Terrence Real brought us the Rules for Marriage and now returns with Us.

Us reminds us how to relate to one another in a mature, caring manner, a great reminder for all relationships, particularly if this way of relating was not the norm. Based in neuroscience and Relational Thinking Theory, US is an easy to read and understand book to help couples get back to cherishing the “WE”, using soft power,

Mr Real refers to the “adaptive child” vs the “wise adult” throughout Us, revealing learned patterns of behaviour that couples may individually use which damage the overall relationship. By becoming aware of these behaviours and learning new ways to relate to one another we meet together as “Us”.

An important book for couples at any stage of their relationship, but particularly relevant to couples who have been together for a number of years and have well worn relating tracks that could benefit from some new requiring and gentler approaches.

ThanK you Rodale and NetGalley for this ARC in return for my honest review.

“I found myself nodding my head a lot while reading this book. Us helps the reader gain self-awareness around the qualities that make us partners and gives us the tools to assess and determine how we can direct our energy towards becoming the US we aspire to be.”

This is an eye-opening guide to how childhood trauma affects adult relationships, and how we can recover from our past to improve our present. Although this is aimed at married couples, the skills can be used in any kind of relationship. The author, Relational Life therapist Terry Real, offers inclusive relationship guidance, respectful of all genders and orientations, in a conversational tone.

Although I have already read a lot about trauma, I found the author’s discussion of relational trauma quite helpful, and I particularly appreciated his trauma grid. One of my favorite quotes from the book is when the author states, “I believe there’s no such thing as overreacting; it’s just that what someone is reacting to may no longer be what’s in front of them.”

The author includes many examples from clients in his practice to help you understand how to stop reacting from your wounded inner child and instead respond from your wise adult self. In addition, he cites relevant literature, with extensive notes and bibliography in the back matter.

I found this book excellent for encouraging having compassion toward self and others while also setting healthy boundaries. I highly recommend this book for anyone interested in understanding and overcoming their triggers and improving their relationships with romantic partners, as well as with coworkers, family, and friends.

I was provided an unproofed ARC through NetGalley that I volunteered to review.

Great read for people beginning the build a relationship that they wish to become stronger and more long term. Teaches you how to acknowledge your traumas and how to not let it affect your partner or other relationships. How to be a team member and work as US not YOU AND ME. GREAT!

Very interesting read and would definitely recommend for people wishing to improve their relationship.

Loved the insights and writing - also the cases presented were diverse and relatable.

I might read it again sometime in the future to remember its teachings.

I thoroughly believe if everyone lived the 'Rules' in his book, 'The New Rules of Marriage', married or not, the world would be the place we all hope it would be. Sadly, this is not the case. 'Us' essentially rehashes the prior book with much more detail and examples. I think it would be great for people who haven't read the New Rules, to see if they'd like a more structured approach with clear guidelines on how to be a better person. It has certainly helped me in my life. However, there are moments in this book where the author is a bit condescending. If I didn't already think my life wasn't absolutely perfect why would I pick up this book? So, I feel insulting your readers in such a manner is a bit unnecessary. He seems to cool off a bit midway through and finally get into the groove of the actual 'work' but as far as new material, unfortunately there isn't much. Still, an excellent first step for someone who isn't familiar with his work, and would like to start the journey on becoming a good person.

Terrance Real's "Us" is an absolute necessity for every couple wanting to learn about their relationship and have the wisdom and tools to have the healthiest connection possible. I highly recommend it!

As someone who has only read one of Terrence Real’s previous book, “I Don’t Want To Talk About It”, my expectations for this book were not extremely high. Don’t get me wrong, I really enjoyed Terrence Real’s first book but the subject matter was mostly in the perspective of men’s mental health.

This book was a different subject matter mostly focusing on eliminating the individualistic view of one person in a relationship with someone else in the same relationship. Instead, this book is about relationships as a united front. Not just two individuals in a relationship.

I really enjoyed this book a lot. I found myself engulfed in it and I found myself reading it with whatever available time to even consume some useful and practical information.

What I enjoyed the most about this book were the stories that illustrated the points of particular chapters. The book didn’t read like a heavy reference book. It read more like a novel.

Overall, I really enjoyed this book. I can find myself referring back to this one often as there are a lot of nuggets of information that I can utilize in my personal relationships as well as my marriage.