This was a very thought-provoking and funny story by one of my favorite TV writers. It is so exciting to see him branch out into the world of fiction and publishing.

It's Queer, there's disability rep, and crippling anxiety and alcohol and sex abuse.

There is A LOT going on, but it's also so human in it's complexities and issues that our MC is dealing with.

It's very much a pop-culture and "online" book, so if that's not for you, then you are going to hate it.

Even though there were a lot of funny and ridiculous moments, the book wasn't cohesive as a whole and the MC is very very messy and insufferable that by the last 25% of the book I was just waiting for it to be over. This will definitely be a divisive book.

Ultimately a very moving story about self acceptance and growth. It took me a second to get into it, but I'm very glad I read this novel.

A unique and funny book. I really liked this! Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for giving me a free advanced copy of this book to read and review.

Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for giving me a free advanced copy of this book to read and review.

It’s a unique point of view and it’s very funny. A disabled gay man fucking around to find out. Solid read all around.

Probably one of the jaw dropping, laugh out loud funniest books I’ve read in a very long time. You can tell there’s some personal elements from the author’s personal life woven within.

ryan is gay and disabled, he also works at a tv writer for a show he hates and a boss he hates even more. despite having a loving long term boyfriend at home ryan is convinced that he doesn’t deserve the normalcy of a relationship because he’s not normal himself. ryan begins to cheat on his boyfriend and gets addicted to having sex with sex workers.

told from ryan’s hilarious point of view this is a raunchy novel that doesn’t shy away from any details. but O’connell does a great job at balancing the humor and the sex with the more delicate parts of Ryan’s character such as his desire to belong.

I ended up DNFing this at about 30% due to a lack of interest. It wasn't bad but it wasn't great either so I didn't feel like returning to it after putting it down for a few months.

This was a top book of the early 2023 reading cycle for me. I absolutely love how the author addressed disability and sex work in the plot. The author did not glaze over the topics and did them appropriate justice. I devoured this book in two sittings. I could relate to the main character and felt that the author did a great job at character development.

I'm in the middle with reviewing this book. On the one hand I was glad to have read a book with a unique perspective on disability. Elliot expresses his life and the struggles with cerebral palsy with humor and wit, culminating to an understanding about himself and those he has relationships with by the end of the novel.

On the other hand, I was struggling to find the common ground with Elliot. The humor was a bit dated with all of the TV references I wasn't familiar with, and I wasn't sure if Elliot was trying to glamorize his life or use it as a cautionary tale. He glamorizes his alcohol addiction and drug use, eventually turning to sex worker for his new high. When he gets caught, his excuse is, "that's just the culture," which alluded to a really nasty flavor of "boys will be boys." I hated the idea that this was projecting a lifestyle of "it's not cheating if everyone does it." Elliot does bring up issues of double standards in the entertainment industry, but seemed blind to the ones he was projecting.

“I could’ve stayed like that forever: two boys in bed, giving themselves permission to be known.”

JUST BY LOOKING AT HIM is a funny and incisive novel about Elliott, a mid-30s white gay disabled TV writer and his misadventures in self-discovery. We meet him five years deep in a partially satisfying relationship, a functional alcoholic tolerating the daily traumas of ableism directed at the more visible aspects of his cerebral palsy. On somewhat of a whim, he hooks up with a sex worker, setting him on a path that exposes the fissures in his relationship with his boyfriend, with himself, and with his disability.

Elliott snuck his way into my heart, but only so far. His narrative voice has a particular kind of sarcastic, self-deprecating humor which didn’t always land for me, but that nevertheless showed his vulnerable underbelly and drew me in. There’s some really profound insights into long-term relationships and their demise, dynamics between disabled and non-disabled partners, internalized ableism and how it shapes our sexualities and desires, and the beauty of falling in love with someone who shares an identity with you and can really see you. Elliott is also entitled and self-absorbed, which was exhausting and annoying. The pacing is a bit off too. But the last chapter is absolutely stunning; it’s tender, it’s horny, and it’s achingly true.

