I thought this book was excellent but I absolutely could not finish it because it was hitting way too close to home. From what I read, gorgeous and emotionally done. Gut-punch of a first few chapters, though I thought the emotion got muddled a bit in the middle, but in a way that somehow made the beginning haunt me even more? In a bad way. Anyway, this made me feel a lot. Gotta give it props.

Real Rating: 4.5* of five, rounded up

This is one rough ride of a book. There are people whose road through life is not paved, has many potholes, throws up gravel and clouds of caliche dust as their bald-tired forty-year-old chassis bounces and shakes over to one ditch, down into another. And that is who we're with here. Xavier is not, was never, expecting a limo ride, not even waiting for a cab ride...he's still rollin' but the roll is slow and it's not getting faster.

The bad marriage he came from was made worse by its permanent poison-gift to him. His mother was Black and father white, so he knows something a lot of people don't have to: Not belonging to either side in a war isn't being neutral. That's a gift only those with a clear side, one that can't be denied, are given. He's mixed. He's mixed up, he's mixed it up in fights his whole life. No one wanted him on their team so he used what strength and speed he could find to go one-on-one with other rage-filled testosterone-poisoned Others.

Now nearing forty, he's sure he's got no future. So is everyone else but they never thought he had a present. His efforts to get one more headline bout in Mixed Martial Arts are, as we meet him, wavering in and out of existence in front of eyes that don't connect to his brain right anymore. The voices he hears clearest are the ones in his battered head, they aren't competing with tinnitus. At least they aren't the ones telling him things he doesn't want to hear...his father, foundering under Alzheimer's disease's heavy burdens, doesn't remember him but does remember how to hate, his chances to fight again, more, are steadily melting away and there's nothing else he can do to make a living.

The life of someone always on the margins is, realistically, never going to turn into a happily ever after. Xavier never once thought it would. He chooses his own adventure, like he always has, right up to the last bitter dreg from the cup.

Author Vercher tells this deeply moving, unbearably honest story in direct, immediate prose. He selects the small images...a texting app's continuation icon of dots keeping him on tenterhooks about his future, the feeling of hanging his hand out the window while driving his dad's old car bringing back the times he did the same thing as a kid...that make Xavier real. That keep him, however fleetingly, locked in to the present moment. They work very well, are sharp but still small enough to make them fit right on everyone.

What isn't quite as smooth is the passages where Xavier is learning his mother and father, very late in life from my point of view, are fully human people. What Author Vercher does to make Xavier aware of his mother's full humanity was a scene both a little long as well as underdeveloped. It needed not to feel rushed as Xavier learns Evelyn was a very different person than the mother he had. The issues around dementia were handled very well, in my experienced opinion. When Xavier realizes that disinhibition is part of the course of dementia, it rocks his world. It did not need to be played out in the over-the-top manner that it was. Honestly, the choice to make Xavier's pathology so very foregrounded wore on my patience at times. Every reader has their own crotchets...these are mine.

Perfection not being of this Earth, I can honestly say that your Yule gift cards, spent on this deep and emotionally honest journey, will not be wasted. This second novel tells me that Author Vercher is a gift to the readers who want to get into a story and come out changed.

Bravo, good sir.

Published by Soho Press on June 7, 2022

Xavier’s father is suffering from dementia. Xavier and his mother are black. Xavier never suspected his white father of racism, but he’s starting to understand that his father made racist comments to his mother while watching rioting after the Rodney King verdict. As a child who worshipped his father, Xavier did not understand that his father’s emerging racism prompted his mother’s decision to leave.

Xavier is a professional cage fighter. He’s long been on the verge of moving up the ranks and making real money, but never quite reached that level. Coming off a one-year suspension for steroids, it looks like he never will. He’s taken so many blows to the head that he’s suffering from headaches, blackouts, memory lapses, and moments of uncontrollable rage. He fears he will become his father, out of touch with reality. When a nurse asks Xavier if he sees his future in his father, Xavier replies “It’s like looking in a mirror with the lights off.”

Xavier works for his cousin, a manager and fight trainer who goes by Shot. Shot lost his eye and his fighting career to a police beating. Xavier is in the doghouse with Shot after losing control and nearly beating the life out of one of Shot’s fighters while sparring. Shot is taking money from the mob and Xavier’s rage has made Shot’s life difficult.

