjoyed when he went into a deeper analysis close to the end, and would like to see more serious discussions in this vein. Thank you so much to Dylan Marron and NetGalley for the ARC, sorry for the late review!

I have listened to Marron's podcast from the start as I was a fan of his "Unboxing" video series. He is a natural interviewer and facilitator and I feel I have learned quite a bit about having conversations with people I disagree with from him. The premise of this book is a focus on how Marron has grown from his experiment of having conversations with people who wrote hate comments on his work. He eventually transitioned to facilitating conversations between others who have received these comments and the ones who had left them. This book has the same natural, conversational, open tone of all of Marron's work. I think Marion does a great job of recognizing that no everyone is in the place to communicate with those who leave negative, rude comments or disagree with them on issues of major consequence or their very being. It is important to recognize that self-care is primary for mental health and we can't help others grow if we put ourselves in dangerous situations for our own mental health. With that being sad, Marion has grown immensely from his willingness and ability to have these conversations. Along with this growth, his conversations have led others to question the roots of their opinions and need to comment on things in a rude way when they think they are invisible on the internet. I think this is an essential read for anyone living in our current age of social media.

Full disclosure: prior to reading this book, my only familiarity with Dylan Marron was his voice acting as Carlos the Scientist on the excellent Welcome to Night Vale podcast (a fictional sci-fi/horror/paranormal radio show–in other words, something not even remotely similar to this book). But of course, given my love of/respect for all the WtNV cast, and knowing this book was an outgrowth of Marron’s own podcast (which I’d heard ads for during WtNV binge-listens), I couldn’t help but want to pick this title up. And I’m so glad I did–Conversations with People Who Hate Me wasn’t my usual reading fare, but it was a valuable read for me, and it’s one I would definitely recommend, particularly for those of us who practically live online.

The act of deliberately seeking out conversations with people who have posted hateful comments toward you on social media seems like a risky maneuver, and yet Marron has found a way to do just that–and then build it into a podcast and turn his reflections on that experience into a book. His writing here is sometimes funny, often insightful, and always earnest in his approach. In accessible, friendly language, he walks through his own journey puzzling out how to talk with someone, rather than against or at them; how to navigate conflicts and avoid reaching conversational stalemates; and how to find common ground between yourself and the people you’d least expect to find it with. It is a reflection on the complex and interconnected nature of debate, listening, accountability, shame, and–most importantly–empathy, and how the internet further entangles them all. It is a reminder that empathy is not endorsement, shame can lead to stonewalling, and conversation can be the most important catalyst for change.

By breaking down his experiences from individual episodes/conversations into digestible lessons, and juxtaposing those lessons with his own experience as a denizen of the internet–evolving from the ever-popular aggressive clapbacks and hot takes into a communication style with less clickbait potential but more ability to build understanding–he weaves a hopeful combination of personal narrative and general how-to-be-a-decent-human guide. Even when dealing with heavy subjects, he strikes the delicate balance between sensitivity and candid emotional expression that such discussions deserve.

I highly recommend this one for anyone who’s grown weary of feeling like online discourse is more of a battlefield than a forum for dialogue–and also, conversely, for anyone who feels the constant siren call of social media drama. (To those of you who frequent Book Twitter, this really should be required reading.)

As a fan of the podcast I was really looking forward to this book, and it didn't disappoint! One of the most refreshing nonfiction books I've read.

The unique premise for this novel hooked me. As someone who grew up on the internet, I think this book is the catharsis we all need. This is one of those rare books that completely changes your perspective. It puts a face, name, story to those anonymous trolls online and no longer allows you to deny their humanity in digital interactions. This book was

We all know how easy it is to sit behind a computer and type/receive nasty remarks. I am not familiar with Dylan Marron or his podcast, but I'm so glad to have read this book. I enjoyed the conversations had, and seeing that talking things out really can make a difference.

A big thanks to Netgalley & the publisher for providing me a copy to review.

Very interesting nonfiction read as is it made you really take a look inward. Marron is inspired from a podcast. There are “conversations” with people that had previously sent Dylan Marron hate messages & why he created the podcast. Also explored the word “hate” and it’s often visceral reaction, but often, society uses it in a breadth of ways. I thought it would be a more “comical” book, but is also introspective, by the author and presumably, the reader.

Thank you NetGallery for the ARC.

I must admit, before I got this book, I didn't know who Dylan marron I was hadn't listened to his podcasts, or anything else he had done. I requested the book because the cover was pretty and
the title was intriguing.

Boy, was I in for it! As someone who frequently comments on online posts, I would have
pooped my pants if one of them had messaged me and asked to talk. Forget about asking me to come on a vide podcast. True, my political views are run very much the same as Dylan’s, however I am not a member of any king of marginalized community. I am an oldish lady who also happens to be very liberal.

While I was lucky enough to get a copy of his book for review on Netgalley, I ended up listening to
the audiobook. Dylan is a brilliant narrator. This book would, should, and does make you feel uncomfortable at times. But I think that's me point. I am
now a Dylan fan, and cannot wait to dive into his other works.

