Thank you to NetGalley and Gallery Books for this ARC.

Blood Orange Night is the story of Melissa Bond, who survived a benzodiazepine addiction after her physician continued to raise her dose without sharing with her the concerns of addiction to the drug. This is one of the best memoirs I've ever read. I've enjoyed many others, but this one I never once wanted to put down. While it was definitely not an easy read, I was completely drawn into Melissa's world. It was super well-written, and I was transifixed as she described how difficult it was to care for herself and her family while working through life-threatening withdrawals. I can't imagine the strength it took her to heal, especially after so many months. I can't say I enjoyed this memoir, because reading about someone struggling is never exactly enjoyable. However, I'd 100% recommend this book to anyone interested in memoirs, addictions, medicine, or mental health because it is such an important, intriguing read.

I generally try to never "rate" memoirs, because I don't think it's fair to rate someone's true story. However, I will happily say that I loved Blood Orange Night. This book brought to light something that I knew nothing about - the horribly addictive nature of benzodiazipine drugs. I obviously knew that there were addictive medications out there - we've all heard the horror stories about opiods, I've heard about medications that have you to wean yourself off of with the help of a doctor. But I never heard about how insane, intense, and horrific it is so come off of drugs like Ativan.
Blood Orange Night chronicles Melissa Bond's experience with Ativan, and let me just say that this woman has strength, drive, and grit that is admirable. I honestly don't know that I would have survived what she has. The fact that she has come out the other side at all is impressive.
What is not so impressive is the pharmaceutical industry and the doctors that push these medications that they KNOW are highly addictive. Obviously there are some situations where a medication is necessary, or maybe it's the last resort, but I've personally heard (and experienced) too many stories of doctors that are quick to hand out prescriptions to minimize the symptoms without actually treating the issue. This is not an attack on all doctors - I know there are good ones out there - I know that drugs like Ativan have their place. Ms. Bond unfortunately met with a doctor that really handled her situation improperly - and it's heartbreaking to know that he's one of many. It's horrifying to know that others are struggling with an addiction to this medication, and yet no one talks about it. Ms. Bond is doing what she can to warn others - with this book being a big part of that effort. I hope that everyone reads her story. While I've personally never been on an addictive drug, I would never have known that Ativan was so dangerous (when prescribed and/or used incorrectly) if I hadn't read this book.
Thank you, Melissa, for sharing your story with the world. I'm sorry for what you went through but so glad that you made it out to the other side.
Thank you to NetGalley and Ballantine Books for the e-copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.

This book describes the author's struggles with benzodiazepine addiction, after being prescribed Ativan to treat her insomnia. Bond describes her chaotic decent into madness, as she tries to manage raising her two young children, and dealing with a troubled marriage while facing withdrawals from benzo addiction.

I was impressed with Bond's ability to describe her perspective; such visceral emotions are conveyed in powerfully descriptive language. It is clear that Bond is a talented writer, although some of her candid thoughts and descriptions don't really serve to make her a very sympathetic character. At times it felt a bit like everyone else was to blame for her problems, and there wasn't much accountability for her role in things. I haven't been in her shoes, and I don't want to judge her actions; but I did find myself feeling uncomfortable at the vitriol towards her husband, or the general lack of taking responsibility. Perhaps it is hard to see the world as others do when you feel so miserable all the time; and in any case I appreciated her raw, expressive window into her thoughts.

This is a painful/depressing story, but I hope it will at least serve to inform some readers about the dangers of benzo addiction. Hopefully with this book Bond will prevent some people from experiencing the same trauma that she went through. 3.5 / 5

I found this book intriguing and well-written. It's the story of a journalist and new mother who suffers from insomnia, so is prescribed Ativan by her doctor. After over a year of taking regularly increasing doses, she finds she is physically dependent on the drug and is unable to stop taking it without undergoing horrible and possibly fatal reactions, like strokes, seizures, and pain. I've never read a book about physical dependency on drugs, as opposed to addiction. It was a sad but interesting perspective and a pretty damning criticism of the pharmaceutical industry's hold on medical professionals.

