The author hated her husband and wanted a divorce at the time of his terminal diagnosis. I understand the marriage was a wreck. She boasts about her infidelity for most of it. Then she describes her hook ups after his death. It’s like she is looking for an absolution.
This book wasn’t what I thought it would be.

This book is phenomenal. Rebecca Woolf is such a talented writer and her story is so unapologetically hers.

This book has some major trigger warnings associated with it (descriptions of emotional abuse and sexual assault/violence) but I don’t think it should scare readers off. The journey of Woolf finding her freedom after her husband’s death is a bold one. As I was reading I just kept thinking, how many women feel this exact way and never get the chance to grieve in the way that works for them. Her story of rediscovering herself, of her identity as a widow who hated her husband and was going to divorce him anyway, is such an important one for all the women out there stuck in unhappy marriages.

Memoirs are always deeply personal, but Woolf took it to another level. Their story is so impactful. Everybody should read this book.

Many thanks to NetGalley and Harper Collins Harper One for gifting me a digital ARC of this honest and moving memoir by Rebecca Woolf - 4.5 stars rounded up!

Rebecca stayed in her marriage with husband, Hal, mostly for her four children. But two weeks after she finally told Hal she wanted a divorce, he was diagnosed with Stage 4 pancreatic cancer at age 44 and was dead 4 months later. With her husband's blessing, Rebecca (one of the first mommy bloggers) writes the story of those 4 months as well as her life afterwards, with total honesty.

This was a real look at a different kind of grief, the kind that no one talks about. When the fact that a loved one has died brings more relief than it does sorrow. Rebecca has a wonderful writing style and brings you along on her journey, being open about affairs, anger, relief, hope, and new beginnings. I loved the joy they shared and the open communication she had with her children, even if doesn't go along with the normal sharing. But that's the point of this whole book to me - we are all on different journeys and process our worlds differently. This is a look into someone else's normal. It was also a big nod to all the friends that Rebecca was blessed with who did so much for her and her family during this time. They are all admirable people and we should all be so lucky to be surrounded by such support.

My God - what a beautifully-written, complex, raw memoir. I related to and felt so much kinship with the author while reading her gorgeous words. Perfect - and I mean perfect - for a book discussion group. You’ll talk and share for hours. I dog eared so many pages in this one to share with my friends. Brava! Heartfelt thanks to Harper Collins for the advanced copy!

Rebecca Woolf creates a complex yet vulnerable tale in All of This: A Memoir of Death and Desire. How do these two topics intertwine, you ask? And Woolf answers this question in spades. Her marriage was far from perfect, but they stayed together. Then doctors diagnose her husband with stage four terminal cancer. What follows is as much about the death as how Woolf reconciles her conflicting emotions.

The diagnosis happens just as Woolf considers whether to leave this man—the father of her four children. Instead, she stays and cares for him, putting his intense needs ahead of hers. She attends to the kids physically and emotionally but lets her basic needs slide.

Once her husband dies, Woolf’s pendulum swings to a more balanced place. She and the kids find unique ways to cope. They sing and dance when it helps let their emotions flow. And Woolf figures out how to be a single mom in the world of Tinder. Dates—many of them—become her coping mechanism. She gets back in touch with her womanhood and desire for intimacy and connection, even if just for brief relationships.

My conclusions
Woolf is comfortable oversharing. But it’s endearing and illustrates the genuine complexity of unexpected death after a less-than-ideal relationship. She offers a precious and tender mothering style that’s never saccharin. All of This is a modern take on being a young widow with young kids.

When I started reading, Woolf immediately drew me into her world. I felt the chill of the hospital ward. The vital support of her besties. And each of her acute feelings about events she had little control over. However, this book isn’t a tearjerker. Ultimately, it’s about empowerment and Woolf’s journey to regain her sense of self.

Based on Woolf’s telling, I neither mourned her husband’s death nor the end of their marriage. Instead, I felt hurt for how he forced her into his vision of a wife and caregiver. The book is clearly her way of cleansing the demons of imbalanced marital power. This isn’t the typical way an abusive relationship ends, which makes this memoir compelling.

I recommend this if you love woman-centered memoirs that dive deep into emotions and aren’t afraid to test boundaries of “correctness.”

Acknowledgments
Thanks to NetGalley, Harper One, and the author for a digital advanced reader’s copy in exchange for this honest review. The expected publication date for this book is August 16, 2022.

There have been a lot of compelling memoirs on grief published in recent history. One thing I really enjoy about them is the nuanced circumstances and raw pain they all speak to, shining a beacon for others who may be struggling with similar, complicated emotions that death brings.