While Xavier is an MMA fighter, the plot is standard for a boxing novel. The fighter is instructed to take a dive. The mob will take revenge if he doesn’t. Will he or won’t he? The novel departs from the formula by focusing on Xavier’s brain damage. Whether Xavier will even remember that he’s supposed to take a dive is the question that gives the novel its tension.

The main plot is secondary to the subplots that construct Xavier’s character. Xavier must reinterpret his relationship with his father now that he understands his father’s racism. Xavier is conflicted about whether to keep his father in his house or in an assisted-living facility. Xavier has unresolved issues with his mother that the story gives him a chance to resolve. Xavier’s relationship with a dog is heartbreaking, as is the betrayal of a brain that has taken too many knocks. Xavier is a gentle beast at heart, but his damaged brain is increasingly losing its violence barriers, impairing his ability to recognize the person he is becoming.

John Vercher’s prose moves with the swiftness and certainty of a skilled fighter. He gives the story a feeling of authenticity by detailing Xavier’s struggle to sweat out 10 pounds before his big fight. The only choice Vercher made that doesn’t work is an internal voice, words spoken in a bold font, perhaps the devil’s voice, that speaks to Xavier from time to time, representing the dark side of human nature. The voice that tells Xavier not to care about anyone but himself. Maybe blows to the head make fighters hear voices, but the contrivance is an unnecessary distraction.

Still, All the Lights Go Out tells a powerful story. Like Xavier, it pulls no punches. The plot contains no surprises, the ending seems inevitable, but the story ends as it should. The juxtaposition of a character in the grip of dementia and a son who is becoming his father gives the story more depth than a typical novel of its kind.

RECOMMENDED

This is definitely not going on anyone’s list of “feel good” books, but it was still a good, albeit depressing, read.
Xavier is an MMA fighter coming off a yearlong suspension. He’s attempting a comeback while also trying to help care for his dad, who’s suffering from dementia. The problem is that Xavier is almost certainly suffering from CTE from too many blows to the head. He blacks out frequently, and also becomes seriously violent, both of which forces him to deal with some pretty severe consequences when he comes to. Despite his crippling issue, fighting is all he knows and all he wants to do.
While this was quite engaging, it was not an easy read. At one point, I thought I was going to have to quit the book when a dog was involved, but things didn’t get as bad as I feared. I couldn’t help but root for Xavier throughout the story, even as his situation seemed to get progressively worse.
The author pulled no punches with this one, forgive the pun. This was just a really sad, seemingly authentic, commentary on what athletes in certain sports have to deal with if they want to compete.
Thanks to #netgalley and #sohopress for this #arc of #afterthelightsgoout in exchange for an honest review.

I love sports, LOVE them and I am a sucked for a book that revolves around sports in any way shape or form. Add in the family dynamics, cultural issues and more and I'm sold.

What I appreciated most is that the characters are aware of what their sport is doing to their bodies and yet they just can't stop, if anything it's the only thing that takes the pain away. Whilst I love sports, I feel like we do very little to protect our athletes; from themselves, racism, homophobia, injury, re-injury and more. We just pat them on the back and send them back out there to entertain us with very little thought for the individual. This is something I think Vercher nailed perfectly in this book, to the point that sometimes it was actual painful and sad to read.

The family element of this book was also important to Xavier's story and I could relate to the impact of a loved one with dementia. The other elements relating to his parents were also very interesting to read and something I would have liked to have explored in greater detail. It really did highlight that the argument of 'I'm not racist because I have a black child/partner/friend' is very much a redundant arguement.

Be aware that elements of this book were brutal to read, especially one fight scene which had me wincing, but nothing ever felt gratuitous. There was also a scene with a dog that made me uncomfortable, but I also appreciated why it was in there.

I would definitely read more by Vercher, I enjoyed his insights, writing and storytelling.

After the Lights Go Out
by John Vercher
Pub Date: June 7, 2022
Soho Press
Thanks to the author, publisher, and NetGalley for the ARC of this book.
A harrowing and spellbinding story about family, the complications of mixed-race relationships, misplaced loyalties, and the price athletes pay to entertain—from the critically acclaimed author of Three-Fifths
Vercher does a tremendous job of accurately describing the current healthcare system in America (as terrible as it is), brain injury, and living with pain (physical, emotional, psychological). This was a wake-up call for me. I am fascinated by fighters and boxing, knowing that they are barbaric sports and damage will occur.
Excellent book!