The author writes about her experience with benzodiazepines, which she was prescribed for insomnia, and her subsequent addiction and detox journey.
I certainly don’t doubt that Bond’s struggles were real. She has two children, about fifteen months apart, one with Down Syndrome, which would be enough for anyone. Compound that with chronic insomnia and a faltering marriage, and there’s the making of a great memoir. Except, the more I read this one, the less great it seemed.
The biggest thing that rankled was the way the author thrashed on her husband, who she portrayed as totally unsympathetic, distant, and cold. And maybe that’s how it was, or how it felt to her at the time, but to me, it was really unfair. He was the sole breadwinner, running his own business, also had two babies, one with Down Syndrome, and a basket case of a wife. Maybe he was the a-hole she tried to paint him as, or maybe he had a hell of a lot on his own plate. I have a feeling he could have written his own book, and things would have looked completely different.
Besides the way she characterized her husband, something else kept me from appreciating this book like I expected to, given that it’s totally in my wheelhouse. At one point, the author is writing (bitching) about how her husband’s sister was basically done with her and claimed that Bond was “obsessed” with her addiction and I was like, yes! That hit the nail on the head. She DID come across as obsessed with herself and her story, like there was no way anyone has ever had it worse than her. The author also wrote that her husband called her an egomaniac and based solely on the book that she, herself, wrote, I can’t say I disagree.
Thanks to #netgalley and #gallerybooks for this #arc of #bloodorangenight in exchange for an honest review.

An incredible look at the problems with over prescription of drugs in America, and what those drugs can do to a mother, a marriage and a life.

When Melissa Bond suddenly develops insomnia during her second pregnancy, all she can think about is how she can get some sleep. It never occurs to her to question the doctor who prescribes a high dose of Ativan for long-term use. Blood Orange Night follows Bond’s unknowing descent into benzodiazepine dependence and her harrowing journey to get off them. This book is difficult due to the content. We follow Bond through her sleepless nights wandering the house and her horrific withdrawal symptoms and thoughts of suicide. It’s heartbreaking at times, and it all feels incredibly real thanks to Bond’s excellent writing.

I didn’t know much about benzos before reading this book. Bond does a great job educating her readers on them, starting with the brief preface explaining the rise of Valium in the ’60s and ’70s. She also highlights the fact that treatment for drug dependence and addiction is not one size fits all. You can’t detox from benzos the same way you would heroin or alcohol. During her journey to get off Ativan, Bond repeatedly encounters skeptics who try to understand her situation through society’s usual lens of addiction. That simply doesn’t work for benzos, and this book is a great tool to help teach people this.

However, while this is a story of drug dependence and the strength and perseverance it takes to beat it, this is also a story of relationships. We see the breakdown of Bond’s marriage, the joy of her children, and the incredible support of so many friends. Bond does a fantastic job crafting each person in the story so the reader knows them just as well as she does.

Overall, Blood Orange Night is a wonderfully written memoir that provides an important glimpse into an often overlooked topic. I highly recommend it!

An impactful and poetic memoir about a mother’s struggle with insomnia that leads to her addiction to benzodiazepines that threatens her life.

Melissa has two children and cannot sleep more than a few hours a night, if that. Her doctor prescribed her Ativan and she ended up on 6 milligrams per night for over a year, yet she was still unable to sleep normally. She begins to experience strange neurological symptoms, but she doesn’t recognize them as ones of an addiction. She attempts to wean herself off the meds and she experiences a “blood orange night” where she has a stroke.

Melissa’s description of the weeks and months following the birth of her second child were haunting and familiar. Anxiety has been something I always suffered from, but after I gave birth, I was completely overwhelmed and almost unhinged. I would have given anything just to feel normal again. Fortunately I had a responsible doctor who prescribed appropriate medication that brought me back from the brink. I have a prescription for Ativan and use it very sparingly. It works wonders to help me through panic attacks and certainly has its place. Reading Melissa’s story tore me up inside because she was at her most vulnerable and just wanted to care for her children and feel human again, but a doctor she trusted gave her medicine that almost caused her death.

We all know the tragic story of opioids like Oxycontin, but the dangers of benzodiazepines are much less well known and I am so glad Melissa was able to open up and share her story, which is a true cautionary tale. A true must read.

Thank you NetGalley and Gallery Books for this e-ARC in exchange for my honest review.

What a powerful memoir! I couldn't put it down. Melissa Bond's story was eye-opening and so well-written.
A family member of mine suffers from insomnia, and has been prescribed so many different medications over the years because of becoming addicted to Ambien. It's a vicious cycle. I have anxiety and was prescribed Xanax, but only take when needed. I've been warned at how addictive they can be. I'm not surprised that she was overprescribed these medications because it's easy for medical providers to just write a prescription. Some providers do take the time to educate patients and dive deeper into why they might think benzos might be of help to them.

Highly recommend if you are interested in reading memoirs!