All of This adds a voice to this growing collection. This is the story of Woolf’s husband’s demise from a fast progressing terminal cancer, which is diagnosed right as they’ve decided to end their long unhappy marriage. And so Woolf is faced with impossible decisions– if or how to care for a spouse who she’s finally decided to untether herself from; how to honor a husband and father who, though she fell in love with for a reason, eventually made her homelife miserable.

This was painful but very readable. I loved how the author “showed” us rather than “told” us the reasons why the marriage needed to end. Her husband’s ghost is a mean presence and, although Woolf doesn’t refer to him as abusive, the vignettes make it clear why his death felt like such a release after being stuck for so long.

I can see how this memoir will be polarizing. It’s a difficult and uncomfortable topic, but one I think the author shared with grace and honesty, albeit in a provocative way.

Read this if:
💔 You’ve ever been in a complicated marriage
🪦 You love what you learn from books on grief
📝 You’re a fan of Rebecca Woolf’s previous work

This is a wonderfully written book that does not fit into the classic mold of "widow writes grieving memoir of the final days of her marriage". This is a hard and complicated story about how do you grieve for someone that you stopped even liking years ago, if you ever liked them at all? What happens when the spouse you were about to divorce gets terminal cancer, and how do you process "late husband" instead of "ex-husband"?

It was an excellent read, one I couldn't wait to get back to when I had to put it down, and the book attempts to be honest about who was responsible for what ugliness: a dysfunctional marriage fueled from the start by a thin line of what some might say was emotional abuse on his part, and multiple affairs on hers. My only issue was towards the end it seems to slip into something like an apology, to him or herself I'm not sure, and I felt it detracted from power she had claimed for herself in the first three quarters. Over all, time well spent reading and I would definitely recommend if you're looking for more women's voices to explore.

Thank you, Netgalley, for providing me a free copy to review.

I found it unforgettable. I was about to complete my own memoir at the time I read this, and was concerned that I'd been a bit brutal in my honesty. Woolf caused me to ask if I'd been honest enough. That women can hate the husbands they also love is not real news, but to see an author admit this was new for me. Maybe it was coincidental...maybe it was timing... but the effect was strong. And the ending is masterful.

I have a review for The Adirondack Review...however, I have not heard back from editor...if I don't hear from her, after the work is published, it will published on my blog, Cobleskill Commentaries.

I've followed Rebecca Woolf's writing for over 15 years now and would read anything she wrote. Her writing is engaging, drawing you in with its fierce honesty and her willingness to say what so many of us don't dare.

So while I expected more of the same with this book, Woolf turns that idea on its head and tells her readers that, despite the many truths she's shared, there is a whole undercurrent, a whole life, that she has not previously shared due to perceived expectations, shame, and loneliness. So, yet again, Woolf bares her soul for the reader in a way that draws you in and keeps you rapt.

Many of us followed her journey online as she share how challenging motherhood and marriage are, and I remember being personally struck when she shared that she finds marriage much harder than motherhood, a sentiment I felt but hadn't read someone else share before. In this book, she delves deeper behind the blog posts, behind the Instagram photos and writing, to detail a relationship that was incredibly complicated and toxic, but not in a way that preaches for others to examine the same. Woolf focuses on herself and her words speak to her experience in a way that allow you to internalize them however you need to.

I am looking forward to the next chapter of her life in writing as she continues to be one of the most raw and open writers of her ilk.

Wasn't expecting this. But, so amazingly real.
Thanks to author, publisher and Netgalley for the chance to read this book. While I got the book for free, it had no bearing on the rating I gave it.

⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️

Contrary to the court of public opinion, death does not forgive us our sins.”

One hell of a ride - what the fuck does one do when you are planning to get a divorce and then your husband is diagnosed with cancer? Enter Rebecca Woolf.

This book is not going to give you a sense of peace and it is going to leave you questioning what you, or better yet, what society tells you is “right and wrong.”

One thing I hope this book does is makes you stop and think before you pass judgement or give someone advice on their loss or grief. It is not your business and it is not your place. Maybe the best advice is to give no advice and just be present for that person.

This book will make you uncomfortable, and in that uncomfort, I think you have an opportunity to learn and grow by reading a beautifully written memoir.

Rebecca's husband Hal has just died and she feels... relief? And that complete honesty is what this memoir is built around.

Rebecca Woolf wrote this memoir to explore the ideas of what happens when your spouse dies but you are mainly just happy that he is out of your life. It's about a marriage that has been slowly dying for years, it's about resentment on both their behalf, and it's about how you can come together in the end in the hopes it'll make up for all of the other bad stuff in the past.