Thanks to Atria Books and Libro.fm for the review copies!

Content warnings: opioid and alcohol addiction, body dysphoria, ableism

An absolute comedic relief but also very raw look at sexuality and queerness and disability in modern times though I think to a particular marginalized group. I loved the humor and how random and quirky the author felt. I laughed and I felt sad and grieved the decisions alongside Elliott though sometimes I felt the book lull and drag. I loved the ups and downs of self discovery and the realistic struggles within comfortable and complacent relationships. I think in context this book is unique to his experiences and it’s not speaking for all experiences everywhere. Overall I enjoyed it.

It’s interesting to read someone who you didn’t know was an author and this was such a treat! Ryan O’Connell is definitely talented and I absolutely loved his writing. It’s awesome getting to read such wonderful stories by others in the LGBTQIA+ community! This book is so funny and real and raw and it does it all so well! Great read!

I am so mad at myself that I waited so long to read this book. It was so good! It was also absolutely hilarious. I could not stop laughing. I can't wait to watch Ryan O'Connell's show on netflix!

I thought that Just By Looking At Him was so realistic. I'm a straight women, but I could relate to everything about his life.

I really enjoyed this one and I would definitely recommend it!

Thanks to Atria and Netgalley for an advance copy of this book, which can I say was amazing!

Quite possibly one of my all time faves for this year. I had no idea Ryan O'Connell was a author. I know him Queer as Folk and Special but his book writing is on another level of awesomeness. I love viewing the world through his lens as a disabled person. And the the way the story was crafted could only be described as perfection. Also, claps for a humane depiction of of sew workers.

There would be so many times where I would laugh to myself, and think about how honest this book was. It was the right mix of humor, hope, and realness. As a gay man, I saw myself within this story. I recommended this book to so many people.

Thanks to Atria and Netgalley for an advance copy of this book, which I adored!

Wowowow, absolutely one of my favorite books of the year. I'm a fan of Ryan O'Connell's show special, and this debut novel from him explores some similar ground (the queer disabled experience, a humane depiction of sex workers).

I laughed out loud (in public!) lots when I was reading this book, it's FUNNY, but also so brutally honest. It consistently subverted my expectations and resisted contrivance in delightful and satisfying ways. This book gave me a slightly better understanding of the intersection of disabled and queer identity, but as an able-bodied queer man of the same generation, I also saw lots of my own experience, thoughts, and fears in these pages in a way I've rarely felt represented in fiction. (I would add an acknowledgment that the narrator is a white, wealthy gay man, so privileged in some big ways that may not make all readers feel seen in a similar way.)

I found the book really provocative and moving, and would recommend it highly, especially (but not only) to queer readers.

I was so engrossed in this book despite our MC making some very questionable choices I could not put this book down. Highly recommend it.

This was such a fun read. I loved the humor so much, although at times it did get repetitive. There’s so much in this book that is just very well represented and discussed. I love how this author really adds character to the story with emotions. I enjoyed this book!

(Mini-Review) I'm going to keep this short & sweet - I recognize how big of a deal it is to have a queer OwnVoices book like this & I truly applaud Ryan O'Connell on a witty debut. But, in all honesty, the writing wasn't necessarily my favorite & I had a really hard time connecting with Elliott. I'm a 30-year-old white gay man living in Los Angeles myself, & the best way I can describe this to those familiar with LA is it's the trials & tribulations of a privileged white "WeHo gay", & if that's not your vibe then I don't think this book will be for you. While it was eye-opening to read from the perspective of a queer disabled man, I just couldn't get past how tone deaf a majority of the rest of the book was. All of that being said, however, I'd definitely read another book from O'Connell in the future. Thank you so much NetGalley, Ryan O'Connell, & Atria Books for providing an ARC in exchange for a honest review!