I have so much to say about Blood Orange Night and the subject of benzos. As a healthcare provider, patients ask me for benzos on a daily basis. When the subject comes up, I get to have the fun conversation of telling them all the downfalls of benzos and why we need to look for alternative medications to treat their anxiety or sleep issues. Benzos are beneficial in very few circumstances, but they can be helpful for very limited cases. Thankfully, the DEA is cracking down about benzo prescriptions and monitoring… but there are plenty of providers that still pass them out like candy. I could hardly put this book down! Melissa’s story is heartbreaking and compelling. Near the end of the book she comments that she doesn’t know how she made it through (getting off benzos). Melissa, I don’t know how you made it through either. But thank you for telling your story and publishing it for individuals and the healthcare community alike. Blood Orange Night is being released today, so if you are looking for a quick, educational read that will keep you engaged, get it! Thank you to Netgalley for the free digital copy of this book for my honest review. #netgalley #bloodorangenight #melissabond

5 STARS.....

A truly incredible, heroic, memoir. Thank you, Melissa for sharing your story. I knew NOTHING about benzos/ativan/prescription sleep/anxiety meds prior to reading this, therefore I found this so incredibly insightful, and educational. This was a heart wrenching read, but Melissa’s perseverance and strength through every chapter kept me on the edge of my seat until the end. This woman is a true hero for what she went through, overcame, conquered, and stood at the end to tell her story.

An absolute must read memoir. Thank you @goodreads & @gallerybooks for the gifted arc. Out 6/14!

A propulsive story written in lush prose, Melissa Bond has delivered a deeply moving and relatable book - especially for anyone who has suffered from maternal mental health issues (as I have). We are taken on Bond's journey alongside her - haunting the rooms of her home late at night, inside the claustrophobic waiting rooms of physicians who offer no help, laying beside her in the cold, clinical operating rooms of the hospitals. The most compelling part of Blood Orange Night though, is navigating Melissa's fraught relationship with her husband and waiting to find out if they are able to weather this perfect storm still intact. Thank you, Net Galley for the ARC.

Many thanks to NetGalley and Gallery Books for gifting me a digital ARC of this amazing memoir by Melissa Bond - 5 stars!

Melissa is a married mother of two, one a special-needs child, who struggles with intense insomnia, sleeping only an hour or two every night. Desperate, she goes to her doctor who prescribes benzodiazepines—a family of drugs that includes Xanax, Valium, Klonopin, Ativan—and increases her dosage on a regular basis. Then her body starts collapsing. She eventually learns she was overprescribed and these drugs should be given for very short periods of time. Stopping cold turkey can lead to a fatal seizure. This is her story of the struggle to taper off these medicines.

This book is a page-turner and I was shocked to learn of the issues with these drugs. I know many people who were prescribed Xanax and Ativan and never knew of how it changed your brain forever. Melissa was so brave in opening up her life and struggles to show the damage that these prescription drugs can do. She tells of how she tried to be the best mother and wife possible, while she wasn't sleeping and her brain and body attacked. The dangers of opioids are well known - hopefully this book will open everyone's eyes to the danger of benzodiazepines. A must read!

If you’ve ever suffered from insomnia, this book will stir all the feelings and emotions you experienced while barely surviving on little to no sleep. If you’ve never suffered from insomnia, you’ll walk away with a great deal of empathy.

Reading Melissa’s story took me right back to the throes of anxiety that have kept me awake all night. It transported me back to 3am wondering if I should get up and eat? Maybe just go ahead and start my day? Like Melissa, I’ve also tried silently reciting the states and their capitals in alphabetical order, meditated, practiced my breathing, and all the other tricks to no avail.

The difference in my story and hers is that my doctor understood the impact of benzos and did not prescribe them. I’m in complete awe of the author’s ability to fight for herself and her life and keep her kids thriving amidst it all. Her strength to share her story will undoubtedly help others feel less alone, be more aware, and advocate for their health.

This book was not for me. I can empathize with someone that has addiction issues and that pain that caused to themselves and loved one; I have never been through it personally. I appreciate the courage it probably took to tell this story but to be an absentee mother to a young child and a newborn. plus her husband did not seem like a good person either. Plus the whole story was not believable, just my opinion.

Cannot recommend.

Thanks to Netgalley, Melissa Bond and Gallery Books for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

Available: 6/14/22

Aside from an episode of Lisa Ling’s This is Life on the brutal effects of benzos I watched recently I didn’t know much about the drug’s usage or withdrawals. After reading this I am amazed that anyone who is physically dependent (as opposed to addicted) could survive- especially a mother of two infants. Melissa’s account reveals the myriad physical and mental effects that Ativan’s use and eventual tolerance cause. Most shocking I think was how quickly it happens- and how few people are aware of this class of drug. Very well written- 4 stars.