What I appreciated most about this memoir is the sheer honesty. Rebecca didn't shy away from her feelings around her husband leading up to his death, nor after. She wrote with such honesty about her experiences trying to find love again - or at least good sex. She didn't hold back from talking about the ways in which both she and her husband were not good for one another. And through it all, you still feel for her and what she went through. This isn't the case of an unlikable narrator. It's simply an honest account of a side of life that no one ever talks about. So often we try to paint those who are dying (or our relationships with them) in a near angelic light. And Rebecca took the exact opposite approach and spoke with complete honesty.

I cannot imagine this book was an easy one to write. And at times I wonder what Hal's parents will think when and if they read this book. But at the same time, I admire someone who will put her truth out there, regardless of how it affects other people.

This book will be featured on episode 51 of the Reading Through Life podcast, available August 10, 2022.

This was a page-turner of a memoir, gripping and brutally honest. I tore through it. A story of loss, love, hate, motherhood and change. Beautiful writing, although at times it felt a bit chaotic. The ending defies expectations of having life tied up in a nice little bow. It's as chaotic and unraveled as the author's life.

I have followed Rebecca Woolf for years on Instagram and knew what this book would be about. Still, it blew me away. Her raw truth and honesty, and plain poetry made me turn page after page of this beautiful memoir. I cannot do it justice. It is love and hatred and renaissance and... life. I absolutely loved this book. I'll find more words in the coming days and weeks. For now... wow.

Unfortunately, "All of This" was a bit too much about dating other people, being unhappily married most the marriage, yet having more children, and somewhat about Woolf's personal grief of not only "losing" her husband, but of her years spent with her husband. We learn early on in the memoir that after her husband discovers he has pancreatic cancer and not much longer to live, he suggests she finally write a book not only about his death, but their marriage. Woolf is a blogger, but I don't follow her, so I don't know if she normally writes about marriage, raising kids, sex, or politics. I'm not sure that even matters.

The four children are young when their father dies, and we don't see too much of them in this memoir. Woolf became pregnant early in their relationship, and she was young, younger than her soon to be become husband who hated condoms, yet, perhaps out of loyalty, perhaps out of some unrecognizable optimism, they have the child and marry.

As I reflect on what sticks out most in my memory after just finishing this memoir, it's her menstrual blood. Not sure if that was an intentional metaphor or just that she bleed a lot from her IUD after her husband died, but after the IUD is replaced, the husband dead about four months, the memoir switches to her online dating, which is mostly for sex, and this continues for awhile, until we reach the end, and her daughter has her father's phone, and she discovers that her husband had contacted a masseuse because his wife really needed a massage, and she briefly ponders how he did recognize her needs, even though, apparently like much in this memoir, these slight shifts of pattern where they do seem to want to save their shitty marriage, not even the massage materialized, and they just carry on as they have for years.

What a courageous book with so much grief and heartache! Rebecca Woolf somehow articulated the most difficult moments one can experience and made. A true life-changing story of every part of life. The emotions on each page will fill the reader's soul with every emotion and keep you intrigued the entire read. A brave example of what so many others have gone through in this life. Thanks to Rebecca for having the courage to put her story in words so others can relate and know they aren't alone.

I've been a reader of Rebecca Woolf's writing for a decade on "Girl's Gone Child." And in her writing there, I was never particularly enamored with her husband, but I never developed strong feelings for him either. All of This definitely left me with stronger feelings. This is a tough book, and one that will be divisive. All the uglier bits of the relationship are laid bare for the reader, and yet we are left with what is still a love story, at its core. This book isn't for everyone, but Woolf's writing is undeniably honest and stunning.

I had never heard of this author but the book's description sounded to interesting to pass up. I enjoyed much of it, although reading about the affairs and rationalizations felt difficult. Yet, every chapter there was at least a passage or two that I had to underline for the insight and/or quality of writing.
Recommended if you are drawn to the story or enjoy high quality writing. Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC.

Rebecca Woolf wanted a divorce. When she is near leaving, her husband is diagnosed with end stage pancreatic cancer and she agrees to stay until he dies. For me this book had two parts. The first part fills in the backstory of Rebecca and her husband Hal as well as his treatments until his death. Neither of them is especially likable but I could sympathize with Rebecca who would become a young widow with four kids. The second part describes Rebecca’s life after Hal’s death. I had great difficulty with many of the choices she made during this time. For me parts of it were hard to read because I found her descriptions gross. I would give Part 1 4 stars and Part 2 1.5 stars so overall it was 3 stars for me. I thank NetGalley and the publisher for the opportunity to read this ARC. I can not say I would recommend it.