I was not really sure what this was going to be about as I had not heard of Dylan Marron or his work, and I was absolutely blown away by this book and what Marron has done. I know that it is apparently easier to sit behind a computer and type hateful comments to someone you don’t know rather than have in person conversations about differences. The saying is all so true, ‘hurt people hurt people’, and when Dylan started clapping back at conservatives via video he received a lot of positive feedback online, but with it came the hate. It bothered him so much that he began looking up some of the people that messaged him and actually found some similarities despite their obvious differences and through various unforeseen events that you’ll have to read about in here, he began a series where he had conversations with these individuals. What he found was that most often there was something in that person’s history that caused them to lash out and he was mostly successful in bridging the gap and helping them and others to see where he was coming from but also understanding where they were coming from as well. He started bringing others on to have conversations with people that had hurt them, sometimes it was successful, sometimes not but in all situations everyone walked away learning something.

This is such a great book, and I really got a lot out of it. It is an emotional read, I was tearing up with a couple of the conversations, they are genuine and thought-provoking, and I cannot recommend this one enough. I wish we could all get back to having adult conversations, and this book shows that if done the right way it is possible. The audio is great, I highly recommend listening to it this way if you can.

Thank you to NetGalley and Atria Books for the digital copy to review.

This book isn’t all that well written and relies too much on Big Metaphors, but the subject matter is really interesting. I appreciate that Dylan Marron wrestles with the value of his empathy project. Recognizing the value of people on the internet is clearly important … and also these conversations are not scaleable to the level of all strangers on the internet. Marron urges talking to people who are open to listening but shielding oneself from people who are dangerous, but how does one tell the difference, and what does the caveat say about the power or impotence of this empathy project? No easy answers, and I appreciate that Marron asks the questions.

As a fan of Marron's podcast, I really enjoyed this book! Definitely serves as a good reminder that there are people on the other side of our screens.

CONVERSATIONS WITH PEOPLE WHO HATE ME by Dylan Marron is based on his experiences prior to and while working on the award-winning podcast of the same name. In his author's note, Marron explains that the book "tells the story of a social experiment I began a few years ago, the events that precipitated it, the mistakes I've made along the way, and the twelve lessons I learned throughout the process." Each chapter, with headings like "Conversation is a Dance" or "Debate is a Sport," describes one of those lessons. Throughout the text Marron promotes the ideas of letting go of stereotypes and striving to be a good listener. Readers may also be interested in his Ted Talk, (Empathy is Not Endorsement), the subject of chapter six. Marron rejoices at the democratization of social media and doing "away with gatekeepers, so now regular people like me didn't have to wait for permission to speak their minds," but also critiques the internet for rewarding a strategy of "be aggressive, seize on trending topics, provide all necessary context, keep it simple, and have an opponent." Overall, CONVERSATIONS WITH PEOPLE WHO HATE ME is a thoughtful, introspective text. Some excerpts might prove useful as discussion starters for our upcoming work on civil discourse.

podcast link:
https://www.dylanmarron.com/podcast
Ted Talk link:
https://www.ted.com/talks/dylan_marron_empathy_is_not_endorsement?language=en

This was a very interesting read. I had never heard of Dylan or his podcast, although I will definitely check it out now. Some parts were kind of uncomfortable to read, which I guess is the point and some parts were kind of insensitive, but I think this book is pretty accurate of the hate people receive online these days.

Conversations With People Who Hate Me is a thought-provoking sometimes hilarious book about Marron's podcast of the same name and experience creating political internet content. I was vaguely aware of Marron having seen some of his videos, but don't follow the podcast so this book piqued my interest after reading the description. I well align with Marron in terms of my political and social beliefs, so I was curious who he would engage with and how each conversation would go. He certainly humanizes those who have berated him and the reader can't help but empathize with them. I appreciated Marron's insight and how he constantly reevaluates himself and his behavior. Can he take the higher ground if he's engaging in petty behavior and hate speak towards those who treat him poorly? How do we meaningfully engage with others who seem to hate everything we are and should we? I listened to the audiobook which is wonderfully narrated by the other. A fascinating read to encourage us to consider how we engage with others.

Thank you Atria Books and NetGalley for providing this ARC. All thoughts are my own.

Conversations with People Who Hate Me is Marron's experience with social media hatred and his response. This is a witty, well-written book that is very thought provoking. It was very apparent to me that Marron put a lot of thought and energy in to his podcast, thought process and the book.

Conversations with People Who Hate Me was a pleasant surprise of a book. I was not familiar with Dylan Marron or his podcast but I am so glad that I read this book. This is a book that everyone should read. Did I agree with everything Marron said or believes, no. But I think this is a perfect example of how we are better together as humans and how we can still get along even if we don't agree.

This is a great reminder that conversations with those we might not agree with is so important. There are human beings on the other side of social media accounts. Radical empathy is needed. Listening to others, really listening, is where there is beauty.

I received an ARC of this book from NetGalley and the publisher in exchange for an honest review. All thoughts & opinions are my own.