CONTENT WARNING: addiction, thoughts of suicide, gore, blood

So, before I became disabled, I worked in mental health and addiction treatment, so the information provided in this read wasn’t news for me, but it definitely provided some amazing insight into the experiences that people who are dependent on benzodiazepines go through, and highlights a lot of shortcomings in the treatment and medical fields.

With this book, Melissa paints a vivid picture of her life before, during, and after this harrowing experience. Her writing is lyrical and beautiful, and it isn’t surprising at all that she is a poet—she has managed to carry that with her into this book.

We first meet Melissa when she’s giving birth to her firstborn child, a son who is diagnosed with Down syndrome. She opens the door of her home, her brain, and her heart to her readers, giving us carte blanche to poke through every aspect of her life. There is no having to come to terms with her son’s Down syndrome, and it is incredibly endearing to see her love for him shine through on the pages of the book, as well as her husband’s love for their son. While there are some ableist comments made to her by well-meaning loved ones, she completely shuts them down in the most beautiful ways, standing up for her perfect, beautiful child.

But things quickly go downhill, and Melissa experiences horrific insomnia, followed by many doctor visits, and then even more horrific and negligent treatment by a medical professional. We are taught that if we don’t feel well, we go to a doctor and they help us. We’re told to follow the doctor’s instructions, which is what Melissa did. However, the doctor never told her about the risks associated with benzodiazepines, possibly because he wasn’t even aware of them. After struggling with the effects of these medications, she starts to do her own (reputable) research. And she discovers massive issues with marketing and prescribing practices, which she experienced firsthand:

“So while Ativan and Xanax aren’t medically recommended for use beyond one to four weeks, they’re marketed for treatment of chronic conditions. Prescribing habits followed the marketing push and long-term prescriptions have skyrocketed.”

I have seen people struggling through benzodiazepine withdrawal, and it isn’t a pretty sight. However, this book provides firsthand insight into exactly how damaging these medications are, even when taken exactly as prescribed and under the supervision of a medical professional. She explains the concept of tolerance withdrawal, which is what happened to her—at some point, the dose isn’t enough to sustain the body’s need for the drug, and even while taking the medication as prescribed, the person can experience the most awful, debilitating withdrawal symptoms that I’ve ever heard of. And the thing that most people aren’t even aware of is that withdrawal from benzodiazepines can be fatal.

“Instead of a fire burning your house down, benzos are the thief that steals everything you won a piece at a time.”

Bond honestly takes us through her journey into benzodiazepine dependence (which is very different from an addiction, or substance use disorder). Despite following instructions and continuing to take these medications exactly as prescribed, she descended into the hell of dependence and withdrawal, struggling out of the abyss over the space of more than a year. She talks about her love for her children and the support of the people who stood by her, even as her mind and body shut down through the agony of withdrawal. I was hooked, and read the vast majority of this book in a single sitting, wondering how her story would end. And through it all, I couldn’t help but love her inner strength, devotion to her children, and her willingness to do whatever she had to, no matter how bad things got.

She’s honest in this memoir—she talks about the damaged relationships, the shame, the judgment, and all the ways in which her mind and body were hijacked by these drugs. I loved her ongoing fight to speak out and educate others, even as she was struggling through the worst of things, yet never lost her focus on her children. I’m so blown away by her story, and hope this becomes an incredibly widespread read. For regular people, those who have been affected by benzo dependence, and within treatment and medical communities.

Melissa Bond’s account of her addiction and recovery is so well written I felt as though I was a personal friend sharing her experience. Blood Orange Night is quite a bit to take in and process, but what an authentic account of the horror and devastation of addiction.

This book was recommended for readers of "Brain on Fire," a medical mystery/memoir that I found to be very compelling. Blood Orange Night is less of a medical mystery, but is a riveting memoir of one woman's unknowing descent into the nightmare of addiction. Bond's background as a poet is evident - I found the book to be very well written, and on more than one occasion went back to re-read an especially well-crafted sentence. Bond's story is one of strength and perseverance, and will undoubtedly education many about the perils of benzodiazepines. Recommended for fans of memoirs with a medical twist.

What a thoroughly honest, insightful, and well-crafted book on how people can fall victim to the perils of benzodiazepines. As someone who didn't know much about the dangers of these type of prescribed medicines, through Melissa's writing, I felt like I came close to understanding the fragility and vulnerability of going through such experiences. Of course, without going through it yourself, you can never say that you fully understand the experience. But this is the closest we can come to understanding of others' struggles, by listening and encouraging them to share their stories.
Highly recommend!